Sinner's Alley Happy Hour (Part 1)

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<p>Curmudgeon and Mstee gave me an idea. (I hope Marite will return. Having Curmudgeon as a muse worries me.) I propose that we create our own happy hour here in Sinner’s Alley. Everyone is eligible to join since the primary qualification, i.e., being a “sinner,” is rather easy to achieve. In fact, I was taught that I managed to be a sinner even before I was born. See how easy it is! </p>

<p>I think we spend enough time planning, worrying, obsessing, beating ourselves up, and making our children crazy. I think we should have a place to go 24/7 for Happy Hour. Sinner’s Alley Happy Hour should be used to tell about something that went right, or tell an amusing anecdote, or maybe a joke. The emphasis should be on fun and if you want to be taken seriously, it is probably not the right place to hang out. (Can you hear the Cheer’s theme music playing in the background?)</p>

<p>Sinner’s Alley may be located in a disreputable section of CC town near Confidentlia College. It may even be the coffee house in Confidentlia College. I can’t remember if we have one. (Do we have a bar?) Here in Sinner’s Alley we only have a few rules, and they will be flexible since it is unlikely that anyone will follow them anyway. I propose that we start with the following: </p>

<p>Rule 1. Do not post sad stories, complaints, express anger, frustration, etc. unless you can make it funny. And I don’t mean ironic funny, better laugh than cry. At least I don’t think I mean that…there could be exceptions. </p>

<p>Rule 2. Jokes might be okay, but they should be good, and I suspect puns will be quickly outlawed. </p>

<p>Rule 3. Amusing personal anecdotes, stories about us or loved ones are preferred. These do not have to be current events, and they can be repeated from other threads. Most valued will be the anecdotes that remind us to keep all this in perspective and have a little fun along the way. </p>

<p>Rule 4. Sharing wonderful news and inspirational stories will only be allowed if they are tempered by a funny twist. So if you came back from injury to make the winning shot, you had to get re-injured when your teammates leaped on you in their excitement. If you were crowned prom queen/king, you had to mount the stage with TP stuck to your shoe. You can’t share these stories unless you can now laugh about them or your therapist makes you do it. </p>

<p>Rule 5. Truth is encouraged, but embellishment and exaggeration is supported if it makes a better story. And of course, names can be changed to protect the innocent (and guilty.)</p>

<p>(You will notice that many of the stories from the COWARD Awards will qualify. That’s great because they were wonderful. They can be repeated for those of us who missed them the first time.)</p>

<p>Additional suggestions for rules or anything else are welcome. Come join us in Sinner's Alley for Happy Hour!</p>

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<p>Since I think this was my idea, I’ll go first. Last Saturday, Doddsmom returned in the evening from her weekend class. She entered DD’s room (age 13), and noticed that the bed was made, clothes were picked up, and it was clean. With some amazement, DW commented on her neat room to DD. DD responded in her best 8th grade dramatic style, “YES I KNOW! I got confused and thought TODAY was Mother’s Day. I guess THAT was a waste of my time!”</p>

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<p>I object to Rule 2. TheDad will feel unwelcome - and you know he's very thin-skinned!</p>

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<p>I LOVE puns!!!! </p>

<p>My story - when DDs were little, I said- Hey you want some Converse shoes (Chuck Taylors), they are so cool and its what I grew up with...</p>

<p>OMG, mom, they are sooooo ugly, we want to get Adias, Nike, whatever, yuck phooey to converse.</p>

<p>BUt, DDs, they are retro, and I PROMISE they will really come back and you will be the first ones (this was 10 years ago)</p>

<p>EWWWWW, no.</p>

<p>Now, I can't remove the black high tops from her feet. There is duct tape and glue barely holding them together.</p>

<p>But, do I hear, hey mom, you were so ahead of the game and were Right....nope</p>

<p>I just, no, we can't throw them away...they are like trophies!!!</p>

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<p>citygirlsmom - too funny. Could you get my kids to wear those expensive Levi's that I got them for school? Apparently just because we loved them (& I might add weren't cool if we didn't have a pair) doesn't mean kids today like them. I guess that teaches my to buy them something when they are not with me! Oh I remember, they will be cool again when I give them to goodwill!</p>

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<p>doddsdad:
That is a VERY funny story about your daughter. I have to tell that to my girlfriends. We usually spend the week after mother's day recounting our favorite mother's day stories and trying to figure out how to get the holiday cancelled for next year. One year my best friend's son made her a bracelet out of paperclips with the cat's rabies tag as the ornament. It was the ONLY gift she got (3 kids). Last year my other friend's kids and husband were bickering over who was going make dinner on mother's day. Eventually the kid threw himself down on the couch next to my friend and wailed, "I HATE mother's day!"</p>

<p>(I'm figuring I can post this here because I am certainly in the Sinner's Alley, perhaps as a founding member...Speaking of which, I hope doddsmom joins us too!)</p>

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<p>Okay Ohiomom, Rule 2 is modified so that puns are not outlawed for TheDad. We definitely don't want to offend him and we need all the humor we can get. (Assuming they are punny..er..ah..funny. See how quickly this can deteriorate?) </p>

<p>Ctygirlsmom, do you need an exclusion too, or will you be content reading TheDad's puns?</p>

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<p>On Sunday I asked my H to e-mail our two sons in college to let them know it was Mother's Day. #1 promptly e-mailed back, "Happy Mother's Day and btw, thanks for the money you sent recently." #2 e-mailed back "I thought Mother's Day was tomorrow?" But #2 did call later in the week claiming he heard it was Mother's Day in a South American Country--D took the message. So I called back, but cell phone connection broke up--twice. Oh well. Happy Mother's Day to me!</p>

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<p>I don't know if that was humorous or not, but I choose to laugh :).</p>

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<p>I have been lurking outside of the door, hoping that it would be okay to come in. Sorry, I have no puns or funny stories to tell but I am getting a chuckle out of the ones that are posted here.</p>

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<p>Thanks for the exclusion, doddsdad - </p>

<p>I am not feeling too amusing today but I got the following via email from a friend - seemed appropriate!</p>

<p>Gentle thoughts for today... </p>

<p>The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.</p>

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<p>Ohiomom,
I like that one, probably because I resemble that remark (spoken in my best Norm Crosby imitation). </p>

<p>Sybbie,
Welcome! Kick back and relax awhile! No pressure to tell any stories. Join in if you feel like it!</p>

<p>mstee and weenie,
I think the stories are funny, but I'm not a mom. I believe you're both founding members.</p>

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<p><a href="http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=62147%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=62147&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

<p>It’s not something I think can go in our annual family Christmas letter but I guess it qualifies as a mother-daughter shopping/bonding experience that we’ll talk about and remember for a long time. </p>

<p>Now that I think about it, a “gross of condoms” makes a rather interesting collective noun--like a “habitat of nuns” and a “murder of crows”.</p>

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<p>Okay, I saw the words "Happy Hour" and thought I'd stop in for a drink. The funniest story I have about my D took place when she was four. One day while we were out and about, her breath was anything but pleasant. I gave her a stick of gum and told her to chew it. Several days later, while visiting my inlaws, D followed my FIL to their bedroom and began going through my MIL's desk drawer looking for her stash of gum. My FIL said "Hey, Splash, whatcha doin'?" She said "Oh, this is for my breath." She proceeded to chew the gum and chat with him. A few minutes later, she got another stick of gum, and before he had a chance to say anything, she explained very matter-of-factly "This is for tomorrow's breath."</p>

<p>Also, did you know it's the law that you visit every toy store while in the mall? That's what D told us years ago. </p>

<p>For future reference, calling your mother on April Fool's Day to tell her you've been involved in a motor vehicle accident is not funny ... not funny at all.</p>

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<p>Happy Hour? Great....Are there any ice cubes? I can't drink pino grigio without ice cubes....oh, is there any pino grigio? Or is this a clubbing kinda crowd....?</p>

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<p>The other day my little boy (7) came home from school. As he had a snack, I asked about his day, what he'd learned--and he told me he'd learned about how babies are made. </p>

<p>I said, "baby animals?"-- (thinking of the ducks or hamsters in class.) And he replied, "No, human babies." </p>

<p>(Hmm, I think-- doesn't this class happen in about 5th grade?) But I realize that maybe something "came up" in school and the teacher had to grab the teachable moment. So I keep probing:</p>

<p>"Tell me about how you learned it. Was the teacher there?"</p>

<p>"Yes."</p>

<p>"Was it the teacher talking to you?" </p>

<p>"No, we saw a movie."</p>

<p>"Did the girls see one movie and the boys see another?"</p>

<p>"No, we were all together, mom."</p>

<p>"What was in the movie?"</p>

<p>"It talked about bodies, boys bodies and girls bodies."</p>

<p>"Wow, I am going to have to call Mrs. X; I am really amazed they are teaching you about that in 2nd grade, honey."</p>

<p>At which point he turned to me with a huge grin and said, "Hah!, MOM, you just got SERVED."</p>

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<p>SBMom - your story reminds me of one with my daughter when she was in 6th grade. </p>

<p>I picked her from school one afternoon and as we were driving down the road she blithely announced that her friend had been french-kissing a boy in the stairwell. "In the stairwell?!" "Yes. And tomorrow, " she said matter-of-factly, " she's going to give him a bl.. job."</p>

<p>I almost steered into the curb with that comment and quickly commenced to tell her why I thought this wasn't a good idea...that a school stairwell was not the appropriate place to do something like that -- younger students might stumble in on them; and that she was too damn young to be, you know, doing something so intimate."
"Intimate?" my daughter said.</p>

<p>"Well, you know. Oral sex is a very intimate thing, not to be taken lightly, nor is it particularly hygenic..." and I commenced to go into some detail about it until I noticed she kinda had a queasy look on her face. Then she asked, "That's what a bl...job is?"</p>

<p>Suddenly, Irealized that she and I were on very different wave-lengths and that I'd probably given her too much information two 2 years too early. "Why?' I said cautiously, "What did you think it was?...and she replied, "You know, where you kiss the guy and blow into his mouth at the same time..."</p>

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<p>hehehhe, and ewwww!!</p>

<p>okay- we came up with:</p>

<p>a giggle of girls
a bravado of boys
a nag of moms
a clueless of dads</p>

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<p>crash - would LOL except am in China where our offices are actually cubicles...</p>

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<p>I know - I was worried that it might have been a bit too risque for CC but it's a story I think many of us have been through - and every time I think back on it, I just shake my head and smile...(and kinda cringe...!)</p>