I wrote a personal essay for English class last year for an assignment. My teacher liked it enough to enter it into a regional essay competition, and to my amazement, it won first prize in the senior nonfiction/essay category. I’m quite fond of it, and since I’m running low on inspiration, I’m trying to shorten it to work for my college application essay.
That’s where I need your help! I am having a hard time cutting up my poor, defenseless essay in half - literally. I have to go from 1,108 words to about 500. I realize I can send in a longer essay, but I’d rather keep near the limit and spare a blearyeyed admissions officer some time.
If you’d like to edit it, just PM me your email and I’ll send it to you as an attatchment. I would rather a parent (or student that’s NOT applying for college right now) edit.
Here’s the first paragraph, just to pique your interest (hopefully!):
Last month I embarked on some early spring-cleaning, thanks to my parents latest undertaking: eliminating household dust. My dad had proclaimed my room free of the offending particles after he had given it a thorough vacuuming no part of it was left unscathed, not even the ceiling, the walls, or the door. I was then charged with tidying up the remaining debris; the flotsam and jetsam of my life that had accumulated in unstable piles atop bookshelves, in corners, and under furniture. I attacked them at first with a vengeance, fueled by the Red Hot Chili Peppers blasting in my ears, but soon my progress slowed as I began to cast a closer eye on the clutter of years long past.
PS: BE BRUTALLY HONEST! thanks!