<p>I too had been getting frustrated by the one or two-word text messages… I’d get an occasional phone call, but the cell reception is lacking there, so the calls were generally not helpful at all! It’s been a long 4 weeks. And I too have stalked the parents’ page of the school website, and have exchanged a few emails with the very helpful and sympathetic advisor. This weekend was a long one for D’s school, with an extra day off, so I was able to bring her home for a visit of nearly 48 hours. I assumed she’d be exhausted (she was), and she was really quiet for most of the drive home. I figured she’d do nothing but sleep, do homework and text her friends from school… She had been looking forward to us attending a musical event that included performances by old friends from home… but on the way there, she said “Can we just go straight home, instead? I just want to make hot cocoa and sit on my bed and tell you all about my life at school”. Let me tell you, it was all I could do not to burst into tears of joy. I am very fortunate to be within a do-able driving distance of school… but hang in there, london! When winter break finally gets here, I bet your kid will be thrilled to fill you in on every detail. (Just be sure to make a list of questions-- after I’d dropped her back at school at the end of our whirlwind visit, I realized I’d forgotten to ask several important ones… and now I have to wait for Parents Weekend.)</p>
<p>Am I the only parent on this forum who is pre- internet/cell phone? We had to make do with one telephone in an Exeter dorm. I wonder how we survived? I had my method, though; I wrote to our son every day. This made me feel connected to him, and he never went to the PO without finding something in his mailbox. I don’t recall if he ever wrote to us, but that was not important. He heard from us daily and knew he was loved.</p>
<p>My D and I do this thing with snap chat that is kind of fun. She will send me random pics of her day, like the view out of the window in the library where she’s studying, or the pool table in the student center or a group of friends at the pizza place in town. I respond with where I am. It’s usually facing a sink of dirty dishes or a pile of laundry. 
But sometimes, when the cat’s on her bed, I’ll send a snap of that. Last night her friends dropped by to say hello and have dinner because they missed being at our house, so I sent a snap of them at the dinner table.</p>
<p>It’s fun.</p>
<p>neato, what a great way to stay connected! I love that idea.
granny: when I was at her dorm, I saw that there was a wall phone in a large closet in the hallway (where they keep the vacuum cleaner!). I suggested that D use that phone with a calling card to have a private, static-free cconversation… she looked at me like I had 3 heads and said “Mom, I don’t think anyone’s used that phone in, like, a hundred years.” Sigh.</p>
<p>A few years ago, while on a tour of Loomis, I pointed out an old phone closet built into the hallway of the oldest building on campus. The phone was gone, but you could see the plate on the wall where it hung until probably fairly recently. Someone had put a vase of artificial flowers on the little shelf that held the phone book. Our guide just said, “Oh! THAT’S what that little closet was. I always wondered about that.”</p>
<p>Oh Cameo! First of all, I am so happy you had a chance to connect and in such a nice way! Secondly, I love hearing how the lack of contact is not symptomatic of a “sea change” in relationships… These kids are (as they would say) “way busy” and I know that. Thanks for sharing your story. It did me good.</p>
<p>And Granny: I can relate from the other side. When I was at school, we had one (maybe two) payphones in each dorm. Not only did we only get to talk to anyone IF AND ONLY IF someone was willing to answer that phone and run around to find you, but when we called home it was “long distance” and so very expensive. Contact home was effectively limited to a 3-5 minute call every weekend. And I lived to tell the tale as did my parents! </p>
<p>I have to say that knowledge doesn’t make me feel any better when I don’t hear from my kid. But that is a result of me feeling left out – not one of me worrying she is OK. I am learning to deal with it! LOL</p>
<p>PS Neato: we also snapchat… I usually send really bad, out-of-focus pictures of the pets… you know the type: those awful quality shots that only Snapchat seems capable of producing. I know she likes them as more than one has been “screenshotted” (not a word I know!)>…</p>
<p>D2 is a new boarding junior. What has worked the best for frequent quick communication is Skype instant messaging. She has mandatory study time 7:30-9:30 every night. She can’t have a long conversation but we can have a 3 sentence check-in just to make sure things are ok.</p>
<p>everytime I get that irritating, one-character text response ‘K’ from GMTson, I think of this thread… :mad:</p>
<p>My child is home for his Fall long weekend and I have barely seen him 
Yesterday I dropped him off at 5:45 a.m. so he could go to a regatta with his old team and today he has been at a friend’s house all day. While I’m glad he is reconnecting with friends, I am a little jealous that they are spending time with him!!!</p>
<p>GMT, I was just at Parents Weekend and folks were saying in exasperation, "I told him he needs to respond to my texts even if it’s just ‘K’! So count your blessings that you’re at least getting that K. :P</p>
<p>Several reports of parents having to go through third parties just to verify their child still exists.</p>
<p>The communications bar has fallen very low when “K” is still better than, “Mom/Dad, don’t freak out, but…”</p>
<p>Yeah, just sayin’</p>
<p>Misery (parents of uncommunicative students) may love having company.</p>
<p>“K” would be awesome. I know no news is usually good news, but still.</p>
<p>Anyway - I get to see her in person in 4 days. And I have warned her that I don’t care who’s watching. She WILL get hugged. :-)</p>
<p>I guess I am a hard-ass parent, but I think any parent who isn’t getting a reasonable level of communication (phone call once per week for example) should be having a serious conversation with their child requiring it. They are still young, and despite the miles, still need your involvement.</p>
<p>^^ As “hard-ass” parents we also made our expectations clear and get a phone call a week. But, frankly, 70% of the time it’s like pulling teeth. It’s mostly us just asking questions and getting one word answers. When DC is in the mood to talk it’s great and puts us in a good mood for the rest of the day. But generally after we hang up the phone we often feel more frustrated then informed.</p>
<p>As we are seeing, we can make DC “call”, but we can’t make him “talk”.</p>
<p>I took the advice of an experienced BS parent and printed a copy of my son’e weekly schedule which hangs on our refrigerator. That way you can communicate based on knowing where they are so you can expect a reply. We miss him terribly. But I made it clear from the start that this was going to be an adjustment not only for him but also for his family at home. We have a short phone call every couple of nights. It always starts with a text message sent around 10pm- can you talk tonight? based on his work load he will respond accordingly and we take his lead. If he can’t talk we will usually exchange a few messages. At one point I felt like he was at the end of his rope with Russian and I sent the instructor a message. The instructor called me back and we reviewed my sons progress and all of the worry was put to rest. We are heading to Family Weekend this weekend and we are looking forward to seeing him since this will be our first visit since the start of school. I think if you set the expectation and take the cue from your son or daughter, the communication can occur more frequently. As the parent of a first year student you want to communicate as often as possible without crossing the line of trying to micro manage their studies. The short conversations allow us to keep our finger on the pulse how he is doing so the lines of communication stay open. My son is not a big communicator unless he is telling you about positive comments from his football coach. I have been told that kids who receive the positive calls are very motivated to do well.</p>
<p>That’s a great post, firstgen–strikes exactly the right balance, in terms of being involved without micromanaging. What you describe is more or less what we’ve done as well. The only thing I’d suggest–and this may just be the way son’s school does things–is to contact the adviser rather than the teacher if he is having difficulty in a subject. A good adviser will not hesitate to talk to both the student and the teacher to figure out what’s happening and has more of a finger on the pulse of the school. </p>
<p>As our son is getting older, we find ourselves moving toward more quick on-line chats and fewer phone calls.</p>
<p>I missed Parents Day ( for both kids ) this year, but I did get nice emails from their Advisors…so I’m not completely in the dark! Well, until they start texting K again…</p>
<p>Aside from the delicious luncheon- I was just wondering how everything went for first year parents and old-timers…</p>