2 more essays

<p>I think i am improving but a long way to go =(.</p>

<p>Prompt: Is it necessary to make mistakes, even when doing so has negative consequences for other people?</p>

<p>Flaws are part of human nature. Mistakes are necessary; without errors humans would not be able to learn and prevent future mistakes. Faults do not weaken humans it only makes people stronger. History is a testimony to learning from trial and error; two examples are the Roaring Twenties and Treaty of Versailles.</p>

<p>The Roaring Twenties was a carefree and cheerful era in which people lived for the present and worried about the future later. As of result, people bought stock, spent extravagant amounts of money and used credit when they had no money. However, what goes up must come down. The consequence of living carefree and buying things with no money resulted in an abrupt disaster. The stock market crashed, banks foreclosed, businesses bankrupted and money depreciated. Chaos erupted in America and started a melancholy era named the Great Depression. Nonetheless, many positives resulted from the mistakes people made. To obviate the incident from repeating, President Roosevelt created several programs that would later instill the foundation for a safer economy: FDIC insured 100,000 per bank account and SEC monitored the stock market to prevent potential crashes. Through errors, people learned the valuable experience of managing money wisely and buying stocks judicially.</p>

<p>On a more serious note than the Roaring Twenties, the Treaty of Versailles ended World War I and entailed severe repercussions. The controversial peace terms divided countries (Balkans) and forced Germany to burden the guilt. Ultimately, the treaty was one of many reasons for why World War II started. Although the treaty indirectly caused World War II, after the war people learned not to callously punish enemies but instead reconcile as allies. In addition, the world learned to prudently think about the consequences before dividing countries. After experiencing two world wars and the devastation of war causalities, countries created the United Nations to help solve future disagreements and prevent wars. All in all, the world has learned to use war as a last resort thus preventing a World War III. </p>

<p>Mistakes are required; the road to success leads through failure. Without mistakes there can be no knowledge of right and wrong. Treaty of Versailles demonstrated why peace terms should be judicially delegated and the Great Depression taught people to manage money. By committing blunders, people understood how to fix and prevent errors. Humans improve from trial and error; if everything was perfect; progress would be stagnant. </p>

<p>Does technology make life better?</p>

<p>Technology has unquestionably made life easier in certain aspects. Although technology has enabled humans to maximize time and productivity, the environment and family life have deteriorated as of result. The business industry and automobiles are two examples that illustrate technology’s downfalls.</p>

<p>The movie Click shows how advanced gadgets can sometimes depreciate life. In the movie, Adam Sandler played the role of an entrepreneur who had strong ambition to rise through business ranks. Seeking a solution to balance work and family was a perpetuating struggle for Mr. Sandler. Desperate for an answer, he eventually found a remote that could control time. With the new gadget he fast forwarded family gatherings and dreary events to make time for work. Even though the remote made his life easier and helped him get a promotion, Mr. Sandler eventually realized the device’s cons did not outweigh the pros. Because he fast forwarded parts of life, he also irrevocably skipped spending time with his family. In the end, he realized the benefits of the remote were not worth sacrificing family time and threw away the remote. Adam Sandler demonstrates why technology does not always enhance life. </p>

<p>In addition to the movie Click, automobiles exemplify the yin and yang of technology. The virtuous benefits cars offer are numerous: the ability to transport goods, go to work and travel are just a few examples. However, the use of automobiles also destroys the environment and indirectly facilitates numerous car accidents that sometimes lead to death. Furthermore, cars are a major reason for high gas prices and ultimately accelerate the process of global warming. Whether the pros outweigh the cons, one has to judge for themselves. On the other hand, one thing is irrefutable; automobiles do not necessarily improve life. </p>

<p>Technology simplifies life but does not guarantee a better life; exemplified by Adam Sandler and automobiles. Everything has pros and cons, whether they are automobiles, computers or humans, there are always the good and the bad. Technology will only continue to advance and provide enhancements to life, but with the virtues; there are vices.</p>

<p>2nd essay</p>

<p>Probably a 9</p>

<p>You had good examples and your tone is very firm, meaning you totally are for what you are writing. However, using, if you had another example, from literature, it would make the essay even more convincing. The movie was a good example, but it seems kind of weak all by itself. You could elaborate on the automobiles more. A good literary source for a third example would probably be, Orwell's 1984. Television was entertaining since it was everywhere, on walls, in rooms, streets, but it sucked the life out of the people. (maybe thats not what you're gearing for, but just an example)</p>

<p>So, another example and more elaboration on autos would make the essay longer and more thought out, = a higher grade. You had good flow, and varying sentence structure. Overall grammar was good, nothing stuck out. You just got to give it more life, more support, more example from good sources, maybe even from your own life, to break that 11-12 barrier.</p>

<p>Good work though,</p>

<p>Just an opinion, I don't expect everyone to agree with this grading.</p>

<p>what about the first essay...thank you for reading and commenting</p>

<p>I really liked your 1st essay examples, especially the Treaty of Versailles. They were generally well developed, and were the strong part of your essay. However, your intro and conclusion lack flow and seem a bit like a pack of unrelated sentences. You need a bit of variety in sentence structure and transitions. I give it a positive review overall.</p>

<p>thanks for reading watson, what score would you give me? what about the second essay as well?</p>

<p>"Flaws are part of human nature. Mistakes are necessary; without errors humans would not be able to learn and prevent future mistakes. Faults do not weaken humans it only makes people stronger." Grammar mistake on third sentence. </p>

<p>"History is a testimony to learning from trial and error; two examples are the Roaring Twenties and Treaty of Versailles." Fine.</p>

<p>"The Roaring Twenties was a carefree and cheerful era in which people lived for the present and worried about the future later." Fine, but I'd disagree with you. "As of result, people bought stock, spent extravagant amounts of money and used credit when they had no money." As of result--Hmm... "However, what goes up must come down. The consequence of living carefree and buying things with no money resulted in an abrupt disaster." I don't think the consequence of living carefree resulted in disaster. What's wrong with that sentence? "The stock market crashed, banks foreclosed, businesses bankrupted and money depreciated. Chaos erupted in America and started a melancholy era named the Great Depression. Nonetheless, many positives resulted from the mistakes people made. To obviate the incident from repeating, President Roosevelt created several programs that would later instill the foundation for a safer economy: FDIC insured 100,000 per bank account and SEC monitored the stock market to prevent potential crashes. Through errors, people learned the valuable experience of managing money wisely and buying stocks judicially." Good.</p>

<p>"On a more serious note than the Roaring Twenties, the Treaty of Versailles ended World War I and entailed severe repercussions." Sounds weird. "The controversial peace terms divided countries (Balkans) and forced Germany to burden the guilt." What's with the Balkans in parentheses? What are you talking about? The terms divided the Balkan countries, not the countries (Balkans). "Ultimately, the treaty was one of many reasons for why World War II started. Although the treaty indirectly caused World War II, after the war people learned not to callously punish enemies but instead reconcile as allies." We need example(s) of this and explanations. "In addition, the world learned to prudently think about the consequences before dividing countries. After experiencing two world wars and the devastation of war causalities, countries created the United Nations to help solve future disagreements and prevent wars. All in all, the world has learned to use war as a last resort thus preventing a World War III." Good. </p>

<p>"Mistakes are required; the road to success leads through failure. Without mistakes there can be no knowledge of right and wrong. Treaty of Versailles demonstrated why peace terms should be judicially delegated and the Great Depression taught people to manage money. By committing blunders, people understood how to fix and prevent errors. Humans improve from trial and error; if everything was perfect; progress would be stagnant." Fine.</p>

<p>It's a 9-10. If there weren't so many grammar mistakes and if you had explained how people learned from the Treaty of Versailles, it would have been a 10. Lesson: (1) Stop making so many grammar mistakes, and (2) When you make a claim, elaborate on it.</p>

<p>Next....</p>

<p>"Technology has unquestionably made life easier in certain aspects. Although technology has enabled humans to maximize time and productivity, the environment and family life have deteriorated as of result. The business industry and automobiles are two examples that illustrate technology’s downfalls." Should be "as a result." Fine, but generic.</p>

<p>"The movie Click shows how advanced gadgets can sometimes depreciate life. In the movie, Adam Sandler played the role of an entrepreneur who had strong ambition to rise through business ranks. Seeking a solution to balance work and family was a perpetuating struggle for Mr. Sandler. Desperate for an answer, he eventually found a remote that could control time. With the new gadget he fast forwarded family gatherings and dreary events to make time for work. Even though the remote made his life easier and helped him get a promotion, Mr. Sandler eventually realized the device’s cons did not outweigh the pros. Because he fast forwarded parts of life, he also irrevocably skipped spending time with his family. In the end, he realized the benefits of the remote were not worth sacrificing family time and threw away the remote. Adam Sandler demonstrates why technology does not always enhance life." This is an excellent paragraph. I like how you explained some of the cons of the remote control (less time with family).</p>

<p>"In addition to the movie Click, automobiles exemplify the yin and yang of technology. The virtuous benefits cars offer are numerous: the ability to transport goods, go to work and travel are just a few examples. However, the use of automobiles also destroys the environment and indirectly facilitates numerous car accidents that sometimes lead to death. Furthermore, cars are a major reason for high gas prices and ultimately accelerate the process of global warming. Whether the pros outweigh the cons, one has to judge for themselves. On the other hand, one thing is irrefutable; automobiles do not necessarily improve life." Great job. Misuse of the semicolon, but that's okay.</p>

<p>"Technology simplifies life but does not guarantee a better life; exemplified by Adam Sandler and automobiles. [semicolon used incorrectly] Everything has pros and cons, whether they are automobiles, computers or humans, there are always the good and the bad [run-on sentence]. Technology will only continue to advance and provide enhancements to life, but with the virtues; there are vices[incorrect use of the semicolon]."</p>

<p>I'd give your second essay an 11, because you have a point of view and you explained your ideas well with use of good examples.</p>

<p>dchow could you explain how i should use a semi colon? I seem to be using it incorrectly....i already googled how to use semicolon but i seem to still misuse it. So in all the instances where is misused the semicolon should be replaced with a comma?</p>

<p>And thank you very much for grading.</p>

<p>akati, look it up in a grammar book or something.</p>