$200,000++

Parent Cafe
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<p>We are just going through the same thing as OP. Except, we have made a decision to pay through the nose to send S1 to U Chicago (almost full pay), while he had an offer of a full ride from a very reputable OOS flagship public U, which also has a too 10 reputation in his chosen field (economics). It’s not like we are family for whom $55K a year is merely a chump change - paying this tuition means that we will do without a lot of things we really enjoy doing like traveling, attending live performances, eating out etc - my husband and I will live more or less on a very limited, basic subsistence budget for years to come. At least we can pay the tuition - we are very fortunate. </p>

<p>We are doing it for two reasons:</p>

<p>(1) S1 wants to join Wall Street right out of college. Based on all the research we have done, Wall Street is very elitist, and there are a lot of doors that are not easy to open with a State U background (not all, but I am talking about “in general”). U Chicago with a second to none reputation in the field of economics provides ample options right from the beginning, starting with the during-school-year internship in Chicago and various summer internship options in the financial sector. </p>

<p>(2) The second reason is a more important reason for me-the reputation of Chicago as a hot bed of intellectual rigor and discipline. He went to an extremely selective and competitive magnet school, where, based on my reckoning (informal data based on his friends), 30-40% of the kids are going to top 10-15 schools in the nation. And, yet, his full capabilities remained unchallenged and untested - he breezed through 4 years of high school getting top grades without ever breaking a sweat. Everybody has a different forte. Keen intellect is the gift he was born with. I want to give him an opportunity to hone it as best as he can by being challenged by other students who are even more gifted than he is and by being in a milieu where someone like him is a norm, rather than an exception. So, even if the Wall Street angle turns out to be a moot issue, the reason (2) by itself is a valid reason for me. </p>

<p>Luckily, S2 is a determined ROTC hopeful, and intends on getting ROTC scholarship, and I believe it is eminently doable. Paying full tuition to two private schools would be a real hardship for us, even though we would do it if push comes to shove.</p>

<p>By the way, S1 understands very well that this is the last major financial gift to him. We have no intention to help pay for a fancy wedding, and are unlikely to give them money for down payment, etc. We spent less than $100 for our wedding (married at a court house) - so our children know that we are not the type to value any fancy formality. But, if we are lucky enough in our old age to have some spare change, we will help pay for the grandchildren’s top quality education in the event that their parents’ financial situation makes it difficult.</p>

<p>On the emotional side, our kids delighted us by being such terrific kids all around, bringing us nothing buy joy and pleasure. We feel enormously blessed, and we don’t take our kids for granted. Given all that we see and hear around, we almost feel not worthy, compared with other parents, to have this good fortune. I feel that giving the best education they can benefit from is the least we can do for them. </p>

<p>PS: S1 is visiting U Chicago now (admit student orientation/visit), and he called full of excitement about how he feels he completely belongs there… He also thanked me for letting him go there even though that’s a lot of sacrifice for us. THAT was very sweet of him…</p>

22

<p>We are also among those who are paying full freight to send D to a very expensive school. We are able to do this due to a combination of generous grandparents, our own frugality,some loans and our belief that this is the greatest gift (material wise, that is) that we can give our kids. I appreciate the posters who have said that is was worth it to them and those who recognize that this is each family’s decision based on their own circumstances.
Hopefully all of our choices work out!</p>

23

<p>

I think this aspect of elite schools is priceless, and is often under-estimated by people who say that it is up to you what you get out of your college education, and the institution does not really matter.</p>

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<p>We are sending are son to Vanderbilt and paying fully for it. My gut tells me he will get alot from the atmosphere. He will be a molecular cellular biology major and wants med school. He will have no loans when he gets out. I feel this is an investment into his character and education. This is a decision we think is best for us. We do not feel that others who have made a different decision are wrong or bad parents. Time will tell whether it was a good decision or we may never know! We will certainly be alot poorer in retirement and our ability to travel and spend affected, especially since daughter is going to college in two years. I’m not saving for a wedding.</p>

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<p>I think, as posters have said, it completely varies for each kid and family. And paying for your child’s school with money you have, as Ibnhf1 is, is a different kettle of fish than going into a load of debt for that school.
I do want to say that while it is true that LACs have high future-PhD production rates, I got into every prestigious PhD program I applied to from a second tier, large, city commuter school. It really is up to the student. Perhaps LACs attract those kids in the first place?</p>

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<p>

Amen to that!</p>

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<p>We just finished paying for four years at Duke and no regrets because our son showed us that he extracted every single thing he could from it. Although we take heart in how he used Duke so very well, nevertheless, in the recession it hurt us greatly and altered our financial security to do so. He is thinking business and I did not factor in properly that this will cost him again greatly if he wants a masters but he has a job so that is the next step for him…autonomy. If however, you have a child in science going for a doctorate who is talented, it is highly possible he will win a fellowship…and therefore I think the private LAC or extraordinary private research college for science students is worth every cent.
However, I must say that we were naive and failed to research reality re law or med school. Our second son will likely go law and our instate flagship law school will cost us upwards of 50 grand and required to our surprise…our FAFSA till he is 28. Our state professional schools are hugely expensive…I can’t believe we didn’t really look at this till way too late in the game. Second son was told by us that he would be at state college unless he lucked out on merit…and he did luck out.<br>
Example that is telling: My spouse spent 3000 per year for Vandy Law tuition plus a very meager living cost factor added on…twentyplus years back…it is now 66 grand a year in cash. No way our son can take that on as a debt load. Factor in debt for grad or med school is my advice if your son or daughter has a career path in mind. Look at the long view…in a recession you can’t afford to close your eyes.</p>

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<p>Our S is a current junior at an expensive private where he gets >1/2 tuition in a merit award. Of course, D had to join him there where we are paying full freight; her blessing is that she had 3 semesters at CC so saved us some by entering as a transfer. It’s expensive but so far for us & them worth it and is much better than the flagship U that has no social or college life to speak of. Both kids are expecting to pay for their own post-U options. S is working toward becoming a resident & getting a job for a while.</p>

<p>For our family, it has been worth it, even tho it is more than anyone would “like” to pay. S did have the option of a full-ride OOS at other Us as a NMF, but is happy where he is and has had some wonderful opportunities where he is. D is also taking advantage of the may options offered by the U and also extremely happy. It is easy for us parents having both kids in the same school for now–one place to fly to.</p>

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<p>“he called full of excitement about how he feels he completely belongs there… He also thanked me for letting him go there”</p>

<p>I’ve continued making this call over the last ten years, whenever I return to my alma mater for reunions and events. It never goes out of style to thank your parents for the tuition.</p>

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<p>Wow. It’s refreshing to finally see a thread where the majority say “yes, we’re paying for it, and yes, it’s worth it.”</p>

<p>I feel like I’ve been in the minority for such a long time. Minority? Scratch that. I feel like I’ve been the only one. Nice to finally be in with the in crowd. ;)</p>

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<p>My sister has paid full-freight for each of her 3 kids–the 1st 2 were OOS publics & the last one is an out-of-state private. In addition to tuition at our OOS private, she also helps with their events like luau, which adds even more cost, plus ALL the families fly up to see a football game and/or their kid, which adds further to the cost. Last I heard, she has no regrets. She & her hubby will likely not retire for a very long time.</p>

<p>Her 1st kid went to in-state law school. The 2nd is finishing OOS public U to get her teaching certificate while she’s a grad student waiting for BF to get his degree in physical therapy. Youngest who will be graduating from OOS private in May 2010 is still deciding what comes next–probably 4 years of podiatry at some OOS school.</p>

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<p>I know a lot of families like HImom’s sister’s. It can be a worthwhile way to spend money and your life. The biggest problem in my mind about spending more money that you can afford for college is the possible down side which can be terrible. The worst case scenario is that you don’t have the money for something earth shatteringly important because you have spent your savings, home equity, pension on your children’s colleges. If health or job issues arise where you need money, and there is none there or available, it can be a tough road. We know this first hand as we were faced with some of these possibilities in the last 10 years. It is not a tragedy that a student does not go to his first choice school, or has to commute, or go to a state school, or a less highly ranked school. It is a terrible tragedy, travesty when someone cannot get life saving medical care or you lose your house, or your business because you don’t have the money to have the flexibility needed to put yourself in the best position to deal with such life travails. College can be quite trivial in that light.</p>

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<p>heyalb. We are also paying full freight. Indeed, it is nice to know we aren’t the only ones.</p>

<p>S is definitely where he belongs, and it is definitely worth it.</p>

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<p>Here is what I would think about if I were in your shoes:</p>

<p>I would look at my own financial stability. I’d evaluate if my future were well taken care of, including if I became disabled tomorrow. I would need a substantial “emergency” fund for a couple of really rainy day items like money to carry us through a job loss for 6 months, ability to supplement my inlaws/parents if they need it (including in home care). If I could answer those questions with a “yes”, then I would pay the 200k! There are plenty of people who do have at least this type of money, even if they do whine that they don’t. If I feel that I don’t have anything close to that type of nest egg, then definitely, no, I would not pay 200k when I can spend a lot less. A friend’s son is graduating this spring from our flagship and he has been accepted to amazing graduate programs. He had so many opportunities through our flagship, and he took advantage of them.</p>

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<p>I agree that it’s important to have a good and realistic sense of what the family can afford and what honeslty makes sense. I would NOT advise spending the pension, life savings or home equity to let the kids have their “dream college,” because that leaves no cushion as cpt aptly points out. When the family is in a position to allow the kids to choose among schools WITHOUT such depletions, it can be a good option for the family and student.</p>

<p>Especially in these times, keeping an adequate financial cushion to guard as best one can against economic pitfalls is key to everyone’s long-term happiness and peace of mind. Living on the edge financially is getting dicier and dicier. We do our kids and ourselves no favors if we bankrupt ourselves for any “dream,” because ultimately, the price will have to be paid.</p>

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<p>I would pay $200,000 for a school that would transform my child MORE THAN a less-expensive school would.
The trick is figuring that out ahead of time, which seems impossible.</p>

<p>Iowa in-state for writing, or Kenyon?</p>

<p>Michigan State for education, or Columbia?</p>

<p>Michigan for economics, or Princeton?</p>

<p>Missouri-Columbia for journalism, or Northwestern?</p>

<p>Harvard Law currently has students from about 170 undergrad schools, which is precisely 160 more than the 10 schools we’re all trying to get our kids into; so, does Harvard Law know something we don’t?</p>

<p>That’s the $120,000 question.</p>

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<p>well put, you made some good points, MSU Dad. we had to tell second son he could not go to a full price private, and it took us months to face this reality, but his reality includes professional schools where merit money is harder to come by than in hard research. I would advise anyone to take a hard look at grad school costs and the foolishness of someone graduating with huge debts into a stagnant economy</p>

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<p>I lol’d at “well we can afford the 55k a year, but it will make us live frugally” followed by “and we can pay the other sons private as well if push comes to shove”</p>

<p>pfft 55k is more than my parents make in a year. i havent had a vacation since i was 11 (well my dad got a free trip to vegas…so that too but that was at 18)</p>

<p>some of you guys dont know what “living frugally” is…when you want to go to a movie and you need some cash from your parents and they don’t have enough to make up the 7.50 to pay for it.</p>

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<p>Yes if you can do it, it is great, but some people simply cannot. I f feel so bad for people who have to make the choice. after their child is admitted and can’t go for financial reasons no matter how much they sacrifice. I don’t happen to be in those shoes, we would sacrifice but could make it happen. I think it makes them feel better that others are making those choices as well. It’s one kind of dissapointment to not get accepted and then another to get accepted and not be able to pay. OUCH!</p>

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<p>Slightly off-topic: if it had not been for D’s upcoming potentially large tuition payments, I would not have taken my money out of the market about a year ago at or near the peak. I occasionally look at the price of the stocks I sold and shake my head in disbelief. I have no reservations about paying that expensive tuition bill. Either way the money would be gone. I’d rather spend it on D’s education than on capital losses. :)</p>