Over Christmas my son finally talked to me about his plans for engagement. He and his gf of 3 1/2 years talked about it and came to some decisions that will make everyone “happy”. They don’t want to be engaged too long and don’t want to wait too long to get engaged. He is in vet school and doesn’t feel they should get married until he is out of school. He wants to be making money prior to getting married. Everyone agrees on this. She may go to med school but it is looking more like PA school is a better fit and she would be done with that about the same time he is done with vet school. Add to these contraints that he wants to get engaged in Europe. So his plan is to wait until summer 2022 to get engaged, plan a big trip to Europe and have three surprise options on the schedule that she doesn’t know about. He will pick one of them to ask her. He feels by then it will be safe to travel to Europe and it gives him time to save up some more cash. He is going to use my mom’s wedding ring’s diamonds with one that he buys to make her a special ring that isn’t too crazy. They like the metal design better than the diamonds. Then they want a destination wedding with only 20 people from each side attending probably on a mountain (Colorado maybe). Her mother may have a say in that plan though! (Which is why she wants a small wedding). So he is starting to look for places to do the engagement and places for a destination wedding!
Ds1 ended up getting married over T’giving in a microwedding, just the eight of us in the immediate family. They are doing the big thing this year over T’giving weekend. We are doing the rehearsal dinner and gave them a set amount above that.
We sat our son and DiL down and said “how do you want to pay for the wedding?” and had a long talk. They paid for the gown, the cake, the photographer, a video person (a grad student), gifts for the wedding party and the flowers. My son lost his job a month before the wedding, but most of that had already been paid for.
We covered anything related to the reception, some incidentals, and the rehearsal dinner. It was just soup and salads at the church, because the wedding party was flying in from everywhere and the couple really wanted a chance to catch up without the fuss of fancy. Only the wedding party and SO attended, along with MOB and a couple of her friends.
MOB helped pay for the dress, her travel, and her clothes.
If you are the local contact, (I was too) get a notebook. I would write down every question and next time I spoke with one of them, I’d get one answered. I took notes on venues, went to the bridal show and texted photos, spoke with vendors, etc. But I never decided anything, I was just the conduit of info. All our advice started with “could you consider” or “have you thought about”…
Not our wedding, no amount of writing checks changes that. It will be wonderful, but it might not be exactly as you would like and definitely will not go exactly to plan! It is the first step of a lifetime of a new relationship, so don’t ever die on the hill of “but we must have chair covers! " or " she must change her mind about the cake”. It’s just not worth it. Someone needs to be calm, often a Mom job!
Congrats! and have fun!
Things are falling into place for my daughter’s May 1 wedding. We decided to limit the guest list to max. 25, even if regulations relax. Depending on what things look like in mid-March, we will send out invitations to 10-25 people. Photographer and florist are booked. I’m finding that wedding services are offering “microwedding,” “elopement,” or “intimate wedding” packages now, because the large blow-out wedding is on indefinite hold. The reception dinner is in a private dining room in a restaurant that does not need the numbers until a week before.
I’m ordering the invitations from Shutterfly. When I got married, invitations were a big deal; they had to be engraved (no printing!) on Crane watermark paper. I’ve had to moderate my expectations. What I’m thinking about now is RSVP methods. With such a small number and a constantly changing scenario re travel and numbers, it seems kind of silly to include snail mail stamped and addressed RSVP cards. Since the situation is, well, fluid, I thought that I might include information in the insert on how to RSVP on the couple’s wedding website. The website will also include information about menu choices, lodging, Covid quarantine and testing results for Massachusetts, etc. We know all of the people we are inviting very well so we know where to find them if they don’t respond. However, there is a part of me that thinks the online RSVP is tacky. I’ve got to get over that.
My daughter and her husband did RSVPs through the wedding website. Since her wedding was ultimately cancelled due to Covid it was an easy way to communicate updates with their guests.
Well, we’ve canceled the wedding rescheduled from March 21, 2020 to March 20, 2021. We all feel that the world will not be anything near normal by March and we were not willing to invite people to gather inside, regardless of what’s allowed at the time. It’s what the kids want, but I must admit to being a little sad that they won’t have the beautiful party they planned. However, they had the most special micro- wedding last summer and are happily married, which is all that matters. Today I created cards on Shutterfly with pictures from the wedding as an “We’re married but the postponed party is now canceled…” announcement which I will send to our guests as soon as they arrive. I’ll still look forward to reading about all the weddings here.
Desperate for MOB dresses. Needs to be long per D. I am petite, very short waisted and a little plump. I don’t mind alterations for something this special. Discouraged by same sparkly, beaded or shiny lace dresses touted as MOB dresses. Shiny lace or sparkle would not fit in with look D is going for. Prefer sleeves and maybe jersey or crepe fabric. Would love a skirt and top not the faked out versions I see - easier to adjust fitting. This is black tie.
Scmom, I too am petite. I went to all the normal places and nothing fit. I had something made. It cost $$$, but I got to choose the color and style.
I’m flagging @soozievt who does a good job finding dress options. And @BunsenBurner who finds different ones.
@scmom12 - I have had similar problems - and discovered that even stores that have large formal wear departments did not carry (m)any petites.
I did finally find a long dress for my S’s wedding, purchased online, but don’t see it available any longer (and it included sequins). For my nephew’s wedding, I ended up wearing a dressy top with palazzo pants I purchased on Amazon:
They were very comfortable!
Are there particular colors you like or need to stay away from? I am so happy to be talking about MOB/MOG dresses again!
I was in Nordstrom last week. The formal wear dresses and semi-formal dress sections were almost non-existent. I asked a sales person about them and she told me they weren’t being stocked because no one was having a big wedding these days.
@scmom12 You did not mention color options, price range, or size, but given what you did mention, here are some dresses to look at:
https://www.dillards.com/p/jessica-howard-petite-size-34-sleeve-v-neck-ruched-sheath-dress/512175739
The reason I mentioned that I had my dress made was that I shopped all the fancy stores. Anything with a waist had to have the bottom half taken up. My GF ordered 10 dresses from NM and Saks for me, but NONE fit. (Those 2 stores as I could return in person.). The owner of a clothing store suggested where she went for a MOB dress.
My office manager, with an opposite body type to me (overweight but gorgeous), joined me at this store. They made her one of their best selling gowns in 3x, in a goldish color. Stunning, with her blonde hair.
I don’t know if I’m allowed to post pictures here, or provide a link to the store.
We can post pictures here now
I would NOT post a picture of some other person…unless it’s from the neck down!
But I would love to see pics of your custom made dresses.
I am also shorter and also high waisted so I needed a petite size. My dress was Alex Evenings…and I loved it. Mine had a little more bling than the OP wants, but not excessively so.
This is mine…mine was lavender which is no longer made, but there are other color choices. It’s a flattering style and a few on this forum have worn the same MOB dress.
https://alexevenings.com/product/rosette-a-line-gown-with-allover-sequin-detail-copy/
@soozievt these are some that I like but I’m so short waisted and round that any style with fitted middle (can’t wear shirts with seaming) will be far to large on bust and shoulders. But in my mind the Kay Ungers are perfect in terms of style. I just got my second vaccine so may feel comfortable going to near large city where there is a Neiman Marcus and Nordstrom.
I am definitely willing to alter to look good. For being a guest I have done FM Richards but don’t see many l like for long dress. I am not looking to spend more than $500 but don’t want to spend under $100 which I don’t think will look as high quality as rest of wedding party.
Saw a site with dresses I loved called Living Silk, but in Australia 
@scmom12 OK, well, there were 3 Kay Ungers on that list of dress links. And each was about $300, a good price for this. And there were a few other dresses of a similar style to those three, among the links. You could also order something and see how it works. Often there is more inventory online than in a particular store.
I checked out the Living Silk website. They have a US site and ship worldwide. The dresses are really nice. The owner invites questions … you might want to reach out to her.
I wore the same Alex Evenings dress that @thumper1 linked. Mine was violet, though looked like a muted bright navy. I also had the plum, but returned it. The bride said it made me look edgy, and I am definitely more classic. My dress needed zero alterations, amazing. Machine washable,very comfortable.