<p>I am a commuter and my first two years I was not able to make friends at a large state university I go to. It seems impossible to make friends in the classes because most of the classes I was in featured too many people. The people in my major for the most part are not people I can see myself being friends with because most are females and I am a male. I still am in touch with my friend from high school but he has his own social circle now and never invites me to hang out with him. I feel hopeless and feel time has ran out to make friends. I've joined clubs but Im not sure if I will be able to make friends at the meetings and many of the meetings conflict with some of my classes time so I dont know if I can make the meetings. I dont know what to do. Please help. Any advice would be appreciated or if someone else is in a similair situation and says so it would make me feel better. </p>
<p>Bump. A reply would be appreciated. Dont know what to do.</p>
<p>Bump lol. 2nd yr and same problem lol</p>
<p>If you are close with your friend from high school, then try to get yourself invited to a few things. Mention that you have nothing to do this weekend and ask him what he’ll be up to. Or propose going out to some cool place you’ve heard of and say that he should bring some of his friends since you’d love to get to know them better.</p>
<p>Also, if you’re not afraid of befriending younger people, I would say try to befriend freshmen. Freshmen love friends! I’ve found that people in situations similar to yours go straight to freshmen when looking for friends: older transfer students I know always tend to be friends with a great number of underclassmen. In fact, years and years ago, my mother transferred from Northeastern to Cornell in her sophomore year, and all of the people she’s still close with from college are a year younger than she is.</p>
<p>It is NEVER too late to make friends. Do you think the only friends you’ll ever have for the rest of your life are the friends you made in college? My best and closest friends are the ones I met in my fourth year of graduate school, when I was 26 years old. I actually don’t keep much in touch with college friends anymore, lol.</p>
<p>Anyway, yes, it is definitely possible to still make friends. You don’t make friends at club meetings; you find potential friends at club meetings and you make the friendship elsewhere. If people look friendly or interesting at the meetings, invite them out for coffee or ask to make a study group or something with them. It’s not impossible to make friends in big classes - sit somewhere different every day and be friendly. (One of my good friends I worked with on a group project in grad school.) If there are any social spots on campus, hang out there and see if you can catch a group of people doing something interesting or someone by themselves who looks friendly/open. You do have to summon a bit of personal strength to get over any shyness/awkwardness talking to another person you don’t know. But I’ve made a lot of friends and casual acquaintances by randomly talking to people I don’t know over the weirdest stuff (I’m not the least bit shy, lol).</p>
<p>One way that I get into long conversations with people a lot these days is my hair actually - most of the time I wear my hair quite similar to the hairstyle in my avatar, which gets a lot of “HOW DID YOU DO THAT?!” questions (from women of all races) and I’m always happy to share. Compliments usually open people up, so maybe try noticing things about being and then sincerely commenting on something about them or asking a non-offensive question?</p>
<p>I also agree with trying to befriend freshmen - freshmen are usually pretty open to making friends, and most freshmen appreciate having older students to look up to and answer questions about the university!</p>
<p>Is there a Commuter club/lounge? </p>
<p>There is but its not really the best place to meet friends necessarily.</p>
<p>What about the people in your dorm hall? Do you talk to people in classes?</p>
<p>I dont dorm unfortunately. I commute which makes it alot harder. And my classes are either too big or im in classes where i dont necessarily see someone who I would like to be friends with.</p>
<p>Lonelytaco - I hope it is ok if a parent pops in here to answer (it was on new posts). Just TALK to people. Smile when you come in to class. Say, “Hey, how are you? How was your weekend?” to someone who sits next to you. Find someone sitting alone at lunch and ask if he/she minds if you sit down? Then just chat in a friendly way. Not everyone will reciprocate, but some will. That’s how friendships start. </p>
<p>It has nothing to do with where you live or how you get to school or how many people are in the class, but only with how many chances you take. It will not work out every time, and some will just give you one word answers. So? Then you just talk to someone later in that class or in another class, or while walking to your car, or anyplace at all people gather. If you have to stand in line somewhere, start up a conversation with someone behind or in front of you. I do this all the time! It can be simple, like “It sure is a slow line today”. Time passes more quickly and you have brightened someone’s day. Talk to old people, young people, anyone. It will become easier to be friendly and friendly people eventually make friends. </p>
<p>I grew up with a Mom who talked to everyone, everywhere, and I’m exactly the same way. I have chosen to be the same way because life is just more fun when you can pass time talking to people wherever you are. My best friend and I hit it off at a parent event. She said something like, “Oh, you are wearing all black, just like me.” I said, “Yes…I am in mourning for my pre-baby body” and she burst out laughing. We have been best friends for years now. You will find someone similar to you, who just “gets you” immediately, and then you will have a new friend! All you have to do is take a chance. Set a goal for yourself of smiling and speaking to at least one person a day, and move up from there. You will make friends. Good luck to you! </p>
<p>Still havent been succssful. Im starting to lose hope slowly.</p>
<p>Can someone please help?</p>
<p>Volunteer on campus to check in people attending an event, help with set-up and break-down, man a reception desk, etc. Find some opportunities where you’re required to greet people, check IDs, help somehow. Doesn’t have to be peers always…could be adults, the elderly, high school kids, etc. Ask Student Life or academic department staffers for direction to find such opportunities. </p>
<p>I would say join some orgs on campus and talk to some people there. I’m in a cultural org and it is easy to talk to people there.</p>
<p>Does your campus have a chapter of APO (Alpha Phi Omega)? It is a non-greek, co-ed service frat. My child is not very outgoing and still to an extent as a sophomore struggling to make close friends but he joined APO last year and it is a good social outlet as well as participating in community service. They have a “rush” and you are a “pledge” but there was no cuts, no hazing and the group was very welcoming. The structure of the organization might help with meeting people.</p>
<p>Volunteering (for something that you are interested in) is a good way to meet people who care about the same things you care about. Working together for a common cause helps people get to know each other. Especially volunteer to set up/tear down that will be appreciated and noticed. Also, if you have a faith tradition, try attending services and getting involved in a smaller group. If you are christian, I know many colleges have something like a Young Life or Intervarsity group which always welcomes people. Once you try any of these things you have to be willing to make the first effort, and keep trying. If you really feel down about it, try talking to a school counselor, even a couple times might help give you ideas about what to do.</p>
<p>You say there is a commuter lounge…have you tried hanging out there between classes? Does no one go there? Have you tried to be friendly? </p>
<p>Still have not made any friends since joining clubs. im starting to lose hope and feel like such a loser.</p>
<p>Are you at all interested in religion? Religious organizations on campus tend to be open and do alot of activities that build strong bonds. Outdoor groups are also usually filled with very social beings and trips really bring people together.</p>
<p>Any acquaintances?</p>