5 Years In, and No Major

Parents Forum
21

My childhood friend has OCD. She started in college right after HS and made it through a year or two. Then she kind of dropped out and helped take care of her ailing father while working part time. She at some point started taking one or two classes a semester until she finally graduated with a degree in her late 40’s.

But since your daughter has a “disability” maybe you should check into your state’s Dept of Health and Human Services and see if there is a program to help pay for college or train her for work.
Or maybe check out RIT and their Spectrum Support Program.

I would seem that “business as usual” isn’t working and she needs something more tailored for her with more support.
I also agree with counseling…does she have the tools to deal with her siblings illness?

22

Some universities have “perpetual student” policies designed to intervene and prevent students from taking endless credits without making progress toward a degree. A computer program flags a student and then an advisor must meet with the student and sign off an a degree completion plan. Perhaps this student has avoided this kind of detection due to having been enrolled in multiple schools in various ways (full-time, part-time, etc.) I also recommend that the daughter take a break for a while. Parents can still cover their children for health insurance purposes up to age 26 on the Affordable Care Act (as it is currently!)

23

Has your daughter ever had career counseling/vocational aptittude testing? I remember taking one a hundred years ago that covered a couple hundred fields (much broader than I would have considered on my own). I also did a Meyers Briggs test that calculated what kind of a person you are (introverted/extroverted, thinking vs. feeling, etc) and had a career tie in… no surprise to me that people with my personality make up didn’t last long in the field I had chosen (law). Anyway, a thought for you to consider when the future is so vague…

24

Wondering if your daughter would explore getting an airport job after a time. She might like that?

25

I told my issues-prone son that I would pay for any college courses he took while working… but I would NOT support him if he weren’t a full time student who’s passing all his classes.

Basically, I don’t want to put myself in the position of having to pay for his housing, food, insurance and, yes, school as he takes many years to finish (if ever) a bachelor’s degree. I can’t really commit to this financially, and I don’t think it’s good for him, either. He needs to commit to school fully… or add it part-time (on my dime) as he supports himself.

There’s a fine line between encouraging a student to get a degree… and financially enabling someone who really doesn’t have it in them to ever finish that degree.

26

I vote for a time out from college.

Bit find these things out from an academic advisor…go,with her…

  1. With all of these courses...what major,could,she complete the most quickly?
  2. Does this college have a Bachelor in General Studies? Some places do...and while there are some requirements, the main requirement is a number of credits across disciplines.
27

Noone has mentioned the ADD-inattentive which, in itself, without any of the other complicating factors, can sometimes make academic progress difficult.

For some, the structure of work, and the structure that work gives to life, keeps them focused more. In fact, it is better than having the extra time to not get things done!

That said, our culture values college degrees. I am not saying I agree with this. But for those kids who already feel “less than” for whatever reason, achieving a degree provides some validation.

Even taking one class, while working at a job a young person doesn’t much like, can provide hope for the future.

I think that college should be finished in this case, no matter when. I think that the emphasis should be less on what the major is, and especially what the career would be, and more on just finishing. There are “adult learner” programs that will take credits and life experience and make graduation happen a lot faster.

Look at Lesley’s degree completion. There are many others. BU has a degree completion online that does not involve a major at all. These programs are tailored to those who can only take one or two classes, sometimes have to stop entirely for a semester or two, and so on. Different terms cover this option: “adult learner,” degree completion," “continuing education,” and “extension school.” They often include the option to take classes in the daytime, evening or weekend, or online. Many state U.'s have these programs. UMass has one called “University without Walls.”

Also a major like “liberal studies” might mean she is finished. I would forget about the calculus.

If your daughter wants to fly maybe she could take some lessons and satisfy her desire to fly that way.

So… I would suggest finding a program that will help her graduate- like Lesley does. Encourage work at 20-30 hours, and school at one of two classes.

I hear you about the money. I am in the same situation with some somewhat similar circumstances. . I think your daughter should be mainly self-supporting but living at home can help with that of course.

Otherwise, at her age (even with the maturity level that you mention) I think she should be the driver of things in her life as much as possible. It may be hard to find out what she wants, I realize. Counseling might help or not, you would know. But if she WANTS to continue school and WANTS to do work, plenty of people manage to do that for a long time and actually finish. The work provides structure for the present, the school provides structure for the future.

When you know one of your children is terminal, for 2 1/2 years, that is a long long time and I think you are right to encourage normalcy. In fact, a terminal illness IS your normalcy right now.

28

“Daughter is now 23 years old. We are financially pretty much done shelling out money for her” - Here’s the good news. At age 24 she would be considered “Independent” for college financial aid purposes. My understanding is that parents could still help with housing, cars etc … others with more experience will hopefully chime in.

29

My S is in a similar situation. Diagnosed with late in his senior year in HS EFD, high IQ but refuses to do the boring work. Lost full tuition scholarship, has been to three different colleges and changed majors many times. We stopped paying for school last June. He likes going to school, can do the work, just won’t. Currently trying to figure out a trade he can get into or something he can make a living at. He has no idea what he wants but won’t go see a counselor for help to point him the right direction. He will hopefully start going to a local VoTech at night for welding or some other trade in the summer. Best of luck.

30

@colorado_mom

Your D will be come independent for federal aid in the year in which she turns 24. However if she was receiving need-based institutional aid, the school has the last say. Check the policy as most schools have policies in place that if you start as a dependent student, you finish as a dependent student even if you have life events that now make you independent for federal aid.

Any bills that you pay that are in your child’s name goes on the fafsa as monies paid on your behalf (this will affect her EFC). If housing is in her name, the amount for the payment goes on the fafsa, same with cars, and other bills.

31

My friend’s son took 6 years to graduate and changed major several times although within the same school. My friend was so surprised to find out in the last semester that her son would be graduating from a totally different major than she thought. TBH, that final major really has no job market at all but the only one he could graduate without taking longer time. Finally he found a real job a couple years after graduation, got married, and has a child. Now he is returning to school for a master in CS. The career paths for some people are not really straight. It may take many turns.

32

I’m sorry you’re going through such a hard time. I can’t begin to imagine how it would feel to be in your shoes. I do, however, know quite a bit about becoming an airline pilot and I’m sorry to tell you that from what you’ve described, that career is not in her future. I’ve been married to a pilot for 27 years. Ten years ago he transitioned from flying a fighter jet to flying an Airbus. I watched him study and train, and even for someone who had been flying for 20 years, it was pretty intense. And it’s most definitely not the career for someone with ADD-inattentive. That job requires an incredible amount of focus and the FAA rules preclude the use of any of the medications used to treat ADD. She would be denied her medical certification.

It’s already taking her a long time to find her path. If she were my child, I’d encourage her to accept that not everyone is cut out for every job. She’s not cut out for this one and should move on. There’s bound to be something else that will give her the fulfillment we all hope our kids will find in their work. I wish her and you the best for the future.

33

I have a child who could be in this situation but I’m not allowing it. She’s changed majors, twice, but I looked at her courses and what she could finish the fastest. History. With an art emphasis. Or a religion emphasis. Or no emphasis. She just has to finish soon. She’s not going to do an internship, she’s not going to be a science major, or teacher, or engineer, but she’ll have a college degree. I really have no idea what kind of career she’ll have.

It’s time to focus on a major, and it’s not going to be being a pilot if she doesn’t have the math skill or the concentration. In what classes does she do well? What are her EC interests? Does she have a private pilot’s license? Does she like meteorology?

34

So sorry to hear about your son’s illness.

Sending best wishes to your family.