<p>I'm new to posting on this forum, but I've been lurking for several months while my family has been going through the process of applying for prep school admission for my daughter. We are going through A Better Chance program, and I'd like to meet others who are going through the process this year for 2013/2014. </p>
<p>Anyone?</p>
<p>Hi! My family is also going through the boarding school process with ABC. The boarding school referral noght is on tuesday and we are sooo excited. What schools did ABC send your daughter’s application to.</p>
<p>Hi Unicabarbis,</p>
<p>My daughter was referred to just the one school we were interested in, which is a day school in NJ. Right now, we are just waiting to hear back from the school about a decision.</p>
<p>Good luck to you and your family today!</p>
<p>I’m applying for 10th grade through ABC! I was referred to Exeter, St. Paul’s, Cate, Webb, and Asheville.
I was really surprised that they referred me to so many schools (including Groton, but Groton did not want to continue w/ my app, for whatever reason)
i really wanted to go to andover, but they didn’t refer me to them, but now I feel even more enthusiastic about exeter. exeter’s definitely my number one choice :)</p>
<p>Congrats on those referrals, knockoutact! I’ll be crossing my fingers for you to get into Exeter. :)</p>
<p>Anyone else receive the email yesterday about NYC day schools? The decisions will be out this week. So exciting!</p>
<p>My d was referred to St. Paul’s, Westminster, Hotchkiss, Lawrence and three other schools. We’ve completed all the tours and interviews and are patiently waiting for decisions on March 10th. Very interesting period now!!!</p>
<p>We are also going through the process, my son got into his first choice day school. Now just waiting on boarding…waiting is the hardest part!</p>
<p>Some unsolicited suggestions as you wait for your decisions as I have both a daughter in boarding school and am a graduate of one (as are siblings) and a current boarding school interviewer. (I’m a URM, for the record.)</p>
<p>It is often noted that students who enter boarding school through ABC and Prep for Prep sometimes (often) cluster together for most of their high school journey. It could be that those programs draw a large percentage of their applicant pool from urban areas so there is a common cultural element. But it sometimes makes for missed opportunities - both for the student and for their classmates.</p>
<ol>
<li><p>make sure your child knows how to advocate for themselves. The atmosphere is different than in public schools. Students are expected to develop close academic relationships with their teachers (ask for help, clarification on assignments, appointments for tutoring or to review classroom performance). Think going to college early and the same principals apply. Caveat: Advocate is not the same as “anger.” Learn to manage frustration and responses to it before going. Clear, concise, upbeat, firm, well prepared are all good things to include.</p></li>
<li><p>Don’t make assumptions. My daughter, also a URM, found that she was not welcomed by ABC students and not included in their numbers because they assumed she was rich (i.e. did not come to the school through a minority based program). I spent the first few months listening to her talk about being shut out because of that assumption. Her current friend base is very diverse economically and ethnically - but she has noticed that her ABC counterparts are not. I noticed the same when I attended Exeter years ago - and when I’m on her campus for a visit. It’s a quiet conversation among other schools around the country. </p></li>
</ol>
<p>That will be a missed opportunity for your child. The point of going to boarding school is not just academic preparation - but getting to know people of different cultures in a world that is increasingly global.</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Experiment and try new things that can’t be accessed at home. That means trying a new sport, participating in an activity, starting a club. I remember attending a meeting of incoming families in which the dean begged parents to encourage their children to branch out.</p></li>
<li><p>Brace for the cultural shock. There will be students on campus on scholarship that won’t appear to be. There will be students whose wealth is equivalent to small countries - and everything in between. On campus - everyone is just about equal. Don’t assume URM’s are “less than.” But the differences in money and who can spend what can be hard on students with fewer means. Budget and stick to it. Some of those kids flashing cash do so because they don’t have anything else to lean on (family support at home, etc.) But that’s not the “rule” - just the obvious. You would be surprised how many wealthy students are assumed to be on scholarship because they’re so modest.</p></li>
<li><p>If you’re not familiar with it, learn SKYPE —ASAP…It’s a good way to stay in touch. And Facebook. And it’s perfectly okay for students to stay in touch with friends back home that way. It makes the homesickness easier to bear in initial months while they are finding friends on campus.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>Tip: If your child SKYPEs you can ask them to pan the camera or laptop around their dorm room so you can check out how neat their room is (or not 
). I was able to see classmates pop into my daughter’s room and hear her responses to them. Sometimes hearing your child laugh or seeing a smile will repair the hole in your heart from them being gone.</p>
<ol>
<li><p>When they vent - let them. Don’t offer to let them come home if you think they are serious (I did only because I knew she was not serious). Like I said - every student I’ve stayed in touch with (URM or NOT) felt like they were failing, couldn’t fit in, etc… the first months. It fades. Be a shoulder to cry on, but let them know they wouldn’t have been chosen if they couldn’t do the work. By the holidays, some start “slipping” and calling school home.</p></li>
<li><p>Budget - if you can - or carpool to visit on a parent day. If you’re too far away, SW is always having last minute sales (download their ding app for unadvertised fares on your computer). URM kids are sometimes the least likely to have a parent visit. A dean told me he could see the sadness on the faces of the students when parents of other students are on campus and theirs were not. If you absolutely can’t go then SKYPE that weekend so they can see your face. </p></li>
</ol>
<p>The wait for March 10th may seem like the hardest part - but the hardest part will be the first few months of “entry”. When the grades are poor (even for smart students) because the work requires different organizational skills and there is ten times more of it than in public school. Kids enter boarding school at the top of their local school’s food chain, and then realize they’re in a climate where everyone was at the top. The good news is the adjustment fades and the remaining years will become easier.</p>
<p>But mostly - I just wanted to post because I remember how isolated my ABC friends felt when I was at Exeter and it still appears to be the case on other campuses - which sometimes causes those same kids to shun minority kids who didn’t come through the program as well.</p>
<p>Good luck on March 10th. This is the “chance” of a lifetime for sure.</p>
<p>@ExieMIT thank you for the advice, the thought of sending my 14 year old to New England for school is a bit daunting but during our visits he really fell in love with one of the schools. I do worry about his transition should he attend, but we will cross that bridge when we get to it.</p>
<p>You can PM me when you get to that point. I do know that my daughter said it’s the best decision she’s ever made. And despite the tough academics, she’s really having a blast. :)</p>
<p>The advice from ExieMITAlum is right on. Having gone through the boarding school system, albeit many years ago, everything he stated is worth taking note of. We really need to start preparing our kids very early about some of these things. We see the same pattern of behavior in college too where many of our URMs tend to miss the opportunity of broadening their social network on campus. We need to prepare them with skills to cope and deal with setbacks and new experiences. This is a life journey. I have three nieces and three nephews who attended boarding schools are doing well in college.</p>
<p>Though my daughter is a candidate for day schools, I’ll store this advice away for future reference.</p>
<p>@Jusayo,</p>
<p>Our other daughter attended private day school locally (our public school system is one of the worst in the country – so bad, in fact, that the principal suggested we move her to a better school until she could “clean” the current one up). I can say the transition to day school was harder than her sister’s transition to BS daughter’s. Fewer URM’s and the wealthy majority kids remained immersed in their culture. I.e. they went home every night to their own social circles and friends, and brought some of it back on campus with them (the dates, the cash, the cars, the attitudes). So watch for that. There was more “underground” prescription drug use as many of those kids who had large allowances had no parental support at home. (valium, ritalan, etc.) We learned extreme wealth doesn’t = happy. Encourage your daughter to find like-minded people on campus, but also try to keep some connection with friends from her previous school because many will be envious even if they don’t say it. Those are the life-lines during the transition. And your daughter has the advantage of being able to see them in person (go to movies, etc.) during the evenings and weekends.</p>
<p>I made sure my girls stayed grounded to their roots as they “branched” out on different paths. So far so good but a long long way to go before I can rest easy.</p>
<p>ExieMITAlum, thank you for sharing your perspective and advice. It has me a little worried, to be honest! </p>
<p>I will be quite glad when we hear back from the schools, that’s for sure. I’m a mess of worry right now.</p>
<p>@justayo,</p>
<p>To quote a counselor at both schools – “Our” kids aren’t the ones they worry about. Take that to heart. If you’ve got the courage to take this path - it’s likely your kid is coming from a good place, support at home and a good set of values. She’ll do just fine :)</p>
<p>Hey All - Now that the date is getting closer, let’s keep each other updated. I would love to see if my S might be able to make a friend prior to school starting.</p>
<p>well I don’t hear from Exeter or St. Paul’s untill the 9th, and the other schools im not sure. I’m so nervous though!! I don’t wanna have to go through what I went through last year; I applied to Andover independently and I was rejected. But now I hope applying to more schools with ABC will give me a good advantage!!</p>
<p>@knockoutact - more schools should definitely increase your chances and IMHO keep in mind what your end goal is… and that there is always more than one way to get there…at least that is what I tell my son… Although, I think I am more nervous than he is. Next weekend can’t get here fast enough!</p>
<p>Kudos to ExtMitAlum for such a detailed, thoughtful response. This is why the rest of us hound cc for nuggets of wisdom. Thankyou!</p>
<p>So how did we all do? My S was accepted at Avon Old Farms, The Cambridge School of Weston, the Hun School and Westtown as well as Chestnut Hill Academy (day school). Denied at Northfield Mount Hermon. Not sure where he will go. What a crazy weekend!</p>