A few questions about transferring & reverse transferring (convincing my parents)...

Student Lounge College Life
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this is really long, I apologize
also I posted this in the transfer student forum so sorry if anyone already saw this

So I finally convinced my parents to let me transfer out of the university I currently attend rn (I’m a freshman at a private 4-year). I’m going to transfer to Cal Lutheran fall 2017. However, I really don’t think I can handle another semester at my current university. My classes stress me out so much, my roommate stresses me out (she’s a super overachiever and always talks down on me when I say I haven’t finished my work yet. Like, I KNOW I have to finish it. I’ll get it done. And she’s like, insane about her grades. She thinks a 90 on a paper is bad, and that’s been my highest grade so far. AND we’re in an honors college) My school is also Christian, and I’m not religious, like, at all. We’re required to go to chapel 3 times a week and if we miss too many, we’re put on academic probation. I don’t have any close friends yet. I’m kinda friends with one girl in my hall, but even still, I constantly feel lonely and miserable and depressed all the time.

I just don’t feel connected to my university and would really rather not spend another semester here. Which is why I wanna reverse transfer and go to the community college where I live. My parents are like, super against this idea though, and say community college is for “losers” or “people who didn’t do well in high school” (which isn’t true, I have a lot of friends going to CC who were salutatorians/valedictorians at my high school) or for people who are “lazy”. My mom thinks I’m lazy just because I don’t want to continue at my current university and because I briefly mentioned to her about wanting to change my major (I don’t anymore). So basically, my first question is: how can I convince my parents to let me do a winter term & spring term at the community college where I live? I was planning to sign up for intersession 2017 (if they let me) which goes from Jan. 3rd - Feb. 6th to get ahead on some credits and then do the regular spring 2017 term. I was also going to tell them that going to CC can save a ton of money, especially since CLU is expensive (not too much more expensive than my current university, but it IS expensive). I was also gonna tell them how I feel about my current school. If they let me go to CC, I was also planning to find a job (maybe 2) to save up even more money and help pay.

My mom is really worried that I’m gonna graduate late though even if I transfer once next year. I know if I even bring up the idea of going to CC, she’ll freak out. I told her earlier that I wanted to graduate early, but that was only because I hate my current school and didn’t wanna be stuck here for the next 3 1/2 years, but now that I’m transferring, I’m fine with not graduating early. So, if I transfer from my current school back to a CC for winter & spring 2017 term, then CLU for the next 3 years, would I graduate late? I was also planning to take summer classes at my CC, too, which my parents already said I can do. If I don’t end up going to CC and just end up finishing spring semester at my university (along with still taking summer classes at CC - I’m planning to take summer classes maybe all 4 years but who knows) then transferring to CLU, would I end up graduating late?

Also, how much money would doing all this “waste”? That’s another thing that my mom’s concerned about. I’m gonna tell my parents that I’m willing to help pay, but I don’t think that’ll influence them at all.

One last question (I’d probably have to just ask my CC about this, but I guess it doesn’t hurt to post it on here, you know?) - can credits from a community college transfer over to CLU? I know this sounds kinda dumb, but I’m not sure that the classes I take at my specific CC will transfer.

Sorry that this is so long lol.

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Contact CLU to find out if they accept comm college credits.

I am wondering why your parents thinks there is such as thing as graduating late. Is there a time limit on getting a degree? As long as they arent spending more money than originally planned, I don’t see the issue with you going to comm college, other than it will be wasted time if your new college doesn’t accept credits from comm college.

I think you need to talk to an advisor at the new college and be sure they will even accept credits from your current college. Have you talked to an academic advisor at your current college about this? You want to do it properly.

I think you have to stick it out. Tbh, it sounds to me like you need to grow up a bit and stop complaining. At least you have one person you consider a friend. Most long-time CC’ers will say you need to give it a year. Often things are much better in the second semester. If you leave, what exactly is going to be different at the new college? You are not solving any problems by running away. You don’t seem to have a legitimate reason to want to leave.

Regarding CC, I went to CC. I have a good life. I did things on my own terms. Tell your parents there is no shame in going to CC. Attitudes like that really bother me.

I think you might be benefit from going to the counseling center at your college. A LOT of students struggle in their first year. My own kid is having a tough time. But she is sticking it out. She realizes that she is not going to solve any problems by leaving. I have talked to many people who hated their first year of college. The “best four years of your life” is a myth for a lot of people. If you see a counselor, you will be able to vent, learn some coping skills, and figure out why exactly you aren’t happy at your current college. Good luck going forward.

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Is there another school in your state (guessing CA) that you could go to? What about CC-> UC? That would be prestigious enough for your parents and cheaper. What’s your current GPA?
Note: Christian/evangelical schools are explicitely for evangelical/conservative Christians who want to grow in their faith. Many if not most make you sign a creed or affidavit of faith&practices. Did you? What changed?

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Is Cal Lutheran another religious school? If so why would you want to go there?

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^Cal Lutheran is mainstream protestant. The school OP attends has mandatory chapel several times a week, ie., is conservative/evangelical with code of conduct and creed to abide by. They’re very different (just like attending Notre Dame is not the same as attending Liberty, to give well-known examples.)

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@lindagaf - even tho i have one friend, she’s leaving next semester anyways to study abroad. so /: i mean i guess i could stick around, but i really don’t feel invested/connected with my school and i feel like i’m not getting a good enough education for the amount of money my parents are paying.

@MYOS1634 - my other choice is CSULB, but i can’t transfer there as a sophomore bc they only accept upper division transfers (60 credits). also, this sounds kinda bad but I’m not really religious at all, i just picked this school bc of all the scholarships they gave me, also my mom REALLY likes this school so that kinda influenced it as well. and idk what my current GPA is right now, lol

@mommdc - yeah, CLU is religious but not as much as my current school. like, CLU has chapels but they aren’t REQUIRED like they are at my school. also, idk about their faith integration, but where I am, faith integration is required in literally every single class, even if it doesn’t relate to the material.

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It is a pretty big assumption to assume that classes taken at your local community college will be accepted as transfer credits at CLU. You need to do some additional research…and show your parents that you have done that research. For example:

  1. What classes would you take at the local community college in the spring semester?
  2. Have you contacted CLU to confirm whether or not they will accept those community college credits?
  3. Will CLU accept your college credits from your current university?

Also, changing schools will not prevent you from having to deal with overbearing people like your current roommate. For example, what is your plan if you end up at CLU with a roommate similar to your current one? Will you switch schools again?

What is the real reason why you dislike your current school? Is it the roommate? Is it the requirement of having to go to chapel 3x/week? If so, chock that up to a lesson learned. Is it the workload from your course work? What about CLU makes it different from your current school such that you think that you will not run into the same challenges there?

For example, the course work at CLU could be equally as challenging. Changing universities might not change that. So you will need to develop a plan on how to stay organized so that you can get your classwork done and succeed.

None of us can really tell you for sure if you’d end up graduating after >4 years because there are a lot of other factors that come into play which you haven’t disclosed…or perhaps you aren’t aware of. For example:

a. will you be changing your major?
b. will you really be able to apply lower division community college classes every summer to your graduation requirements at your university for your specific major?

The only way to find out if community college classes will transfer to CLU is to contact CLU and ask them directly.

Also, have your parents agreed to pay for Cal Lutheran?

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Your parents are not correct about community college. However, it makes little sense to transfer to a community college for two quarters and then transfer to Cal Lutheran in the fall of 2017. You have already managed to convince your parents to let you transfer. Can you compromise and stick it out at your current school? It just sounds like you are very impatient to transfer, which is understandable, but you have to have patience.

Why do your classes stress you out? Is this a problem likely to be solved by transferring to community college?

The roommate may end up being an easy fix: talk to her. Be straightforward with her: “Roommate, I appreciate your concern, but I’d really rather you stop giving me advice about my work. It isn’t helpful and it is stressing me out.” If she persists, then get even more blunt: “Please stop talking to me. I do not want your advice.” It may sound a little rude, but remember that SHE’S the one who is being rude by giving you unsolicited advice. I agree that transferring colleges will not prevent you from having to deal with unpleasant people. That’s a fact of life - any roommate you have at CLU may be just as bad, or worse. You have to learn how to at least try to get people to stop doing things that bother you.

Being required to go to religious services is terrible, I know. I grew up daydreaming my way through three 2-hour religious services a week until I was old enough to move out. Can you bring a notebook and doodle or daydream or write something or generally not pay attention during it?

I don’t know how much money you’ll spend - it depends on whether CLU gave you any financial aid. It’s also hard to know whether you will graduate late. It depends on how many credits Cal Lutheran will take from your current school and any community college classes you take. You’d have to talk to an academic advisor there to know.