A few words to the rejected ...

College Search & Selection
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<p>
[quote]
Her excellent work academically will earn her a spot in a good college program, but having a 4.0 UC GPA after taking AP & Honors classes her entire school career & then getting rejected by a school that is not "top tier" seems ridiculous to me.

[/quote]
You are a proud mother, and you should be. Sounds like your daughter has worked hard in HS, and I'm glad to see you sticking up for her. However the standards your daughter has to meet are the outside world's standards, not your standards. You might find it "ridiculous" she didn't get into a certain school, pretty much underscoring my point about the college app time being the first time for many kids when they face the judgment of the outside world instead of the more forgiving world of family and HS.</p>

<p>To "patient" I would say it sounds like you're complaining that the criteria colleges use for evaluating applicants is not the criteria you would like them to use. Well, got me there. But its how they pick their classes. You find out how you stand compared to the competition with regard to the standards that are out there, not the standards the way you'd like them to be. And, as you point out, standards can change. That, too, is part of life.</p>

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<p>And let me add to the several posters on the theme of the "honest judgement" that if you think my post was primarily about defending the correctness of admission decisions, then this really isn't the thread for you. </p>

<p>No, it was written for those kids who are shattered by the turn-down; shattered, I believe, because so many on this forum seem to subscribe to a notion of magical powers, that the world is certain to be better for those who get into the top schools and the rest are damned to a form of purgatory at best. The ones penning 'my life is over!' and 'what's the use?' posts. </p>

<p>Not getting into a school you've dreamed about, talked about to distraction, perhaps visited, poured your heart and soul into when applying, is a blow. A tough blow for a teenager. But there is more than just "a light at the end of the tunnel", the homily so often used to salve disappointment. So much more! There is a whole bright and shining world ahead of them and these kids are just at the trailhead of life's journey. Some trails go thru the brand-name schools, others take different routes. There are adventures to be had, treasures to be found, and discoveries to be made no matter what trail you start on. But all trails have streams to ford and hills to climb, and the kids who didn't get into their top choices have an early chance (perhaps much earlier than they would have hoped!) to learn & demonstrate the fortitude and strength that will carry them to the ends they desire. This resilience, more than a well-recognized name on a diploma, is what I believe is of true value over time.</p>

<p>I apologize for my inadequacies as a writer if my opening post left you with the impression my aim was to write about the essential correctness of admission decisions.</p>

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<p>Good post mikemac. i<em>am</em>jam, I think you are correct only 1 percent of the world has a college education. </p>

<p>I think one of the best things to do after rejection is to look at the world as a whole and realize that the world does not revolve around you. Do you know what I did after I got rejected? I went out and protested the Iraq War, all of a sudden my rejection seemed like a joke. I also thought of how far I've come. My grandmother is illiterate, and my mom and dad both graduated from community college, so I'll be the first one to go directly to university.</p>

<p>It's important to focus on the world as a whole and remember that the universe does not revolve around you (I used to be like this) and try to be grateful for what you have. </p>

<p>Good luck!</p>

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<p>After tossing out unqualified candidates, when a large pool of highly qualified and essentially equal candidates are reviewed by an adcom honest judgment and whim become indistinguishable.</p>

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<p>DHRBC07: Wow!! What a great thought! I never really thought about it this way but I think you hit it on the head. Wow!!</p>

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<p>mikemac: No I'm not complaining about the criteria. The colleges can use whatever criteria they want. What I am pointing out is that they may, or may not be, a reflection of relative intelligence or accomplishments. </p>

<p>I think standrews said it better than I did: "when a large pool of highly qualified and essentially equal candidates are reviewed by an adcom, honest judgment and whim become indistinguishable." Maybe not just whim, but filling up a class as a microcosm of a larger universe. This gets back to things like the fact that there are more qualified girl applicants than boy applicants; therefore "honest judgment" may simply be a judgment based upon gender balance. Just one example.</p>

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<p>Nice read.</p>

<p>I only applied to six schools because I thought they were what I was looking for academically, socially, and later on, professionally. I picked those schools because I could clearly see myself being happy there after I enrolled, if I got in. Later in the year, I realized that I truly loved only 3 of those schools.</p>

<p>Two of those three schools rejected me. And for the first two days, rejection hurt. A lot. It didn't help that after I found out my decisions online, I called one of my best friends and found out that he had gotten into every college he wanted to get into. As cliche (and as stupid) as it sounds now, I had to go take a nap because I was emotionally spent and didn't want to be with the thought of being rejected and I thought that maybe after taking a nap, my rejections would magically turn into wait-lists.</p>

<p>For me, it wasn't just the rejection that hurt--it was seeing a lot of my friends, including some pretty close ones, wave around four or five acceptances that, after being rejected from two of my top three choices, I would have loved to receive. I had only one top choice left (which I was happy with) but I felt like I lacked a choice. My cynical side told me that that college had accepted me because it knew that the other colleges would reject me. It felt like I was locked in and that I was being acted upon and not the other way around like it should be.</p>

<p>One thing I found out the hard way: No matter how many more applications a college had received, it didn't make it hurt any less. Applications and hurt are not inverse proportions.</p>

<p>Maybe it was my fault for... vesting so much emotional interest into these schools and buying the hype that comes with admissions decisions. I knew that my chances at these schools were as good as anyone else's--that I was just as qualified and just as talented as some of my friends who had gotten in. But it hurt doubly-so when I was wasn't even given the wait-list. And to see my friends get into my top choice (which I really, really loved and wanted to go to) because of it's high ranking and "prestige" hurt a lot. Maybe I had been deluded by one too many Disney movies. Who knows.</p>

<p>Frankly, rejection just takes a couple days to get over. It'll start to hurt less when you focus on the positives and not the negatives. Over the next couple of days, I was so bi-polar about my admissions decisions because I would be really happy and excited for the school I had gotten into when I read on them and then I would troll a CC forum and just be depressed all over again. (To rejected students next year: Unplug your computer and DO NOT check Facebook profiles and CC forums just to beat yourself up over the decisions like I did.)</p>

<p>In retrospect, it's so easy to say I would have changed so-and-so in my application. But the hardest thing and reality about college admissions is that you really only get one shot. And sometimes, you just aren't lucky enough and the school just has one too many mathematician/soccer player/cellist/club president or one too many cheerleader/political activist/part-time worker/minority.</p>

<p>Now, I'm pretty content with where I'm ending up. It's still one of my top choices and I'm growing to love it more and more. I got a great financial aid package and in some way, this school will give me advantages the other school wouldn't have. There are so many positives to focus on and so much to be excited but even after a week and half, I still feel a little regret at not being able to go to my "other" top choice...</p>

<p>But, it's only four short years to grad school.</p>

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<p>great thread. lots of interesting posts from everyone. i think with admissions process as insane as it has become we should all remember that a rejection is not an indictment against an applicant as a student or a person.</p>

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<p>Yeah, I get it rejection sucks, and yes the demographics did not help anyone out. However, one should be aware of the culture of helicopter parents that is also hurting this culture.
My senior year, several college professors received phone calls from parents. In college, a parent should never call a professor, but somehow this has become okay.
While working in admissions, we started to hear stories about angry parents calling because their precious darling was waitlisted or rejected. This is not okay either. </p>

<p>I also think that the demographics are a hackneyed excuse. The top tier has always been competitive and it has only grown slightly more competitive. Where I think people are having a hard time is when their child gets rejected at a "hot school." A school that was a nothing when their parents applied and is now one of the most desired places to go. </p>

<p>Furthermore, I want to comment on the fact that I was (and still am) a Trophy Child, although my parents would never admit it. I had a private counselor to help pick which pre-kindergarten would best position me to get into the Ivy League. I was coached all the way to mid 1400 SAT scores and acceptance letters from th Ivys (chose to go elsewhere). That's not to say, I'm not smart, but I had every advantage because my parents lived through me and had the money to ensure success.</p>

<p>My parents defined themselves by the sticker that they could put on the rear window of their care. For the hopping mad parents on this forum, I urge you to take a step back and evaluate why you are so mad. Do so for the sake of your children.</p>

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<p>Excellent post!</p>

<p>Everyone is special to some people but is not at all special to the rest of the world. That's a fact and I am not unhappy that my daughter learned this early in life. She knows how much she is loved and cherished by her frinds and family but now "gets" that the rest of the world really doesn't care. That's why God gave us families, for crying out loud. It is not the job of adcoms to make my child feel special. That is MY job and I hope that I have had some modicum of success.</p>

<p>My D was not accepted to her top choices. If I am REALLY honest with myself, I was more uset than she is. However, after a few days and many tears, I can see that this could be the best thing that has happened to her in a long time. It has now been PROVEN to her, beyond question, what she has been told her entire life and that is LIFE IS NOT FAIR! I am 48 years old and I have learned this over and over. Now I am thrilled that my daughter gets to learn it too when the stakes are very low. I hope that she takes something from this as she moves on. She has not ONCE said "No fair" throughout this process. I have- but she is more philosophical.</p>

<p>I could go on and on about how may applicants there were this year and how it is all a crapshoot...yadda yadda yadda. That's life. Life is a series of crapshoots if you stop and think about it. Some things work out and some things don't no matter how much blood, sweat and tears you put into them.</p>

<p>My D worked in high school but never at her top potential. Her philosophy was "I am so much more than a number" and she didn't play the "this will get me in" game that so many of her friends did. She did what she loved and left the rest on the table. She didn't deserve to be accepted into her schools based on GPA alone. However, if her schools were accepting based on character, integrity, honesty and depth, she would have a shoo-in. They don't and that's NOT FAIR...but that's the world.</p>

<p>I believe that everything happens for a reason. Our job is to find what that reason is and find the other door that always opens up. My D is now exploring other opportunites. She will make her deposit at her safety school and see if anything comes up. If it doesn't then she is meant to go to this school. </p>

<p>I feel like I have been playing a game for the last 4 years trying to ensure that D gets into "This College" "That University". I encouraged and pushed my D to play the same game but she resisted. I am glad that she did. I have learned a lot on these boards and I am now convinced that she may have been quite unhappy at her schools of choice...unbeknownst to either of us when apps were sent in.</p>

<p>All I want is for my D to be happy and I am more and more convinced that college is only one piece of the puzzle to reach that end. Her life will just be a different puzzle and I now say...so what...make a beautiful puzzle Baby! Your life is not determined by where you go to college. Your life is not over...it is just beginning</p>

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<p>Ya know, I've wanted to go to Harvard since 5th grade. I knew the odds were against me and my chances of getting in would be a crap shoot, but I applied anyway. I have worked hard all my life to be the "best" and always kept the dream of ivydom in the back of my mind. Well, I was rejected from Harvard. It hurt...a lot. I never actually truly believed that I would get in, but once that rejection letter was in my hands, I knew that it was over.</p>

<p>People tell me to look on the bright side: I have a full ride to a nice school in Iowa, and I suppose I may defy the odds and be accepted from Princeton or Penn's wait list. I have succeeded...just not in the way I had hoped. Life goes on and I understand that a certain college doesn't determine success in life, but I know that if given the chance, I would apply again.</p>

<p>A rejection letter from some colleges can be misleading. All of the colleges I applied to had a record number of well qualified applicants this year. Not being accepted doesn't mean that I wasn't good enough; it simply means that space was limited and I may not have "fit" into this year's class. </p>

<p>I believe that we don't need an early reality check. I believe we should shoot for the stars and follow our dreams while keeping in mind that we may fail, but that failure is only relative. If we don't have far-reaching dreams, what is left to hope for?</p>

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<p>Rejections are not notices of failure. School admissions departments admit classes not students. Of all the colleges where applications were sent, all tier 1 schools sent us the standard fat envelope, all tier 3 schools sent typical letters of rejection, and half of the tier 2 schools either sent letter that accepted or rejected.
There are many parameters that comprise what one considers a good fit. Meeting those in the application process is an art in and of itself. Knowing thyself and becoming familiar with the school's needs helps make the process a less stressful and time consuming event.
Best wishes to one and all.</p>

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<p>That thing about only 1% of the world's population having a college education is an urban myth. It was disproved by Snopes: Urban</a> Legends Reference Pages: Earth Population as Village of 100</p>

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<p>You are a god awful consoler.</p>

<p>God awful.</p>

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<p>I feel sorry for anyone who doesn't believe that they are special/unique/fabulous in at least one way. What's the point in being on this planet (for a brief 60-80 year timeslot), then?</p>

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<p>"My D worked in high school but never at her top potential. Her philosophy was "I am so much more than a number" and she didn't play the "this will get me in" game that so many of her friends did. She did what she loved and left the rest on the table. She didn't deserve to be accepted into her schools based on GPA alone. However, if her schools were accepting based on character, integrity, honesty and depth, she would have a shoo-in. They don't and that's NOT FAIR...but that's the world."</p>

<p>Except that there was my D2, who worked to her full potential, still did only the things she loved, AND has "character, integrity, honesty and depth," who was accepted to her top choices, so maybe it is fair.</p>

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<p>I am sure that your D is as outstanding as every other parent's child in the world is. I certainly did not mean to take away from anyone else's accomplishments.</p>

<p>However, "Life" is NOT equitable. Never has been, never will be. Life gives and takes randomly.</p>

<p>My D simply has had the experience before yours has. She will.</p>

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<p>sceamom-</p>

<p>Do I detect bitterness?</p>

<p>You are the one who said your D didn't work up to her full potential; I just pointed out that perhaps that is partially why she was not accepted to her top choice.</p>

<p>Furthermore, I can assure you D2 has been through quite a bit already. At the beginning of her junior year in HS she became seriously ill and was forced to withdraw from school for the rest of her junior year. She thought all her plans were over, and was very upset she would not graduate with her class, with whom she had gone to school for several years. Then I had a brain hemorrhage. Very very bad year.</p>

<p>I told D then that "life is not fair," and what distinguishes people is not WHAT happens, but how they RESPOND. So she decided to attend a boarding school across the country for her final two years. After a difficult adjustment, D pulled herself together and excelled in the boarding school as she had in her previous school, including becoming senior class president.</p>

<p>Apparently, the schools to which she was accepted thought she was "outstanding."</p>

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<p>I am just happy that my mother didn't bicker over me on the internet when I was in high school. you both have great daughters, we got it.</p>

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<p>Harvard is a magic door. The Harvard connections, the alumni networking, the alumni employment, on site recruitment for high profile jobs. Yes, Harvard's networking is powerful and is a magic door to wonderful possibilities you can only dream of.</p>