<p>The whole idea of getting recs blows my mind. I literally have no idea at all whether any woman I know was in a sorority in college. I’ve never heard anyone talk about it except at an accepted students party for my son’s school, where some parents were asking about the Greek scene because they were unfamiliar with it.</p>
<p>It seems as if sorority rush is a LOT more structured than fraternity rush, almost everywhere.</p>
<p>My D is a junior at the same school that oldfort’s D1 attended. Just to demonstrate how different sororities can be on the same campus, D’s sorority does not do an early recruitment. Heck! I think she went through rush just to go to some parties. I was quite surprised she wanted to go through rush but is very happy with her choice. BTW, she’s as white as can be but she’s in a traditionally black lineage; she’s an atheist but was baptized Catholic and is in a traditional Jewish house. Her roommate in the house last year was Hispanic. The sister she’s rooming with this year is brilliant and chubby. It is a fun, mixed-bag type of young women. She had no idea about anyone’s finances until everybody went apartment shopping last winter. It was interesting, but that’s about it. Yes, I know it’s anecdotal but I’m just sharing a story. Also although 30% of student body is Greek, it is a major influence on this campus… so numbers don’t tell the whole story.
Also to get back to the OP’s original statement…there is a HUGE recruitment for participants among all the sororities this summer to do a fund-raising run in support of a young woman in another sorority on campus who was diagnosed with lung cancer this past spring. (If you want to donate, I’ll send you the link!)</p>
<p>I think sororities culture differ from college to college. At DD’s college the process is quite transparent</p>
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<p>That’s very common. I was a rush counselor myself years ago as a junior. What happens is that you disaffiliate (temporarily) from your house and then you serve as an objective counselor for those girls going through the process – typically by dorm (so, I was the rush counselor for girls in X and Y dorms, and they didn’t know what house I belonged to. I answered any general questions they had about the process, physically took the girls there for the first round of parties, handled any logistical issues / questions, and then was the one who took their bids / preferences and along with the other rush counselors, submitted them to the computer program that would also include the houses’ bids / preferences. (This was on those computer cards of the '80’s … How old-school!) I was the one who then shared with them where they got in. It’s a pretty common system. </p>
<p>Of the girls who went through, there were always a few who just said upfront, “Nah, not interested,” and dropped out - no big deal. There were always a few who kind of went through with a deliberate “attitude” and were not-nice towards the houses who were giving them a fair shake – so surprise surprise, they dropped out. The biggest thing was urging the girls to give each and every house a fair shake instead of determining they had to be a Kappa or ELSE they’d up and die. The houses give the girls a fair shake, so girls should give the houses a fair shake too. It didn’t require ANY knowledge ahead of time or any familiarity, esp for girls whose parents hadn’t attended college or were from other countries – I could answer any questions they had. I won’t deny it was disappointing if a girl got cut from a house she really liiked, but we also don’t have our kids not apply to colleges for fear that they’ll not get into colleges they really like. There was pretty much always a place for everyone.</p>
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<p>But here’s the thing. Yes, there’s somewhat of a hierarchy. But once you’re in a house, with girls you like, etc., where it is in the “hierarchy” is of little to no importance. Who cares, if you’re with your friends? Who’s “making fun” of you anyway? Most people are too busy with their own lives to sit there and sneer at someone else’s house. There’s a tiny minority of people who are like that – so let them. Trees that fall in the forest and all that.</p>
<p>Great Advice PizzaGirl! My dd never looked at the ratings of any of the houses on her campus either before or during recruitment. She knew who she clicked with and did not care about the rankings. Good people are good people and it does not matter where they live…</p>
<p>Actually, in D’s off-campus apartment that she shares with 4 other women, a non-Greek, and 3 sororities are represented. :)</p>
<p>Consolation - for those who have been through the system, it’s pretty common that they may “scout around” their friends / acquaintances to try to see if they can get recs. I know I’ve written recs for coworkers’ daughters, my business partner’s nieces, and even some of my husband’s patients. I don’t particularly care if they pledge the house I was in or not – they might not like it, or it might be a completely different type of house on their campus – whatever. It’s almost like a GC rec. For the system I was in and for most lower-key systems, it’s really rather meaningless and doesn’t add a lot of insight but it’s somewhat of a formality, and it only serves to “elevate” the girl’s name (insofar as that you might remember her name more if she had a rec). For the “intense” systems like those in the SEC, it apparently matters a lot, and the houses care passionately whether the person really knew the girl in the ol’ hometown, and who her mother was, and all of that. Which again says that those systems are more social-networked and closed, which may or may not be to everyone’s taste.</p>
<p>I provided a recommendation for a friend of my D a few years ago. She very badly wanted to join my sorority on her campus. I had never done one before and was surprised at the formality of it. Not only was there a very particular form, but I also had to talk to the local Chi O rep. I was disappointed when she was cut from the sorority, but she ended up being very happy with the one she joined. Sorority life on her campus is obviously very different from what I experienced way back when. The wardrobe is one huge difference. We dressed very casually through rush week so no shopping sprees to prepare for rush.</p>
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<p>Yes. The level of shopping that my friend’s D did to prepare for USC rush was WELL beyond anything I would have ever experienced / advised for a NU rush. Designer this, designer that – it’s pretty evident in comparing the pics between my house at NU and her house at USC that there is a world of difference in terms of the “designer gloss” anticipated / expected. Again, that reflects on overall campus cultures, IMO.</p>
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<p>You mean DS’s college, I think. Your DD’s college doesn’t have sororities. :)</p>
<p>Consolation - I cut and pasted from POIH in #173 and somehow part of his post didn’t make it into my quote box; my bad. I’m quite aware that D’s college doesn’t have them :-)</p>
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<p>What’s funny is that the style and mentality you mentioned is strictly limited to USC’s Greek population! Yes, there are some exceptions and not all girls in houses are like that at SC, but you hardly see an independent on campus who fits that mold. Only 17% of students at USC are in houses anyway!</p>
<p>I found this website that has 7 reasons to go greek. If you’re thinking about it or on the fence about it I’d say go try it out because college is a time for trying everything you can.
[Top</a> 7 Reasons to Go Greek | Campus Tops](<a href=“http://www.campustops.com/top-7-reasons-to-go-greek]Top”>http://www.campustops.com/top-7-reasons-to-go-greek)</p>
<p>I’m a guy, but I’ll comment on the sororities, since I felt that, at my former school, they were even more obnoxious than the frats (an extraordinary feat indeed…)</p>
<p>I think anybody who says anything along the lines of:</p>
<p>“It doesn’t matter if you get dropped by a ‘top-tier’ house because as long as you find a house you like, and a group of people you like, everything is unicorns and marshmallows.”</p>
<p>is either ignorant or deliberately missing the point.</p>
<p>The emotional pain doesn’t come, in the least bit, from not being able to accompany the [most elite/top tier] blonde band of belligerent bozos to the latest shamelessly themed alcohol saturated mixer. Most of the girls (I hope) manage to figure out pretty early on in the process that they’d hate being part of such a group.</p>
<p>The pain comes exclusively fro the rejection. At the sororities I’m thinking of, not getting a bid meant the girl wasn’t pretty enough…or at least there’s enough of that sentiment that all the girls who don’t get one of the “exclusive bids” immediately make that inference. It’s NOT that they don’t like the girls in the sorority in which they end up, it’s that nagging, unrelenting feeling that they’re inferior to the girls who did get bids to those “top sororities” (when that was, typically, not the case).</p>
<p>And it’s not the brand of inferiority that’s familiar to them from the college application process, the “my SAT scores weren’t as high as the next person’s” type. It’s the “I’m not pretty/thin/fun/interesting/funny enough” brand, which believe it or not, for a lot if not most people, is much more of a stab in the heart.</p>
<p>My father met some of his best friends for life in his fraternity, and for their company in my life and my family’s I am extremely grateful. <strong><em>Side note: he told me that at that time, the brothers at any of the non-Jewish frats (about 85% of them) would escort any Jews straight out the back door if their list indicated a potential member was a jew</em></strong></p>
<p>Bottom line is, in spite of the good people it has brought into my life, based on my observations and experience the Greek system as a whole does more harm than good and is a disgrace. I am almost ashamed to have rushed.</p>
<p>Interesting article thanks!</p>
<p>“At the sororities I’m thinking of, not getting a bid meant the girl wasn’t pretty enough…or at least there’s enough of that sentiment that all the girls who don’t get one of the “exclusive bids” immediately make that inference. It’s NOT that they don’t like the girls in the sorority in which they end up, it’s that nagging, unrelenting feeling that they’re inferior to the girls who did get bids to those “top sororities” (when that was, typically, not the case).”</p>
<p>Why would I ever think I was inferior to shallow people?</p>
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<p>A secure person with a strong sense of self-worth would not. Unfortunately, many of us have areas in which we are not terribly secure. I doubt that I would EVER have considered rushing a sorority, if it were available on my campus, because I would have assumed that I would be rejected for not being thin and blonde and pretty enough. I wouldn’t have worried for a moment about being rejected for being dumb, unsophisticated, not well-traveled, or having the “wrong” accent. 
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<p>My S’s fraternity is viewed as a “lesser” one by some people on his campus. There are certain negative stereotypes associated with it, mostly by idiot freshmen obsessively posting frat rankings on an anonymous bulletin board. He and I have talked about it, and he really doesn’t care. Not only does he feel he doesn’t fit the negative stereotypes, but he likes his brothers and actively DISlikes the atmosphere at many of the “higher-ranked,” more traditional jock frats. The guys at his house typically are a chill, closeknit bunch, that just want to do their own thing, and he fits in with that perfectly. He’s not concerned with whether his frat connections will get him an interview at Goldman Sachs or a consulting firm: he has no interest in that.</p>
<p>But then my S seems to have a bullet-proof sense of self worth–maybe even TOO much ! 
– and has always been completely immune to peer pressure, as far as I can see.</p>
<p>“Why would I ever think I was inferior to shallow people?”</p>
<p>You wouldn’t feel inferior to them in non-shallow ways. But, and this is a bit of a guess because I haven’t talked to many girls who didn’t get a ‘top sorority’ (not discriminating…i just didn’t talk to sorority girls in general): you may feel that this is a comment on the way you look, how much ‘fun’ you are, etc.</p>
<p>While it, in reality, may or may not be…there’s enough of that vibe around campus/on collegeacb (another disgrace to humanity for another day) that you may be inclined to feel that way. Myself included…if I was a girl. I bet I’d be very pretty though…probably brunette but not too skinny…so I wouldn’t get in.</p>
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<p>Good for him! My S is like that too. If he goes through the system and finds guys he likes and clicks with, he wouldn’t care in the least if they were a “top” house or not. My D is less like that, which is why it’s just as well she’s going to a place without a Greek system (as Consolation well knows :-)) … though that is not to say that general insecurities can’t be had in any setting, Greek or not.</p>
<p>I thought that I would share a great explanation fo recs that I found on another wonderful site, especially since some of our DD will be staring recruitment at Auburn on Sunday:</p>
<p>“Basically her perception was that for those groups for which she had obtained a rec letter, she was matched with a hostess who “miraculously” had something in common with her - maybe it was her sport, maybe it was the same state, etc. But with the groups which she had not obtained a rec letter for, she seemed to be paired with a hostess who had been picked at random…and as a result there was no common interest. Needless to say those parties didn’t go as well. So the rec letters cut both ways - 1) the sororites won’t know about you, and you’re more likely to get lost in the shuffle and cut; and 2) since they’re not as prepared for you, you might not feel a connection and won’t like them quite as much and are more likely to cut them.”</p>
<p>So when thinking about recs it is a way to find a person in the chapter that might help make a better connection. Think about how impressed we often are when our kids are paired with tour guides/overnight guests that share their interests, geography. It is about attempting to make a connection.</p>