Hey guys. I apologize in advance for the long rant coming up.
My parents have extremely high standards for me and I don’t think I can reach them. Basically, they expect me to get A’s on EVERY SINGLE TEST (they don’t consider A minuses to be As, but they don’t punish me for A minuses). In every class is reasonable, but every single TEST (to me) is not reasonable. Things happen. You get unfair tests. You get swamped with things to do. There’s no way POSSIBLE, with all the activities I do, that I can get A’s on every single test I receive. The new thing is, if I get a B on a test I get my phone taken away (I don’t have my phone now, in case you were wondering). My parents keep talking about how my grades are “dropping” and I’ve gotten “five b’s in a row”, which in reality is just a bunch of miscellaneous B’s separated by quite a few A’s. Sometimes, my Mom says, “You can’t be getting bad grades and think you’re doing something cute” like I’m getting B’s for attention or something.
Let me clarify. YES, I want to get all A’s, like any good overachiever. YES, I do feel disappointed when I get a B. But it’s just not the end of the world for me. I’ll do better on the next test. I’ll do extra credit. I’ll do well on projects. When I don’t do as well, I get back up, but my parents seem to find it necessary to add EXTRA stress.
My IB Physics SL teacher is terrible. This wouldn’t be a problem, as actually it’s one of my highest grades due to the fact that it’s taught mostly like a regular Physics class, but my parents are forcing me to take the IB test in a couple weeks. What’s even worse is that both the IB Physics test and the AP European History test are both on the same day and are only an HOUR apart. I know that some sophomores on here take maybe 4-5 AP classes in one year, but that isn’t possible at my school (as a sophomore) due to grade restrictions on most AP classes. Also, I realize that I could self study, but I truly feel that there’s not much else I can do right now to improve my chances. We’re not even going to cover all the units we need to by test day due to my teacher’s slow pacing. And I really, really, really want to focus on this AP Euro exam.
My parents don’t ever acknowledge how much work I put into anything. If I don’t get an A, it automatically means that I didn’t try, which honestly sucks. Sometimes my parents SEE me VISIBLY studying until insane hours, but completely deny it when I come back with below an A. It seriously hurts to hear my parents say, “You’re not trying” when I AM. I would even be fine with “you’re not trying hard enough” (which, in my opinion, is false as well).
My parents have this view that grades are the only determinant for getting into college. While they are a huge factor, my parents believe I should drop all my extracurriculars and just focus on grades. Not only do I enjoy them, but what do they expect me to write for college and NHS?
My parents have absolutely 0 interest in my creative writing. If it’s not science related, they don’t care. I like science a lot, but I like writing equally as much. But they think I should just focus on science, and ignore my writing until I’ve retired (yes, I mean actual retirement age).
I understand that my parents love me. But THEY don’t understand that they’re REALLY STRESSING ME OUT.
SPANISH CLASS. I’m not talented at Spanish. It doesn’t come naturally to me AT ALL. When I study for it, I have to spend HOURS just to understand concepts that are supposed to be “simple.” It uses up TONS of time, and, as usual, I end up with 4 hours of sleep.
HONORS ENGLISH. I love English, and I love writing, and I even love my teacher. But you can count the number of assignments we get with two hands, and as a result, it makes the final exam at the end of the year crucial. Last semester, I had an A, but got a B- on the final exam, dropping my grade from a safe 97% to a 93.97%. My teacher unexpectedly rounded me up .03% (No, I did not ask for it, and no, you can’t complain about how that’s “cheating”), and even emailed me to tell me about how hard I worked and how she was shocked at my exam grade. (I could rant about how that exam didn’t apply to anything we learned that year. I could also rant about how the high score on the exam was a high B. But I won’t.)
COLLEGE. I fear applying. I fear the results especially. I fear EVERYTHING about college. I struggle to boil an egg. How am I supposed to live on my own?
I’m sorry that this turned out to be a super long rant, but I’m just SUPER stressed and I needed to vent. I would like to hear if anyone else has overachiever parents or anything they’re stressed about. Thanks guys!!
I would really recommend sitting down with your parents. Try to get them to understand where you’re coming from. If that doesn’t work, I would go to a school counselor to talk things out so you have at least one person for support. If your parents are up for it/can afford it, maybe you could all go to private counseling? I would try and ignore the negativity your parents consistently throw your way because it is clearly affecting your mental health. You don’t have to have the support of your parents to pursue writing! Start a club, submit your work to contests/publishers. Do what you want for yourself and not your parents. It hasn’t been unheard of for people to blend their knowledge of science with their passion for writing. Explore what you want. Your parents already chose their life path. It’s time for you to do the same.
Is there a cultural thing going on here? In some cultures, parents view it as their responsibility to push their kids very hard.
Whether it’s cultural or not, I would try to find a good, nurturing counseling relationship where you can safely express these feelings without incurring judgment or the baggage of random people’s advice.
You sound like a very smart, articulate young person. It’s hard to comment on what is going on without knowing a great deal more about you, your parents, and your situation. That’s where a good counselor can truly help.
You don’t have to boil eggs in college.
Go to a school where most everyone lives on campus for 4 years, and you will have a meal plan.
Seriously, you are not the first student out here whose parents expect all As and think only STEM subjects are worthwhile. (Possibly immigrant parents?). In a couple years you will be away at college, and won’t have to interact with them so often. Embrace the college search – it is your road to freedom.
Get a copy of the Fiske Guide to Colleges. Then go to some colleges that interest you and Google the Common Dsta Set. Look at Section C7 for what the colleges consider important for admission. Print it for your parents. Most top colleges do put grades, test scores, and recommendations as very important. But ECs are usually in the “important” category as well. However – your parents aren’t completely wrong – high grades and test scores give you more college choices.
Try not to let your parents bully you into applying only to big name schools. Make sure you have a couple of matches & safeties that appeal to you and are affordable. There is a net price calculator on each school website – work with your parents to run it to see what your costs may be.
Hang in there. Nobody can make your parents behave differently. Maybe you can tell them about College Confidential and get them started out here – there are a lot of adults out here who have experience at talking sense into parents with unreasonable expectations.
probably not going to change until you move out and get a job
you going have to self-learn in college and you are more likely going to have bad professors in the near future.
same as number 1.
grades are important so your parents aren’t that off.
you can go back to college if you want to pursue something English/writing related.
Life is stressful. I don’t know what your official major or what college you are going but you going to be real stressed out by the weeder classes.
What kind of Spanish class you are taking? How many years you have taken? You have to get to use to sleeping <4 hours of sleep if you are pursuing an engineering degree.
complaining isn’t going to do any good.
At the end of the day, you going to be fearful until you test the water. Go to community college if you are that fearful.
10)You can vent all you want. For you, its most likely going to be all or nothing. You either fail and move out or you succeed and move on. Parents are usually not the types to change.
Some of the things you said are somewhat reasonable but I still think that you will need a lot of help before you can begin to test the water.
@SouthFloridaMom9 Yeah, I think it’s mostly cultural. My parents are both quite successful, so it’s only natural that they’d want me to be. Thanks for the compliment! I will try and see my counselor after talking to my parents.
@intparent Thanks! I never heard of the Fiske Guide before but I’ll make sure to look at it. Also, thanks for the meal plan idea! I heard that my local state university provides those, but my parents would be disappointed if I attended there. My parents are wary of the internet, but I’ll mention this website to them. They really want me to attend an Ivy League/big name school, but they’re fine with the University of Michigan and I think I could get into U of M easily. They just don’t want me to attend community college.
@bvo112
His bad teaching isn’t really a problem. The issue is, I’m learning six new chapters in just over a week due to the fact our teacher hasn’t covered all the concepts on the test. I understand that is nothing when compared to college.
I never discounted the importance of grades.
I’m in Spanish 3, which isn’t even all that advanced. I’m just bad at Spanish. I do have an A, though.
My parents have already stated that if I go to community college, they aren’t going to offer me any form of help.
I highly doubt I’m going to fail, nor can I see my myself moving out because I didn’t get my way. I’m not rebellious.
Are you in-state for Michigan? Finances are probably a key issue (they are for almost every student). And sure, lots of parents WANT their kids to go to big name schools. But they are VERY hard to get into, and expensive depending on your financial situation. It is tough, but setting some expectations for your parents would be good. I will say that you may or may not get into Michigan, it is no one’s safety, even in-state. I am a Michigan alum, and know a couple of in-state legacies with solid scores, grades, etc. that did not get in recently. If you are out of state, it is more competitive (and more expensive). If you need financial aid, all schools are not equal.
Regarding meal plans, most colleges of the types it sounds like you are considering require freshman to live on campus, and a meal plan in the dining halls is part of that. At bigger universities (and some smaller schools), students start to move out of the dorms after freshman year, and most juniors and seniors live in off campus (apartment housing), and most of them cook for themselves. I wouldn’t worry too much about that, cooking isn’t actually very hard. My kids learned to cook a few things before they left home, but really got more proficient when they lived on their own without a meal plan in the summer for internship/research positions. You can learn, too. (Come back out here when the time comes, we will give suggestions for cookbooks & websites )
@Intparent I am in-state. U of M is AWFULLY competitive, but our school is considered a feeder school to U of M. I’m not really sure why, but I just have a good feeling about U of M and definitely would not mind attending their school. My Dad went there as well and I have met some of his old professors, who I’m HOPING will slide me a recommendation letter. Thanks so much for having faith in me. I seriously thought that if I don’t know how to cook now, then there would be no hope.
I would not assume it is a safety, but maybe it is a match. Believe me… the in-state legacy kids i knew who did not get in LOVED Michigan and had a good feeling, too. Also… letters from old profs that you have met in passing aren’t really going to get you anywhere. If you had worked for one or researched with them or something, then it would make sense, but unless they know you very well in a setting that isn’t just being friends with your parents, they won’t be helpful. The recommendation letters from your core teachers and your guidance counselors will matter a lot more, so focus on those relationships. I just checked, and think you only get ONE teacher recommendation at Michigan, so make sure you pick a good one from your core academic high school teachers (if you aren’t sure who to pick when you get to the end of junior year, ask your guidance counselor who they suggest between the choices you have). They do NOT want extra recommendations – so you won’t be able to use those friends anyway. Do NOT substitute a rec from someone who is not a core subject teacher for you (even if your parents want you to).
Even if you don’t learn to cook, you can live on bagels and fresh fruit if you have to. (Just kidding – it takes some trial and error, and you might not cook like your parents do for a while, but if you can do well enough in coursework to go to college, you can learn to cook!).
You might enlist your guidance counselor to help talk to your parents when you get started on your college search in earnest. Maybe tell them ahead of time that your parents are pushing for too many reach schools (if indeed that is how this plays out – seems like it often does in these situations), and ask for help in bringing them down to earth on match and safety schools. Michigan State seems like an obvious school to look at as a low match/safety, depending on your stats.
@intparent Thank you! I’ve been thinking of using my Physics teacher, actually, because I had him last year for Algebra 2 and he LOVES me because I’m the only person who tries in the class. He knows me pretty well and we have conversations on almost a daily basis. But I also feel that my English teacher from ninth grade would be a good option because he wrote me a recommendation for a writing camp and it was amazing (other than the fact that he spelled my last name wrong).
I’ve gone to Michigan State for a couple writing camps and the ice cream was a 10/10, which pretty much sold me to the school (I’m only 1/2 way kidding). I’ve been looking at Michigan State as a safety.
My rank is 12 out of a class of just over 400 students (I’ll check exact numbers later). My GPA right now is a 3.995 weighted, but by the end of this year it should be a 4.000 (my freshman year had two A minuses which has been dragging down my rank for awhile). Could I PM you my stats in more detail?
If it does get that bad, I will definitely have my counselor talk to them. Although I think they would be most disappointed if I ended up attending community college.
This summer when you have a little more time, get involved in meal preparation in your house. Help whoever is cooking, learn what they are doing, and take it upon yourself to cook a few of the family meals after you’ve had some time to learn. No kid should leave home fearing to boil an egg. I’ve been astonished to see posts from parents on this site freaking out because their kid is spending spring break or summer at college and how on earth will they eat? You should also learn how to do your own laundry if you aren’t already doing it.
Are you studying in your room or somewhere they can see what you are doing? Perhaps if they can see how hard you are working, there might be less pressure. They may imagine that you are on facebook in your room and that’s why you got the B.
There are plenty of great colleges out there and you sound like a motivated hard worker who could get into many schools. Try not to allow your parents to stress you so much over this. Lots of people don’t go to fancy schools yet have successful careers and good lives.
You are lucky to have parents who care about your education and are willing to pay big bucks for it. Yes, they are a bit paranoid about grades but if you keep collecting low grades because teacher is strict or you were busy or you don’t get Spanush then you would really end up at a community college. Instead talk to them and ask to arrange tutors who can help you with Spanish and Physics on weekends. Once you are in college then you’ll have more freedom to manage things your way, community college will keep you at home and mommy on your case. You sound like a smart kid, you can handle this situation in a way that works out for you and for them because in reality they are on your team, not your enemy.
