My parents are mad that I'm taking so many AP courses?

Pre-College Issues High School Life
1

<p>This may be a little bit long winded, and I apologize, but I cannot tell you how much I appreciate any and all responses. I just feel really alone right now, and I'm not quite sure what to do.</p>

<p>Anyway, I'm a junior in HS, and I'm taking 4 AP classes, which is a lot, but I don't think it's unreasonable. Some of the colleges that look attractive to me are incredibly competitive, so I want to push myself. From even my sophomore year, my parents have been very against me taking lots of AP courses. I took APUSH that year, which was a crazy amount of work, and when the AP test neared, I got really stressed. I was cranky. My parents pretty much pushed me into taking the Subject test, which was the Saturday before my exam, so that made it even worse. I got a 5 on the exam and a 750 on the Subject test, so I was happy with the results and deemed the level of stress that I was encountering worth it. My parents, on the other hand, did not. When they heard that I was taking 4 AP classes (as opposed to 2 and a couple of art classes), they flipped. They told me that it was a mistake, and that I would pretty much hate my life junior year. They also said that they would not tolerate ANY bitchiness from me.
I feel like this has just made them more sensitive to me being cranky. If I'm like, PMS-level cranky, they'll just flip out on me completely. The first day of school, I had 3.5 hours of homework, and I mentioned it to my mom, not complaining, and she told me that it was all my fault and that she had no sympathy for me whatsoever.
And just last night, we got into a pretty big argument over how much time I'm spending doing homework (she's mad that I'm being "anti-social". I have 6+ hours of HW) and she was pissed at me, so she went over to my sister's (who's a freshmen) room (it was like 10 at night) and started screaming at her and telling her pretty much why she's better than me. She said some horribly cruel stuff, like how everyone at school must resent me, because I only have 1 close friend (which I'm really horribly self-conscious about, but I'm just really shy), and how everyone in college is going to hate me and I'll have no friends. (Which I'm really worried about). Now my sister is ignoring me and my mom won't talk to me without just saying something awful. My self-esteem is in the pits, and I'm plagued by self doubt. Hearing these things just destroyed me all over again, and I just don't know what to do with myself. I just don't know what to do. It's hard to do homework when you are up all night just sobbing in self-loath. I don't know what to do. Please help me.</p>

2

<p>First off, I think your mom is completely wrong. There are actually a lot of people like you that want to push themselves to do better, especially here on CC. Taking these classes will not only help you in getting into better colleges, but it will also help you in college. You are pushing yourself harder than the average person and that is to be respected. Your parents don’t seem to be very supportive which kind of sucks, but in the end this is going to be very beneficial. Just try and stick through it and know that what your mom is saying is very inaccurate. People are not going to hate you in college, people don’t hate you at school. Some people are made for social life, some for academics, some for both. People are different and everyone wants something different in life. You obviously want something way different than your mother and you should never give up on this. An ingenious rapper once stated that “Everybody has goals, aspirations or whatever, and everybody has been at a point in their life where nobody believed in them.” It kind of sucks that this is your parents, but try your best to just not listen to them when they do stuff like that because it just isn’t cool. Do what is best for you and the dreams you have set for yourself.</p>

3

<p>That’s verbal child abuse, which is an actual thing. You are still considered a child because you’re under 18. That’s not healthy, and it can become a problem. If you’re feeling stressed please talk to a counselor. </p>

4

<p>If your only discussions about all this occur when tempers flare up, then nothing will ever get resolved.</p>

<p>I suggest making an appointment to sit down with both parents at a time that is mutually convenient. Show up calm and collected and stay that way. Explain your concerns. Make it clear that you believe that you are doing what is best for your future. Ask your parents to be understanding and support you at times when you are stressed. Stick to the major issues; a complete laundry list of complaints could make you seem childish, and this whole thing depends on you positioning yourself as a soon-to-be adult.</p>

<p>Then give them a time to explain their concerns. Listen attentively. Agree to make a few reasonable compromises (as long as they don’t affect your education). If any of their concerns are unreasonable or none of their business, explain why.</p>

5

<p>Agreed</p>

6

<p>(((Hugs))) to the OP. I don’t know what to say except that I’m praying for you.</p>

7

<p>@scholarme‌ My mom is currently running around the house screaming at everyone because I wanted to do my homework and not talk with her. I’ll need it.</p>

8

<p>Maybe at some point this weekend when she’s calm and not tired try to have a heart to heart with her? ((Hugs)) again</p>

9

<p>I hope things get better for you OP. You don’t deserve this harshness from anyone, especially when you are trying to do well in school.</p>

10

<p>Talk to your school’s counselor. Tell her that you want to stay in your classes, and that that’s not the problem; or they might remove you.</p>

11

<p>I definitely think that your mom did not handle this the right way, there was no need for her to say those hurtful things to you that she knew would hurt you. I had a similar problem to this last year when I was signing up for my classes for this year. My parents didn’t want me taking the number of APs I’m taking, but I did. I think the first thing you need to do is get both your parents together and explain your concerns. Then give them a chance to explain ALL of their concerns before you tell them how you can work together to solve them. I obviously don’t know the whole story, but I do think your parents have a valid reason to be concerned. If you had that must stress for one AP (and one of the easier ones at that) then they have a good reason to be concerned. Your mom of course shouldn’t have said those things, but it does seem like you are spending more time doing homework then anything else. You have to have balance to have a healthy life, it seems like you’re ditching family time and time for other activities for homework. If you’re looking at highly competitive schools good grades in hard classes isn’t all they want, you need to have stellar extracurriculars as well.</p>

12

<p>@maymay5678‌ APUSH is not one of the easier APs. It gave me and many others absolute hell as a junior.</p>

<p>OP, stay strong, your mother is being very selfish and needs help. I suggest you see if you can get her to sit down with your school counselor and see if they can talk some sense into her. Not a single thing she has said is true. Many students spend that much time on homework, regardless of how many APs they take. She should be proud of you for putting your school work first.</p>

13

<p>@guineagirl96 I didn’t necessarily mean one of the easiest APs, but I looked at the OPs other posts and compared with the APs she is taking this year APUSH is on the easier side</p>

14

<p>@maymay5678‌ i’d actually say that the APs this year for her are easier for the most part. AP Psych and AP econ are definitely easier. AP world should be similar or easier level. AP english depends but may be harder. Although together, its quite a workload.</p>

15

<p>The immediate explanation for this is pretty simple, but the solution is more difficult: she’s probably just jealous that you’re a high achiever and she ended up an emotionally unstable, insecure house wife. I’m sorry to talk about your mother this way, but (if the information you presented is 100% true), you need to recognize this simple fact and live with it. </p>

<p>This situation is typical for adolescents. There’s a point in life where you realize that your parents’ word isn’t law, and it’s really hard coping with the fact that they’ve got problems too. I know you expect your mother to be perfect and such, but you can’t forget that she’s also a human being and is subject to a full range of emotions. On the flip side, your mother is probably having a really hard time coping with the fact that you’re becoming a competent adult, and she might try to downplay it or make you feel bad about it in order to discourage you and maintain her superiority. It may seem evil, but just remember she’s not doing it because she hates you; she’s just having a hard time adjusting. </p>

<p>So what’s the solution? Like I said, you’re the adult now, and you should start acting like it. If you believe the values you have about education and hard work are truly better than hers, you just need to show her by being really successful in the future. No matter how much you want to, you should never explode on her and tell her that she’s wrong, because you just can’t change what she thinks. You already know that she’s wrong, so you just need to show her in the most loving way possible – by being successful. And trust me, by that time you won’t even want to say “I told you so.” </p>

<p>I faced the same problems when I was a junior in HS (just a year ago), when my dad gave me basically no acknowledgement for getting the 3rd best GPA in the class and the 3rd best ACT score (out of 400), but it’s a shame that I didn’t know how to deal with it (we fought a lot). He was a C student in HS who slipped by in college and my mother never worked, so I just didn’t realize that he didn’t understand the lifestyle of somebody who is really invested in what he does. For instance, he never cared about school or work, so he didn’t understand the kind of emotional support somebody who actually cares needs. But my point is basically don’t fight with her about it because you’ll only feel bad about yourself in the long run, just know that you’re making good decisions by trying to get into good private schools. And above all, never be discouraged</p>

16

<p>^nick summed it up quite well,</p>

<p>That’s quite surprising. I don’t understand why any parent would get angry at her child for challenging herself and working hard. It’s most likely just an act of jealously, and she wants to find any “flaw” that she can to make herself feel better, whether or not it exists. </p>

<p>Internet Hug?</p>

<p>Well, hope things get better rosebud :)</p>

17

<p>She was mad because you’d rather do your homework and to talk to her? No offense to her, but I’d rather do my homework than talk to her if she’s acting up like that. Shisus. I hope you guys resolve things soon.</p>

18

<p>I did 7 AP courses and 1 study hall (straight A’s), a bunch of EC’s, and got a 2290 SAT. Idk what ur parents are even talking about. </p>

19

<p>I don’t condemn you for taking 4 AP Classes, I am doing the same this year. I have no idea what the 4 AP Classes you are taking this year are though. My only comment on that is make sure that you aren’t taking more than you can handle, if you can’t get mostly A’s with a few B’s with your schedule, then maybe you should make it easier. I don’t know you or your abilities, but I think getting All A’s with 2-3 AP Classes will look better than getting mostly B’s and maybe a C with 4 AP Classes.</p>

<p>As far as your mom goes, I would probably suggest not talking to her about school period for the time being if it’s just going to cause conflict, just let her have her space for a week and then maybe try to talk to her. If you get stressed, vent to other people that you know will be supportive, if you can’t find that in real life, then vent on here.</p>

<p>Side note, I think AP US history is probably the classic courses in which the difficulty of it depends almost entirely on your school/teacher. I have heard people say AP US history was the hardest class they ever took, had ridiculous amounts of homework, had to study 3 hours a night to get a C and etc. I just started AP US History as a junior, and have heard it is incredibly easy and so far that has been the case. She told us we will never have any regular homework (Besides reading 8-10 pages from the text book every night) and there will be a couple of projects this year. Other than that you have no homework, but obviously you should study for the tests. And she curves her tests like crazy, (Every test is out of 30 points, 1 point per correct answer, but the tests have 45 questions. So if you got a 34/45 on the test, then you get a 34/30 as your score.)</p>

<p>So it really depends on your school, AP Euro at my school was pretty easy as well, but AP Calculus (Which I’m taking) Is really hard and I get a ■■■■ ton of homework.</p>

20

<p>Obviously, I’m not condoning your mother’s actions; however, if you ever want to come to terms with her, you have to realize she has some valid concerns.</p>

<p>Last year your parents saw you take 1 AP class, and leading up to the exam (when it’s the roughest) you were apparently cranky, rude, and extremely stressed. This year you’re taking 4 AP classes, which in their mind is quadrupling your workload and stress levels. Obviously, not all AP classes are equal, but to your parents they probably are. </p>

<p>I don’t know when school started for you, but it has to still be early and you’ve already started feeling cranky (if only PMS level). Whether you think it’s cranky enough or not to warrant their worry, school’s barely started. I’m sure their imagining you in May rampaging around the house looking for your lost highlighter.</p>

<p>Furthermore, stress isn’t healthy. If your parents didn’t see you properly handling it last year, you can’t blame them for being worried about you having to handle 4x that amount. Needless to say, that doesn’t mean your mother did no wrong in this scenario. What it does mean however, is that both of you need to address these issues with an open mind. While you can’t make her view your side, it would help you both not to ignore her opinions as irrelevant and uninformed of the “realities” of applying to college.</p>

<p>Additionally, you need to address to her how her actions have hurt you, without attacking her. For example, you need to refrain from saying things like, “You hurt my feeling when…” and phrase them like, “I felt hurt when…” If your mother feels attacked, or like your insinuating she’s a bad parent, you two aren’t aren’t going to get anywhere.</p>

<p>To clarify, I’m not saying you’ve been ignoring her opinions, or that you think she’s a bad mother. I’m reminding you that you don’t want any of that to come across when you talk to her, which is why it’s important to have this conversation when you’re both fairly happy and comfortable.</p>