<p>In the hopes that it might be of use to those in decision quandaries, I thought I would share a decision rubric which has served me well over the years in all aspects of life. It serves both the right- and left-brained among us. Some might use just the one method, some just the other, but I recommend the combination of both, analytic and gut.</p>
<li> Make a list of all your criteria (location, offerings in majors of interest, strength of program, cost …). Value each school for each criterion. Use whatever method you want: assign point values to each on 1-10 scale; give it a yes or no; id the Best school for each ). Add up your values, your yeses and nos, your count of Bests for each school.</li>
<li> Looking over the results, note your reactions. Do you find yourself annoyed that Princeton got only 78 points and Harvard got 88? That tells you something. Do you find yourself tempted to go back over Carletons results and add a bit here and there? That tells you something.</li>
<li> Look over the results again. Do you know that the answers the rankings give you just wont work? Because your mother would never be happy if you dont go to Duke? Because your dad will be furious if you go to Reed? Because the cost is just plain prohibitive for the winner? Then, go back and add whatever criteria these issues raise: Moms favorite, Dads view. Or, add more weight to the cost criterion.</li>
<li><p>Study the final results. Perhaps you now have your answer, and you are done.</p></li>
<li><p>To me this is the most important step. If you do not have your answer, put the tables and analyses away. Now, imagine that the decision has been taken completely out of your hands: a Big Boss has swooped in and told you that your acceptances to Earlham, JHU and UNC have been revoked. You have to go to Amherst. How do you feel? Relieved? Thrilled? Incensed? Ready to fight for that JHU acceptance? </p></li>
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<p>Test out this scenario for each college youre still considering. Believing that the decision has been taken out of your hands, and monitoring your reactions should give you your answer. If it doesnt narrow it down to one school (I think it will), it should at least eliminate some and you can redo the process for the remaining.</p>
<p>jmmom~Thank you for this awesome suggestion. There is so much emotion flying around right about now that this logical and analytical approach provides a wonderful contrast! ~berurah</p>
<p>I have a method that sometimes help clarify things, it is best used to decide between two events. You flip a coin, heads you do one thing and tails you do the other.</p>
<p>Then decide do you want that toss or go for two out of three? This can be very revealing.</p>
<p>Mr. B - yes, very similar to the out of your hands idea? Tells you that you really do know what you want, but were perhaps over-analyzing. When I worked in the retail world at The Gap, we had a saying in the executive offices: "Analysis, Paralysis." That can sometimes be true.</p>
<p>Has anyone ever thought of putting all these great suggestions and thoughts together in a book "Best of College Confidential--Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Choosing a College From Those Who Have Been There"? It would be a best seller for sure!!!</p>
<p>Jamimom, as we are in the middle of the final selection process, your words are both insightful and timely. Thanks so much.</p>
<p>Jmmom, you and my daughter must be on the same wave length. When she's faced with a decision, she always asks me to "pick one Mom." Often, she ends up doing something different. I thought that she had poor decision making skills (or thinks my opinion is worthless) until last night she did this with me as she was trying to decide between 3 summer classes. I got frustrated with her and asked why she always does this. She said "When you tell me I HAVE to do something, I automatically can tell whether it's what I really want to do by my first reaction. If I say 'yuck' or 'but I'd rather..." I know it's not the right choice for me and then I can toss it out."</p>
<p>So, yes, I think when you are down to two or three viable options, the forced decision method works. Or at least it does for my daughter. :)</p>
<p>Brilliant post, jmmom! I absolutely love the way you combine two vital, but often contradictory, approaches: "Logically weigh all the pros and cons" and "Go with your gut." </p>
<p>You also touch on one of issues that I think is easily lost in the flood of information that comes via school proganda, internet research, college rankings, and the anecdotal evidence of everyone from your mother-in-law to your neighbor's son to friends on CC: Is everything that we "know" or have heard about a school really true? (I'm a big advocate for visiting at this stage of the process if humanly possible; no amount of research can substitute for direct impressions--especially since so many of the "facts" that emerge from our research are colored by other people's mindsets and personal experiences.)</p>
<p>Your post reminds me a bit of my new favorite book--BLINK, by Malcolm Gladwell, which asks, "What would happen if we took our instincts seriously?" Gladwell is not suggesting that we should make important decisions blind--far from it: Our gut reactions become immensely valuable after we have developed a deep core of knowledge and expertise about a subject.</p>
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Has anyone ever thought of putting all these great suggestions and thoughts together in a book "Best of College Confidential--Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Choosing a College From Those Who Have Been There"? It would be a best seller for sure!!!
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Maybe a better title for that book would be "Stories from the Trenches."
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When should we start the thread on how to spend the royalties? :cool:</p>
<p>I'm a book editor in real life, and the book idea might well be worth pursuing. About those royalties, though--it's an interesting question as to who would control the rights for the material posted here.</p>
<p>I am learning not to "maximize" my decisions after having read Barry Schwartz's book "The Paradox of Choice, Why More is Less". </p>
<p>After making an analysis and doing the gut check, it's great to be able to realize that there won't be a perfect choice and that maybe our kids are uncertain because the last few would all be "good enough". At that point, it may come down to the food, local movie theaters or ease of transportation. </p>
<p>My son is much better at having "no regrets" than I am, so I am learning to listen to his intuition. (Although we are still down to the last two schools and may go down to the wire).</p>
<p>for the "gut reaction" scenario, I've heard a similar idea that goes a little farther in creating the right mood. For a college decision, to take an example, you fill out the forms you need to return to school, write the check, seal the envelope, put the stamp on it -- and then don't mail it. Instead sleep on it. If you wake up the next morning relaxed and glad the ordeal is over, it was a good choice. If you wake up in a cold sweat and a sick feeling in the pit of your stomach, you don't need to track down the mail-carrier; the letter is right there in your room.</p>
<p>Whatever process you use, make your kid stands in line at the post office with the envelope. If he doesn't turn around, when he hands it to the clerk, he knows that he is really the one who made the decision!</p>
<p>We did everything else last year: chart, a sophisticated ranking based on decision analysis, last minute visits, last minute phone calls, last minute consultations with teachers, coin toss till the wee hours, giving him our suggestions (based on what we sensed he was feeling),writing out a check but not sealing the envelope, voiding the check, writing another....we didn't know for sure until he had actually sealed it and handed it across the counter on May 1. Even then, he said he had butterflies in his stomach as he stood in line. Worked out though...and he definitely knows that he was the person who decided.</p>