<p>My S is agonizing about his decision between two good, and very different, colleges. One is a LAC, one a major research university. He is going back and forth between the two. I am wondering how other parents are helping their child(ren) process this choice? I haven't found a thread for this in the parent section, so I am starting this one. There's only four more days, so I am eager to hear what folks are doing.</p>
<p>My son is also deciding between an LAC and a Jesuit university and is struggling with the decision. I asked him to come up with five things he thinks are important and to weigh the two schools based on that - he says he can’t even come up with five things! I think he’s just trying to decide by his gut which works for me. He has two great options.</p>
<p>We’ve offered to fly him back to both schools this week, but he doesn’t think that’s necessary. I pressured him to make a decision by this weekend, but that didn’t help - he knows he has to decide by Wednesday, and he’ll have to live with the decision (fortunately, the cost is similar at both schools).</p>
<p>It seems like it’s all boys who are having a tough time with the decisions, not the girls!</p>
<p>Thanks. “Five things” is a good approach. You have set a deadline, too; before the dreaded May 1…</p>
<p>You may want to read this thread. It is Cornell (research university) vs Williams (LAC). Both parents and students participated, unfortunately it did digress a bit, and it did get heated at times, but it does give you a very good idea of pros and cons of research university vs LAC. At the end the person it was addressed chose to go to Williams, which I believe is the right choice for him.</p>
<p><a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/cornell-university/688833-open-letter-chandler-cornell-v-williams.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/cornell-university/688833-open-letter-chandler-cornell-v-williams.html</a></p>
<p>Our DD’s last year was relatively easy = go to the lowest cost one.</p>
<p>Sacramento Mom -</p>
<p>Has you S visited both campuses? Sometimes that’s enough to sway the pendulum. Other factors could include geographic location/weather, undergraduate research opportunities (usually more prevalent at LACs but sometimes available at research universities), extracurricular activities, student body diversity, etc.</p>
<p>Good luck!</p>
<p>My daughter went through this two years ago and it came down to May 1st before she made her final decision. I didn’t want to influence her (and be blamed later), so I asked her if there was some way she could quantify things. (Many people had told her she would just “know” it was the right school when she visited. That didn’t happen for her.)</p>
<p>She made a list of EVERYTHING she could possibly think of that was important to her. I wish I had kept this list ( I just recently threw it out when I was spring cleaning), but I remember some of the things: cost, distance from home, weather, academic reputation, both majors offered (she was deciding between 2 at the time), ranking of dining services, dorms, beauty of the campus, big time sports program, number of friends going there, semesters vs. quarters, and yes, even school colors. </p>
<p>She then ranked each of the items on the list, added up the points, and came up with the winner. She also did this another way. She might have weighted each category, but not ranked them, and then added up the points. It came out the same way both times. It was HER decision based on what she felt was important. </p>
<p>Did I mention she is an engineering major? Lol. Good luck with your decision. I know it can be hard.</p>
<p>I am mostly just asking him daily if he has decided yet…</p>
<p>D was really suffering with the decision this time last year and the choice would flip from day to day. I honestly think she ended up fliipping a coin.</p>
<p>Other than being generally supportive and offering campus visits, there’s not much anyone else can do. Chocolate and hugs help.</p>
<p>FWIW, she went off nervously with all of us thinking she would probably transfer to the other school for the spring semester, and now nothing will pull her from where she ended up. Hope your decision ends up as positively!</p>
<p>These are all helpful ideas. He did an overnight at the LAC and liked it. The admitted students day at the huge state school felt overwhelming to him. It is sort of “I like” (the LAC) versus “I think” (the big school) at this point. The ranking used by SportsMama sounds like a good approach for today… I just hope he doesn’t wind up doing this too late…</p>
<p>Thanks, Oldfort [hey, is that a misspelling?] for the link to Chandler chooses between Williams and Cornell. That is very helpful too!</p>
<p>No misspelling there.
There is actually a very simple explanation for the ID. I am a mom.</p>
<p>This approach may not work in all families, but here’s what we’d do (after fruitlessly trying all the above ideas of course!): The parents choose which college they think would be the better choice for the student. The write that name down, seal it in an envelope, and show the envelope to the student. “If you haven’t decided on a school by Thursday midnight, this is the school you’re going to.”</p>
<p>My husband and I feel like those spectators in Vatican Square when the Catholic cardinals are hunkered down choosing the Pope: we’re waiting from our D to let out black smoke out of her bedroom window for college “A”, white smoke for college “B” and (I guess) blue smoke for college “C.”</p>
<p>I told her we need to send in the deposit - to somewhere - by tommorrow.</p>
<p>LOL, irvinemom! I love that image of the smoke signals!</p>
<p>Not hard here but I had been prepping him with how to think about the decision. He cut down from 10 to 5 based upon logic. One we had visited (Tufts) and one was different. So we had three to visit. </p>
<p>He had overnights or went for admitted student shindigs. Then he and I went to meet with the director of disabilities services in each place. The combination was telling. He liked the kids and the spirit best at Dartmouth and would have signed up right there but the we had our meeting with the DS director. That meeting suggested that it was going to continue to be an effort to get needed accommodations. We’d done it in elementary school, middle school, high school and the The College Board and ACTs, but he was asking for even more data than TCB had asked for and that might not exist. He loved the DS director at Wesleyan – highly competent and on the student’s side – but didn’t feel he fit in with the kids. At Amherst, the fit was pretty good with the kids (not as outgoing as Dartmouth) but the Deans we met with were welcoming and told him, “We admitted you and we’re going to do what it takes to make it work for you.” He found an inspiring advisor. He decided that it would work best for him overall. This was balancing excitement about the kids with comfort that he would get the support he needed.</p>
<p>The only potential problem is that he put himself on Brown’s WL. Brown was his first choice followed by A and D. He had a great visit there (one of only 2 schools he visited) and a good friend (a girl who has had the “I’m interested” smoke signals going intermittently for several years but my son does not yet see the smoke signals"). As before, I’ve been prepping him with reasons that (in my judgment) Amherst is better for him given his needs. No bureaucracy. Close attention. Discussion classes, etc. If Brown admits him from the WL, I think he is primed to stay at Amherst, but he will need to wrestle with it. But the prepping helps make the decision easier for this kid.</p>
<p>Not to derail the thread, but how does one present advice when the student does not like the choices? Please do not suggest that it is his/our mistake, that he should have loved the safeties - I know. The fact is - he does not. And, after two revisits, he is going back and forth between two schools that are both larger than he would have liked to attend - good merit offers at both - but he’s not happy with either…</p>
<p>peppermint- I would suggest that you get on the websites and do some digging. See if there is an organization or club that really sparks his interest. Go on some websites for the area that list all of the cool things to do for visitors. Find reasons for him to love the schools he is admitted to…hopefully he will go, make friends, and love his school in the end. There was something positive about those schools when he applied…try to remember what those things were and expand on that.</p>
<p>Also, remind him that although the school feels very big now, once he is there and knows his way around, meets friends, etc… it will seem much smaller. Finding a “place” (like in a club or sport) often helps with that “too big” feel. And he won’t have to worry about outgrowing it!</p>
<p>Good luck!</p>
<p>PA Mom - he’s made that attempt - he sought out professors at school in his area of interest (behavioral sciences) and, at one school, they were very receptive. He’s trying to balance school A (location, weather, friendly students, will know students on campus from hs, but seemingly less engaged student body with a large fraternity population and the professors we met were less than dynamic) with school B (lousy location for him, bit of a party school rep that he really dislikes, but open and accessible professors, and an almost free ride…). School B is - to the DM-coming out as the better alternative - but it was a super-safety for him and he’s all caught up in how that is NOT where he wanted to be… </p>
<p>Should we tell him just to take the scholarship? It is not that A is better than B. I really wanted it to be - but that’s not what I concluded.</p>
<p>peppermintlounge, if it is hard to choose between the two choices because each one has different unattractive features and thus neither is obviously better, it may be easier to decide by focusing on an escape route, even though he may end up loving the place he attends. So here are two thoughts:</p>
<ol>
<li> Pick the one with the almost free ride with the intention to work really hard and prepare to transfer if he doesn’t like it. (If School A is better for transfer purposes, consider School A instead). He may discover that he does like the school he’s going to and doesn’t want to transfer, but he should be preparing as if he does; or</li>
<li> Take a gap year, do something really interesting, and reapply. Not sure this is a great option unless you think that there is another set of schools he could have applied to that he would like better. But, he will have a more fully formed record and if he is doing something that colleges find intriguing, it could help.</li>
</ol>