A word of encouragement

Parent Cafe
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<p>I wanted to write a word of encouragement to all the students and parents out there who are finishing applications and waiting for acceptance/rejection letters.</p>

<p>My daughter applied to 14 schools because she really didn't know where she wanted to attend and wasn't sure where she might be accepted. Out of those 14, she had 3 favorites, with the rest sort of falling into a heap.</p>

<p>Out of those 3 favorites, her application was rejected by 2 and wait-listed by her number 1 (and eventually the school, Stanford, did not accept her). She wore her Stanford sweatshirt so often in high school, "Stanford" became her nickname. But honestly, she was pleased to even be wait-listed by them. :-)</p>

<p>When all was said and done, she had a choice of 2 schools--both of which were very good (Berkeley and NYU), but were toward the bottom of her list to begin with. </p>

<p>For many reasons, she chose NYU over Berkeley ... and she couldn't be happier. She has even said she's glad Stanford didn't accept her, because she believes NYU is exactly the right place for her--and she never would have known that if she had been accepted by, and gone to, Stanford (or any of the other schools).</p>

<p>When I talked with her about all of this, she told me NYU had been about second to last on her list, in terms of where she wanted to attend. Not anymore! Her first semester went very well, in all regards, and she's having the time of her life.</p>

<p>This experience showed me that students and parents don't always know what's best for the student. Sometimes one has to go into a situation with an open mind, even when you're rejected by your "dream school" and must attend someplace else you never really considered seriously. That "someplace else" might actually be your real dream school, after all.</p>

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<p>If you want to buy a car, it is a good idea to put in some thought and decide if you want a family sedan, a sports car, and SUV of a pickup truck. It is a good idea to think about horsepower, mileage, trunk space. You might want to think about reliability and the reputation of the manufacturer. It might even be a good idea to take a test ride.</p>

<p>For many kids, picking a college is like buying a car by deciding on a color and then taking what the dealer wants to sell. I am glad it worked out, but I would not recommend your daughters approach.</p>

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<p>Probably not the best approach, but nice to know it worked out anyway. NYU, of course, is a great school, but with the right attitude, a student could have a great experience at any one of hundreds of schools.</p>

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<p>One wise GC has a maxim: "most students are in their first choice college by Halloween" . . . meaning that by October, the sting of not being accepted by your first choice(s) is not even on the radar and more, and most students are delighted with their new life, friends, classes, and surroundings.</p>

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<p>edad: My posting was not meant to recommend this as an effective approach. It was merely to say that sometimes we don't always know what the "right" school is until we get there. What we think might be right might actually be wrong--and that we shouldn't count out a young person's ability to be resilient.</p>

<p>We actually visited many, many schools--nearly all that she applied to, in fact. And she had narrowed them down on such issues as size, location, and specific programs she was interested in.</p>

<p>Not to get defensive, but I think you missed the point of my posting. Just trying to soothe some disappointment that's bound to occur when the dream school says "no."</p>

<p>MarathonMan88: Couldn't agree more.</p>

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<p>"she really didn't know where she wanted to attend"
"she never would have known that if she had been accepted by, and gone to, Stanford"
Sorry, if I jumped to an unwarranted conclusion. It just seemed that there was a minimum amount of thought in the process. I am glad you would recommend visits and thinking about size, location and programs. I would recommend an even more careful selection process to improve the odds of selecting the "right" school.</p>

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<p>Thanks, edad. There was a lot of thought, time, and travel money involved in the process. But when it came time to narrowing them down, it was a challenge. In the end, the acceptance/rejection letters didn't make a lot of sense to us: some very selective schools accepted her, while some less-selective ones did not. Go figure.</p>

<p>I hope everyone's son or daughter ends up at their dream school, whether it was originally labeled that way or not!</p>

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<p>I guess I have difficulty relating because my D did not have the painful experience of being turned down by the top choices. My D had some matches and some reaches where she really did not belong. Some of the reach applications were motivated by the prestige factor. She was rejected by all of the reaches where she did not belong. Same with some of the matches. She was accepted by the schools which fit her goals, interests and personality and some of those were reaches, including, coincidentally, NYU.</p>

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<p>Thanks for sharing, sloparent!</p>