Dear Student Success Coach,
My name is XXX and I received your letter dated May 22, 2017, stating that I have been suspended from attending XXXUniversity for the spring semester of 2017. The letter also states that my grades failed to meet the requirements of the college to remain an active student on campus, which as a result led to my temporary dismissal. I take full responsibility for my academic failures. And I am writing this letter to explain myself and the reasoning for my poor academic performance.
As the first generation to go to college in my Asian American household, I am cultured and sheltered in developing an identify to bring honor to my family. Evidently shown in the classes I immersed myself in truly reflected my limits. With this outlook, I formed was not true to myself and evidently was the first step in my demise.
As the year progressed in the school year, my transportation and occupation took a turn. On November 18, 2016, I was in a major car accident that resulted in a total loss of my primary transportation. I undergo chiropractic treatment from November 22nd, 2016 to February 8th, 2017. Up to that moment and after my suspension, I depended on the public metro bus or seldom carpool request. This affected my occupation as a waitress. I worked earning an unstable income due to the seasonal business. I faced hours of work with little pay or overscheduled hours to balance those low paydays. The hours I spent using public transportation took up the majority of my time, which demise my hours focusing on my academics.
Therefore, because of my attempt to juggle work, family pressures, transportation and medical setbacks and school, I realize I bite off more than I could handle. To not repeat the same mistake, I took the opportunity to use this time to the fullest. I did not apply for back to XXXUniversity until I assembled myself. I took the time to research my own reasons and goals in my academic journey. I quit my job as a waitress to be a health coordinator for a sustainable income for 11 months and save up for a car. After the car accident case was closed over a year later October 13, 2017. I bought a car on December 12, 2017. And all my small endeavors were supported by a small group of peers who I am now able to lean on.
I would like to respectfully ask that you reconsider this decision. Even though my grades were not satisfactory to meet the requirements, I implore you to give me one more chance to be the student I know that I can be. Thank you for taking the time to consider my request. Please contact me by e-mail or phone if you have any questions.
What does THIS mean? I would start by deleting this paragraph.
Your letter rambles.
Get to the point. The schools want to hear three things.
- A brief explanation of the reason...not excuses...reasons!
- What you have already done to rectify this situation...gain...brief. Don’t ramble on and on.
- What you will continue to do if you are reinstated...again...brief.
You are blathering on and on with excuses…not reasons.
In addition, you have a lot of grammatical errors in your letter. Please have someone fluent in English proofread this for you…and make sure it’s correct.
Wow thumper1, I think you were a bit rough on the poster. “Please have someone fluent in English proofread this for you”? The person who wrote this post said she came from an Asian American household, but she never mentioned that she was an immigrant nor that she was not fluent in English (she could be someone who was born in the United States or lived in the United States long enough to know English well). Even if she wasn’t fluent in English, it is a bit presumptuous to assume that she didn’t know English well. And if your assumptions were based on your opinion of his or her writing rather than her Asian American background, that’s a little better (not much though because she or he could also be fluent in English but just not a good writer), but I actually didn’t find “a lot of grammatical errors”. “I undergo” should be “I have undergone”, “bite” should be “bit”, and “My name is XXX and I received your letter dated May 22, 2017, stating that I have been suspended from attending XXXUniversity for the spring semester of 2017” should have a comma before “and”, but that’s all the grammatical errors I could find so far, and I didn’t even notice them the first time reading through it. Quite honestly, I’ve seen worse grammatical errors from students who are fluent in English, so even if she or he wasn’t fluent in English she or he writes pretty well for someone who isn’t fluent in English.
Despite the harshness of thumper1’s post though, she or he does make some good recommendations.
I agree that you should delete the paragraph talking about how you were pressured to bring honor to your family. If you do want to mention it, I would maybe give one sentence maximum on the subject, and maybe say something brief like how you originally went to college because of family pressures so you were unsure of what your own motivation was for going to college so you weren’t as motivated as you are now (and I wonder if you can say this to transition to your sentence on how you became a health coordinator instead of a listed reason why you didn’t do well in college). Also keep in mind that the more reasons you give and the more you elaborate on each reason, the less significance you give to each reason. So maybe put more emphasis on the huge reason (s). Because in your writing, your medical issues stroke me the most, and I was a bit surprised you didn’t put that as your first reason. I would mostly just keep the medical emergency reason and maybe the life/work balance issue reason and delete the others (or at the very least put less emphasis on the other reasons if you really feel like you should mention them).
Also, I don’t think you intended this, but I think based on how you transitioned to talking about how you struggled to balance work and school from the medical emergency reason you kind of made it seem like the work/life balance problem happened after the medical emergency. Maybe being being more explicit by saying "Also, before the medical emergency, " or something like that would give an easier transition.
Also, you could maybe shorten a few parts. Personally, I sometimes have a bit trouble not rambling on too because I consider myself more as a “stream of conciousness” writer who has to write everything down, so I can sort of see the frustration of having to cut things out, but sometimes it’s necessary. Elaboration is good, but sometimes it’s too much if you are elaborating on unimportant details or placing too much emphasis on a certain topic. You could probably shorten the job reason by maybe briefly stating that you had a bit of trouble balancing your waitress job and school prior to the medical emergency incident. I would also definitely shorten the part about how you got a new car (I don’t think how you got the car is that important, mostly just how getting the car will make you a better student than you were the first time around).
Also, I recommend placing more emphasis on how you have changed and how you will be a better student the next time around than why you underperformed academically. Because the person who reads this doesn’t want to know why you underperformed academically, he or she wants to know why you feel you will be a better student if you go back to college. Because if you place so much emphasis on reasons and not enough on how you will do better, the reader might be unconvinced that you have resolved the problems that caused you to underperform academically in the first place.
Also, regardless of how fluent you are in English, having someone else proofread you letter is a good idea. Not everyone is perfect, people sometimes make run-on sentences and use commas inappropriately (I probably even made a few errors in this post). I mentioned a few grammatical errors, but I could have missed a few, so I would definitely recommend having another person proofread your writing, perhaps even a few people.
Good luck on getting back into college!
A successful appeal must do several things:
- show that you understand what went wrong
- show that you take responsibility for the academic failures
- show that you have a plan for future academic success
- in a broad sense, show that you are being honest with yourself and the committee
Here are some examples:
Some of this is general, and some specific to your situation.
- search this topic on CC and you will see many other posts on academic appeals
- Make sure your letter states what the issue was that caused you to have academic difficulties
- Did you talk to your professors/dean of students about the issue?
- Did you make use of the many resources your school has? if not, why not?
- Find out what those resources are…e.g. counseling center, talking to professors, talking to your adviser, withdrawing from class, talking to dean, maybe taking incompletes,
- State how you would use those in the future
- How are you addressing what caused the issue?
- Think about if you should continue at college, or take a break.
- Think about if you should continue at a community college, to be close to your family
- How is your college funded? Will that continue?
In general, keep in mind what the college wants…they want students who can succeed. They need to know that you understand what the issue was, know now the resources that you can use, how the problems is resolved so you will not have academic issues in the future. Also I am not sure if visa issues come into account.
The post mentions a letter dated May 22, 2017 and suspension for the spring term 2017-???
I don’t mean to be harsh either, but the writing is really poor in this letter, which makes suggestions difficult because the letter is just permeated with wrong words, grammar errors and so on. I would, frankly, suggest some remedial work in writing. This is meant to be helpful, and I am sorry if it sounds critical.
You could structure this letter by using numbers. State the problem and the solution under the same number.
-
I had a car accident. This resulted in medical problems, losing my car, and dependence on public transportation. I have addressed these issues with medical care, and now have a car so that I can get to school dependably again.
-
I was working long hours as a waitress. I have since changed to a job with more regular hours that fits my school schedule better.
-
I was overly ambitious in course choices and will work with an advisor on making better ones.
I too thought the prose was stilted, almost as if a thesaurus was being overused.
Agree with simplifying the letter, and the suggestions above. Good luck. Show that you have learned from your mistake.
Sorry, but I have to agree with thumper1. The letter needs to be reviewed by someone who is fluent in English. I am not presuming anything based on the writer’s statement about the family’s background. I am thinking about it solely on the basis of the wording in the letter. Some of the difficulties are word choice rather than grammar per se, but among them:
1). The writer means the reasons for poor academic performance, not the “reasoning for poor academic performance.”
2). “Evidently shown in the classes I immersed myself in truly reflected my limits.” This is incorrect English. Also, I cannot tell what the writer intends here. Does she mean that she took courses that were beyond her capability, in the attempt to bring honor to her family?
3). “With this outlook, I formed was not true to myself.” I am not exactly sure what that means, either.
4). Demise means death. It does not mean decrease or difficulty.
5). “Seldom car pool request” is not the right expression. Perhaps it should be “occasional car pool requests” or “infrequent car pool requests.”
6). “As the year progressed in the school year, my transportation and occupation took a turn.” This is not the natural way to express the underlying idea in English.
I feel sorry for the circumstances that the writer is facing. However, the letter made me think that the writer would have difficulty with any college course that has a significant reading or writing load.
I would have an impossible task to pass college courses offered in any language other than my native language, including math courses, which are probably the least dependent on fluency in the language. So I am not criticizing the writer for the current level of mastery of English. But for the college performance to match the actual ability, the most important issue to address first is improving skill in written English, and probably also in reading, speaking and listening to English.
One more vote that the letter is too wordy, contains unnessary , irrelevant and repetitive content, and has awkward sentence structure. The letter should demonstrate the writer’s strengths and ability to learn and change. It should be brief, to the point, compelling and well written. And about half the length of this one.
To the original poster, we are suggesting, basically, that you get help with your writing skills before again attempting college. Community colleges have programs that could help you become college-ready. Many do this and succeed. We all wish you the best of luck.
Many native English speakers are very far from fluent in written English.
I agree with compmom that it would be a good idea to explore community college programs, Students2018. Keeping your best interests in mind, I think your letter indicates a level of difficulty with the English language that cannot be remediated simply by having the letter edited. In fact, if you have the letter edited to perfection, the person receiving it will not be in a position to understand one of the chief reasons for your difficulty with your course work.
If you are uncertain on tenses in English (as your letter suggests), you will have difficulty understanding the reading material in your courses. If you don’t recognize common and uncommon word usages, you will have difficulty understanding the mean of passages. In addition to the items that I mentioned earlier, a native English speaker would not write “until I assembled myself.” A native English speaker is more likely to use “until I pulled myself together,” or some other phrasing entirely. This type of thing is going to really limit your communication.
Your letter indicates that you have strong intellect and the willingness to put in effort to succeed. This is admirable. I really think that rather than pursuing a return to the previous college at this time, you would be much better off if you devoted yourself full time to gaining a higher level of skill in English. This will also take effort, but the pay-off will be great. Then you could return to your original college when you are ready to handle courses as they should be handled.
Dear Student Success Coach:
I am writing this email in response to your letter dated May 22, 2017 advising me that I am now temporarily academically ineligible to return to school.
My recent academic failures were due in large part to a car accident which destroyed my vehicle and resulted in significant injuries to me. Because of this accident, I was unable to get to work or to school without significant hardship.
Additionally, I was undergoing medical treatment for a period of approximately 3 months.
I have recovered from my injuries, have obtained reliable transportation and am now financially stable.
I would like to return to school. Could you please contact me via email or phone (as listed) in order to schedule an appointment so that I may fully explain my situation to you and to learn of my options at your school ?
Thank you for your time and consideration in this matter. I look forward to receiving your response.
Sincerely,
OP
The samples you are getting are still wordy. Why not pick up the phone and ask to set up a face to face meeting.
OP: Please don’t call. You need a writing,
As others have said, the quality of any written request has to be better than what has been seen here.
No, it does not. The quality is fine. OP is just trying to get a meeting on friendly terms. An academic dismissal is serious.
The OP should NOT expect the appeals folks to call him to set up an appointment.
I hope that this student looked at the appeals process his school requires. Schools MUST have a process…and it varies by school.
If the school wants to set up meetings to discuss this, they will have that as part of their process.
If the school is asking for a letter explaining why reinstatement should be made, then a letter should be sent.
If the school wants a letter…requesting a meeting is NOT in keeping with their process. He needs to know this school’s process for appeal, and stick to it.
That letter should be clear, succinct, and written well.
Some students do need assistance with written communications. It’s OK to ask someone for help. This student needs to edit the letter, and make sure that it is written with good grammar, spelling and the like. It needs to be well sequenced, and easy to understand. This letter, as written above, jumps around from one verb tense to another. There are sentences that don’t make sense. The whole thing is way too long. It contains precious little about what this student plans to do to improve academically if reinstated.
If folks think I’m being harsh, I am sorry. But these committees receive a LOT of letters to review. This student should seek some help.
If, as noted in the letter, he was dismissed in 2017, he also needs to clearly state what he has done in the time since his dismissal and now that would show that he can be successful as a college student.
And I will say it again…he needs to find someone who can help him get his ideas down on paper in well organized English.
Thank you ! @jym626 that is exactly what I have been trying to communicate to you. OP just wants to get a meeting.
@thumper1: You are demanding too much, in my opinion. OP just needs to set up a meeting on friendly terms by sending a written request in non-threatening language.
Also, OP isn’t in a position to hire help.