Actually feel a little guilty.

<p>You know what, any kid can wear any school’s sweatshirt, whether they go there or not, whether they got accepted or not. Wearing a sweatshirt doesn’t mean anything. Some colleges gave my daughter a sweatshirt or t shirts for attending some kind of special touring day. She also got some as cast offs from her friends, cousins, or from me. It doesn’t mean she’s going there or even wants to go there. It’s a sweatshirt. Feel free to wear it!</p>

<p>@lookingforward:</p>

<p>LOL. Yes, it could be that UMich looks at demonstrated interest more heavily when evaluating OOS applicants in the EA round (since they’re essentially giving out a free option to the kids that they accept).</p>

<p>On the UMich EA decision thread, there definitely was shock but also (I felt) a sense of entitlement by some high stats/high achieving kids. An I’m-so-pissed-at-them-how-could-they-defer-ME-they’re-only-UMich kind of attitude (I kid said he was insulted at first by the deferral). If that attitude leaked out in their essays, that would be a killer.</p>

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<p>Sorry, not me. My kid ended up with the best admissions results in her high school class, and got in everyplace she applied, in spite of the fact that she was probably only skimming the top 10% of the class in GPA. That in itself should probably have been enough satisfaction. And she didn’t even end up attending the EA school that caused this issue.</p>

<p>Regarding the sweatshirts, etc., everyone breaks them out at our school on May 1 after final decisions are made. We did talk with both our kids about being sensitive to the fact that some kinds might feel bad about not getting accepted at some schools where they got in, or might not be able to afford the schools my kids applied to and eventually attended. My kids didn’t post on FaceBook about their acceptances, and didn’t wear bling until May 1 when everybody at least had someplace chosen to attend. Except, apparently, the coffee mug exception…</p>

<p>I agree with @intparent that there shouldn’t be any sweatshirt wearing until after May 1 when everyone has a school to attend. College admissions has an element of luck in it, since not all the qualified applicants are accepted to a school. Kids should have a little time to get over their disappointment. The lucky accepted students students should be sensitive to their classmates who were not as fortunate. My D was accepted to her EA school, but I know she has classmates who worked just as hard and are just as deserving but did not get an acceptance. </p>

<p>At my kid’s school, it was customary to wear the sweats after May 1, not before.</p>

<p>@intparent, if this other kid was as obnoxious as you say, I don’t really blame your D for using her school coffee mug. It was a very subtle gesture and, I might add, much classier than resorting to verbal retorts. </p>

<p>At my Ds school, the tradition is to wear the apparel on May 1.</p>

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<p>Maybe I should have said “advising” him not to wear it. Yes, we told him to go with the unwrittten tradition of waiting until spring–although it’s getting more like March when mostly everyone gets their acceptances.</p>

<p>Obviously, all his friends and most of his classmates know about his acceptance. And if he insisted on wearing it, I wouldn’t stop him, and if he did it probably wouldn’t cause a stink because–fortunately–he’s generally modest about his achievements. (And that’s an unbiased parent’s opinion.)</p>

<p>Can’t help the way you feel But enjoy what you have, don’t gloat, keep it low key and work with your feelings. I was pretty upset when my friend’s DD whose stats were so much better than my son’s did not get into a particular school that was a reach that panned out for my son. I had just assumed the girl would get accepted and made some remarks accordingly which made me cringe and still do when i think about it She’s a wonderful, long time, close friend, and we had some activities planned that kind of put that college right smack dab in the middle of things too. She was wonderful about it, as was her DD, but it still makes me shake my head on my faux pas. </p>

<p>But I was delighted that my son was so accepted and did not take away from him in this regard. Just made sure I reminded him to be kind towards others and not blare it out. I’ve also been on the other end of this sort of thing too, as was he, so no gloating at all. </p>

<p>I also agree with Lostaccount, that UMich is waiting for letters from those accepted ED and not wishing to be continued to be considered, and will accept a lot of those high stat kids. I suspect they wanted to lose those kids who were using UMIch as a back up for an ED refusal. Really hurts for those who did not get accepted ED, and UMich may well lose them as a result of this, as they will likely apply to other schools and UMich may lose some of its lustre after having deferred the kid, but it will help yield if the kids who are accepted ED contact the school. Some won’t I’m sure so we’'ll see what the upshoot of all of this will be.</p>

<p>I would absolutely not feel guilty at all. Admissions at selective colleges is a mysterious process. Be certain that your child earned it. You can feel badly for someone who didn’t get in, but not guilty that you did and they didn’t. </p>

<p>The senior picnic in May is when all the kids don their college apparel and take a big group photo. There’s also a huge map and the kids print out a pennant for the college they are going to and pin it on the map. It’s a fun way to see where the class is heading off too. </p>

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<p>Ok. I’m going to take the “low road” here and say I think your daughter’s response was spot on. Very subtle, but sure it got the point across. If she wasn’t gloating, then she has every right to respond. Also, why wouldn’t she rock her school’s stuff once she got in. Anyone bothered by it, that would be a personal problem.</p>

<p>And no, my kid did not go around gloating when she got in because at her very stress ridden high school, she felt for her fellow students who didn’t get in. However, because there were only 125 seniors, they all immediately knew who had gotten in where.</p>

<p>^^Reminds me–at least in my imagination–of the Manning holiday dinner where Eli, the not as good quarterback, gets to wear his two Super Bowl rings versus Payton’s one. </p>

<p>This is 96Blue’s mom posting. Good post and things to think about as S was the only EA acceptance in his small school that usually sends 20%+ to UMich. We are so happy for him but realize that many others are not celebrating quite yet. </p>

<p>Daughter got into her “safety” schools (if there is such a thing nowadays) EA and being excited to know she was going to college somewhere told one of her really good friends at her school about those first two. Response was “well did you get in with honors?” She received a personal email from a director of admissions - 100% likely letter clearly saying she is in before admissions are released - and friend also crapped all over that. Balloon popping so common at this time, kids are stressed, jealous, threatened, lots of emotions going on. She has decided not to say anything till it is all done in the spring. I am proud of her because her true bff is at another school and didn’t apply to anything early. So D didn’t even tell her she applied anywhere early, yet got into four schools already, choosing to wait till she knows the friend would have something as well. Funny thing is, no one really knows who gets in where except the student, I wonder if kids end up making stuff up, just like GPAs and test scores…</p>

<p>Liked the comment that guilt is a wasted emotion :)</p>

<p>My son has been wearing college tee shirts and sweats for years that are leftovers from his brothers. Not only are they schools that were attended, but often just visited and he tended to snag a tee from schools that he visited as well as souvenirs. So what college shirts my kids wear are not usually any indication of anything personal.</p>

<p>We feel that way now, and didn’t initially. Same as ctpt, my son has worn gear from a bunch of different schools in the past, and doesn’t have any gear from his college.</p>

<p>We now feel sheepish because his friend has two deferrals and is pretty upset. But there are also kids with Ivy acceptances and so on, so getting into a dream school that isn’t the highest tier should be fine, right?</p>

<p>The main thing is that with being accepted early, many of his classmates didn’t apply anywhere ED or EA, so they can’t do any leisure activities because they are trying to submit RD applications before the holidays or the Grinch will visit their house. So he is sad his friends aren’t available.</p>

<p>Yes, kids make up acceptances. I interviewed for my alma mater for years and we got the list of local admits, were encouraged to attend a tea/reception for admitted students, and follow up with a phone call if any of the kids we interviewed (or know IRL) were accepted but undecided.</p>

<p>Always amusing to hear about the kids who turned down the acceptance in favor of ABC college when they clearly had not been admitted.</p>

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<p>I think it will also be a good lesson long-term for your D’s aggressor on the cause –> effect of behaving the way she did by her provocation. Better the other student learns the consequences in a relatively gentle manner before heading off to college and later work/grad school where such behavior may have more serious social consequences whether it’s being socially isolated due to being perceived as a “sore loser” or even possible academic/professional consequences*.</p>

<ul>
<li>I know of some undergrads whose Profs ended up taking back their recommendations for grad/professional school after they saw or heard about & confirmed such behaviors from those students and a few supervisors who ensured colleagues behaving in such a manner were given bad reviews, transferred to less desirable departments, or even fired. </li>
</ul>

<p>She earned it – wear the sweatshirt and a smile! </p>