<p>^^ negotiating is what I had in mind. Yes, baby steps might work. But you do need to talk to them about what you need and get them to agree to step back a bit. You need to keep at it-- but wait until your birthday.</p>
<p>Thanks nwfilmstudent. :)</p>
<p>The thing is, I’m a pretty responsible kid. I’m not perfect for sure - but who is?
I have a 3.7 GPA in a Biochemistry major. I go to a top 30 university on a good merit scholarship. I have had a part-time job since I was 16. I never smoke or do drugs. I drink occasionally (socially) but they don’t know. I’ve never cheated or gotten in trouble for anything in my life. </p>
<p>What more do I have to do to prove I’m responsible? They are not overprotective because I’ve been “bad”. They act like this because they are irrational people. </p>
<p>I’ve already talked to them as I explained in post 17. I’m not really sure what to say at this point.</p>
<p>$24K is not that bad in loans</p>
<p>$24k is only room/board. Tuition is a lot more, because they would stop paying tuition if I cut them off, see? And I’m not eligible for that much because of my EFC according to FAFSA. I would gladly take out $24k if it would solve my problems! But it will just give me debt while not solving much at all.</p>
<p>But really, I’m not looking for long-term advice; just the weekend situation. Not 2 or 3 years from now, not when I turn 18, but just the problem now is the weekend thing.</p>
<p>Can you give an example of how I could negotiate MoonChild? I guess I didn’t things through as much last time. I get upset when I talk to them about this and it comes out irrationally, I’m afraid. Baby steps is the way to go for sure.
I wish I had something to “barter” with but I feel like they’re holding all the cards.</p>
<p>You have more power than you think, because they care about your relationship.
You could let them know that by not letting you grow up and be a responsible person with some independence, they are harming future good feelings. Don’t they want to be part of your life when you’re 25, and really will be on your own? If they want you to keep coming back to them when you truly have the choice, they need to respect your needs now.
You’re just asking for a bit more independence.</p>
<p>What are your long-term plans? Grad school? Med school?</p>
<p>What do long-term plans have to do with getting my parents to let me have weekends free?</p>
<p>thanks moonchild - I’m not sure if they’re really thinking ahead to what our relationship will be like the future. Unfortunately, they’re about as rational as pi :/</p>
<p>Ugh I miss college already and I’ve only been home a few hours. Nothing to do here in the suburbs without a car. All of my friends are away at college. At least I’ll get some hw done I suppose.</p>
<p>Tell them you have group projects you have to do over the weekend. That the schedules are all messed up so you can’t meet during the week. You can also tell them that you have tutorials and office hours.</p>
<p>Tell them that you’ll call them every 6 hours when you are on campus on the weekend.</p>
<p>I think that long term plans such as med school or some other program like that demands ECs that are relevant to the field, and as such, you have great need to be on campus every weekend. Unless your parents would mind you not becoming a doctor/lawyer (since you’re not being competitive with the other applicants) and living life as a hobo or prostitute (You can tack on that last part to drive home how necessary it is to be in dorms on weekends).</p>
<p>Do you have family members who also live in the States? Cousins who are your college age? If you do, then perhaps you can call your uncle/aunt and explain how your parents are being awful towards you. Then have them talk to your parents. This assumes that your aunt/uncle are more laid back and unlike your parents. </p>
<p>Usually, when someone who your parents perceives has equal or greater authority (ie grandparents, aunt/uncle) then they will be more likely to listen. My parents are pretty stubborn, but when my grandparents, or uncle talks about something, they usually give it fair consideration. </p>
<p>If this doesn’t work, then I’m really out of ideas. Maybe you just have to run away from home as a last resort.</p>
<p>I agree with BrandoIsCool. My parents are very very hard to sway (but luckily they are not as strict as your parents!) but they will listen and consider other options when said options are told to them by peers that they either really respect or really like.</p>
<p>If you want independence and freedom, the last resort may be fairly simple-- stop being financially dependent on them and cut all ties. If you’re in a good school, with a high GPA, you could probably transfer to another (albeit lesser-ranked) school and try to get enough merit aid to cover a bigger portion of the costs. Are you at your state’s flagship university? That could cut costs down considerably.</p>
<p>@ArtemisDea, that’s one of my favorite gods (well, goddesses I guess…) :)</p>
<p>" If you’re in a good school, with a high GPA, you could probably transfer to another (albeit lesser-ranked) school and try to get enough merit aid to cover a bigger portion of the costs."</p>
<p>Unfortunately, that probably won’t work because most schools don’t give merit aid to transfer students.</p>
<p>I think this boils down to a difficult but fairly clear decision you must make. Your parents aren’t going to change their minds or accept negotiation or mediation because this isn’t about their not understanding your desire and need to be part of the college community, and to be more independent, etc. This is a cultural issue: your parents want you to receive the education this culture has to offer, but only that. In every other way they want you to be submissive, dependent, and shielded/protected from the contemporary cultural realities of young American women.</p>
<p>You have a difficult choice to make. I understand you want increased freedom AND their financial support, but from everything you’ve said, those two things are mutually exclusive.</p>
<p>If the time feels right, tell your parents you will no longer be coming out to their car on Fri afternoons, but will be happy to be picked up on Sun mornings and dropped off on Sun evenings.</p>
<p>Tell them if that is unacceptable to them, then you will go it alone, dropping out of school for a year or two while you work full time, live cheaply with several roommates in an apt while you save almost every penny to go back to school on your own terms, and MEAN IT.</p>
<p>If you can’t honestly commit to doing this, don’t make idle threats…in that case you’ll need to accept the situation as it is. You can change/control your own behavior in this situation, but I don’t believe you can get your parents to change theirs.</p>
<p>Decide if you are ready and willing to risk what you have in exchange for what you want. Good luck!</p>
<p>My aunt/uncle are pretty close to our family and they raised their kids similarly. They have a son in college but he lives at home and commutes.</p>
<p>Northstarmom is right - transfer students don’t get merit aid at any college I’ve heard of.</p>
<p>Momofsongbird hit the nail on the hand with her analysis of this situation. They don’t want me to become some doctor or lawyer as was suggested earlier; they want me to be dependent and submissive. You’re right, I could drop out of college, work full-time, and years from now, have saved enough money to go to a cheap college somewhere. Definitely wouldn’t have to go home on weekends anymore. </p>
<p>Now, considering I go to a top private college on a generous merit scholarship and will graduate with 0 debt, that would be a laughably stupid thing to do. 
I get your point - idle threats won’t work. A similar situation happened last year:</p>
<p>I told my parents commuting 14 hours/week while working 25 hours/week with a heavy courseload and no social life was ridiculous. They wouldn’t budge. So I applied to a cheap Tier 4 school, was accepted, told them I had about $4k set aside from my jobs, and was planning to drop out of college, work full-time for a year, and then go to the crap school next Fall. Once they discovered I had already planned living arrangements and other expenses, they finally budged and let me dorm.</p>
<p>Ughh, study abroad?</p>
<p>OMG that is ridiculous!!!</p>
<p>my father did that to my sister when she was in college but not as extreme. The hard truth is that they will not change even the slightest. Best thing to do is suck it up and wait till you finish graduating. The question that you need to answer is at what cost do you want your freedom from your parents?</p>
<p>Someone asked if you’re Muslim, and I didn’t see a response, but I’ll assume you are for the sake of discussion. There might be a Muslim Student Organization on campus that can be of assistance to you. It might help your parents if they knew you were associating with “the right kind” of people, and the members of the group might have some good insights for you in dealing with your parents. Your parents will want you to eventually have “the right kind” of friends when you leave college, and now is the time to make them.</p>
<p>Of course, if you’re not Muslim, substitute any adjective in the above, and see if there’s a group for you.</p>
<p>I think I’m going to suck it up, deal with it, raise my GPA and get into a good graduate or medical school. I’ll be independent and eligible for financial aid then.</p>
<p>I just got back to college after being home all weekend. During that time, my parents barely spoke to me at all - you see, they don’t keep me home because they LIKE me, it’s to control me so they can ensure I don’t go out anywhere.</p>
<p>@Ray - Sure, wanna lend me some money to pay for traveling expenses, hostels/dorms, and tuition? And then some more money to cover the next 3 years of college because my folks will cut me off once I run away from home and transfer students don’t get merit scholarships? 
I would love to go to Germany or Italy or Ghana!</p>
<p>@transfernkid - I’m curious, did they do the same thing to you too? What made them stop (if they did)? I’m afraid you’re right and they won’t change. Sorry about your sister. </p>
<p>@axw - Good thinking, I’ve told them I joined the muslim student association and all my friends are in it. That doesn’t mean they don’t want me home with them as much as possible. Also, the other muslim kids think my family is really weird and crazy - their parents aren’t like this. Or not as much of an extreme.</p>