<p>Your parents sound insane. Growing up I had the opposite type of parents. There was no such thing as a bad word, there was no such thing as a curfew. When I was 11 years old my mom found beer in my closet and told me to put it in the fridge. </p>
<p>Down the street, though, there was a family with extremely controlling, hardcore Christian parents. The funny thing is that myself and all of my siblings have gone on to University and turned out well in general, whereas most of the kids from that other family are pretty messed up (heavily into drugs, 1 ran away from home, etc.).</p>
<p>You aren’t going to change your parents, so don’t even try. I don’t even think that you’ll get out of the coming home for weekend thing, if they’re as controlling as you say. You’ll most likely just have to wait until you’re on your own.</p>
<p>Stand up for yourself. Tell them that you’re now an adult and you abide by your own rules. It’s your time for independence, and they can’t oppress you whether they’re paying for you or not… But in all honesty, that sucks…</p>
<p>Ok. You probably won’t be able to do anything until you’re 18 (besides negotiate with them which you yourself have said is a futile effort). So, I would just wait it out til you turn 18 first. At that point, running away would be the best option if they still are the same. Yes, you will have to take out loans at that point. I’m gonna assume that after your scholarship, you’re paying around 20K per year for tuition+housing (I could be wrong), so thats about 80K for your 4 years. But you’re going to a top university, getting good grades, and majoring in biochemistry, so you will EASILY be able to get a good job to help you pay off the loans in 5-10 years. Also, if they do cut you off, then you do become an independent (in financial terms), and this makes your EFC drop quite a bit (as long as more than half the money you get is earned by you). I know a girl who was cut off by her parents (for different reasons though) but her EFC dropped a lot after that happened. I know this all sounds pretty extreme, but its probably what I would do in this case.</p>
<p>I think you need to try and find an adult you can trust. Most likely that needs to be someone at your college…a professor or counselor. Most schools have counselors to address mental/emotional health issues and I think that you certainly qualify due to the extreme suffocation that you are dealing with. Not trying to suggest that you personally have issues but I do think you are dealing with a certain level of emotional abuse.</p>
<p>"d 20K per year for tuition+housing (I could be wrong), so thats about 80K for your 4 years. But you’re going to a top university, getting good grades, and majoring in biochemistry, so you will EASILY be able to get a good job to help you pay off the loans in 5-10 years. Also, if they do cut you off, then you do become an independent (in financial terms), and this makes your EFC drop quite a bit (as long as more than half the money you get is earned by you). "</p>
<p>Not true that because she’s going to a top university she’ll easily get a high paying job.</p>
<p>Also it’s not true that one just has to move out and be 18 to be declared independent of parents’ financial support for college. You have to be either 24 or to enlist in the military, be married or have a child to be declared independent of your parents’ financial support for college.</p>
<p>I hope the OP will follow up on the suggestion to seek counseling. The OP can’t change her parents, but the OP can get support for herself as she copes with their emotional abuse.</p>
<p>If she works hard enough, gets good grades, and has good networking (which would happen if she stops listening to her parents), then she should be able to get a decent job.</p>
<p>As far as financial independence, it was a little dumb of me to generalize the rules to become independent, since they are probably different in every state?</p>
<p>I’m in California, and over here you can be independent if your parents cut you off. There isn’t any need to be 24, in the military, married, or with kids to be declared independent. My friend did it without any of the above. But I’m sure this varies with each state.</p>
<p>you’re 17 years old and complaining about having to come home on the weekends. I don’t really feel sorry for you. </p>
<p>anyways, you’ll be 18 soon and can do whatever you please then. like someone else said go to Cali…or you can do nothing and continue to act like a 17 yr by spiting your parents on online forums.</p>
<p>@cyclone - It’s not just coming home on weekends, it’s the fact that they have been insanely controlling my entire life. For the last 17 years i’ve been constantly told "You can’t do ____ because you’re a girl/muslim/etc. I wouldn’t expect you to understand unless you’re also a girl who was raised by crazy fundamentalists. You’re probably some White corn-fed Iowa kid raised by normal middle class parents on a farm or something.
So even when I turn 18, their EFC counts unless I get married, have a kid or join the military? This better not be the law in NY State; I’m going to look it up. I hope there’s a similar law to California here.</p>
<p>What if I hypothetically moved to California, would the Cali law apply toward me then, or would the NY law still apply because I was born/raised here and you have to live a certain amount of time in a state before establishing residence there?</p>
<p>That’s awesome about Duke having transfer scholarships! I’m going to look up if other 4 year colleges offer it too. Community College is a good way to save money but I could only go for 1-2 semesters before transferring to a 4 year university, because CC’s don’t really have classes beyond the basic level, and I’ve already taken basic intro courses. I guess I would go to the local CC in my county and split rent with roommates or something.</p>
<p>I don’t understand why you have to be 24 to be ‘independent.’ You can join the military, you can buy a gun, you can to almost anything at age 18 including always being tried as an adult in court, yet you’re still considered on the teat of your parents even if they don’t financially support you and have no obligation to?</p>
<p>Why age 24? Because colleges lack unlimited resources to give need-based financial aid. </p>
<p>The OP could apply for Americorps, get in and then work for 2 years, living away from home (Americorps pays a stipend. Depending on where she volunteers with Americorps, housing may be provided), and then use the scholarship money Americorps would give her ($4,700 per year of Americorps) to help pay for college.</p>
<p>She may even be able to go to one of the colleges that gives very generous merit aid based on community service. Maybe some such college offer transfer scholarships.</p>
<p>One thing for her to find out: Do public universities in her state provide generous merit aid to students who transfer from in-state community colleges? If so, it may be worth it for her to transfer to a community college, work a job, and share lodgings with other students, and then transfer to an in-state public. </p>
<p>I know smart students at my local community college who are getting high grades while working 30 hours a week and participating in ECs. It’s possible for smart students do this even when taking courses designed to prepare them for tough majors like engineering.</p>
<p>I continue to agree with the suggestions to talk to someone at your university counseling center. You won’t be the first student with this kind of problem. I encountered students with similar problems almost 30 years ago when I did an externship at my university’s counseling center when I was a grad student in clinical psychology.</p>
This is the plan I’ve kind of been formulating in my head for a while now. I could continue to work part-time while going to CC.</p>
<p>Another thing I could do is work as a live-in nanny; I know someone who does this right now in college. That way I would get free room/board and I would just have to pay for my own food and living expenses while going to CC. I wouldn’t be making money to save, but I wouldn’t have to worry about finding a place to live and paying the bills. This makes sense because I live in an expensive city. But I’m from NY State and SUNY schools are often in rural locations where living expenses are cheap, so once I transfer there I could live with roommates.</p>
<p>I’m going to miss this place, I have to admit. It’s a well-regarded university which gave me a generous scholarship. I’m going to search SUNY scholarships for transfer students.
I don’t see the point of this, to be honest - the people at my new college will be the ones to help me figure out how to graduate in 4 years and transfer credits. Counselors aren’t good for much, in my (limited) experience. They usually smile and nod while misunderstanding the situation.</p>
<p>Wow, reading through the posts it must be so difficult to deal with such a restictive environment. One suggestion- I don’t know if this is an option at your school, but I know at most schools you can apply to be a resident mentor/assistant of some sort. This would grant you free room and board and you would be forced to stay on campus for “rounds” (at least as it is at my school). Does your school have a similar program? I’d greatly consider applying for this for a few reasons…one, you will be less financially dependent on your parents, and also, it would force you to stay on campus for some weekends for the sake of your job.</p>
<p>“I don’t see the point of this, to be honest - the people at my new college will be the ones to help me figure out how to graduate in 4 years and transfer credits. Counselors aren’t good for much, in my (limited) experience. They usually smile and nod while misunderstanding the situation.”</p>
<p>I’m suggesting that you talk to a counselor at your university’s counseling center that helps students with personal problems. What you are referring to is an academic advisor. I’m talking about people who are therapists-- help students who are depressed, stressed, dealing with controlling parents, etc These kind of counselors can help emotionally support you and help you figure out how best to handle your situation.</p>
<p>Such counselors will not try to get you to remain at your your university. That’s not their job. Their job is to help students with emotional/family problems. They also are not like h.s. guidance counselors.</p>
<p>I think they the ones who could use a therapist, to be honest.</p>
<p>Seriously, if I don’t call my mom for one day, I find 6 new voicemails and several missed calls on my phone the next - is 1 voicemail not enough?!</p>
<p>Ughhh I’m so upset right now because I tanked my biology exam yesterday. That exam is worth 40% of my grade! I swear I studied really hard and made all these outlines but it covered like 560 pages of material in our dense textbook, and the professors asked so many little detailed questions on specific types of bacteria and whatnot. I really hate this class because I study my ass off and make the effort to memorize the minute details, but I can’t memorize them all and that’s what the exams are like. For example, I spent 3 days studying viruses specifically, and the virus questions on the exam were still so confusing. </p>
<p>The average is usually around 50% and I think I got less than that. They always curve the average to about a C+. This class is a 1 year course and it went from 500something students to 300something over the year - weedout class for science majors. :(</p>
<p>With grades like this I should just transfer to the local CC because I’m ■■■■■■■■ anyway. I bombed my Calculus exam too. The only class I’m doing well in is Chemistry. The local State U would not take my C-average ass at this point. Maybe it’s good my parents don’t want me to have a life so I can just sit friendless at home and attempt to pull up my grades :/</p>
It’s a well-regarded university which gave me a generous scholarship. I’m going to search SUNY scholarships for transfer students.