<p>The boy my son shared a grad party with 2 days ago, the boy I've known every minute of his 18+ years was in a serious car accident this morning.
As is often the case with resilient young bodies, he will likely be all right once he has surgery to set his badly broken arm. Neurological tests appear normal so far, although he was thrown 20 feet and was knocked unconscious.</p>
<p>Parents of risk-takers (and this kid is one), do you have any advice for trying to see such kids safely through the HS-to-college summer? I admit that S1 fell into this category, and we made it through by luck and a lot of prayer because nothing we said or did seemed to register. </p>
<p>Parents of risk-takers (and this kid is one), do you have any advice for trying to see such kids safely through the HS-to-college summer?</p>
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<p>I'm not a parent, but as a teenager, I remember being shocked that some of my most reckless classmates had unfettered access to a car. Many parents seemed to think that being allowed to drive was some kind of Constitutional right once the kid reached 16 or 18, and that they were powerless to infringe on that right. This is the primary way that risk-taking kids die.</p>
<p>You should get access to the car when and if you show that you're not reckless. Your age and the inconvenience of being carless in your neighborhood shouldn't matter.</p>
<p>Thanks, xedx. Probably good advice, but I was hoping to hear from someone er. more experienced? Your other posts indicate you're about 19 or 20, having completed 1 year of university in London.</p>
<p>Hanna,
I eat my words (see previous 'graph), as it doesn't necessarily take a parent to have common sense. Thanks.</p>
<p>hmm im a teenager but those r one of the reasons y my parents dont want me to drive other then the fact my EYES are F***ed up(lazy eye+double vision=danger to pedestrians and others) and b/c my neurologists</p>
<p>as a teenager, i say don't trust your kids that much. i recently posted on this forum about a friend of mine who got a DUI. now, all of us are AP students who have never been in trouble. all of us graduated with honors and most of us are off to ivy league schools or got full merit aid at our state school. all of us have seen the drivers ed videos and heard the lectures about undergae drinking, but we all do it nonetheless. </p>
<p>i'd say that a lot of kids are risk-takers. even those who seem really responsible. the only way to curb the behavior is to hope that they somehow "get it." i know after my friend's DUI, we all suddenly "got it" and we are no longer the risk takers we previously were. we realize that we are not invincible and that stuff happens. so i hope that you can somehow make your child "get it." but i really doubt it, it generally takes something huge to really solidify the message. hopefully, this boys car accident will do the trick, just as my friends DUI did the trick for us.</p>
<p>This is so sad and scary. It sounds like this is a very lucky boy thank goodness. I have no advice, these are very scary years for parents of both risk-takers and non-risk takers. I want to share an interesting article though. Researchers are currently working on identifying "risk-taking" gene in mice. </p>
<p>Excerpt from Science Daily:
Posted: September 29, 2005</p>
<p>Study Identifies Gene In Mice That May Control Risk-taking Behavior In Humans</p>
<p>SEATTLE -- One teenager likes to snowboard off a cliff. Another prefers to read a book and wouldn't think of trading places. Why these differences exist is a mystery, but for the first time researchers have identified a possible genetic explanation behind risk-seeking behavior.</p>
<p>Scientists at Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Center have found that a specific neurodevelopmental gene, called neuroD2, is related to the development of an almond-shaped area of the brain called the amygdala, the brain's emotional seat. This gene also controls emotional-memory formation and development of the fear response, according to research led by James Olson, M.D., Ph.D., associate member of the Clinical Research Division at the Hutchinson Center.</p>
<p>I am a parent, although my risk-taking child is still younger (13) and my older son is not a risk-taker.</p>
<p>I think kids are braver in groups -- whether because they are egged on, showing off or want to avoid embarrassment, they tend to take greater risks when in a group. Also, kids who have the reputation as a risk-taker ("bill will do anything") they feel the need to live up to that reputation.</p>
<p>Personally, I keep track of my kids (via cellphone) and we discuss potential consequences before they leave the house. This is something we have done since they were little, so it isn't anything new. My older son is friends with college kids, who drink and smoke and he also walks our downtown quite frequently. He knows the consequences of alcohol and drug abuse and has made the decision that it isn't worth the risks. </p>
<p>We do live downtown, near everything -- and since we couldn't pay for the insurance anyway, he does not have a driver's license and most likely won't until he is in college or later.</p>
<p>I am amazed at the driving parents let their kids do - even parents who know their kid is a terrible driver, and has been caught lying about whereabouts and who is in the car etc. </p>
<p>I saw the son of a good friend of mine get himself and his younger brother into the cab of their 2 seater, small pickup. Then I notice that there's a kid sort of lying down on the shelf behind the passenger seat (no seatbelt - just a human missile). Off they go - speeding out of school and run the red light at the first intersection! </p>
<p>I told her what I had seen, and she agreed that her son had violated every rule ever set forth for use of the truck. But then I see him driving it the very next day! For my money that would have been the end of driving privileges for that school year. </p>
<p>I just don't get it. Are parents really that tired of driving their kids around? I know I might be too strict - but my 16 and 17 year olds were (are) not allowed to have friends in the car - ever. By 18 (well into senior year) they could have ONE friend and only if I knew ahead of time. All commutes to and from school are sans friends (it's a long drive to school and not easy). My kids never seem to have a problem with this and we all feel a little safer.</p>
<p>I figure nearly every daredevil thing they might do pales in comparison to the driving problem...</p>
<p>I'm not sure I think not ever allowing friends in the car is a great idea. My parents certainly didn't want me driving around with a full car of friends when I had just gotten my license (it would have been illegal anyway) but they never had a problem with one friend. Of course it depends on the kids and the circumstances, but I'm glad that the first time I got lost in the dark I had a friend in the car to help keep the windshield from fogging up, help look at maps, and help me stay calm. And I've certainlny been there to help calm down friends of mine when they got freaked out from going into a skid for the first time or nearly getting hit by another driver being stupid or ...</p>
<p>I guess I'm just saying that in some cases a new driver faces challenges that can be better dealt with with a smart, sane, clear thinking friend in the passenger seat.</p>
<p>Weenie, Beck is right -- kids don't get experience with many hazardous situations until after they get their licenses, simply because the circumstances don't arise. I considered myself lucky in a sense that that my tire blew out on the freeway while my son was driving with his permit and I was there beside him -- that certainly was a better way to get the experience than to have been out on his own. But I wouldn't recommend deliberately driving on bad tires in order to create the opportunity for that learning experience. And its hard for a kid to get experienced with their own navigational skills when mom is in the passenger's seat giving directions.</p>
<p>I personally felt much better when my daughter was a newly licensed 16 year old driver at times when one of her older, responsible male friends with her, especially driving at night. (She had a couple of very good friends who are 2 years older, so they were 18 at the time). I didn't like the idea of her being potentially stranded with car trouble alone, and the reality was that she needed to commute to school every day, which is why I provided her with a car in the first place. </p>
<p>I think a law that limited new drivers to one passenger would make a lot more sense than one that precludes them from having any. A car full of noisy teenagers is definitely a distraction, but a second pair of eyes in the passenger seat is usually a big help.</p>
<p>This is going to sound nuts, but risk takers need risk in their lives. Take them double black run skiing, sign them up for rock climbing, give them flying lessons, let them take a low budget safari across Africa-- whatever.</p>
<p>Provide a supervised avenue for that thrill seeking. Teach them how to harness that energy.</p>
<p>I know driving is only a small part of it, but I have heard of a program where you put a bumper sticker on the car, that asks "How's my driving?" They notify parents when they get reports of dangerous behavior behind the wheel. I don't know anybody who has used it, but here's a link for more info.</p>
<p>I'm with Cheers on this one. We have a dedicated risk-taker living on our block. Nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing, has worked with him. His parents gave and took away his motorcycle and his car, they grounded him, and finally both parents and neighbors resorted to calling the police everytime he and his friends engaged in another of their multitude of illegal activities. It's clear that he is going to live this lifestyle even if it kills him, and it nearly has in 2 serious wrecks over the course of 1 year.</p>
<p>I suggest the parents put your son's friend in tae kwon do, send him to a survival school in the wilderness, or find some other highly physical and disciplined activity.</p>
<p>Cheers, you raise a good point. An African safari followed by a trip down the Amazon, then a trek in Himalayas would probably just about take up the time until college starts, too. I wonder if his school offers a spelunking club. Of course, first he has to recover from today's foible.</p>
<p>Anothermom, I've always thought that driving is actually a large part of the issue, due to the potential injury to innocent motorists or pedestrians. By the time my S1 was a second-semester senior, he was not driving our vehicles, as he had proved his bad judgment more than once.</p>
<p>There is some evidence that risk-taking preference is genetic (according to a study that was reported in the NYT last week). My son and husband--both of them quite comfortable with risks of all kinds--were fascinated by the study.</p>
<p>That said, both of them do their high-speed dangerous driving on the track, with a helmet on. We found sending both kids to a high-performance driving school slowed them down on the public roads considerably, as well as giving them some real skills. A serious discussion and demonstration about all the safety equipment on a race track made them aware of how dangerous it is to speed on the highway. Hell, the course (we all took it) slowed ME down, too.</p>
<p>The point is that if kids (usually boys) aren't able to control their risk-taking urges by the age of 16-19, it's better to focus on activities that encourage the development of self-discipline rather than trying to remove all risk.</p>