<p>Hi, I was hoping some parents of college students or graduates could offer me some advice. I am currently awaiting admissions decisions from two highly selective school for graduate programs and while the wait alone is stressful, I am feeling even more stress due to the fact that I feel as if I will be largely disappointing my parents if I don't get in and earn a Master's degree. I graduated from a top 25 public research university last spring with honors and graduate school had never entered my mind until last fall. My parents and I had never even discussed it, they were just very proud of my achievements in college and earning a bachelor's degree(I'm the oldest and only girl), and I had already told them that to pursue the field I want to(broadcast journalism), you don't need a Master's. But when I told them that I was thinking about applying for grad school, they became even more excited than I was. And now seem to have put all of their hopes and dreams on their daughter having a Master's degree. I applied to both Columbia's Journalism school and the University of Southern California Annenberg School for Communication, both of which I know are extremely competitive and I never let my hopes up too much because I know that for these schools, you can't really guarantee yourself admission. I don't think my parent's understand that. But my parents have gotten their hopes up and that has put so much extra pressure on me. At first when I applied, I told myself it's ok if I don't get in anywhere because I'm already working and already have a college degree and it's not a requirement for my field, but now I feel like I HAVE to get in to not disappoint them. My mom understands this more than my dad, he has a Master's and he thinks it's the only way to have a great job in any field. For some reason he thinks I'm guaranteed admission into Columbia, and I feel like he's expecting me to get in. My mother told me she heard him telling a relative that I would be studying at Columbia next year. This really upset me, while it's great to have my dad believe in me so much, it makes me believe that if I don't get in to Columbia, I'm going to be really letting him down. Grad school should only be at me, the student, I think. Do you agree? Every parent wants to see their child graduate from college and I did that already. I believe now, whether or not I am accepted to pursue a Master's degree should be my ambition first and foremost, but I see it has become my parent's main ambition for me now. It makes me think, did they forget I have a college degree from a strong, competitive school already? Honestly, right now, I am 3 times more worried about my admission status, I worry that if I don't get in to USC or Columbia, (especially Columbia for my dad), it would be like a rejection to them as well. Before my interview at Columbia, my dad was acting like I HAD to get in, it's like my B.A. doesn't even matter to him anymore. I want to give them some kind of speech to prepare them just in case I don't get in, what do you all think? I would greatly appreciate any advice from parents. Being the oldest and only girl, my parents have always put extra pressure on me to do well academically, and I always have, but don't you think earning a B.A. degree with honors is enough and graduate school should be a great if in but ok if not thing? That's how it started out for me but now it's like I'm applying as an undergrad all over again!</p>
<p>I think you put too much pressure on yourself and have underestimated your parents. They understand that life is full of disappointment. Just tell them that acceptance to either school is not guaranteed and actually very competitive, and you are still waiting to hear from the schools. </p>
<p>Of course your parents have high hopes on you (which parent doesn't?) but don't feel like you have to or can make them happy every time. Just do your best every time and let life take care of the rest.</p>
<p>Part of dealing with stress is accepting whatever outcome happens. So what if you don't get in and your parents are disappointed? They will adjust (and have egg on their face with their friends), hopefully you find a job, get some experience, and then apply for grad school again. It is not like they will disown you. Think how it will benefit your younger brothers. Your Parents will realize they can't be so presumptuous with your brothers.</p>
<p>Note: I am not agreeing that your parents will be disappointed, just using that as a worst case scenario.</p>
<p>From your post, I would be less concerned about where you get in, and more concerned about whether you really want to go.</p>
<p>Many people like to work between college and grad school, because it gives the graduate-level work more focus and direction.</p>
<p>Think about whether you want to go, yourself, and not whether your parents will be happy.</p>
<p>If you do not get in, tell them that you need more work experience to make you a good candidate. MY brother volunteered at WGBH for a year, then went to Emerson at age 25, and he has a top job at a network now. So you could even volunteer if the job market is tight.</p>
<p>Live your life yourself and make your parents understand what you want. You are not some kind of trophy. If they can't understand, go ahead and live your life anyway. Easy to say, I know, and it is sweet that you want to please them, but it is destructive for you.</p>
<p>I think it is quite possible that your parents want this for you because they see that you want it and they are simply continueing in their role as cheerleaders, support, etc. You say they never brought it up prior to you bringing it up to them, so it isn't like they are pushing you to fulfill their dreams rather than yours.</p>
<p>Of course your parents will be disappointed if you are not accepted to either program-- but probably because they want you to get everything you want, not because they want it for you.</p>
<p>Good luck! Remember that there are many fine broadcast journalisiom masters programs that you could apply to next year with a year of work experience to add to your resume.</p>
<p>Hoo boy! This takes me back to when I was about 23 years old and trying to figure out my future. I ended up working with a really inexpensive counselor recommended by a local social service agency (I think it was Lutheran Social Services) to separate my desire to please my parents, and from my desire to get on with my life on my own adult terms.</p>
<p>If your dad (and like you, my issues were with not letting my dad down) is like my dad, he is overexcited because he loves you, believes in you, and really truly believes with all his heart that you can get into Columbia and succeed. You've just got to love a dad like that even though he makes you a little crazy (well sometimes, more than little crazy). And, you've got to trust that he will be able to cope just fine if you don't get in this year (or next year or whenever). A dad like this can't be let down for long. Whatever new adventure you face will lead to some kind of success that he will be proud of - promotion at work, grand-baby, new house, new car, whatever, he's just going to be totally excited about it. Mine was.</p>
<p>As written above, you do need to think about whether you want to go to grad school now, or later (or maybe never). If you know that grad school is definitely in your future, you need to figure out how to pay for it. Even if you do want to go, and you do get in this year, if the money isn't there you may not be able to go just yet. Working a bit longer would probably increase your chances of qualifying for a fellowship or teaching/research assistantship.</p>
<p>Wishing you (and your mom and dad) much good fortune.</p>
<p>Thanks so much for all the great responses. It does make me think about things differently. I can understand that my parents just want me to be happy and that they really believe in my abilities. I do really want to attend graduate school this fall but I know I will be OK if I am not given that chance now. I'm working in news now but you all are right that more work experience would definitely never hurt and perhaps benefit me more for graduate study and fellowships.
I really appreciate the opinions and advice everyone shared with me. Thank you for your time.</p>
<p>My few cents -- please communicate with them. Greatly. Often students vastly underestimate how much their parents can understand. </p>
<p>For instance....I come from a family which one would think doesn't acknowledge that careers other than engineering, business, and medicine exist. My parents are, however, far from narrow-minded, though it took me some discussion + explaining to tell them about my future (academic + math research oriented) plans.</p>
<p>So communicate. If you're anxious, say why. Another thing is that if your family isn't originally from the U.S., they may need some explaining as to how grad school, etc, work around here. That was necessary in my case.</p>
<p>Even if you do get in, I highly recommend that you consider a gap year if the schools will grant it. Grad school with a year of work experience, is much better than with no break. IMO.</p>
<p>Agree with Mathboy98. Communicate your love to them, and tell them you know they don't intend to pressure you, but that's how you're feeling. Also, ask yourself if all of the pressure is coming from them, or if some is coming from inside yourself. High achieving people often have to deal with high expectations from everyone around them, and those expectations become an internalized unrelenting task-master which says "thou shalt not do anything short of achieving greatness". Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference between positive support/encouragement, and unrealistic expectations. Invite an open and loving conversation with them, take the time to speak to them from the heart, and you can't go wrong. What is most important in this life is the quality of your relationships with the people you love. Everyone struggles with making important choices: your parents have/had their own struggles. Be human, and level with them, and it is most likely that they will level with you from their hearts too. Your parents likely want your happiness more than anything else; have a loving conversation with them so that you can confirm this, and so you can let them know what you need from them to feel happy.</p>