Yes, @preppedparent…good point. We did talk about those three as well. Just trying to balance all the application work and school visits with her schoolwork. But it would be disappointing if she ended up with just wait lists.
I think that unless you have a good local option & are 100% fine with her not going to boarding, you should probably consider a few more. Keep in mind that you may eliminate some after you tour. So if you ultimately only want to submit 6 applications (they are definitely a lot of work, I understand!) you should probably look at at least 8 schools. What the schools on your list have in common is a very low acceptance rate, but they are quite different. Most people who look at these six don’t like all of them. You should be able to add some others pretty easily as there are quite a few options within driving range.
We visited 13 and then DD applied to 7. Taking a cue from this site, the net should be cast wide with safety, match, and reach much akin to a college search. The list from the title are all certainly reach/lottery for most every student. A balance of a couple a reached , a couple of matches, and a couple of safeties I would think is well advised.
Thanks for the advice, @GMC2918 and @MAandMEmom - we do have some good local options which is why we were limiting the BS applications. But I do realize these are all stretch schools. Will talk to my daughter and see about adding a few more if she wants.
You may also benefit from seeing some smaller schools, as contrast. In terms of proximity to the schools on your list, maybe consider Berkshire, Westminster, St. Mark’s and Brooks. My son is at St. George’s and so far he absolutely loves it. He’s only been there for two weeks, but is impressed by his teachers/classes and the overall friendliness of the kids.
Great - that’s helpful to know the ones that are close so we can try to cover some of these during our visit.
I’ve heard from friends at Andover that the culture is fairly homogenous. At Exeter, it seems like a more diverse bunch of opinions and people get together. The friend groups are extremely different from group to group, so anyone will be able to find a place. It may not be as true at other schools.
My son was accepted at Choate, Exeter, Deerfield and Episcopal. He, and we, thought Choate was the best option for him. Our whole family felt a general sense of casual ease on the Choate campus—the students seemed happy, easy going and there were groups of kids socializing that seemed to vary by race, nationality, sex and year. They seemed to celebrate diversity in meaningful ways and the kids actually are interested in each other’s differences—both learning about and celebrating them. What sold us was that Choate offered just the right match for my son’s interests that were not offered at any other school — an Arabic and Middle Eastern Studies track with study abroad opportunities, an impressive theater program, and a massive array of extra-curricular activities — not just sports. My son is not a sporty kid and he has had a terrific time at Choate and has been very involved in the community. The sporty kids come to the theater performances and cheer and the theater kids support the sporty kids. The school had a unique feel to us when we visited and that initial impression held up to actual experience. (There also seems no stigma with kids at Choate doing things beyond typical “type”—some “jocks” are also very artistically talented and love to perform and seem very comfortable doing so…individual talents are all celebrated in whatever combination!)
(My son also preferred not having a dress code to speak of, and not having a required chapel service was a bonus.)
My advice is to trust your instincts and try to find the best range of academic and extra-curricular options that suit your individual child. Ignore “tiers” and realize that there is no universally “best” school—what’s best for one is not best for all. It is hard to feel that you have an accurate sense of a place after short, planned visits, but I think you get a good sense of what feels comfortable and right for your child fairly quickly.
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Thanks for your perspective - yes - I think we will get a good sense once we visit.
I heard a senior day student committed suicide yesterday at Andover. Really shines a light on picking the right environment for the student, pressured vs less pressured, structured vs no structure, etc.
:(((That’s so sad to hear.
I am hoping we get a sense of all that when we visit
I think any school is at risk of a student committing suicide. Mental health issue for the most part. But, yes, fit is important for happiness.
It is reported that the student who committed suicide was a day student. Heartbreaking for his family and the whole PA community. 
Taft is a smaller and similarly ranked school to those on your list and very close to Hotchkiss, their biggest rival in sports. Taft is pretty traditional but also has a family feel. NMH is very close to Deerfield and has a higher acceptance rate as well as a noticeably more relaxed vibe than some on your list (and still offers enough rigor for gifted students.) Happy hunting!
Thanks for the suggestions - we did think of NMH as a friend’s son is there so will see if we can visit
@doschicos I second this. Sadly suicide is on the rise with young people and the stress at these pressure cooker schools is not to be believed.
Since I can’t speak for other schools, I will try my best to give my unbiased and objective experience at Choate so far as a freshman.
The people are VERY competitive, but not towards one another necesarilly. By competitive I mean that everyone is skilled to the point where it’s really difficult to shine. Going from the top of a small colorado school to a large boarding school is a huge culture shock!
I wouldn’t say that Choate is either academic OR athletic OR artsy: I’ve met extremes of all three, and I’ve met people who are all. Personally, I’m definitely the academic type. Choate’s football team is a really huge deal here (and in general, most sports teams are heavily celebreated). The school spirit is REAL here, let me tell you. Never in my life have I had a competitive bone in my body, but at that 3rds soccer game last weekend, something within me changed and I was seriously emotionally invested :D.
I would say that Choate is not very traditional, and generally has a relaxed vibe to it. I would also say that the student in the end determines how much free time they have. Personally, I chose to switch to a very low-commitment sport in order to make room for all of the clubs that I wanted to do. Currently, I don’t have very much free time because I chose to sign up for enough clubs that I have at least one every weeknight, and two on sundays, but I also have classmates who are part of one club that meets every other week.
Honestly, I would just define Choate as a very balanced school. If any students (freshman at least) have no free time, then it’s probably because they either procrastianted homework or because they are signed up for a lot of extracurriculars. Some students are artsy, sporty,etc, but I think most of them are a healthy balance. The school is relaxed, but not to the point where things are easy. I hope this helps 
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Thank you,@Nico.campbell - its great to get a student’s perspective
So sorry to hear about the student at Andover. Tragic.
As a parent, I sincerely appreciated the constant communication from Exeter while the student was missing this week. It was comforting to be kept informed.
Everyone has/will suggest to you the schools that they love, and I am no exception. Please take a look at Kent. I mean, physically tour there and get a sense of the school and the students and the energy there. It’s about 30 min’s from Hotchkiss and well worth a look. The other schools that I would suggest to you have already been mentioned. Best of luck!