Hello - first time on this board. We are looking at several boarding schools with our daughter who will be going into 9th. Specifically looking at Andover, Exeter, Choate, Deerfield, St. Paul’s and Hotchkiss. Can anyone provide some information on the culture of each of these schools? For example, which ones are more traditional, is the focus on the whole child or simply academic excellence, which ones are to put it bluntly “snootier” or tougher socially, is there a lot of focus on athletics etc. We plan to visit them later this fall but would welcome any thoughts here. Thanks.
My daughters have just started at Exeter. So far they love it! They have not experienced any “snootiness”. Everyone has been very welcoming and they have made lots of new friends. We are from Canada so they had the opportunity to arrive early with the other international students. The biggest adjustment for them has been getting used to checking their e-mail all the time. There are lots of communications to keep up with. My daughters are athletes so they enjoy the fact that they practice or play something 4-6 days per week. Hardness method is an adjustment but they are embracing the challenge. Keep checking this site and asking questions. Good luck!
I can completely agree with @Snowman66
Everyone has been super nice and welcoming at Exeter. He has made a lot of friends. Some through sports, some from classes and some from the new prep bonding day. SwimKid moved in early as an athlete as well which was less overwhelming since there were less kids there. The only thing he is unhappy with is his dorm. He is trying to move but can’t until after midterms. Dorm culture is REAL and he definitely feels misplaced in his. And he is still navigating waking up. He overslept already and missed a class. I-) X_X
i went to progressive prep school before my current school, and the culture is similar, but everybody’s nicer and it’s much more diverse. i go to choate btw. i love it here and so does everybody else in my grade. everybody is really skilled at something and your superior in some way (like emerson said)
Thank you, all! Really helpful. Is there a big focus on football recently at Choate? That is what I heard.
Also…if you had to compare the cultures
across these six schools, how would you say they are different? Thanks.
Choate has a winning football team (Go Choate!) and a deep rivalry with Deerfield, but I’d day any emphasis comes from the kids; they like to play, and they like to watch and cheer each other on. Like most of the other boarding schools, Choate fields a lot of teams, many of them quite competitive, but all students find their people, athletes or not. There is also a big arts/humanities community at Choate. It’s not all about sports.
Thanks. That’s good to know. We are trying to figure out what sets each of these schools apart from each other in terms of fit. Because they are all so amazing academically. Our daughter is pretty cerebral, loves to write, does several individual sports but is definitely more academic than athletic and not really into parties etc but has a nice group of friends. I don’t know if some of these schools would more obviously not be a great fit…we may then trim down our list.
My feelings based on visits, application process and knowing students at all of the schools is as follows: (yes I am generalizing). St Pauls and Hotchkiss are still the most traditional and have retained more of the classic boarding school demeanor. While much more diverse than in the past they are still preppy and have that air of wealth. Deerfield is similar but more laid back. Choate and Deerfield have the best school spirit and it seems genuine. Andover’s school spirit is overbearing–almost artificial and aggressive. As though they have something to prove. Andover is almost two schools within a school. Andover and Exeter have ultra competitive student bodies that bear almost no resemblance to their past selves. (not all for the better). Exeter has the least school spirit. Very very competitive: the driven academic students look down on the school sports; no ones goes to school games except maybe for E/A days. That being said, there are almost two Exeters as well. Lot of nice kids but in small self segregating groups.
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Thank you so much, Center - that’s exactly what I am looking for. Each school definitely has a flavor - that’s the case with all our local schools. And even if there is some generalization, there is some truth to it 
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Deerfield is by far the most traditional, IMO, and more homogeneous.
Thanks…that’s good to know.
See what’s happening here, @Charcat56? Opinions differ. You’ve posed some very subjective questions. Do not make any decisions based on what you read. You and your family will need to visit each of the schools you are interested in and draw your own conclusions from firsthand experience. What you see and how you perceive what you see at any given school may be in direct conflict with the conclusions drawn by the family standing right next to you experiencing the same thing.
There ARE things you can pre-qualify. Things like the size and location of a school, is it gender-specific or coed, rural or not, etc. Those things you can find on boardingschoolreview.com to winnow out the objective deal-breakers. The rest is totally subjective and completely up to your family to evaluate.
And there are people here who will disagree with my comments above. It’s all good, but it’s only your family’s opinions that matter in the end.
Yes - that’s true, @ChoatieMom . The personal experience is key. We went to visit a local school that many were raving about and we just didn’t “feel” it. So we are not going to look at it. What I was hoping is that we could trim down this list to maybe four schools based on feedback here, but, to your point, that may be premature without seeing these schools. Also, probably not a good idea given how competitive they are! But still helpful to get people’s thoughts.
Totally agree with @ChoatieMom. Our experience at Exeter with multiple kids over the last 7 years is totally different then the prior post. Our kids have not found Exeter Kids to be competitive in the least. Actually the opposite, they have been surrounded by supportive, caring friends and peers and made lifelong connections.
I always tell people it is cool to be smart at Exeter, but really I should say it is cool to be whoever you really are. Whether that is an artisit, athlete, social activist or fashionista. Exeter kids are an eclectic bunch- but most are passionate about something- if not when they arrive on campus, they will be by the time they graduate. Dorm life is a very big part of the Exeter culture and finding a good fit can have a huge impact on your Exeter experience.
With how competitve these schools are, I encourage your family to apply to all schools that seem like they would be a good fit. Final Decisions need not be made until after all acceptances are received. Good luck to you and your family!
@Charcat56 Keep in mind also that people typically know the school(s) their children are attending. Their experiences with other schools are just impressions based on a short visit/revisit, on someone else’s story, etc. Why would you trust someone else’s impression of a school better than your own? Beyond the basics of size, location, etc., subjective comparisons are only reliable if based on extensive first-hand experiences of all these schools. And even then they can vastly differ from family to family.
Agree with Choatiemom to visit and get a first hand look yourselves.
I really liked the message given by the main speaker at Wild Boar’s Baccalaureate at Choate (2016). She said that friends were the most important people in your lives because they are the ones that get you through your day, not teachers, not parents. Prep school and college is like climbing a mountain. At times, someone else is pulling you up, and other times, you are lending a hand to someone who needs your help.
The speaker at Choate graduation this year (2017) said collaboration is the new leadership. More and more its important to share your talents and be able to work with others to get a large problem solved, and have fun in the process, not to see yourself necessarily as the leader expecting others just as talented to follow you. This is the spirit fostered at Choate. Sharing, Collaboration, School Spirit.
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Knowing kids at all of these schools, they are all wonderful, the diversity is real, and you will find your “people”. That said, some kids find that a more formal dress code, chapel, seated meals etc. make a school feel more traditional. My son wanted that, my daughter didn’t. I think that you’ll get a better idea of culture after you visit. We found that it was helpful to keep in touch with our tour guides, and asked quite a few more specific “culture” questions of them via email, later on in the process. The kids are far more honest and forthcoming than the adults IMHO.
Ok - thank you all for your advice. Will keep the six on our list and visit them.
We visited each of those schools you list (twice in 3 years) and may I add: Groton (not to be missed), Milton, and St. George’s School? You have quite a few elites on the list. These last 3 are also elites. Although I love them all, it may be worth trying to add a couple more with higher admit rates to your list, so you don’t end up with a lot of WLs and not enough admission letters.