I know, there have been a ton of posts similar to mine. I’ve just been having a tough time though and I’d really appreciate advice.
I’m a sophomore in college. My first year I was close with my roommate during my first quarter and had a group of friends that all lived on my floor. I was close with them and we would hang out together, however I started to distance myself from them because I didn’t like they way they would make fun of and talk about other people on our floor. I made a friend in my English class and we would hang out and talk a lot, eventually she and my roommate started talking a lot too and getting close. This was around the time my roommate and I would get into some disagreements and would go for days without speaking a word to each other. Long story short, I left first year on ok terms with my roommate and no other real friends.
I’m in my second year right now and I feel so lonely. My roommate is living off campus with my friend from English who I don’t really talk to anymore. I’m living on a campus apartment with three other roommates. The thing is, they’re usually off doing their own thing, hanging out with their friends, etc. One roommate did invite me to go to this back to college party with her friends. They were nice enough but they were all really close and I felt a little awkward. They would mostly talk about other people that I didn’t know. Right now I really only have one friend I know from orientation, but she commutes and we only see each other once or twice every couple of weeks. I have random people in my classes who I’ll talk to but it’s mostly just acquaintances and we don’t do much outside of class.
I just feel like this really isn’t the way I want to be spending college. I want a group of friends I can hang out with, eat with, and spend time with instead of spending my weekends alone in my dorm. I feel like a total loser. I’ve always been a little shy so it’s hard for me to approach people. The idea of not having friends is just so sad to me and really taking a toll on me mentally. Any advice on what I can do to make friends? What did you guys do to meet people in college? Anything would be helpful because I’m just so sick of feeling like this.
Hey! Not sure if my advice in this will be super helpful because I just started college and I’m checking CC for the first time in weeks (and on Halloween!) because our campus is beyond empty for fall break. But I’ll try 
It’s not your fault if you haven’t found your friend group yet, I promise. You seem really nice & I’m sure there are people out there who would be awesome friends for you!
First, what college do you go to? Obviously it could be different if your school is smaller or mostly a commuter school, but most colleges will have periodic events (tailgates, craft nights, holiday events, guest speakers, concerts, whatever) where you could meet people. Lots of clubs will probably be recruiting for next semester & would love to have you join them right now too. It’s never too late for a new club! Maybe see if there’s one in your major – you’ll automatically have something in common.
Some other suggestions:
- Form study groups with your acquaintances from class to study for tests or peer-edit essays.
- Assuming you like your current roommates, suggest having a weekly/monthly movie night or spa night or Chinese takeout night or whatever as a way to get to know each other better. Maybe choose a non-weekend day, like Wednesday, so you know they’ll be free. (Also, it’s ok if you’re not friends with your roommates. Unlike in the movies, it doesn’t always work out! Spend the time meeting new people instead of stressing about them.)
- Text the girl you occasionally run into and suggest meeting for lunch someday to catch up. They way, you have a concrete time to talk.
- If you eat in your college’s cafeteria a lot, or go to your dorm’s common area a lot, find someone who’s also alone & ask if they need anyone to sit with. Yes, it’s awkward, but it’s good practice and the worst thing that happens is they’re mean and you pretend they don’t exist from now on. No prob.
- If you have a class around lunchtime, tell the person next to you that you’re starving and can’t wait to go to wherever you’re going to eat. If they say they like that place too, invite them to join you. YMMV but it’s worked for me before.
- Join a volunteering group or, if you’re religious, join a church/synagogue/mosque/temple/etc. For some reason, lots of people meet friends those two ways.
The previous poster has great suggestions.
What about inviting your commuter friend to your apt.? Sometimes when you don’t live on campus it can be nice to have a place to crash or hang out between classes. She might want to stay over after you go to a party or event.
@supersenior19 has excellent advice. Notice that the commonalities between the suggestions: (1) being willing to reach out to somebody else and (2) repetition of ordinary things. It takes time to move from acquaintance to friend to good friend, and repeated, shared activities are the best way to do it!
Also: feeling a little awkward, being a little uncomfortable, having to work a little harder to be part of the conversation are normal parts of getting to know people. One of the reasons that a lot of people struggle socially in the move from HS to college is that they go from being top of the heap (seniors!) where you know how things work, and have your friend groups, etc., to being the newbie- and they have forgotten what that’s like (it was like a cold shower for my niece who went to the same school from pre-K through Grade 12). And, friend groups in college can be much more fluid than in HS: my collegekids typically have pods of different friends from their dorms, their majors, their favorite ECs, etc. that they do different things with. Some of those friends start to crossover as time goes on (as happened with your friend from class and your roommate), but over time a core friend group develops.
You aren’t a loser- you are a learner, and learning isn’t always easy. Be kind to yourself, and try all of the above suggestions several times. You will be told ‘no thanks’ sometimes, but that is not a referendum on you as a person, just a reflection as to where that person is right now- which might not have anything to do with you. You might never know that they are going through a breakup / are socially anxious / are somebody who prefers to keep their socializing to their 2 good friends / doesn’t rate people who wear the brands you wear or some other random element that is about them, not you.
College is a lot about growing. Feeling shy about approaching people is super-normal, which is why the ideas above are so good: you aren’t saying “be my best friend!” - you are saying, 'hey, we both have a common goal (lunch, the EC or community service, doing well on the test, etc)- let’s combine forces for this specific, finite thing. And if it goes well (protip: it won’t always), let’s do it again. And so on. You can do this 
YOU felt awkward at the party. So just keep doing things until you don’t feel awkward. Accept as many invitations as you can. Make yourself do things you don’t want to do. The more you do it, the less awkward it will be. And make suggestions. If a roommate is around, ask if she wants to go for coffee, or to a movie. “Hey, want to go see that movie?” The worst that happens is she says no.
I feel for you, but I think you can turn this around. You aren’t a loser. Be proactive. Ask your commuter friend if she wants to stay overnight on a weekend. Ask your roommates to do stuff. Get a board game. Say someone gave it to you if you like. Leave it sitting out one night and start setting it up. See if a roommate wants to learn about it. And join campus groups. Volunteer or get a campus job. Both great ways to meet people.