<p>I am a senior and taking the SATs for the second time tomorrow and subject tests in November. I do not have parents (father raised me and he had cancer and died last year) and thought I was navigating things well on my own (applications, tests etc). </p>
<p>But my guidance counselor said she is very worried about me because I haven't visted any schools (no one to take me) and she doesn't think my numbers, ECs are that good (my father was sick for 2 years, ECs were not that possible I ran track for a year and was on the school newspaper for a year and school spirit committee all 4 years). It was tough to even concentrate the past two years but I have taken a heavy load in high school almost all Honors or AP classes and my weighted gpa is 3.5, class rank is 130 out of 450. My SAT scores were 660 Lit, 600 Math, 650 Writing. I hope to improve them tomorrow. My teacher recommendations are great. My counselor does not want me to write about my father in my essay which is what I wanted to do and would have probably done if he was still alive. He was a great man and a terrific role model (though he never went to college). She also thinks it's a bad idea to fill out the "special circumstances" part of the common app. She said I can't go through life as the little girl whose father died. So now I don't know what to write about and am confused if I should talk about the circumstances. </p>
<p>I wanted to look at schools in the Northeast including schools like UMass for the tuition. Right now I'm looking at Boston University, Boston College, Fordham University, UMass - Amherst, Northeastern. Some might be out of consideration due to cost.</p>
<p>She thinks that all these schools except UMass are a reach. I was thinking of some other ones but didn't present them to her after that opinion.</p>
<p>I have been receiving offers of fee waivers from some pretty good schools not in the Northeast but I don't have any way of visiting them (though I will apply). </p>
<p>Anyway it's almost midnight the night before the SAT and all I can think of is my counselor's doomsday predictions. Any thoughts on her thoughts, these schools or suggestions for other schools? </p>
<p>First and foremost, I am so sorry about your Dad. I hope the SAT went well for you Saturday. Regarding your essay on the common app it is a hard call. I do feel strongly however that you need to address the impact your father’s illness and death had on you in the special circumstances section. Do it in a concise manner not looking for sympathy but present it as a tragic obstacle in life that you have dealt with and grown from. Your confidential recommendation letters may have covered this as well and that may be why your counselor is discouraging it; but IMO you need to address it so they read first hand that you are a survivor and ready for the next chapter of your life (college). I wish you the very best and know that your father would be proud of you. My apologies that I can not offer better advice about your personal essay topic; keep in mind that the purpose of the essay is for the admissions committee to get to know you better and since your father’s illness consumed so much of the past two years I can understand why you would choose it as a topic.</p>
<p>I too, am so sorry about the loss of your parents. As far as guidance counselors, they are human and have their own biases and sometimes not so great opinions. Do not be discouraged from applying where you want, and you should write about what you want to as well. I know students are steered away from certain topics, but your circumstances and what you have lived through has made you who you are. You aren’t using it as a “sob story” , but to try to have the admissions people know the real you. I would ask a respected teacher, who is known as an excellent writer, to review your essay if at all possible. You can take your counselor’s advice, but take it with a grain of salt. I have seen kids steered away from schools that were perfect for them because a counselor had a negative opinion of that particular school. Go with your gut and have another trusted adult help you out with this. Also, keep doing research on this website as to where you might be accepted, where your stats place you, find out more about your financial situation and what you can afford,etc. When my daughter was looking at schools I learned WAY more here than from her high school guidance department. Best of luck to you.</p>
<p>agree with above posters…and please come over to the Parents Forum…there are so many people who would be overjoyed to help you through the process…</p>
<p>I understand where the guidance counselor is coming from, but it is called a “personal statement” for a reason…I also agree with the above poster who advises to “show” how the experience has helped you to grow and how…</p>
<p>Having been a counselor, I can say good ones get a feel for a situation and advise you with the best intentions. Sometimes we see students who are focused on the negatives in their life, which is certainly understandable in cases such as yours, and decide that the negatives may best be handled in the school report giving the student a chance to focus on the positives.</p>
<p>I don’t know your financial circumstances, but if money is an issue, your college list may not be what you need. The schools you list other than BC do not meet need and that would concern me too as your counselor.</p>
<p>I agree that the parent’s board here will provide good guidance.</p>
<p>agree. First of all, I am sorry about your life experiences and losing your dad. BUT…your scores are not a reach for Fordham. And I think Fordham would LOVE to hear about your wonderful father. I strongly encourage you to apply to Fordham. Its a great school. But its expensive. How do you plan on paying for college? </p>
<p>Apply EA to Fordham, the early bird gets the worm! Good luck.</p>
<p>And when you apply EA to Fordham, also file the CSS for an estimate of financial aid, if they admit you.</p>
<p>so sorry to hear about the loss of your dad. </p>
<p>I am also very disappointed with how your GC is treating you. Of course you should include that in the special circumstances. Fordham and BC are Jesuit schools. They have a huge interest in social justice and being orphaned would be a concern for them.</p>
<p>You mention the loss of your father. Is your mom alive but not in your life? If so, you may need to get some kind of waiver for that so that her income is not considered.</p>
<p>Apply to many Catholic schools and use your story (Loyola Maryland, UDayton, Holy Cross, Providence, DePaul, St. Louis U, etc) . Honestly, their mission is to help kids like you. </p>
<p>Also apply to Mt Holyoke…they’re great with aid for girls with good stats. Also try Barnard.</p>
<p>Keep posting…we’ll all help you thru this process.</p>
<p>One of the deans at the University of Virginia gives this amazing talk about writing college essays, and while he flat out says “don’t write about death or divorce,” he immediately adds one exception: If the experience involved the death of a parent and you want to write about it, try, he says.</p>
<p>Why is this the exception? Because how could someone not write something powerful and moving about this, one of life’s most traumatic experiences?</p>
<p>I’m not sure where the guidance counselor is coming from; maybe she thinks the college admissions board will think you are playing the sympathy card? While I’m not an adcomm rep, I’m betting they aren’t going to think that. If you can write an essay that shows the impact your dad’s life – and death – had on the person you are today and it’s what you want to write about, go for it. </p>
<p>Long before all this advice existed on how to write college essays, I wrote about my mother’s death and the impact it had on my life. </p>
<p>I know colleges are harder to get into now, and everyone seems to have their take on how best to sell oneself, but I wouldn’t hesitate to choose that same topic. </p>
<p>You’ll find amazing parents who will want to help you on this board. We’ll all be cheering for you.</p>
<p>ready2011–Are you an orphan or do you have a mother who is living but who hasn’t taken responsibility for you? Given your counselor’s advice about your essays, I’m not confident that she is the best person to guide you through what might be a complex and atypical financial-aid application process. Feel free to send me a Private Message if you want to discuss this. </p>
<p>I am very touched that so many CC members are eager to help you through this maze.</p>
<p>whether the intentions are good or not, I think your GC is way off, and I applaud you for coming on here to do some research and solicit opinions. The fact is mentioning your special circumstances and clear obstacle to making the most of high school is not in any way going through life “as the little girl whose father died.” You will certainly get over this loss, but at this point you don’t want to pretend like nothing has happened with respect to your father’s illness and passing away. I think it is a disservice to your dedication to him and to him as well to not recognize that it was a huge part of your life. </p>
<p>I would not feel bad about including it in an essay, especially if it has shaped who you are and helped you learn significantly. I would at the very least make sure the admissions committee is aware of the fact. Explaining special circumstance absolutely does not equal soliciting pity, it simply puts context to help admissions officers understand your achievements. </p>
<p>If you do include it in your essay (or even if you do not), feel free to private message me your essay if you’d like an extra opinion.</p>
<p>You have gotten great advice here, and I’m glad you have found CC. I’m sorry that your GC is not very helpful.
I’ll address the visiting issue. You have a lot going on in your life right now, and visiting colleges is not a requirement at this point. You can get plenty of free information, photos, videos and student blogs on the individual college websites for free. Next spring, once you know where you have been admitted and what the financial aid packages will be, you can visit to make your final choice.
One factor you may want to ask about in your college search is the availability of support groups at a college’s counseling center. It can make a big difference to share your thoughts with others who have gone through similar hardships.</p>
<p>I second what siliconvalleymom said: you can learn much about a school from its website. When I was applying to schools I didn’t visit a single one and we didn’t even have the internet. It worked out fine for me. The most important thing about your essay is that it talks about you. Only write about your father in regard to how he affected you. It shouldn’t be a mini-biography of him. If you can afford the application fees, it doesn’t hurt to apply to some reach schools. You never know what might happen. I agree with momof2collegekids that Jesuit schools might be the way to go. You fit the stats for many of them. You might consider some that are further from home like Seattle U or Univ of San Diego or Trinity in San Antonio.</p>
<p>Thank you all so much. My dad had custody of me since I was born. My biological mother took off and wasn’t all that put together and she had supervised visitations and saw me until I was 4 and then she just dropped out of my life. She was on SSDI due to disability and she did not have an income. </p>
<p>I am very grateful for the responses today. My GC is really scaring me right now. I did write an essay about how I never thought about much of anything because my dad was always such a take-charge guy and I was very happy with life until he got sick (beg of my 10th grade) and his sickness and death really changed my life but made me really appreciate who he was and what he was all about and how I want to succeed to honor all that he did for me (which was everything). I can’t think of writing about anything else. The illness and death was such a life changer for me. I miss him terribly but he was such a good person and really impressed upon me the importance of doing well. Of course, I never appreciated his “lessons” when he was well. I always thought he was just being “dad like” but now I know there are not too many dads like him. He was special. And rare.</p>
<p>I am concerned about the one reply that said only BC would meet needs. I plan on taking loans etc. Will it really be that difficult to get full aid in grants and loans?</p>
<p>im sorry for this post all I was thinking while reading that was…
WHOAH your counselor actually talks to you! About useful stuff.
im amazed. and jealous. Does it work like that at most schools? Cause at mine you have to practically invade their space to answer your question (they have a technical sign up sheet, but they just cross your name off of it), and most of the time they give you a one word: yes, no or quit ( the extracurricular, class, or whatever you are doing that might entail more work for them)
/endrant
but good for you to have a counselor who cares :)</p>
<p>seriously, post this on the PARENTS forum. You’ll get dozens of helpful responses, especially about the inadvisability of taking on big loans for college.</p>
<p>My Dad was in your same position. He came back from the Korean War and enrolled in college while working full time. After six years at UCLA and Cal State Long Beach he graduated and progressed rapidly in business.</p>
<p>Definitely write about this event if it has had the most impact on your life. Just make sure to make it positive and personal at the same time. </p>
<p>You should look for more colleges that meet 100% of your need and are need-blind, meaning they will not look at your financial status to admit you and will fulfill all your financial need with loans, grants, or work-study.</p>
<p>My advice is try finding some liberal arts colleges. They usually have really good financial aid. There are also several colleges that offer free tuition. (College of the Ozarks, Alice Lloyd College, Berea College, Barclay College)</p>
<p>en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Need-blind_admission
Do some more research. Wikipedia+College Board is your friend!</p>
<p>You are doing great, having taken care of all of that, despite being alone. I would echo that you could/should write about your dad dying - I am sure you provided a lot of support for him and it took lots of time, and the schools need to know that. You might include a description of what a day was like for you when he was ill- what did you do besides go to school? Visit the hospital, or care for him at home? You probably were a caregiver, which is a very important role.</p>
<p>I suggest you get some help in evaluating any financial aid offers that you get. Even adults can be confused in comparing offers. Be sure to apply to some schools that will offer you a full ride without loans - given the fact that you don’t have parents to pay anything, you need to be very careful about promising to pay back loans. </p>
<p>There are plenty of threads in the financial aid section that talk about free rides - take a look for them to see other optoins</p>