<p>I was in a similar situation with my son, who is very bright, and went to the college of his choice on a virtually full merit scholarship. By the end of first semester, he had a below 1.0 average, which is darned hard to do particularly when he was one of the smartest students in the freshman class.</p>
<p>My husband and I did what we could including arranging for my husband to fly 1,000 miles to the university to meet with S and his advisor (S had to agree to this, which he readily did). Despite the college's giving S some major assistance with study skills, and extending his scholarship for one more semester, S's second semester grades were just as bad.</p>
<p>It is important for you to realize that there probably is nothing that you can do to help your S except hold him accountable for his actions. If the car is in his name, he can legally keep it, and if the bills are in your name, you are stuck. However, you don't need to pay his insurance, give him an allowance or give him a rent-free place to live if he flunks out and decides to come home. The more you hold him responsible for the consequences of his bad decisions, the greater the chance is that he'll learn from his mistakes and then turn his life around. </p>
<p>My S, 22, continues to say that he doesn't need college but we have told him that if he decides to go back, if he funds himself for one year and gets a 3.0 average, my husband and I will help him out with his expenses. We have not bought him a car or helped in any way with his post college expenses except to pay his health insurance, and once my husband gave him some money to buy clothes to interview for jobs. </p>
<p>After the unhelpful intervention of relatives who thought they were helping by allowing S to live with them rent free and giving him $ to help pay for a car, S is now having to work a job to pay for an apartment he living in with a male friend. I have noted that he seems to be more aware of what kind of life he will live without a college degree. Progress, however, is slow, but I take hope from the fact that when I was a college prof, some of my best students were guys who had flunked out of college when they were young and hardheaded, but returned in their late 20s or early 30s and excelled because they knew how important college is. </p>
<p>I know how hard it is to watch a beloved offspring mess up a good college opportunity. I wish you well and I hope your S wakes up soon. Just realize that his behavior isn't your fault, and other than holding him responsible fo the consequences, there probably isn't much you can do to turn him around.</p>