<p>If you read through the previous posts, you'll see she has already regained possession of the car.</p>
<p>"Well, another day has gone by without hearing from my S. I tried to call him at work, and got another employee who said that he moved to another office. So he is still working. I also heard from my mom, who is on the verge of panic, and is threatening to come here to talk to him, as she agrees with posters who think he might be depressed. She really thinks that he needs to get professional help. "</p>
<p>Depressed? He's not too depressed to work a job and keep it. </p>
<p>Meanwhile, I suggest again that YOU see a counselor. That would be the best way for you to figure out your options in this difficult situation. Much as people here are well meaning, we don't know you in person and we're not in a position to professionally assess your situation. You are spinning your wheels relying on well-meaning people on a message board for advice for such an important situation.</p>
<p>When my younger S ran into major grade problems (Ds, Fs in a kid with scores in the 99th percentile) during his junior and senior year, my own therapist was very helpful in aiding me to discern what was within my control, what was not in my control, and what options existed for me to help my S.</p>
<p>I also had feared that my S was depressed, and I was able to get him to 2 therapists, including mine. Neither found depression. They found perfectionism and they also found signs that he simply wasn' t emotionally ready to leave home and go to college even though he was very mature related to other things in his life. Anyway, the therapists helped me let go of trying to save my S's grades, which I couldn't do anyway. </p>
<p>My seeing a therapist helped me as well as S. If you want to be in the best position to help your S, get yourself to a therapist. I know your schedule is tight, but the time that you're spending reading this board and worrying about your S could be used to sped 50 minutes in the office of someone who truly can help you.</p>
<p>thanks, sounds like a plan</p>
<p>Northstar mom does make a point. Maybe you should seek some help in this situation. For the most part you are getting upset if you can't reach him or he doesn't respond. Let go a bit, it's much healthier for both of you in the long run. If it takes visiting a professional to get there by all means go.</p>
<p>Northstarmom is right on about getting a therapist for ones self. Just as you put the oxygen mask on yourself first during an air crisis before helping your child, so you should in many crises. I have found that it is often easier getting a child into therapy when you yourself are going that route. And an unbiased voice who has been trained in these trials and tribulations can help you get over the emotion that often blocks the best decisions.</p>
<p>One thing, I'm not so sure the S needs therapy. He's a kid, he's doing kid things, it doesn't make him depressed or in need of mental health. It means he's behaving like a lot of young people. Roughly half of HS grads don't go to college and the other half that does loses roughly another half. So around 75% of HS grads either don't finish or even start college... are they all mentally ill? </p>
<p>While we may not agree with the kid's choices, and yes, he's screwing up a bit here and there, absolutely nothing he's doing is a sign of mental illness. It's more signs of him wanting to bag school and play house. </p>
<p>Alot of kids do this and alot of kids get in over their heads temporarily. He has/had some golden opportunities that he might someday look back and do the woulda/coulda/shoulda reflections about a missed opportunity. Again, this is not a sign of a need of therapy, just some poor decisions he gets to make and experience. </p>
<p>I do think mom should consider some therapy because she has trouble letting go and staying out of the situation to a point where it is probably unhealthy for her. She frets because "another day goes by and he has called me.." Well do you call your mom (his grandmother) everyday and talk? Probably not, as you are involved in your daily life and I would imagine as busy are you are with two jobs, talking to mom everyday or immediately returning calls isn't necessarily possible. </p>
<p>He has to have his own space, right or wrong, it has to be his. Squeezing him so tightly to "protect" him is eventually going to send him far away or cause him to act out in such a way out of spite that he would never do on his own, given space to grow up. It's not "tough love" or anything close to it. All I am suggesting is let him make, and more importantly live with his own decisions. I am suggesting you seek therapy to find ways to deal with this stage of life in the family.</p>
<p>Ummm. I would not be so quick to rule out any mood disorders or issues. These are the years that mental illnesses rear their ugly heads in our kids. Sometimes it is simply an adult adjustment disorder, sometimes bipolar issues come into play. I've seen it happen too many times to just dismiss this is as a possibility.
Of course what has happened here is not that unusual. Lots of kids flunk out their first year by overcommitting to many activities, partying too much, substance abuse, getting into unhealthy relationships, not studying enough, spending too much money. Then they stick their heads into the sand instead of addressing the mess they have caused making things worse. It is an old story. Trying to determine exactly what is happening is not easy because the main player will rarely tell you the truth or the whole necessary story.</p>
<p>"It is an old story"</p>
<p>Exactly, with many different endings and pages. This kid is not the first to do something like this, nor is the mom and her actions...new. </p>
<p>While not completely ruling out MI, I also am not quick to jump it in there for the S. So far the S, behavors, while not what "we" would like to see aren't signs of MI, they are signs of breaking away. What have we read here that even begins to imply a MI issue for junior? </p>
<p>If someone chooses a different way to do things or to make their own decisions and choices, we can't label them mental problems just cause we don't like them or agree with them. That's using ourselves as a standard and who the heck knows if we have it all together? </p>
<p>I did suggest it for mom, not because she's got a MI, but she's having some separation issues, probably cause he's the first to leave the nest, and that's not abnormal either.</p>