<p>Our daughter applied to six very selective schools, was rejected at four and waitlisted at two including her top choice. I'm hopeful they will find a spot but realistically know it is not likely. The advice I am requesting has to do with what to do next year for 9th grade.</p>
<p>The main reason she began her search into boarding schools was to get out of a negative environment at our public schools. There is a lot of bullying there and the administration has not been supportive about this.</p>
<p>We need full FA. Do I send her to our public school to start HS and live through another terrible year? She plans on reapplying to BS next year, hopefully with better results. Or, do we try a private HS in our area and have her start out with all new people with the intention of leaving in a year to BS?</p>
<p>Aec, can you afford a local private school? If yes, why not? Things may work well there and then she won’t need to leave for a BS next year. If not and you are getting enough FA from them, run with it. Full FA from BS is a long shot this year or next year. Sorry if I’m too harsh. She can certainly apply again. There are about 15% of the student body who are on full FA in some top schools.</p>
<p>^^What will happen if she goes to the private local for 9th grade and doesn’t get into any of the BS’s for 10th grade? She will loose the opportunity to make friends at the public, and will have a harder time for the last 3 years. I would investigate fin. aid at the local private - that would be your ideal situation. They give scholarships the same way the BS’s do. Just don’t tell them upfront you are considering transferring out. Who knows, she may enjoy her time there to such an extent, a BS wouldn’t matter.
What kind of a negative environment is she facing at the current public? Obviously I don’t know the circumstances at all, but I would have to say that problems that occur with girls in Middle School will dissipate in HS. Could this be the case, or are we discussing a dangerous environment? Another thing I would add, and I hesitate so as not to offend you, but one should assess one’s children face on, without rose colored glasses - is she exhibiting behavior that encourages bullying as one person or is her gang of friends being bullied? If its her gang, then I would imagine problems will stop in HS. If its her on her own, I would possibly spend grandmas money on seeing how you can help her navigate the bullies. There are programs that put kids in make believe situations and allow them to act out various scenarios that help deal with social issues. Again I don’t know your details, and sincerely hope that one of your waitlists work out, but Iwould address the problem from the other end, and also investigate fin. aid at local private.</p>
<p>Bullying is a pervasive problem throughout our public school system. It ranges from putting people down to physical aggression. My daughter has been bullied mostly because she raises her hand in class and likes to learn. On the first day of school this year, the kids in her homeroom told her she was weird because of the vocabulary she was using. In the first few days, a girl kept hissing at her and telling her she hated her. Recently, she stood up for something she found offensive and was ridiculed and told that no one wanted her there (someone had used the word “gay” in a derogatory manner). She has actually become good at ignoring the bullies and speaking up when necessary but I don’t want her to go through another year like that. She has never been assaulted but I know kids that have been. One of the worst examples that happened this year was a student in a wheelchair that had tape put across his mouth by a bully because he thought it would be funny. One of my daughter’s friends was there when it happened and went to the principal. The boy was suspended for a few days. It’s just a very negative environment and it saddens me to think of her going through it for another year.</p>
<p>There are other options but they are drastic. </p>
<p>My local school district would make yours seem like heaven. It has gotten so bad that several of my husband’s co-workers actually rented small apartments and physically moved themselves and their children to qualify for residency. In one case, the rent was 1/3 to 1/2 the cost of the elite private school in the area.</p>
<p>Parochial schools (been there, done that, not my favorite option for an urban child). Much cheaper than private schools and discipline is much enforced. Some are great, others can be a bit inflexible and rigid.</p>
<p>I’ve interviewed successful motivated students who were homeschooled - a. their parents worked full-time jobs but put together the materials and the child took the lead. b. You could also seek advice from some of the HS moms on the CC board (many here) about other options such as joining a group that homeschools their own children (perhaps there is something you could barter so you could keep working?) so she is still supervised by an adult.</p>
<p>If she is “stuck” in her school until 10th grade you can then seek enrollment at an early college program (finish High school while completing first two years of college) - or do SYA. I once heard that child in that program can “re-apply” for a second year in a different country.</p>
<p>Otherwise, you might see what legal options you have to get the school to put more support systems in place to help your child. I am curious as to why the teachers and the principals aren’t required to send repeat offenders to the local “alternative” school (if one exists) or send them to ISS, or put them on homebound.</p>
<p>Sounds so sad - but been there, done that. We went the local private route. Girls were nicer, some of the teachers were not. So don’t assume the problems will go away if your daughter transfers. There are others that will prop up if you don’t find the right option for her needs and personality. Good luck!</p>
<p>This is a radical option. Have you considered moving to a different public school district? Instead of moving your child to a better school (i.e. BS), why not move your entire household to a better school district.</p>
<p>Yes, I realize the housing market is terrible now. If you cannot sell your present house, you can assess the feasibility of finding tenants.</p>
<p>The funny (not really) thing about the idea of moving to a better school district is that we live in one of the top ten districts in the state. We moved here ten years ago FOR the school district. I’ve been on a bullying board in our school (which they named The Positive School Climate Commitee) that has done nothing but send out a survey in the past two years asking students about the bullying problems. I’d like to thank everyone for their comments and those who sent me a pm. They were very helpful and have given me a lot of great ideas about next year.</p>
<p>Aec081- after April 10th, a list will be circulated of schools that still have openings. I strongly suggest you contact a number of them with your story. One of the schools may surprise you with an offer. (Don’t rule out all girls schools!)</p>
<p>I think you should find a new school for her, if possible. I assume she’s not wild about participating in extracurriculars populated by the kids who are bullying her. They will move on to the high school as well. If she plans to apply to new schools next year, she will need some extracurricular commitments on her application. </p>
<p>It might be much better at the high school. Does the high school track freshmen, i.e., separate students into honors, college-prep, etc.? If so, all the scholarly kids who are now being bullied for showing interest in academics could (finally!) become the majority of her peers in her high school classes.</p>
<p>Parents of high school students are good resources for the climate in the high school. If she’s done Odyssey of the Mind, or other academic clubs, reaching out to the parents of slightly older kids who’ve participated in those clubs could yield information. If they say, “yes, middle school was horrible, but it gets much better in high school, as long as you’re on the honors track,” your daughter may be fine. If they say, “I think the system has a persistent problem with bullies…” well, I think you might pursue some of the other options mentioned above.</p>
<p>@Aec081: Our son was bullied from fourth grade on by a group of kids that would have moved along with him right through high school. I posted in a thread in the college parents forum dealing with this issue [thread=1286568]Bullying Prevention in Middle School and Beyond[/thread] but, if your administration is truly not supportive, then I would have to agree that removing your child from the situation makes the most sense. Our son found a way to successfully fight back, but he had the support of his principal. He chose BS for increased academic opportunities, but I have to say that being completely removed from a toxic situation is a relief to all of us. Best wishes with whatever avenue you pursue; you have my sincere sympathy.</p>
<p>As terrible as it sounds, does your D have friends in her current school? My school has sucky teachers, but I have some truly amazing friends there, so even if I had been rejected it wouldn’t have been that bad to stay. If she does have close friends in her public school, I suggest staying for another year.</p>
<p>I find who gets bullied and who doesn’t to be interesting. If ever there would appear to be a prime target for a bully, it would be my daughter. That has never been the case, however. I think part of it is that the kids at our school are generally nice, but my daughter tends to disarm people with humor and when that doesn’t work and she’s pressed against a wall so to speak, kids know that she has the ability to verbally bi*chslap them until they’re cowering in their own locker. She has some very close friends and that has made her school bearable. Actually, it’s not the students that ever given her problems, but more the teachers. Why doesn’t anyone ever talk about bully teachers? My d has been in class where she is from 1 to 3 years younger than everyone else for the last 3 years. When she was over a foot shorter than everyone else, it wasn’t a student who would point it out but a teacher who would write the problem for her to work on the board at the very bottom “so she could reach it,” thinking she’d get a laugh from the class at DD’s expense. The 17 year olds in class with her last year didn’t have a problem with her being there at all, but the teachers who taught classes that she tested out of would almost go out of their way to avoid her. There is a prevalent attitude that if she is “so smart,” she shouldn’t need to be taught and all of her work should be perfect. Or, they look at her, see that she is physically much younger and label her as immature. It’s maddening. Of course, the teachers who have bothered to actually have a conversation with her don’t think that at all. There just aren’t very many of those. They can’t tell from her writing because they don’t assign any writing.</p>
<p>Aec081 - I wish I had a magic solution for you. At least you have a local private school that can be an option. Is her school at least meeting her academic needs? I’m not sure what I’m going to do. My daughter’s favorite teacher will be out on maternity leave next year, the only English class that is remotely appropriate is taught by someone who “doesn’t read books” and her math teacher for next year is known to humiliate his students in class for a laugh. Bullies come in all sizes. Most people advise to try to fly under the radar and avoid them. It’s hard to do when it’s the teachers. You can try to “lay low,” but you can’t avoid them altogether. Like enemyofthesun said, if it weren’t for her good friends, her school would be unbearable.</p>