<p>My daughter got accepted at Deerfield,Taft, Choate and Middlesex but I'm not sure I want her to go to BS as a 9th grader but might be OK w/ it in 10th grade. Does anyone know if schools hold it against you if you don't accept and apply again the next year?</p>
<p>Why did you apply? You can certainly change your mind, but she’d have to start all over again the next year and the schools that accepted her may wonder if she’s going to back out again.</p>
<p>It’s a big step. We’ve all done it. If you’re having second thoughts that’s normal, but she got into good schools, and there’s some merit to starting at the same time as the majority of her classmates.</p>
<p>There are no guarantees she will get a spot the next year. The pool of applicants and the school’s needs change from year to year.</p>
<p>My mom wants the same thing, because she thinks it’s too early to send me away. But I think it’s better to have a full four years of boarding school. If I wasn’t accepted at any schools, I’d rather stay at my current school for the rest of my highschool rather than go through the entire admission process again.</p>
<p>TimNsv - </p>
<p>I know that you know your daughter, but one thing to think about is that these schools see lots of applicants each year. The overwhelming majority are incoming 9th graders. And the overwhelming majority are denied a place. What I’m saying is that you know your daughter, but the admissions officers know what it takes to succeed at these schools. They have lots of kids to choose from, and they’ve been doing it long enough to know what they’re looking for. They would not have selected your daughter if they didn’t have very good reason to believe she would do well at these schools. They do not admit kids who aren’t ready for boarding school. So, unless something critical was omitted from your daughter’s application, I think, in this one case, you should defer to the opinion of the admissions officers: your daughter is ready for boarding school and will likely be quite successful there.</p>
<p>Also, this wasn’t the opinion of just one admission officer. Several AOs (admissions officers) looked at your daughter’s application at each of the schools she was accepted to . . . and they all agreed that she was ready for boarding school. Trust me, if they hadn’t agreed, your daughter would not have been invited to attend.</p>
<p>So, like it or not, your daughter is probably ready for boarding school.</p>
<p>Now, that having been said, whether or not you are ready is a whole different matter. And you may not be. I have no idea what your family’s situation is, and there may be a lot of reasons why you feel it would be better for your daughter to stay home next year. That is your decision. But, you should be aware that if you take this opportunity away from her, there is absolutely no guarantee she will ever get it back. Admission this year does not guarantee admission next year and, unless there’s a really compelling reason for your daughter to stay home this year, the schools may well not be willing to take a chance on her again next year. In other words, not only will your daughter be facing even more rigorous competition next year for far fewer 10th grade openings, the schools she’s been admitted to once may just decide they’re not willing to bother with her again.</p>
<p>Look at it this way: you could have chosen to withdraw your daughter’s application at any point during the admissions process. Instead, you elected to wait until the process was complete and offers were extended to her. As far as I’m concerned, that’s a showing of bad faith on your part and, frankly, unless there’s a very compelling reason that you only now became aware of, if I were the one making a decision, I’d really think twice before extending an admissions offer to your family again.</p>
<p>I am not an admissions officer, and the AO’s are probably a lot more forgiving than I am (and I have no doubt you’re not the first parent who’s felt this way), but you need to consider the very real possibility that this is a one-time chance for your daughter. If you say no, she may not get another offer in the future. And you only need to look around these pages to realize how devastating it is for a child to go through this entire process and be denied admission. If that’s what happens for your daughter next year, are you willing to face that?</p>
<p>This is your decision. It’s certainly not mine and, in the end, it’s not the admissions officers’, either. You have to do what’s right for your daughter. Just be aware that your decision may have some very real, and unintended, consequences. And be sure you’re making your decision for the right reasons.</p>
<p>vivsters - Translate this post for your mother, word for word, so she knows it’s my words and not yours. By the way, as a four-year boarding student myself once upon a time, I agree that being at a school for the full four years is an amazing experience . . . but there are plenty of kids that go to school for just three years and have an equally amazing experience. So, don’t discount it as a possibility just for that reason.</p>
<p>Best of luck to the both of you!!!</p>
<p>Wow. Thanks for all your input and I certainly have a lot to think about. The reason didn’t just come up. My d comes from a divorced family and I was never really 100% behind her decision to apply to BS b/c I felt (and still feel) that the education she is getting and she will get at her private school in Idaho is equally as good as she will get at some of the boarding schools. And I think coming from ID will be to her advantage when she looks at top colleges in four years. In general, w/out taking her potential refusal into consideration, is getting into 10th grade easier, harder or it just depends on the situation?</p>
<p>Getting into 10th grade will be much harder for your daughter if she refuses this year, UNLESS you come up with a compelling story (not the one you gave in your last post) of why you think she should wait till next year. In that case the school (and you should really do this with the one school you’ve identified as her first choice) may tell you - fine as a parent you know your kid well and your excuse is valid and we can respect it and are panting to get her application next year. If they say - we cant guarantee, it will depend etc then you know exactly where you stand next year.
In terms of what she will get from her private school in Idaho versus a top school like Deerfield or Choate? Not to sound like an East Coast parochial but – a much better quality of teaching, with most professors who will be as great or better as any college professors she will have; an amazing collection of peers unlike most she will have in Idaho, and not only in terms of global diversity (overrated in my opinion) but in terms of bright minds; and facilities that are almost impossible to rival.<br>
I think before you turn the schools down you absolutely must get yourself to revisit days to see what she may be missing.</p>
<p>I thought I’d offer two perspectives that might help with the decision making.</p>
<p>First - the easiest one. My daughter entered Taft as a 10th grader. I’m just now figuring out how lucky we were for her to get a spot. Taft’s graduating class is about 150 students. So they take 100 students at 9th grade and add 50 more in the 10th grade. So if we assume (incorrectly) that half the students are girls - then that means there were only 25 spots available when she applied. </p>
<p>This year Taft had to choose students from a pool of 1600 applications for a total of 170 spots across 9-12 grades. As your daughter gets older, her odds of getting into a school decrease dramatically.</p>
<p>I wish I had known about Taft for 9th grade. The extra year would have been amazing.</p>
<p>Taft is small and intimate. They treat the parents like family. Every faculty member knows every child - when they are eating, if they get along with their roommates, if they’re homesick. </p>
<p>My daughter is able to do things at Taft because of its small size that it took me years to earn enough “seniority” at Exeter to do.</p>
<p>So if your daughter was selected at ANY of the schools you mentioned, she’ll thrive. The staff at Boarding Schools are skilled at working with students that age.</p>
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<li>Now the hard part. </li>
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<p>A close friend is a prep school grad and an IVY leaguer. Her daughter tests “gifted.” But she’s divorced and I’m convinced that she continued to sabotage her daughter’s opportunities because she - the mother - didn’t want to be alone. We tried to get her to consider BS. Then Bards College, then . . .</p>
<p>There were always excuses. She wasn’t ready. It could wait until the next year. Or the next. Until the options had run out. </p>
<p>I know you said you weren’t “convinced” about letting her go. My mother wasn’t either. But it was good for me, and as much as I resisted (yes me) my daughter’s initial wishes to follow in my footsteps - her experiences at Taft have been breathtakingly amazing. She had access to resources even our best privates schools couldn’t provide. Her exposure to international students has her thinking about options outside of our borders. </p>
<p>Communication has increased (and we were close to begin with), I’ve broadened my network to parents around the world as a support system, and the grade reports and contacts from teachers and advisers is better than what I could have ever hoped for at home.</p>
<p>The same will be true with Choate, Deerfield, Middlesex, etc.</p>
<p>So I agree with Dodgersmom. How much of this is that you will miss her? Or that it will change the family dynamics?</p>
<p>She deserves this chance. So many others won’t have it.</p>
<p>The odds of her turning down those schools and getting in somewhere the next year are not favorable based on number of seats available at 10th grade.</p>
<p>You can PM me if you want. I’ve seen it from all sides, student, BS interviewer, and now parent.</p>
<p>I’d be worried about your relationship with your daughter if you were to pressure her to turn down this year’s offers and she went through the whole arduous process of reapplying next year only to be turned down. I know my DC would resent me under these circumstances.</p>
<p>Good points, Exie. I’ll play devil’s advocate, though:</p>
<p>If the OP’s family’s intent is to get daughter into a top college some day, she probably IS better off staying where she is. Idaho is an underrepresented state, and things like National Merit Scholar chance will certainly be better there than in prep school. </p>
<p>And I’ve never been one to think that bs hands-down beats out a good day school–time with our kids is short, and if she’s in a good day school and all is well, why change?</p>
<p>I’m curious, though, to know what your daughter wants to do. If she really wants to go, I’d say the best thing will be to let her go.</p>
<p>Good points, Classicalmama!</p>
<p>If you go to boarding school, from say, Idaho, there’s a good chance that you will still be considered as being a resident from the underrepresented state of Idaho when you apply to college. It depends on the college or university. The only reason I know this is that a few different parents asked the admissions directors on the panel at college weekend this exact same question, several different times.</p>
<p>The admissions directors on the panel that I heard were from Columbia, SMU, Bard and an associate guy from Yale. I can’t remember what they said about their specific schools as we’re from an overrepresented state and so it wasn’t relevant to us. A parent from Montana asked that question, if I remember correctly.</p>
<p>I will say something, however. If you’re from an underrepresented state - when you apply to college you’re still considered from your home state.</p>
<p>To put it this way - the ideas and cultures of someone who grew up in Idaho are different from someone who grew up in San Francisco or Boston. That you went to BS just means there’s double assurance you can thrive in the academic rigor as well.</p>
<p>The PSAT scores are the exception - for National Merit you’re judged in the pool of students from your BS location. </p>
<p>Still - the advantages of BS are compelling for the right kid and/or family. So many more qualitative and quantitative opportunities from the experience so far - at least - for us.</p>
<p>I agree - in this situation, revisits are the best way to take the school on a test drive. More time on campus and you see and do more than during interviews. Parents can ask tons of questions while their child is off exploring with a student guide.</p>
<p>I worry that it’s really not about how good the home school is. </p>
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<p>I asked my husband since he has just finished his admission’s cycle and he said - the family home location is what is counted for college applications. So she can go to Exeter and we’ll still consider her an Idaho kid at admissions.</p>
<p>Good to know, all–but then there’s still that perennial is it better to be a big fish in a small pond at home or one of the many at bs argument…not that I want to go there… :p</p>
<p>Classicalmama, I think this forum has been there several times, bought the t-shirts, and sent postcards home. (metaphorically speaking. 
)</p>
<p>To return to the OP’s question, I know of students whose parents decided they weren’t ready for boarding school, who explained that to the admissions officers after acceptance, reapplied the next year, got in, and are now happily attending boarding school. However, I had the impression that those students were clearly heading to boarding school at some point, and it was only a question of the student’s readiness for boarding school.</p>
<p>I suspect that the reasons to postpone boarding school would matter, in a case like this. For example, a serious illness or family tragedy (heaven forbid!) would be a reason to keep a child at home for another year. Choosing to back out because the divorced parents couldn’t agree whether or not the daughter should enroll in boarding school? That’s a different kettle of fish. If you reapply to the same schools, they will know the recent history.</p>
<p>Actually, it really is about how good the school at home is. They graduate 25 kids a year and send on average 5 to the Ivy league and another 5-10 to the USC, Georgetown, Stanford. Trust me, really top notch schools. The only reason I said I might let her go in 10th grade is that would be somewhat of a compromise for me. Try the school at home and if you don’t like it I will support you 100%. Also, it is not that I am going to miss her so much that I can’t let her go. It’s just that she is absolutely thriving in Sun Valley, ID which is a sophisticated outdoor paradise, it’s not hicksville. I grew up in Boston and went to school back East so it’s probably not what you think (it’s not what I thought). I think revisit days might be in the cards and up until a few hours ago I would have thought that was very unlikely. The only thing I am a little leary is that this audience (most appreciated, by the way) is probably made up entirely of boarding school parents/graduates that I wonder if I am getting unbiased opinions. Thanks again, Tim</p>
<p>I wanted to add one more thing; I have a distant cousin who sits on the admission committee at Exeter and he told me that Exeter is just looking for the best candidates they can get every year. Whether or not you turned them down and then applied again doesn’t mean anything. Also, it is a completely different set of eyes that will be looking at tenth grade applications than it was the year before. He isn’t sure about all schools but he expects the larger ones like Exeter operate in the same fashion.</p>
<p>Wow - that puts things in perspective. You seem to have good choices. I’m sure you’ll make the right decision. I have one in BS and one that stayed home. So I’ve done both. </p>
<p>We all try to get clues from the limited information in a post, but it’s hard to know what’s in someone’s heart. She’s got a caring dad. We can point to a lot of other kids who don’t. She’s lucky. So are you. You have choices.</p>
<p>Revisit days for my husband were key to deciding. He sat in on classes and asked a lot of questions and watched the staff and student interaction. I wasn’t allowed to enter my opinion until he formed his own independently. </p>
<p>It was the boarding component that was the mystery element for him. What could she get that she couldn’t get at home.</p>
<p>And truth be told - we were glad to have her home for 9th grade. That extra year meant a lot to us. </p>
<p>Good luck whatever you decide!</p>
<p>Thank you so much for all that replies and especially my daughter will thank you b/c I am at least willing to go to the revisit days (which I wasn’t when I woke up this AM). I especially want to thank dodgersmom and ExieMITalum for sending my Private messages. I thought you might find this interesting. This reply comes as an answer to my question: Is it harder to get into BS in 10th grade than it is in 9th grade? It is answered by a distant cousin (whom I have never met and had no idea he was on the admissions committee at Exeter, and learned of this too late for my daughter to apply there. Here you go:</p>
<p>Tim,</p>
<p>Guess that depends on the school. The applicant pool is high in every grade and my sense is that having some type of “hook” helps in any grade. Honestly, living in Idaho can often times be considered a hook. There just aren’t many in the pool. </p>
<p>In the end, I think it’s best to go with your gut. Far too many people read into statistics, surveys, etc… All of the schools Madeline has on the radar are great places with passionate teachers and motivated kids. They offer a diverse student body and many advantages other schools cannot. But it comes down to whether or not all parties involved are ready to make the commitment–and it’s a big one, no question. This is why Exeter values older applicants–particularly ones from different parts of the country. Typically, families need time to figure out what is best for their child. It’s a far more familiar idea for New Englanders. Yet, it’s a tougher decision when you’re coming from such a distance that already offers great options. I tend to target 7th graders when I recruit in new territories. This gives families time to digest all that is at stake. I think you’ll know best if this is the time for Madeline. She’s been admitted to schools that are quite selective. I’m sure they admitted her because they feel she’s ready. Now it’s a question if whether your family feels the same. I recommend giving the re-visit period serious consideration. It may produce a gut feel one way or the other.</p>
<p>Good luck with your decision!</p>