<p>CC parents,
What advice would you give a senior leaving home? This is something we have been asked to do for D's English class-write a letter to your senior. They are currently reading Hamlet and parents have been asked to write a letter.</p>
<p>Uhmm, I'm not going to express it eloquently but I'll shoot out a couple ideas...</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Expect a lot of ambiguity.</p></li>
<li><p>You won't have a consistent schedule. You won't be able to get into a daily routine. One day you might have classes from 9 to 5, the next day- none. Plan accordingly.</p></li>
<li><p>You're greatest challenge won't necessarily be academic. It might be social. It might be dealing with the "curve" (teachers who give tests in which a 70 is an A). It might be questioning your choice of majors, or having to change majors because you discover you're not as good at something as you thought. It may be trying to balance laundry with errands with finances. That's OK. You're there to learn, and not just from books.</p></li>
<li><p>College is hard.</p></li>
<li><p>If you choose to go through fraternity or sorority rush, it's initially somewhat of a superficial, first impressions process (but hey, so is getting a job or making the sale). Look around- if everyone is wearing topsiders and polo shirts, it's probably not a good idea to go goth. Wear the uniform.</p></li>
<li><p>Call your mom and dad. Don't lose your cell phone. </p></li>
<li><p>Don't get in trouble with the police. If you choose to drink alcohol, don't get caught. </p></li>
<li><p>If you choose to have sex, use protection.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>Aw heck, this is easy.</p>
<p>Everyone is so full of advice for kids leaving that they forget the obvious:</p>
<ul>
<li><p>College is fun. Make sure you take advantage of it.</p></li>
<li><p>some of the fun involves things that have legal consequences, like alcohol use.</p></li>
<li><p>some of the fun can be life threatening. Think about it.</p></li>
<li><p>your parents survived. You can, too.</p></li>
<li><p>don't be afraid of making mistakes. It is part of learning.</p></li>
<li><p>be judicious regarding what you tell your parents about. They could be unduly alarmed.</p></li>
<li><p>Try things you think you may not like, be it courses, people, foods or activities. Now is a good time to experiment and explore.</p></li>
</ul>
<ol>
<li><p>Try new things. You don't have to be the kid you were in high school.</p></li>
<li><p>Go to your professors' office hours, they want to talk to you. Really.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>Is the assignment to give advice or to write a letter to a senior leaving home? To me, those are two different things.</p>
<p>I did write letters to both kids when they left home. My intent was to mix a small amount of advice with a lot of love and a lot of "call anytime, come home anytime, home is where, when you go there, they have to take you in."</p>
<p>As for advice: don't do anything that will make you cringe when you wake up the next day.</p>
<p>dmd77,
I'd like to do what you did-use this opportunity to give some advice mixed with a lot of love. Since many of you here have had kids go to college, I thought I'd ask you'll.
Thanks to all for your response.</p>
<p>I have put philosophical thoughts on stages in life in some of my e-mails to my college son last year and recently. Consider reflecting on where you're at and where you are going as a parent of a soon to be leaving the nest, almost adult. This is an opportunity to show your teenager the other side of the parent child relationship and its evolution. It will also help you articulate some of those vague feelings and realizations that dawn on you. This is a nice assignment for parents at the beginning of the last year together. It is a major change in the way you relate. A recent thought I had was regarding how parents spend 18 years incorporating their child into the fabric of their lives, making every decision with the effect on the child in mind, then gradually disentangling their lives from the now adult's- it's more apparent after they're gone and you realize how you make plans without considering them.</p>
<p>I wrote letters to each of my boys and gave it to them the night before they left for college. Each letter was tucked into a copy of Dr. Suess's "The Places You'll Go". I used this letter to tell each of them how proud I was of them, the things I really liked about them, and how much I loved them. No advice at all. If I haven't taught it to them by now, it is too late. Most of all, I guess I wanted each of them to have something that they could remember and look at to help them through those tough times.</p>
<p>I've told both of my sons that during the first few weeks of college many kids drink too much, smoke too much, and have casual sex, and my words of advice were 'don't do that'
.
Somehow, I dont' think this is what the English class is after :)</p>
<p>Here is a link to the thread started by taxguy:
<a href="http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=135001&highlight=taxguy+letter+daughter%5B/url%5D">http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=135001&highlight=taxguy+letter+daughter</a></p>
<p>Here is the letter that he sent to his DD:
Dear Allie, I wanted to share with you some insights as to what you need to do in order to become successful in college. I do know that you are probably thinking, "Here is my meddlesome, opinionated dad giving me information that I probably know." Yes, I am a bit opinionated and maybe meddlesome too.However, I have been very successful in college and may be able to give you some insights that most kids won't get. Please simply read over what I have to say once and evaluate my suggestions for yourself.</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Use weekends to prepare for midterms and finals: In high school, you were given a week to study for finals. This is not true in college. Roughly every 7 weeks, for colleges on a semester system, you get a major test, either a mid-term or a final. With colleges that operate on a quarterly basis, these big exams occur every 5 weeks. You might have a weekend to study for these tests, if that. You, therefore, need to start studying each week; weekends are the best time to start this process. If you have a day or a weekend without a lot of homework, this is an ideal time to start preparing for midterms and finals. Preparation can involves preparing outlines, condensing outlines, and studying for midterms and finals. I can't emphasize this enough. </p></li>
<li><p>Outline your textbooks and not just underline important information: This is what separates the top students from the mediocre ones. The top students, for the most part, outline the chapters as they read it for homework. Having an outline really prepares you for the major tests. If the book has graphs or charts that you need to know, xerox these graphs and charts into your outline. The weekends should be used to condense and refine your outlines. </p></li>
</ol>
<p>I can promise you that studying for finals and midterms using outlines will dramatically increase your knowledge level and, at the same time, reduce your study time. It is a real secret among the top students and should be instituted by you.</p>
<p>I should note that I do understand that you feel that " outlining is not your way of studying." However, I have found that it really is much more effective than highlighting important information in the book. As a trick ,when I made outlines, I used varous colors of pens to illustrate different parts of the outline. For example, examples would be in one color. Section headings would be in another color. It was more fun to do using this method, and made important information stand out.</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Find a way to overcome stress: You get very stressed at your major exams. You need to find a way, without use of drugs, to overcome this. Frankly, if you did your best in studying that is all that can be expected. Don't worry about the grades or test. Just do your best and I promise that the rest will follow. </p></li>
<li><p>Eat well: You are now associating with a lot of kids who will be at close proximity to you, which means it will be easier to get someone cold or flu. In addition, college is innately stressful. Many kids get mono and are forced to drop out of school for a semester. Thus, you really need to eat a well-balanced meal. This means having orange juice or grapefruit juice for breakfast, eating lots of vegetables, and staying away as much as possible from the junk foods. Taking your vitamins daily is a must, even though I know that you think it is a pain. Yes, it may be a pain, but it could prevent you from getting very ill too! Also, don't forget to exercise. Most colleges have great exercise facilites. Lots of people go there, and is a good social place to meet people too. Remember the Greeks felt that having a strong body is just as important as having a strong mind.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>In addition, avoid the "peer pressure" of taking drugs under any circumstances. I know that you probably won't do this,but it really is important to say. IN addition, many kids seem to want to drink liquor since this is their first time away from home. If you want to drink, do it once. Get really sick, and you won' t ever do it again. Liquor and studying don't go hand in hand. </p>
<ol>
<li>Limit your distraction to a minimum and use good time management: I have been asked what is the toughest part of college. Is it the work? Is it the sophistication of the classes? Is it the fact that there is less spoon feeding in courses? Frankly, all of this has some truth to it. However, in my opinion, the main thing that differentiates the top students from the chaff is how they deal with the new distractions that college offers. Think about it: you will now be living with lots of kids who want to have fun, socialize and party.</li>
</ol>
<p>Let me be clear about this: I certainly feel that you should also have a life in college too. This means attending social events, college events, making friends etc., However, time management becomes crucial. Thus, if you are going to spend most of Saturday having fun, you need to work on Sunday. Keeping a schedule of when you will be working and when you can have some social time is a good idea. One thing ,which is your strength ,is doing exactly this and planning for your work. Don't let the social scene overly distract you.This is a very important point that has to be kept in mind all the time.</p>
<ol>
<li>Never fall behind: College goes quickly. Don't fall behind. I can't emphasize this enough. Keep up with your work. In fact, even better, stay ahead. This is why it is important to prepare for midterms and finals each week.</li>
</ol>
<p>7.If you have trouble in an area, get help: This is very crucial. Don't be too proud in asking for help. Professors are usually very willing to help kids out. In addition, there is always that smart person who really knows the work cold. Making friends and getting help from classmates can make a huge difference. Your brother does this extremely well, and thus, may graduate with honors.</p>
<ol>
<li><p>For tough courses, consider setting up study groups. This is a law school trick that I learned, and it worked very well. Join two or three kids to go over the work each week and to help study for exams. Note: this is NOT in lieu of reading the material and studying for the tests yourself. This is in addition.</p></li>
<li><p>Don't overly rely on Spark notes and other crutches: Too many kids avoid reading assignments and use Spark notes and other crutches. Frankly, this shortchanges themselves and their education. As importantly, all professors who teach courses are aware of what is in the review books and Spark notes and usually gear the information in exams to what is NOT in the notes. It may be a dirty trick,but it works. Don't take the short cut. If you want to read and outline the material and then use review book in addition, this might be the ideal way to study for tests.</p></li>
<li><p>"Get the study guide for the course: Whenever possible, get the study guide that accompanies the course: Most texts, especially intro courses, have a study guide. Sometimes the school sells these guides and sometimes you need to go to the publisher's web site and buy it from there. Always get the study guide. I have had tests taken from these, plus it's an excellent way to review for the course and help with your outlines. Again, don't just rely on study guides! Also, if no guide exists, sometimes the book's author post example questions and/or chapter outlines that are very useful in preparing for the course. You have seen this in your AP courses. Some lazy professors even take their tests from these on line examples. It certainly won't hurt to check out any web site information on your textbook.</p></li>
<li><p>Write or call home each week: If you don't call us, we will call you! Thus, to avoid being hassled at the wrong, least opportune time, which we are experts at, please call home once a week. Sunday is a great day for this. We are nosy. We want to know how college is going. We are parents; it comes with the territory.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>Anyway, I hope this helps you.</p>
<p>Love, Dad</p>
<p>I really only gave my kids two general pieces of advice:</p>
<ol>
<li><p>It's your backside. Nobody else is going to cover it for you.</p></li>
<li><p>Don't have children until you've finished your education.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>Marian---if I'd waited to have kids until I'd finished my education... I'd still be childless;) But I did wait until I'd finished my bachelor's degree, although the kids were five and six when I got my master's.</p>
<p>Viva la difference.</p>
<p>We told ours:</p>
<ol>
<li> The sky is the limit. </li>
<li> Go create your adventure</li>
<li> Get ready for the biggest mind expansion of your life.</li>
<li> We love you more than you could fathom.</li>
<li> We will be there if you need us.</li>
</ol>
<p>Don't borrow or lend money.</p>
<p>Be true to yourself.</p>
<p>In addition to showing them all the love, I did find that my kids were happy and extremely surprised when I said (didn't write) if they were in an emergency or so upset they had nobody else to turn to, they COULD phone me at 4 a.m.</p>
<p>I saw their eyes brighten and they looked extremely relieved. They never did (so far) but it was a message to them that, with all the talk of independence, they could still "interrrupt" us because they are still our first priority, even though they live far away. Perhaps it made them feel safe. Anyway, they' didn't use the invitation yet.</p>
<p>paying3tuitions, My mother got that 3AM phone call from the police when my brother was mugged and assaulted! He is fine now, but my mother has taken the phone off the hook at night ever since that call. It was a long road to recovery for him (involved surgery, and rehab.).</p>
<p>I got a 3am phone call from my college freshman last year. Remembering what happened to my mother, I nearly lost it until I realized that it was just that he thought his wallet was stolen. It really fell out of his pocket and another student found and returned it. Every dime and every item was still in it.</p>
<p>My D's AP English teacher gave the same assignment last year - maybe it's in some lesson-plan book for Hamlet.... I found it difficult but at the same time rewarding. I saved it on my computer and meant to email it to her - maybe now I will.</p>
<p>Dear ____________,
There is no secret advice that I have been withholding until now for some glorious moment of parent-child bonding. At this point all I can do is remind you of all the things you already know.
Remember that you are good. Good has many meanings and most of them apply.<br>
You are kind – Living in close quarters with people who don’t already love you can be a huge shock and a strain. Everyone around you is going through the same thing. Continue to be one of the peacemakers instead of becoming one of the drama queens.<br>
You are honest – There will be many temptations to take the easy way out, whether in academics or in your personal life. Make decisions based on whether you will continue to like the person in the mirror the next day.
You are talented – You are smart, musical and funny. You have been near the top of the heap so far in terms of the gifts you have been given. In college you will suddenly be reshuffled into a new hierarchy where you may feel quite ordinary. This doesn’t mean you have become less talented. Enjoy being around these people without becoming jealous or dejected.<br>
Remember to take chances. (Chances are not the same as risks!) Taking chances means being open to new things even in the face of possible failure or ridicule. It means listening to someone whose viewpoint is different than yours (and not just those whose viewpoint is more liberal). It means being open to friendship from unexpected places, looking beyond the surface, doing something you might not be good at, or facing a situation that makes you nervous.
Remember that school is your job. You are the only one that can make or it successful or not. We who are out of college tend to only talk about the entertaining or silly parts. Remember that those stand out because they were unusual. Success at college, like Thomas Edison’s quote about genius, is 99% perspiration. You are the only one who can make yourself get up on the morning, go to class, do the problem sets, read the chapters and re-copy your notes. You do it because it’s what you’re there for.
Remember to take care of yourself. Exercise, eat right, head to bed when it’s still night instead of nearly dawn.
Remember to be yourself. Don’t worry about what others want you to be. You know who you are and it’s the best gig in town.
Remember where home is, and that we’ll always love you.</p>
<p>dragonmom-</p>
<p>Lovely. Thank you.</p>
<p>to my D- I found this poem and have shared it here before, but it says it all</p>
<p>May your joys be as bright as the morning,</p>
<p>And your sorrows merely be shadows that fade,</p>
<p>In the sunlight of love.</p>
<p>May you have enough</p>
<p>happiness to keep you sweet.</p>
<p>Enough trials to keep you strong.</p>
<p>Enough sorrows to keep you human.</p>
<p>Enough hope to keep you happy.</p>
<p>Enough failure to keep you humble.</p>
<p>Enough success to keep you eager.</p>
<p>Enough friends to give you comfort.</p>
<p>Enough faith and courage in yourself to banish sadness.</p>
<p>Enough richness to meet your needs.</p>
<p>And one thing more: enough</p>
<p>passion to make each day a more wonderful day</p>
<p>than the day before.</p>
<p>dragonmom,citygirlsmom,
That is awesome!!!
Some really great advice, letters and poems. Thanks.</p>