Okay so I was never the type of college student to want to move into the dorms. I am attending a community college so I didn’t think it would be necessary, since I live in the town already. For the time being, I still live at home with my parents. I also have a part time job, while I’m going to college full time. I do want to move out of my parents house ASAP because I am just ready, but I don’t know what I should do. My boyfriend and I were thinking of moving in together my freshman year of college, which is now. I don’t know if I should and I was wondering if someone could give me advice on when I should move out and if I should move into an apartment with my boyfriend. Also, tips on having an apartment for the first time, if that’s what I decide to do. Thank you so much in advance.
If you don’t know what you should do then you should definitely stay home.
My $0.02…
If you’re going to move out into your own apartment, do it by yourself or with a roommate, but NOT with a boyfriend/significant other. ESPECIALLY if this is your first time ever living away from home. And ESPECIALLY if this is your boyfriend from high school.
Some questions & things to consider as food for thought:
- You mentioned that “I am just ready.” Why, specifically, do you feel ready?
- The relationship with your boyfriend might seem perfect & long-lasting right now, but living together is very different. Have you thought about what your exit plan might be if the relationship doesn’t work out and suddenly you are now stuck in a 6-month or 12- month long lease?
- Think about how much it could really suck to have to live for months with a roommate you now can’t stand. Or if you break up and he decides to bring dates home while you are asleep in the same room.
- What’s your financial plans for paying the bills? Rent, utilities, high speed internet service, cable TV (if you sign up for it), cell phone, car insurance, etc.
- How will you & roommate/boyfriend split the bills? Which bills will be in his name and which ones in your name (i.e., utilities, high speed internet, for example).
- If your parents are partially funding the apartment, are they ok with you & boyfriend being roommates? If you are funding it yourself through your part-time job, is it affordable given your income?
- Have you considered getting renter’s insurance? For example, if someone breaks into your apartment and steals from you, you will likely not be covered under your parents’ homeowners insurance. You’d need renters insurance for that.
- How will you & boyfriend split up the chores? For example, cleaning the bathroom, kitchen, etc. Will you cook meals together or is it a serve-yourself plan given your & boyfriend’s schedules?
- Are you a neat freak or slob & boyfriend is the opposite? How do you plan to handle disagreements (they happen between all roommates) over stuff like “It’s YOUR turn to empty the dishwasher!”?
Also, whenever you do sign a rental agreement for an apartment, read the ENTIRE document before you sign it. Make sure that you understand everything before you sign it because you are basically signing a contract. So read the fine print. If the rental agreement stipulates that the rent has to be paid on the 1st of the month with no grace period, then stick to it.
I said I am just ready to move out because I just didn’t want to explain in detail but I don’t mind doing it now. I HAVE to move out of my parents house. I have family issues that is forcing me to move out of the house. I can stay but if I stay I am in danger. Leaving is my only option. I want to move in with my boyfriend because he is moving out of his house also. He is 25 and he is just moving out of his parents house. He has a car an a license and a job, but is actually getting a second job in the coming week. My job pays 9 dollars an hour and I do work part time. In six months, my pay will raise to 10 dollars per hour. The apartment I want is an apartment that is meant for people with lower income. The apartment is very nice inside and a good neighborhood. Its just cheaper. I thought moving into together is just logical because we will be splitting rent.
And I don’t plan on buying cable. I don’t watch TV and neither does my boyfriend. I do have a television of my own and bedroom furniture. I don’t have the rest of the furniture for an apartment but I feel like I can furnish with time. My cellphone bill cost 45 dollars.
My boyfriend has more free time then me so I would want him to keep up with things, but on my days off I don’t mind keeping up my part as well.
The things I will be paying for is half of the rent, my cellphone bill and my car insurance.
But I don’t know a lot of things and that is why I’m worried.
I don’t know that there was even renters insurance. I don’t know what you all have to pay for when you rent an apartment. I don’t know what this whole experience will be like and I’m scared. But I have no other choice then to move out.
Ok, so some things to consider given your situation:
By the way, you don’t have to reply with personal information if you don’t want to and I’m not posting this expecting a reply. 
If you were my daughter or one of my daughter’s friends and you were coming to ME for advice on stuff that a recent high school graduate needs to know re: living on your own with no parental support, here are the thoughts, suggestions, tips, stuff to consider that I would tell you…
- How big is the age difference between you & your boyfriend?
- If you're 18 and he's 25 and you started dating him while you were still in high school, why would a 24-25 year old guy be dating a minor (assuming you were a minor when you started dating)?
- Thinking of question #2, just be mindful, watchful, & wary of potentially controlling/abusive behavior. For example, if he slowly isolates you from your friends and support network, that is something to be concerned about. This applies to any person of any age in ANY long term relationship. If he starts to shove you, hit you, or is physically abusive in any way, then he is not the right guy for you.
- It's hard to make ends meet on only a part-time job that's $9/hour.
- What is your plan on completing your degree? Are you going to end with an Associate's degree or a BA/BS?
- Will getting a Bachelor's degree require you to transfer/move to a 4-year university? Is that university in the town/city where you currently live?
- If you see yourself staying with your current boyfriend really long term, have you discussed with him your long term plans? For example, where will the relationship go if transferring to a 4-yr school involves you having to move?
- Who will help you move your stuff/furniture from your parent(s) home to the new apartment?
- Does the rental agreement include utilities?
- If your & boyfriend's collective household income goes up by a certain amount, does this mean that you would have to move somewhere else (i.e., if there are income limits to the apartment complex)? If so, have you considered what your apartment options would be if you were NOT in a low-income-housing complex? What are THOSE neighborhoods like & could you afford it?
- What are your career plans/aspirations? And how will you get there? Start thinking about what that plan looks like so you can make life choices every day that will help you reach your goals.
- How reliable is your car? Is the title in your name? Or will your parent(s) take away the car if you move out?
- Do you have any savings? If your car breaks down, how will you get to school/work? Over time, any vehicle requires maintenance - oil changes, new tires, etc. You need to set aside money out of every pay check for this sort of thing.
- Don't jump into a situation just because it feels right now like it's your only option. Talk to someone...someone you trust...someone who is NOT your significant other...somebody who is not emotionally involved in your situation and get their advice/input on what to do. For example, a school counselor at your community college. Or a clergyperson if you go to church/temple/synagogue.
- Make sure that you are using very reliable birth control. In fact, double up on the birth control (birth control pills AND condom) because in your situation right now, you need to complete your education and NOT get pregnant.
Health insurance?
Thank you both SO much! I have a lot of thinking to do and I need to figure out where I’m headed. But this information will surely help me going into the path I choose. I really appreciate all this advice.
Try NSSI for renters insurance, as long as you’re a college student.
I agree with all of the above…if you possibly can, move into a dorm. It is a great first step of independence without having to be responsible for everything.
Difficult situation indeed. I would first suggest to start with a strong base. Start documenting your situation with your family, seek counseling, do it online or by email if you can’t spare the extra time to sit with the counselor. The point is, there needs to be a trail, so to speak, just in case your family situation grows increasingly more toxic and your are still without an alternate place to live.
Also, I think that there might be an off campus housing site for your CC or perhaps a local University. They often have roommates who want to share a place together, or perhaps a bit better for you now, people who are sub leasing a place due to the fact that they are graduating and have a job not in the area.
Finally, as you mentioned you don’t have much furniture and you probably don’t have a lot of resources to move what you do have. Consider renting out a room that is already furnished. I hope these tips are helpful. I also hope that this experience doesn’t effect your parents decision on whether they will help you with college expenses. If it does, you need to consider those implications as well.