My boyfriend and I have been together for quite awhile now, 1 year or so, and have been thinking about college. With this, we’ve been thinking about the future of our relationship.
We’ve come to the conclusion that the best solution to accommodate both of our needs to continue to relationship would be for us to live together in college. Well, not to continue our relationship, but to make it as desirable as possible. I assure you, this is much more thought out than I’m describing. More thought out meaning that we’ve considered: individual benefits, certain scenarios, including what might happen if we broke up, etc…
We both intend on going into the same field, so finding a suitable college wouldn’t be difficult. Right now, University of California Irvine (UCI) would be our top choice to attend. Although, neither of us have a “dream school”, or anything in that sense.
I’ll get moving on to the question at hand: How would we live together? I mean in regards to living conditions: Would we have to rent an apartment off campus?; Are there coed apartments on campus?; Should we consider trying to find more roommates?
I’m not able to find much on the internet about this topic, so it would mean a lot if someone were to help me out.
Thanks! 
Please rethink this! College is a huge transition. You will be limiting your opportunity to meet new people by not living in a dorm and establishing your own friend group.
At some schools it wouldn’t even be an option as they require freshman to live on campus. I have no heard of colleges having housing for unmarried couples wanting to room together.
It’s also hard enough to pull together a college list for one student, let alone two. Make your college list independent of your BF. You are underestimating the difficulty in finding suitable, affordable schools.
I will share a story with you…close friends son was in a five year relationship with his GF (since 8th grade). By HS graduation they were talking engagement. He followed her to college and they broke up within the first month.
One year may seem like a long time but it really isn’t. Please don’t plan out your colleges around anyone else!
I assume you’re not paying for your apartment by yourself - what say your parents about this arrangement?
It depends upon the school as to what they will have in the offering. They don’t tend to support this sort of thing because, well, relationships at your age do not tend to last, and break ups then involve the school in deciding who, if either of you, get to keep the room or apartment. In graduate school, some schools more lax about these things. People have sneaked into college housing with SOs but it’s not something schools want any part of, and I don’t blame them. You can call the schools in your list and find out exactly where they stand on your type of situation
Your best bet is to get your own place which is what a lot of students do after freshman year at many schools anyway. Who is paying for the accommodations, the two of you, or parents?
Honestly I recommend living in a dorm apart from each other for your first year. Then see if you are still together after a year of college. Since you haven’t made a decision on college, I’m going to guess you are HS juniors now. A lot can change between now and college. Being at the same school, but living separately will give you the opportunity to see each other a lot but still have that space apart if you need it or you break up between choosing housing and actually moving in- or after moving in!
I’m not saying I doubt your relationship will last. I met my husband in my senior year and so did my sister. But even so it’s really early to be committing to living together freshman year.
Oh boy. If you are going to last as a couple, it makes sense that you should try to meet people on campus so you have a life outside classes and studying. Very few couples last when neither has any interaction beyond yourselves.
Are you “scrapbkr” or are you”scrapbkr and boyfriend”? What happens if you get into UCI and boyfriend doesn’t? Or vice versa? What if you or he decide you actually want to study something else, and UCI, should you get in, doesn’t offer it? What if neither of you gets into UCI? Will you only attend the college ther other person is accepted at, assuming you get into it too?
Frankly, I think your idea is a fantastic way to ruin your relationship. You have plenty of time to live together after college, and as stated, if it’s meant to be, it will last. You’re young. Meet others, experience college, and life, and find out who you are as you become a young adult. Don’t start playing house right now.
Completely agree with the above statements – this is a terrible idea on many different levels. Here are a few comments:
–College admissions are unpredictable (and UCI is an increasingly tough admit). You cannot count on getting into the same schools.
–College is a time of great change, personal growth etc. You may change and grow together or you may end up in very different places after a year or two of college. Give yourselves the opportunity to develop without feeling completely tied together.
– Many colleges require freshmen to live on campus and unlikely that you will be allowed to room together.
–Who will be paying for, furnishing the apartment? Do you parents think your living together is a good idea? If not, how would you fund it? Personally, I would not entertain this arrangement for a freshman S or D.
- Will your parents allow this
- Most colleges make you live on campus freshman year
- You are doing this because you are scared
- You don’t want to limit your college because of BF (or visa versa)…my Daughter had a friend who was the top kid in the class. He could have gone to Oxford or Cambridge but followed his girlfriend to mid-low tier school. They broke up and he was stuck there.
- College is a transition to adult life…maybe your BF is great…or maybe not. How will you grow?
- If you are meant to be together, you can maintain your relationship apart.
There is a reason why you aren’t finding out much info on the internet: it’s not a great idea, and most colleges won’t accommodate it. You are putting your 1-year HS relationship above the pursuit of a higher education/expanded career opportunities. If you two are destined to be (which, how do you know you will still be together this time next year?), then it will weather you both pursuing your educational goals as separate human beings. Even if you both wind up at the same school, I would NOT cohabitate the first year. You need to give yourselves the opportunity to meet new people and make new connections (some of which can even actually help you with your academic pursuits) while you are digesting a very life-changing experience called college - one of the main reasons why many schools require living on campus the first year. Living apart allows both physical and emotional space for both of you to grow. Also, living with someone is WAYYYY different than just dating them. You may drive each other insane. Add to that the stresses of being away from home and the demands of college, and you both may wind up miserable.
I know that this relationship is very important to you and feels like it has legs to last the ages (because a year in teen years is forever), but you two have a lot of living left to do. You may very will regret it if one or both of you made choices that sold yourselves short in the pursuit of bolstering the relationship. I’m sorry you’re not getting the advice you asked for, but you’re hearing from people who’ve been there and who find it hard to stand by and let you think this is a good idea when it probably isn’t.
I knew a pair of inseparable twins who attended the same college but were prohibited (by the college) from rooming together freshman year. They were surprised and SO upset, and it was genuinely difficult for them in the beginning. However, by the end of the year, they had both formed unique friendships and were undeniably more confident than at the start. That’s a much healthier situation. Starting college (at least somewhat) independently is really, really important - whether it’s a question of twins, best friends, romantic partners, etc.
And even if it all works out and you end up at the same school but living apart, please do not let each other become the unofficial third roommate.
My daughter’s second semester roommate had a high school boyfriend at the same school, and he was there ALL THE TIME. He ended up on academic probation. Not sure about the girl.
Another mom to say please don’t. I have two boys and a girl and don’t want them living with their SO’s in college because college is such a unique time in your life. You need to learn and know that you can handle living on your own for a length of time before being able to live with someone else for the rest of your life. You need to know that you are enough all on your own!
You both need to give yourselves room and time to grow. You don’t want to offer a long lasting relationship only a part of the person you are supposed to be. That breeds resentment and is a poison to healthy relationships. Apply to the colleges that are the best for what you each want to study. You don’t have to break up to go to college but if you hold on too tight, you will smother each other.
My DS and his GF started dating senior yr. They went to different schools, stayed in touch and are still together, going into Yr 3. As a parent, I appreciate that they push each other to do well in school. I even advised my DS that having a good career, after college, will help them build a good foundation for life. Take your time and let education be the focus.
Make this time about you. You can stay together without being together 24/7. If you didn’t have a boyfriend is this really the school you’d be going to? Your talking in the “we” about a decision that should be based on just you.
My niece dated the same guy from 7th grade throughout college. ( honestly, it boggles a few minds, but he is a great guy) She graduated three years ago and they are still together. She went to college in Ohio and he was in Florida .
Apply to 50% common colleges and 50% different. 2 safeties, 3-5 matches, a couple reaches.
UCI is only a safety is you’ve got a 4.3 capped ucgpa and you’re not applying for CS or business.
What are your stats? How many AP/UC counted honors have you taken?
What’s your college budget?
My boyfriend and I have been together for quite awhile now, 1 year or so…
This is not a long time. Take it from all the older and wiser folks…don’t do this.
I met my now husband during freshman orientation. We never lived together during college. He moved closer to my end of campus, though.
There are three scenarios:
This boy is THE ONE. You will marry him and it will be great. In this case, it won’t matter if you room together or go to the same college. Each of you will want each other to grow and learn in the best place for you.
This boy will break up with you. You will pick a college based on him and he will break up with you/you will break up with him. You will be stuck in an apartment with him and in a college that might not be ideal.
You stick with the boy, but you limit each other. You/he don’t go to the college you want, major in what you want or do internships where/when you want. You don’t make new friends. You don’t grow as much as you could.
I am going to be the lone dissenter…
I tried, but I cannot come up with any reasons why this would be a good idea. I am with the others.
Ok, well let me be the one…
… to pile-on and say that choosing a college because your HS BF/GF is going there is the worst possible reason.
College is a formative stage of life. You will end up completely different on the other side. Don’t make decisions based on who you are today, but make decisions that maximize your opportunity for personal growth. In short, don’t make decisions based on the relationship.