<p>The suggestion above is good. Usually anyone can join a biking club or tag along for certain events. If you are a runner, you can train for a marathon. Local running stores often run free training sessions that meet once a week and train beginners on up for a half or full marathon. Everyone is usually grouped together by skill level and then you spend every Saturday together for six months or until the event. Anything to do with the outdoors is very friendly and many folks who are attracted to the outdoors are people who, while friendly, like to be alone, too. Most areas (aside from cities) have free hikes run by local nature conservancies. If you become a regular, you might meet people. Another option is attending free get togethers put on by art museums. Museums are trying to get your generation interested in art and they put on events designed for people under a certain age (say college grad to 35 years or whatever). Look up museums in your area and check out their online calendars. You could also volunteer to be a docent at a local museum. Restaurants can be a social place to work… if you can do that type of work.
One more thing that you may not know until you get a lot older: Everyone is not always as happy as they seem so plenty of those people you assume are happier than you because you see them socializing might just be miserable. Do not judge your life by what you feel right now. Lots of kids feel a very natural let down as they graduate from college.</p>
<p>Do continue to use the counseling center’s services, you may indeed also benefit from medical therapy if those who evaluate you determine part of your problem is depression. Do discuss with the counselors how they determined medications may help. Being depressed can influence your ability to have a social life.</p>
<p>Joining clubs for interest is a way to spend your nonacademic time doing something you enjoy. Discovering likeminded people who enjoy the same activities is often a side effect, if not, at least you can have fun with the activity. Joining to meet people only works in making connections when you share the same interests. Relaxing about socializing will remove the pressures you may be placing on people to spend time with you.</p>
<p>My own experiences are those of an outsider- I finally met and married after all of my schooling, spouse and I consider ourselves “misfits”. I didn’t have the friends I wanted in HS. Found some good friends in college, but then we dispersed. I also learned which activities I could do with which friends- often none of them wanted to do the same things I did. It’s like overlapping circles- Venn diagrams. I am extroverted, my college friends introverted. I needed more social interaction and wasn’t content to pursue solitary activities as often as they were. However, my time spent with them was more enjoyable than time spent doing things more typical students were doing. Later classmates ended up as couples, my match was in my future.</p>
<p>It took me many years to learn who I was as a person. Figuring out who you are as an adult begins with trying out many personas, such as in college. By now it sounds like to have tried many versions of yourself, none of which are satisfying. Sometimes the best social experiences come when you don’t attempt to have them. </p>
<p>You don’t mention your academics at all- they must be going ok- they are the reason to attend college. Not everyone has a satisfactory social life in college, I would rather be the graduate than the dropout whose social calendar was a blur of activity. You chose your college on the best financial fit, not for other reasons such as liking the social atmosphere. I also advise you to “hang in there” as this is a time limited situation- get your degree and move on to an environment you like better.</p>
<p>I have often been accused of trying too hard- relax and let what happens happen or not. Become happy with yourself, being alone doesn’t have to be the same as lonely. I wish we had places like this for advice when I was your age, although, like everyone, you have to have life’s experiences to before it finally gels, you mellow out, make the adjustment to who you are and not who you want to be…</p>
<p>I hated college - totally did not connect with anyone there. When I got out into the “real world” I was so amazed at how much I loved it and how “popular” I suddenly was. People were attracted to me at work because I did a good job and was happy working hard. I loved the freedom and diversity of people. I really grew and developed social skills I never had in college. I agree with the poster who said that many of those happy kids in college were probably not all that happy.</p>
<p>I absolutely agree that a community theatre group would be great for you. Theatre people are some of the most accepting people around, they’re so weird themselves! They’re not filled with old people, especially if you’re in a city. This is your chance to reinvent yourself and be accepted for who you are. Good luck!</p>
<p>‘At least where I’m from, these community groups (theatre, volunteer) tend to be full of older people, not that that’s a problem, i’d still join if interested, but the question is where to find find groups of people your age after college…’</p>
<p>thats probably whats worrying me the most in regards to life after college. how can i meet people my age if my co-workers aren’t?</p>
<p>‘I hated college - totally did not connect with anyone there. When I got out into the “real world” I was so amazed at how much I loved it and how “popular” I suddenly was. People were attracted to me at work because I did a good job and was happy working hard. I loved the freedom and diversity of people. I really grew and developed social skills I never had in college. I agree with the poster who said that many of those happy kids in college were probably not all that happy.’</p>
<p>for my situation, that sounds too good to be true to happen for me.</p>
<p>‘I absolutely agree that a community theatre group would be great for you. Theatre people are some of the most accepting people around, they’re so weird themselves! They’re not filled with old people, especially if you’re in a city.’</p>
<p>i’ll definitely look into them after college</p>
<p>I’m 57, and am active in community theater. My theater friends range from middle school students to a friend who is 70. I’ve had my theater friends of all ages to parties at my house, and I have been to parties thrown by my friends, including friends who are grad students and college students. For instance, I went to a birthday party of a theater friend who is a woman , mid 20s, working on a masters in geology (and, incidentally, got straight As this semester). She has piercings, tattoos, and hair that she changes the color of frequently – including dying it shades like pink and purple. </p>
<p>The party included some of her friends from grad school who were around her age, and friends from the community theater, who ranged from college students to people my age. Folks talked, enjoyed margaritas (no one got puking drunk or played drinking games), and played Rockband. </p>
<p>At a holiday party that I hosted, there were theater and nontheater friends ranging from college students to middle aged adults. Some of the people played improv theater games. Some played card games. Some just talked. It was a BYOB potluck.</p>
<p>Cast parties after a show also are fun. At the community theater where I act, we have a house band, food, drinks, dancing, a bonfire and karaoke. Everyone who’s helped with the production is welcome. </p>
<p>This weekend, I’ll be helping do some refurbishing a the theater so it’s in shape for our upcoming show. That’s another nice way to get to know people – especially if one wants to meet the younger members of the group.</p>
<p>When I was in college, I was shy, and I was a small town girl in a big city. While I was active in some organizations in college, I blossomed after college. The older I get, the more I’m willing to pursue new activities, and the less afraid I am of looking ridiculous. For instance, I didn’t start doing community theater until two years ago. I’ve found that one can learn most things if one practices and takes lessons. I’ve also found that I prefer trying something new and messing up to being at home and lonely. I’ve also found that one doesn’t need to be perfect to try something new. The first time I did a monologue at a theater workshop, I literally was shaking. Two years later, I was on stage doing a 10 min. monologue in front of a couple of hundred people. Practice makes – if not perfect – perfectly acceptable.</p>
<p>The OP’s posts tear at my heart. I married a very introverted young man who I met in college. I’m an extrovert. We met while working at the school newspaper. I was an editor and very social, knew practically everyone on campus and was invited to every party going on. He was a graduate student, loner, and worked nights (of course) as a copy reader. He lived at home. Was about as isolated from the campus social scene as possible. Somehow we connected. I think I felt an emptiness in my great big social life and sensed his depth and wonderful heart. We were married within 18 months - my friends joked that I was a child bride. </p>
<p>We just celebrated our 30th anniversary, have two tremendous kids, a very nice home, financial stability. He evolved from an extremely shy bookish academic to quite a leader at a Fortune 50. He overseas a large diverse workforce, gives frequent talks, attends meetings all day long where he has to put forth his views and persuade people. He is a wonderful father and husband. I would never have dreamed this would happen. Not in my wildest imaginings. When I committed to a life with him, I did so thinking that I was pretty much giving up any social life. Here’s the great irony. He pursues several community activities while I have grown much more private. Now I’m the one who savors my solitude and he has to prod me to be more social . . . </p>
<p>Always remember that the very best way to attract someone who will truely love you is to be a good person - kind, considerate, responsible. All those boring qualities. My husband was not the life of the party. Not cool in the least. But I sensed his goodness. I knew immediately he would be my anchor and my shelter and my soul mate. Certainly join clubs and read the self-help literature. But have faith in being a truly good person. That is the most attractive element of all. Be a gentleman. You’d be surprised how few there are these days . . . it will make you stand out, dorky as it sounds.</p>
<p>Ditto this thread. Don’t worry heinrich, I’m in the same position. I dropped out of my first college, commuted to community college for two semesters then transfered to another four year university. I simply was not there when bonds were made, and at my first university I was a bad fit (tried really hard to make friends and it just didn’t work out like I wanted). I’m doing okay socially at my new university; I joined a service fraternity my freshmen year and my new chapter seems great so far since I was elected Pledge Trainer. I only have three more semesters so I have to make the most of it. If you need anyone to talk to, feel free to PM me. I know how you feel. You need confidence that things are going work out fine, and in saying that you have to take initiative.</p>
<p>My kids are also not “the life of the party” & neither were hubby nor I. We have few, select friends and participate in activities that we find interesting and rewarding. We form friendships from some of these activities. Many of those with tons of “friends” don’t have all that many close friends whom they can turn to in tough times. My kids, hubby & I have that and treasure it. </p>
<p>Hang in there & be true to yourself. It can help if you try out different courses/clubs/activities and find ones that you really enjoy so that your new acquaintances will have something in common with you.</p>
<p>Above all don’t blame yourself. I also commuted and it is very hard to break in socially when others are living on campus. Isolation can be very hard to deal with, and it is easy to think there is something about ourselves that is causing it. But in reality, as someone said, it is usually a matter of circumstances.</p>
<p>My kids didn’t have more than maybe 3 good friends at college, who were mainly from the dorm, maybe one or two from their academic department. </p>
<p>Oddly, my most introverted child has really benefited from Facebook. She never participated in any online communications in high school, but Facebook seems to have helped her deepen some friendships in college, which is weird, but a good thing I guess.</p>
<p>Work, volunteering, church are all good ways to meet people. Things will get better, but it might help to talk to someone so that you do not blame yourself for feeling alone.</p>
<p>Being a loner is cool.</p>
<p>Most people have “niches” whether big or small.</p>
<p>I’ve got a niche. It’s basically enjoying what I like by myself, but every so often someone comes along and I click with that person. It makes relationships so much more valuable. </p>
<p>You may see those kids who “know everyone”, but it is pretty much because they are really outgoing and can’t stand not to learn about everyone else, and frankly whatever else isn’t their business knowing. This does not apply to everyone who has a wide caliber of friends…but personality wise, there are similarities.</p>
<p>We call these people socialites/mega extroverts.</p>
<p>I know how to act like a mega extrovert, and once in a while I switch identities, but alas, it is taxing on my patience and state of mind. So, I go back to being the happy loner.
Like a rubber band I naturally just go back to my regular shape. </p>
<p>You are who you are. Love it…live it…and people will notice.</p>
<p>However, my dilemma is that I’m stuck on how I want to feel.
how you want to feel?
I think maybe you are spending too much time on this.
Haven’t you heard of “fake it till you make it”?
I can think of a whole host of cliches.
To have a friend, be a friend.
Get out of yourself
Be here now.</p>
<p>If you aren’t invited to parties, perhaps no one knows you would like to be.
Summer is a great time to throw a party- if you don’t have much room to entertain guests, host a BBQ party at a local park or beach.</p>
<p>Id also suggest travel- I know a young woman for instance who didn’t have any friends until she was in middle school- because of a combination of anxiety & learning issues and her family was not the best at teaching social skills.</p>
<p>She never dated in high school, despite being very pretty- although she did attend dances etc. with her friends. Her friends, being academically more mature than she, went on to top colleges- while she did apply to a few colleges and was accepted, she planned to take a year off before she attended.</p>
<p>Community service had always been a value, as well as exploring other points of view through travel & she wanted to go as far as she could for as long as she could.
While she was still nervous to go around her urban city block by herself, she researched volunteer opportunities on the other side of the world & made the courageous step to spend three months on the Indian sub continent at 18, where she didn’t know anyone, and didn’t speak the language.
She had a fabulous time, made lifelong friends and learned things about herself that some of us take a lifetime to learn.
She didn’t set out with the objective of making friends- but to be a friend.</p>
<p>I would rather read, to gain wisdom- I like sleeping in my own bed.
I suggest [Dalai Lama](<a href=“http://www.lifepositive.com/Spirit/world-religions/buddhism/dalai-interview.asp-”>http://www.lifepositive.com/Spirit/world-religions/buddhism/dalai-interview.asp-</a>) and [Thich</a> Nhat Hahn]( <a href=“http://www.shambhalasun.com/index.php?option=content&task=view&id=1579]Thich”>http://www.shambhalasun.com/index.php?option=content&task=view&id=1579)
Also [Stumbling</a> on Happiness: Daniel Gilbert | Blog](<a href=“http://www.randomhouse.com/kvpa/gilbert/blog/]Stumbling”>Stumbling on Happiness: Daniel Gilbert | Blog)</p>
<p>"My daughter, too, will graduate with a small core group of friends, and I wouldn’t be surprised if she only keeps in touch with 2-3 of them. That’s because she’s an introvert (as explained in this article: Caring for Your Introvert - The Atlantic (March 2003) ). "</p>
<p>Mezzomom, thank you for the article you mentioned above. I laughed long and heartily over the truth (and frustration) contained in that opinion piece. I married an introvert, and the author painted a very honest picture of just how my ex functioned. Can you tell I’m an extrovert? Although I can so relate to Heinrich, because I moved so often as a child that I also became very quiet–a godsend to my middle and high school teachers, who didn’t have to put up with my blabbiness through about 4th grade, before it ended for good because of yet another move (I think I was in 20 schools by the time I graduated from high school). Henirich, things will improve slowly over time. Unfortunately, everything is a process, and it just takes time for you to slowly start to fit in. I would say joining that theatre group sounds like the very best course of action. It never occurred to me to do something like that.</p>
<p>Best wishes.</p>
<p>Sorry to bump this old thread, but I feel the same way. Not a lot of friends, rest of my suite mates have their own circle of friends and I’m here sitting alone, in front of a computer watching college football. Not a fun weekend.</p>
<p>Sorry, blue. It’s not too fun to be alone at college when others are out having a more social time. Life is just lonely sometimes, at any age. Perhaps just keep studying at times like this? Good grades will move you along into other things, and you’ll have other groups of people to interact with.</p>
<p>It’s okay blue. I transferred in mid year so it was kinda hard. I made friends, but I still feel lonely.</p>
<p>Same here… I talk to people in my classes but I don’t ever hang out with anyone…</p>
<p>Yeaaaah… me too.</p>