<p>My sister graduated last fall and she is back home. It took her 7 years to graduate. She changed her major constantly, and had a crappy GPA. We are worried about her. She thinks life is over for her now. She stays at home and watch TV all day or play in the computer. </p>
<p>I'm graduating too in high school and my parents will not spend a dime for my college education. I work in a store as a stocker in the weekends and nights, about 30 hours a week to save from my college education because of this my grades are only average, and some C's. </p>
<p>Now, I really feel so depressed too and angry at her. I feel like she ruined my life. I am not eligible for any aid, probably, and I only have 6,000 in my bank account. I'm not as bright as my sister, so I really think, I should become a full time student only, and not work, but how am I going to do that when my parents used my college money for my sister's education?</p>
<p>I want to buy a car with my money. My dad once promised me he will buy me one, but somehow he changed his mind, and stop caring about me. My mom does not work at all. At home, I really feel like my parents don't expect anything from me. I'm average, and they probably think I will remain average in college and probably fail like my sister. </p>
<p>What I really want is for my dad to also finance my education, and keep my savings to myself to pay for university (when i transfer) and other things I need. I also want him to keep his promise to buy me a car, or at least co-signed for one. </p>
<p>Is this really horrible of me to ask him for that knowing he is paying for my sister's student loan?</p>
<p>One basic question is whether your parents can even afford to pay for your college or the car. It’s possible they got themselves into a financial bind - especially if they’re paying for your sister who took 7 years to graduate (almost 2 kids’ worth of education). Most kids don’t really know the financial situation but keep in mind this could be a factor. Even if they wanted to pay for your education (and car) they might not be able to.</p>
<p>Outside of that, I always have viewed myself as a different person than my sister and never had any expectations that I’d be treated identically to her by my parents and I wasn’t. Because I didn’t have any expectations I also didn’t have any disappointments. </p>
<p>It’s not horrible at all for you to sit down with your parents and have a serious discussion about your future which includes college, which then includes how it will be paid for and by whom and you should make sure you do have this discussion. You can also have a discussion about the car but that should be treated as a separate item and you shouldn’t get it confused in the mix of the discussion of college. The car isn’t nearly as important as the college and you have enough money to buy your own car anyway if you decide to and don’t need to use that money for college.</p>
<p>Make sure you have the discussion but if you enter the discussion without a sense of entitlement and without expecting to be treated identically as your sister then it might be more productive. They at least owe you the discussion so you know where you stand and can make your future plans accordingly.</p>
<p>Our outlook in life is often connected with recent history. The economy was doing fairly well earlier in the last decade and they may have thought that swinging two college educations was doable but the economy is far harder today for most than it was seven years ago. It may not seem fair to you but life often isn’t.</p>
<p>It could have happened the other way around too. Your sister could have turned college-age in the middle of a big economic downturn so that your parents couldn’t afford college for her and an economic recovery could have arrived when you were about to go to college.</p>
<p>I don’t know how to talk to my parents about this without being disrespectful to them. The way my dad spends his money, I can’t seem to believe that he can’t afford pay for my education. Maybe they will change their mind a few months from now. If my dad won’t pay for my college, I can probably afford to pay the tuition in community college anyway, as long as I still have my job. I have 2 jobs now, one seasonal. So that will help me to buy books for college. I probably do not need a car. I’ll take the bus like I always do. </p>
<p>This sucks, but at least, I found this out now, so I can save my money instead of spending it this spring break.</p>
<p>I know it’s hard but try to think of this as more of a business transaction and possibly negotiation. In order to get what you want, i.e. your parents funding your college, you know that being disrespectful won’t help so obviously avoid that. You might get emotional and that’s fine and normal under the circumstances but try not to dip down to the disrespectful state - that won’t help you and will only make you feel worse. Don’t bite the hand that feeds you (and that you’d like to feed you even more).</p>
<p>Unless your parents are routinely spending tens of thousands of dollars on things that aren’t necessities, like vacations and extra sports cars, you can’t infer their ability to pay. Just because they might have purchased a big TV and eat out every now and then doesn’t mean they have enough money to pay for college (or even the TV). But it’s not up to you to decide anyway - it’s their money and they can spend what they have as they wish so even if they have plenty of extra money it doesn’t do you any good if they’re not willing to spend it on you.</p>
<p>You do need to have the conversation with your parents on the subject or else you won’t know how to plan for the future whether it be a CC for a couple of years, a local state U that you can commute to, or something elsewhere if you can find the funds. You’re within your rights to have the discussion in a mature way - just don’t be disrespectful or feel too entitled.</p>
<p>Perhaps if you pay for community college and do well there, after a year or a year and a half your parents will believe that you are capable of earning a 4 year degree in 4 years and will help you to pay for it. I suspect that your sister’s problems are coloring their view of the value of investing in college. </p>
<p>ucsd… has given you very good advice. The one of most important is that you need to have a discussion about this topic so you can plan ahead. Are you going to a community college, a state school, or a private college? There’s a huge difference in their costs. Will you have to decide which school based on the financial aid package you get? All these things matter about which college you attend, and even if you go.
He might be able to pay for your college, but don’t assume anything. He’d probably respect you a whole lot more if you had a serious discussion about this. See it from his point of view. Your older sister took 7 years to graduate and now does nothing. He could be worried that if he paid for another (7 years to get a) college degree, it’s just “another” monthly payment. He might be reluctant to foot the bill. On the other hand, if you spoke about your interests in attending college and your goals once you had a degree, he might be pleasantly relieved.</p>
<p>You say you’re an average student and your sister is brighter. That may be, but in terms of college she took a very long time to graduate so perhaps she is “book smart” but not “street smart”. Succeeding in college is more about good time management and responsibly attacking your class attendance and homework. Look at this thread, and you’ll see most of the responses were about study skills:</p>
<p>You’ve already shown you’re a responsible person by working and saving money. Concentrate a bit more on your grades and continue to save your money. Spring Break is a time of year when the weather starts to get better just about everywhere, so you can find some way to enjoy it near your home rather than blowing your hard-earned savings.</p>
<p>Act responsibly and speak to your parents as calmly as possible. They do have a responsibility to you, and your sister should start working to pay off her loans. Try not to be confrontational though, since you don’t want them reacting by slamming the door on helping you financially with school costs. It won’t be the end of the world if you start at your local CC. You may be eligible for financial aid there and you’ll have a chance to start off well with good grades.</p>
<p>It would be good if you sit down with your folks and talk about these issues so that you can start making plans accordingly. Most states are quite reasonable for CC & most Us will accept the coursework you do there when you transfer. CC is also a great place to explore different fields – some of which you can get a license/certification of other job qualification (like a licensed practical nurse) after only two years there. This could help you get a higher paying job or hold in your back pocket for when you’re in college. There are also some merit scholarships available for CC students who transfer to a U.</p>
<p>It would be good to start looking at different fields and potential careers so you can have some idea of what you’d like to study. </p>
<p>I agree that speaking respectfully and calmly will yield the best results. If there is a close friend who might be willing to let you practice your talk before bringing it up with your folks, that might be good as well.</p>
<p>One thing is certain, you should not blow your hard-earned savings on Spring Break–that will make your parents doubt how serious you are about your further education.</p>
<p>I talked to my dad about what he plans for my future. He was in a good mood today and I was somewhat calm too. He was still firm on his decision that he really will not finance my education because he believe that I am not ready for college. My grades are not good enough. However, he said that if I manage to graduate in 4 years (for a Bachelors) and get a job, he will give me an amount equal to my gross annual income in my first year at work. So, if I earn 40,000 a year, he will give me that same amount. If I stop at associate, I’ll get nothing from him. </p>
<p>I don’t know if that is a good deal. </p>
<p>This means my only option is to go to community college and then transfer to university. This made me think what major I should do that I can handle completing in 4 years and that I can make good money out of it. There is not much that I am good at, really. I got an A in algebra and Statistics because I like my teachers and I kind of enjoy it, but I don’t like geometry or trig, and I failed precalculus. I am not good at writing or public speaking, but I did not fail them. Got a B. I am not artsy. I did not enjoy my film and ceramics classes. I am okay with computers, but I could not handle advance programming. I think the only activity I like to do is working, so I can earn more money.</p>
<p>I’m probably not really prepared for college…</p>
<p>If you attend the community college, have a transfer plan, choose classes that will transfer to your 4 year school and will fulfill the GE requirements there. For example, in CA there is an articulation website that shows precisely which CC courses fit which requirements at all the UCs. My DD transferred to a private college and she emailed with the transfer coordinator each quarter to ensure that each class she took not only transferred fro credit, but also transferred to fulfill a requirement of the private school. You can do something like this.</p>
<p>By the time you have taken all of your UG GE requirements, you may have found a subject that interests you and in which you then choose to major.</p>
<p>If you feel you are not ready to take classes full time and get excellent marks, there is nothing wrong with that. You could work for a year, you could take part time classes, you could take vocational courses at a local technical school, etc</p>
<p>I guess your dad figures that once burned (by your sister), twice shy. He wants results first before he’s willing to put any money at risk. Your grades are Cs–if what you want is your dad to finance your education, your time would be better spent doing your schoolwork rather than working 30 hours a week.</p>
<p>$6,000 will take you through community college. With a good last semester in high school and great grades in CC, he could very well change his mind and help finance your move to a 4 year university, which is where the serious expense is.</p>
It’s not really since it doesn’t help you to actually pay for college up front which is when you need it and according to your earlier posts, he’s not to be trusted to keep his word when it comes to funding things for you. Four years is too far down the road to count on it. </p>
<p>This means you need to figure out an affordable and practical plan for yourself. One idea is to attend a local CC. You could plan to attend for 2 years and then transfer to a state U or other U. If you do this make sure you check with the academic advisors at the CC up front so you know what needs to be done to transfer to a state U. Keep in mind there are lots of students at CCs who are just taking random classes and don’t really have a plan and will never transfer - some don’t even care about getting a degree. Make sure you’re not one of those and that you know what you need to do in order to be ready to transfer in 2 years (as opposed to 3 or 4 or never). </p>
<p>In that 2 years at the CC you can focus more on your academics to do the best you can do and you can also expose yourself to more areas to help you decide more about what you might want to do as a major later (you don’t need to decide right away). </p>
<p>Maybe if you do well in your first year at the CC your father will be more inclined to help with the finances. </p>
<p>The other affordable option might be to attend a local state U as a commuter if there’s one close enough to your house and you want to start out by attending a 4 year and are accepted. For many state Us, one can earn enough money during the year working at part time jobs to mostly, if not completely, pay for the college as they go.</p>