<p>Also be warned that sometimes kids DO come back, because they’re struggling. Be happy if they go away and thrive!!</p>
<p>Remember-this is what you have spent 18+ years planning, saving, raising him for. You’ve done the hard work and a good job-he’s ready! Deep breath-it will only be good!</p>
<p>Thanks, MainLonghorn, for the reminder of the other thread on CC regarding when they DO decide to come home after college. I told mine after my youngest leaves in 2 years that I am either going to a) become a sorority/fraternity house mom or b) a nun and therefore will not have a house for them to come home to. ;)</p>
<p>As a mom who cried for days when each child left home, sometimes halfway across the world, I know how you feel. Somehow though, it gets better. One great thing is the existence of Skype. Just seeing that little blue icon by their name is very comforting. I don’t have to chat to them, but just knowing that they’re online, alive and well is good enough.</p>
<p>@laplatinum, I never ask my son to switch to Berkeley once he made his decision (see my post#12). I tried not to show any worries in front of my two boys. I keep my anxiety semi-secretly, only my DH knows (but he doesn’t know the severity of it).</p>
<p>^And thank you again, everyone. I’m blessed to be surrounded by all of your wisdom and value experiences.</p>
<p>Mom of 2:</p>
<p>I can relate. My D went off to Brown this year, and we live in the SF Bay area. My D and I are very close, so it has been an adjustment. But, I have found that we text or email several times every day, which really helps me to continue to feel close. Also, it has been interesting to see how she has grown more and more certain that she will return here once college is over (although she LOVES Brown). She is coming home in a few weeks and doing a summer internship in San Francisco. We are all very excited.</p>
<p>Yes, it is hard, but there are lots of breaks and excuses to visit. Parents weekend was so much fun, move-in weekend was also very fun. Unfortunately, I have to work, so only my husband will be there to move her out in a few weeks. But she came home for Christmas for a month and for spring break, so you would be surprised about how often you will see your son!</p>
<p>OP Mom - I fully sympathize with your anxiety, especially when your son is still in HS and it’s soooo hard to imagine him as an independent young adult at this juncture. Just trust that you’ll gradually adjust to the new reality, because I’m sure you will. But here’s something else to consider:</p>
<p>I lucked out; my son chose UCB over other schools more far away. He’s a half hour away. He comes home for the major holidays and that’s about it. He got an apt. in Berkeley at the end of freshman year, and has lived in it fulltime ever since. He has spent maybe 4-5 nights in our home in the past year. We get along great; it’s just that he’s paying rent on “his” place, so of course he considers it his home, and it’s closer to his employers. Kids who go to school on the east coast have spent MUCH more time overall in their parents’ homes than my son has. So who knows? Maybe his going to Brown will result in more time at home than if he had chosen UCB.</p>
<p>@camathmom and screener22, your posts really comforted me a lot, especially both of you are nearby. Thanks a lot!</p>
<p>I feel much better knowing I can find many supports here, and also someone else shared the similar situations/experiences with me. I’m not alone. :)</p>
<p>OP–you absolutely always can come here for support. I have, many, many times. I was concerned I’d be a wreck when my only child went half-way across the country for college, but the anxiety ahead of time was actually worse than what I felt after we left him on his campus. I felt strongly that he was going to be very happy at this college and make more friends than he ever had before and would enjoy the academics and do well. Everything turned out that way. We saw him more often the first year than we did in later years because it was helpful to me. We didn’t insist on it, but he seemed fine with more visits too.</p>
<p>We did set up the expectation of a weekly phone call. For us it was almost always on Sunday afternoon. We text first to establish a good time. This worked well for us. In fact we still do this a year after graduation. My son is good about replying to e-mails and text messages, so that lessens the need for so much phone time. Really all I want to know is that he’s alive and well, but the weekly phone calls are good. When I hear his voice I feel I can tell that he’s well and happy. Of course, they won’t be happy every minute at even the best fit school, but I really didn’t spend much time worrying about him. College campuses are pretty safe places, in general, with lots of support systems.</p>
<p>We had driven our S to IA and helped him move into his room for his first year. At the end of that year, I thought surely he would want me to fly out and help him put things in storage, but no, he said he could handle it himself. College friends will help each other with things like that.</p>
<p>There, there, OP. You are pretty normal. In a practical sense, why don’t you buy plane tickets for October? Hang your anxiety on the concrete idea that you will go to see him barely 1 month into college. It’s an excuse to travel. It’s a chance to see another part of the country. Clearly you have raised someone who is pretty darn capable, or he wouldn’t be headed to Brown. But you tell yourself all this, don’t you?</p>
<p>Speaking as someone who lives in a college town, I can tell you that we are pretty much in good samaritan mode in the fall. I’ve taken kids to doctors, given them rides in the rain, helped them with fender benders…he will be fine. He will. And when he gets a cold, or fails a test, there will be someone like a mom around to help. Honest.</p>
<p>My children are in 11th and 10th grades (plus I have youngers). They have not even APPLIED to college yet! However, my panic attacks started last year. SO…I think you cannot possibly be too early. ((((hugs))))</p>
<p>I think I would feel pretty comfortable with a kid going to Brown in the fall. It’s a very nurturing environment, from all I’ve heard. Plenty of very happy kids there, I wouldn’t worry.</p>
<p>The way I’ve dealt with this is not by thinking my son is going away for 4 years. He’s just going away for a couple of months until he comes home in November. Then comes home for an entire month over Christmas, then a break in March, then maybe for the summer. Plus all the times I can visit him. It’s so much better when you think of it that way.</p>
<p>It was very traumatic for us, with the first one leaving. He thought he was getting an internship with Microsoft (staying at home) the summer before freshman year. It fell through at the last moment. He didn’t know what to do, so he decided to start college (2500 miles away) early. He applied for the summer program on a Monday, was accepted on Wednesday, and gone on Friday. So instead of our kid leaving in August as expected, he was suddenly gone in June. Taking the toughest courses they offered, at a very intense college. It was almost like a death for us, so sudden and we were unprepared for that. But going to Brown in August? That would be very comforting! You have plenty of time.</p>
<p>OP- you are perfectly normal to have anxiety in this situation. The question is just how much of a problem it is causing you. Faux brought up a lot of good points. A true panic attack is something non sufferers can’t even comprehend. You literally think you are dying. If yours are of that variety then I highly recommend counseling and anti-depressants. They have the added benefit of acting as anti-anxiety drugs but without the addiction issues of those (Xanax etc). The counseling gives you the knowledge and confidence to at least ease the effects, and the drugs can take just enough of the edge off that you can then control them yourself. As Faux also said- just having a true anti-anxiety pill on hand is often enough to let you get through it without help. I probably take one pill a year (if that). </p>
<p>True panic attacks can also be differentiated from generalized anxiety by their duration. A true panic attack usually goes away within about 10-15 minutes as the adrenaline wears off. </p>
<p>I’ve also learned that there seems to be somewhat of a cross correlation between panic attacks and depression, which is another reason that counseling can help. </p>
<p>Good luck and PM me if you need more info. I was undiagnosed for over 10 years and have been dealing with it now for almost 20 more years.</p>
<p>Momof2, I can remember a number of years ago when I was going through a stressful time. I knew I wanted to do something to help reduce that feeling of anxiety. It wasn’t panic attacks, but it was anxiety nonetheless. What I did was sign up for a tai chi class. Perhaps qi gong, tai chi, or yoga, basically exercise that is soft style, meditative, centering would be something you’d like right now? An idea anyway.</p>
<p>Just a little suggestion, fwiw. I am not affiliated with this company in any way, but I have found several of their apps very helpful, I am thinking that the “at ease” one for anxiety half way down the page may be useful to you. (and it’s cheaper than therapy ;))</p>
<p>[iPhone</a>, iPod Touch and iPad Apps | Meditation Oasis](<a href=“http://www.meditationoasis.com/smartphone-apps/iphone-ipod-touch-ipad-apps/]iPhone”>Apps — Meditation Oasis)</p>
<p>^Hello everyone!
Just checking in and found out that more supports poured in! You all made my day! Today is my birthday. Your supports are the best gifts i ever received. I’m sure I will have a sweet dream tonight. Thank you and my big hug from California.</p>
<p>Happy birthday, Momof2. :)</p>
<p>What a gorgeous day for a birthday! Perfect weather. Happy birthday from a fellow Bay Area cc parent.</p>
<p>If you are having actual anxiety I think that you should find a therapist. It’s normal to anticipate missing your child and to have panic attacks.</p>