<p>Ever since my first-born committed to Brown on 4/30 (Mon), I started having anxiety attack right away . Especially when I think about that he will be on the opposite coast than me, I keep worrying/imagining every bad thing that might happen to him.</p>
<p>I was very rational before my son made his decision. We discussed pros and cons of each school he got admitted. Though I do have as a mom's preference (UCB or schools in CA), I thought I can handle my son going very far way from home for college. Then, my emotion suddenly changed upon his commitment. There is still 4 months before college starts, yet I'm suffering severe anxiety. I don't recognize myself to be honest with you. Is this normal? Does any parent have similar early anxiety attacks like mine? </p>
<p>BTW I still have a younger son at home. So I doubt that it's empty nest syndrome or not.</p>
<p>I believe it is.</p>
<p>Anything that causes a big change or what have you can be a source of anxiety. The fact that your son is going to be so far away is one that i can easily see as a trigger.</p>
<p>Think of it this way, you will still be able to talk with him on the phone/email/facebook/skype. You can go out to see him if possible.</p>
<p>I am having some issues, but I only have one child, and I am going through the empty next thing too!! I am sure a lot of it is loss of control, we have put so much work into these kids that we send into the world, and we know how mean and terrible the world can be. We have to have faith that we have taught the kids enough to prepare them for what they face, and that they are smart enough to ask for help when they need it! </p>
<p>If you are having true panic attacks, you may want to speak with your MD about it.</p>
<p>Have you ever had panic attacks before? Is separation a trigger for them?</p>
<p>Not that this helps in the least, but my DS’s gf went to Brown from the SF area as well. She lived to tell about it :)</p>
<p>And yet, you have to let them go. Put on some Barbara Streisand and surrender to it. I suggest “If I Could” and “Children Will Listen”. (Not sure if that second one is Streisand.) I listen to those and cry and cry. But I feel better afterwards. Oh, and that song from the old camera commercial - “Turn around and she’s one, turn around and she’s four, turn around and she’s a young girl going out of the door”.</p>
<p>Momof2, fortunately it’s a lot easier to keep in touch than it used to be. Have you tried Skype yet? You’ll love it! It’s like being there. You may not use it often, or you may (free), but either way I think you’ll find it very comforting. We don’t text, but that seems to be what many people prefer. There’s facebook, google+ or email. And the tried and true phone, of course. 
No worries. </p>
<p>Before he goes you can talk with your son about how often he’d like to be in touch, how often you’d like to be, favored mode of communication, and so on. Revisit that discussion every so often. Maybe scheduling regular times to talk on the phone, for example, will not seem desirable at first, but maybe later on it will, or vice versa.</p>
<p>You’ll be fine!</p>
<p>Mom - my freshman son just completing his year; he is 1500 miles away and that truly frightened me as he has various issues that can be of concern. To help with my anxiety I did the following:
- plotted out all routes to get to him if necessary - including airline numbers, etc
- required a weekly check-in by phone. My son refused skype or anything face to face and rarely texts me, but he does call every Sunday. It’s my “hello, I’m alive and well” call
- became familiar with all campus resources
- put all campus emergency/dean numbers in my iphone
- called the dean at one point after a scary incident concerning a friend of my son’s at another school and needed - and got - reassurance of how my kid’s school would handle situation
Mostly, I let my son “drive the bus” in terms of contact, how much time we spent last summer getting organized, packing, etc. I also kept reminding myself that the separation is healthy and natural and will help become an independent adult. And it has.
I also had to realize how hard the separation was for him and let him decide how often to come home. He was quite difficult to live with last summer - a common tale - and a wise person said he would come back to me when he felt less vulnerable. That has proved true.<br>
A long response, but we made it just fine through year one and I couldn’t be more proud of him - and even of myself. The next issue is that we have become used to life without him at home so the transitions back/forth can be a challenge!
Wish you the best and do get help if you find the anxiety becoming overwhelming.</p>
<p>It’s normal to anticipate missing a child. I don’t think it’s normal to have panic attacks. I think you should find a therapist. It’s time to let your son fly.</p>
<p>There is a difference between anticipating how much you will miss your kid/s, and a profound, persistent state of anxiety. The transition to college can push a lot of buttons for parents and students; each can be at an age with some physiological vulnerability to mood/anxiety issues. I have empathy for your concerns, and find it significant that you are finding this state so atypical. If it carries on for much time, and perhaps includes problems sleeping and constant intrusive, negative thoughts about the upcoming departure, seeking a medical consultation is an important gift to your son, as well as yourself. It seems important not to burden him with your worries if they are out of bounds. He has his own challenges to navigate as he pursues this wonderful opportunity. You have come to a good place for support if hearing from other parents who coped will help. Best to you both!</p>
<p>Yes, if you are having actual anxiety that is overwhelming you then perhaps some therapy would help.</p>
<p>^Thank you, everyone. </p>
<p>90% of the time I’m not a nervous type person. Now I just can’t control myself of worrying things. I did have few panic attacks before, but they quickly went away within a couple of days (Lat time was when my son couldn’t find his consultant to sign a sheet of his required graduation service project on time.)</p>
<p>Son and I are always very close. He couldn’t make up his mind until almost last day was because UCB is close to home. He said he would love to see his family more often. In the end he chose Brown because he wants to explores further, and he knows what he scarifies for going far away. He is firm and happy with his choice. So, I respect his decision. I know I have to take care my own emotion now, try not to let my emotion affects son’s.</p>
<p>@danceclass, I haven’t listen to Barbara Streisand for such a long time. I’ll try to find the song to see if it works for me.</p>
<p>@travelnut, my son is not aware of my anxiety. I tries my best not showing it in front of him.</p>
<p>I’m thinking, if my anxiety persists even after mother’s day, then I should be seeking further help.</p>
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<p>Therapy. I had to get into therapy once my son left and I wish I’d done it sooner. This is a huge change in your life, just as you are supporting your son, you also deserve support.</p>
<p>Best of luck to you.</p>
<p>Momof 2: My only son is a Junior at Brown and he loves it. We’re 8-9 hours away. Yes, I became extremely anxious as the reality set it that he was actually leaving. I felt like I hadn’t finished with him yet–that the cake was being pulled out of the oven before it was done. I didn’t know what a good mother was supposed to do in terms showing concern and support without obsessing. What you are going thru is normal, but please talk to a professional so that you can navigate this successfully–keeping your sanity and not having to work so hard to put on a brave face to your son all the time. Think of it as a way to support yourself and your son. Also, you don’t want your remaining son to worry about you either. You’ll get thru it either way, but you might as well get a little help. Good luck–it gets easier.</p>
<p>I started having panic attacks after I pulled my son from his public high school 5 weeks into his freshman year and put him in a private school. I was fine up until then and he was all settled in and he didn’t have any adjustment problems when they started happening. </p>
<p>The first attack was frightening. I had no idea what was happening, my hands started tingling, my heart was racing and I broke out into a horrible sweat. DH and DS were in NYC for the marathon so I was all alone. Luckily a neighbor is a nurse I ran over to her house and told me what it was. I called my internist and he prescribed Lorazepam. It helped immediately. It took me a few months to stop having the attacks and I went on Zoloft, too. I finally weaned from the Zoloft this spring (it was really helpful for SADD so I stayed on it) because I was just tired of taking a med every day.</p>
<p>Momof2happyboys-you are doing a great job of putting this together. It does make sense to seek help as you plan. Others have articulated it very well- this is a circumstance where the right treatment can make all the difference and be effective very quickly. Then you can sort out your feelings in a much more accurate way, missing your son, but not being so unnecessarily troubled and working hard to insulate him from your perceptions. Best to you.</p>
<p>I took Zoloft for awhile ,but haven’t had a panic attack in 7 years now . Instead I always have some Ativan with me at all times .Knowing I have something that will help me within 15 minutes had made me confident ,and I rarely need it now .</p>
<p>Our culture is very strange in that we send our young adults away. We torture ourselves and we have to pay for the pleasure!!! However, our culture also places a high premium on independence and this is certainly one way for kids to gain it.</p>
<p>I think most moms have some difficulty when their children leave home and move away from us. It can express itself as sadness or anxiety.</p>
<p>Most of us do eventually adjust.</p>
<p>I think you have received wonderful advice about how to deal with this.</p>
<p>I would like to add that there is also tremendous exhilaration.</p>
<p>(I am being tongue in cheek a bit, but it may comfort you to know that there is worse to come! One of my children went off to Florence and one went off to London. Guess what? They have now both returned home after college graduation and are watching Game of Thrones in the very next room. I don’t know which is worse – the leaving or the coming home. I have worried about them more this year than I did when they were away. For us there is light at the end of the tunnel because each has a very good plan for next year.)</p>
<p>This time should be about your son’s future with your needs and anxieties taking a(n) (un)healthy back seat. If they are creeping up into the driver’s seat, get the psychological and medical help you need, but under no circumstance should you allow him to be guilt-tripped into changing to Berkeley over Brown if Brown is where he wishes to go. Practically speaking, get out your calendar and plan out the first six months of how you will see your son: accompany him to orientation, if they have a parents’ version at the same time; help him move in; visit for fall Parent’s weekend or homecoming. Before you know it, it will be Thanksgiving and he’ll be back home. Before you next know it, he will be graduating. Time flies and I do hope you somehow can get past your material to celebrate his accomplishments in this moment and enjoy this remarkable rite of passage in his life.</p>
<p>^Just re-read my post. I did not intend it as a personal attack about your well-being and hope you will not take it as such. I think once the first one goes, subsequent children may get easier. (May!) Be forewarned, however, folks: sometimes the kids DO NOT come back for a very long time. One of my children now lives in Montreal and one in London, which explains my frequent flier status, which is tremendous. Thanksgiving in London and Christmas in Montreal; not bad. Meanwhile, I had a huge gap where just the two youngest have been at home. Now youngest son flies the coop to the furthest reaches of Boston. I’ve actually spent my time planning how I can spoil rotten my youngest daughter who has not had the benefit of mom-alone ever and now gets two years before she’s off and running.</p>