<p>My S, who is my only child, will be attending a university, this fall, only an hour away from home. I am so happy for the opportunities that lie ahead of him, he's very academically bright and creative. Neither my husband or I went to college, so we are of course, so proud of our son.</p>
<p>Suddenly I am beginning to get anxiety about him leaving. This comes as a big surprise to me. It's been a difficult, different year as I learned I had cancer and am being treated for it. It seems like I've left my comfort zone in a number of different areas of my life! </p>
<p>I wonder if S is prepared enough, will like college, will adjust, if he will like his major. I guess there are so many things that are out of my control. I guess it used to be easier when he was a school age kid and not a young adult going out into a new world!</p>
<p>What you are feeling is so normal right now especially since you have been through your own life altering situation this year. Getting a diagnosis of cancer is something none of us can control, and when we hear those words it is by far one of the most shocking things that we could never prepare for.
The good news is that you could prepare for your son leaving to start this amazing chapter in his life. You could prepare by telling yourself that he is only one hour away (that is wonderful), and that during the transition time which is that first year, you will see him more than you think. That winter break is a long break. He probably also has a fall break, and than there is Thanksgiving. You will be surprised at just how much you will see him, and the other thing is that you could meet him for the occasional lunch or dinner up around his college without it taking up his whole weekend. You will be so thrilled to see your son happy and thriving, and that hole you feel right now will begin to subside. </p>
<p>What you need to do right now is take the best care of you as possible so that your son will go off to college happy, and secure that mom is doing fine. You have lost control…everyone with a diagnosis if cancer feels that way, but you could get control back by taking it now regarding your son. You COULD DO IT!!!</p>
<p>By the way…You must be SO SO proud that you have raised a bright and intelligent son that is off to college. He sounds like he will do great…just relax and think nothing but positive thoughts.</p>
<p>I also have an only child and I too experienced some anxiety. I will tell you that the anxiety was worse before he left. Much worse, in fact. </p>
<p>Once he was off to college, enjoying it and experiencing success, that boosted my confidence as well. I mean, I was always confident he could handle it but I was not confident I could handle it!</p>
<p>I cried quite a bit before he left (not in front of him, of course) and I cried a bit after he left but it’s truly been uphill since he left in terms of my anxiety. The more they do without you, the more you realize they can do on their own.</p>
<p>Something that helped me was to accept that I could not possibly have prepared him for every scenario but most things he’ll figure out on his own. Plus, he can always pick up the phone to call us.</p>
<p>Thank you both for your replies and advice. I have read them several times to help calm myself. And yes, I want him to go to college confident and knowing I’m alright. I don’t want to be a dark spot in his sunny future. My feelings have come from out of left field. All thru the last year of high school I did not feel like this, maybe because we were too busy. My husband seems to be taking things in stride, which does help; it kind of balances out the situation.</p>
<p>Your feelings are completely normal. This will be a big transition for you and your son, and dealing with your illness makes it even harder. My husband and I will be empty nesters this fall when our youngest daughter leaves for college, and part of me is looking forward to the freedom while another part of me is very sad that a stage in my life is ending. Other parents have told me that the anticipation of the empty nest is worse than the reality.</p>
<p>As momma-three said, you will probably still see your son pretty often after school starts. You’re very lucky that he will only be an hour away from home. I recommend planning some fun activities or trips that you and your husband can enjoy next fall. My H and I joke about our “empty nest list” of things we plan to do after our D leaves for college. You can also reach out to friends going through the same transition. You might also want to join us on the “awesome parents of the college class of 2015 and beyond” thread. It’s a really supportive group.</p>
<p>I’m so sorry you’ve had such a difficult year, and I hope you find health and happiness soon. </p>
<p>I’m already starting to worry about my S, and he’s only going into his senior year of HS. He’s not a very independent kid, and he’s shy, so I always worry about how he’ll do on his own. But somehow, I’m sure he’ll make his way. I was also shy and unsure when I went to a very large university and somehow I survived. S will probably be at a smaller school closer to home, which makes me feel a little better.</p>
<p>I’m sure that your S will find friends and after that, he’ll settle in and feel comfortable. He’ll probably have a great time, and even though he’s only an hour away, he won’t want to come home. If he hates his major, he’ll just get a new one. Most kids do the same thing. If he hates his dorm, he’ll move next year. If he hates the food, he’ll learn to eat a lot of pizza. And if he does end up hating his college, he can always transfer.</p>
<p>I totally get how you’re feeling though. I worry about my S all the time because he seems so not ready for the world. I even followed him to Kindergarten on his first day! And you know what - he was fine!</p>
<p>op,
"I wonder if S is prepared enough, will like college, will adjust, if he will like his major. "</p>
<p>-I do not know if it will make you feel better, but:
Your S is prepared as well as the rest of them. College profs cannot fail everybody, they will be fired for that. it is profs’ job to determine level of preparation and help class to be successful
If your son will not like his college, he can transfer. However, he need to give a try, it is going to be a very different life
He will adjust along with the rest of kids around him. They will help each other to figure out washer and dryer, way to classes and how to clean spills in microwave and many other things
if he does not like his major, he is not alone in this. he can change or even have various combinations of major(s)/minor(s)</p>
<p>I believe that something else is creating your anxiety. The points that you mentioned are insignificant and applicable to every single college freshman. Best wishes with everything!</p>
<p>Take some time to plan the actual departure. Your son may also be anxious about leaving you. Perhaps your husband, alone, could drive your son to school and help him set up his room. You could plan to visit some time during the first month, for lunch or dinner. </p>
<p>I make this suggestion because I was also very anxious when my son left for college years ago. I said good-bye to him in our driveway and, instead of it being a sad or teary moment, I was genuinely very proud of him and excited for the new chapter in his life. It worked for us – just a suggestion.</p>
<p>You are fortunate to be close to his school. You can take part in his college life in a lot of ways. Keep track of events on campus – lectures, exhibits, etc. Find something that interests you and make a plan to attend.</p>
<p>^Still cannot continue failing everybody. Nobody will sign for his class. Then what he will do? It just not going to happen. They understand how class is prepared and if there is a mismatch, they make adjustments and go over material that was required for this class as a background. My nethew is teaching math at U of Chicago. You have to do what you have to do. It is part of the job, tenure or not.</p>
<p>OP, rejoice! You have been a magnificent bow, and you have prepared your son to go swift and far. Mark this not as the end of a period of your life, but as the beginning of your son’s true and swift flight into adulthood.</p>
<p>OP, I have had some major life changes this year (not as drastic as cancer) and noticed an increase in my anxiety. Some of that spilled over to my “children”, one of whom at 20 was across the world on a semester abroad and the other (22) who is a college grad living and working across the country. </p>
<p>I would definitely suggest some coping techniques. One thing that helped me was texting. My son in particular doesn’t like to talk on the phone and with my daughter it was just too expensive. I would text them every four or five days and then save their response on my cel phone. If I experienced anxiety I would go back through my phone and remind myself that I had heard from them xx days ago and they were well and happy. Your son may go to school and be very busy the first few months so that texting might be a more efficient way to communicate than phone. </p>
<p>Before anyone flames me for being a helicopter parent please remember I am fully admitting that I have been experiencing more than normal anxiety due to other situations. I have discussed the anxiety with my MD and am working on it.<br>
I am posting here to suggest that the OP develop some strategies that work for her and her son.</p>
<p>I had some anxiety last year about this time, before S left for college. He’s my first, and it seems like only the other day he was just a toddler I was chasing around the park. So it was bittersweet for me.</p>
<p>But he had a wonderful year, did very well academically, and made a ton of friends. He’s matured and really grown into himself. And he ended up with a girlfriend that’s a high school senior here, so he was home way more than was probably good for someone who’s school is nearly three hours away.</p>
<p>When our only S left for college, it was very depressing for me. But as others have said winter break is a long break and there are holidays when he will be coming home. Stay in touch via email of texting as those seem to be the preferred methods of communication. there is usually parent’s weekend in the fall. before you know it, spring break will arrive and then the first and most traumatic year will be over! Reading the book, entitled “Letting Go” also helped.</p>
<p>I have several threads on this topic . It has been a year now , and I have learned to cope .I would reach out to friends , make lunch dates and take care of YOU !!</p>
<p>Love the quote annasdad! My father used to read Kahlil Gibran and quote to us, and it took me back.</p>
<p>My oldest will be a jr in college next year, and I too went through the entire range of excitement, worry, anxiety, a little bit of depression - you name it, as my d prepared then left for college. It is such a huge life step for your child to move out of the family home and essentially really stand on their own two feet. I had every confidence that my d was able and ready. She was so happy and excited, – and so was I. I just had to work through how much I missed her and wanted to protect her… (and how quickly this life just does go by.) I’d see a baby that reminded me of her, and tear up. </p>
<p>She has loved her college experience and grown so much. Within a few months of her starting as a freshman…we had a “new normal”. Now I’m amazed at how quickly the last 2 years have gone by! Just another reminder to enjoy and live every day.</p>
<p>I worried about my 16 year old going off to college because of his age and habits. He did fine with all of it. It is hard to believe that sons who need parents to wake them up because they don’t hear the alarm we did down the hall, who etc, etc, can handle life on their own in the dorm. Your son will surprise you in his ability to leave the nest. He will still make use of your expertise. Emails are wonderful- more so than cell phone calls/messages as they can be read at leisure (don’t expect responses) and you know they have a clear copy of what you said.</p>
<p>Use your time this summer to get him ready- sons typically ignore the practical daily living stuff. You will feel less anxious if you know he is taking what he needs. Read the lists, be sure he agrees to items and is involved in the choices and packing. I saw many mothers and daughters shopping- never sons, sigh. Get him the sheets in his favored color (and wash them a few times if they are dark and may bleed color), the toiletries and so forth. Look around the house and see what he should have- medicine kit (those things you take for granted- the band aids are there…). </p>
<p>Be prepared to cry after you drop him off. You will need to say goodbye fairly quickly and leave him to organizing his room et al. Dorm life is a sheltered step to full independence- he will have meals, people to be with and many supports.</p>
<p>Doing the above will keep you busy and lessen your feelings of his not being ready- you will help him be ready. Remember, they wouldn’t have admitted him if he weren’t capable and ready for it. Also keep in mind that most freshmen either are undeclared in their major or change it once they start taking college courses. </p>
<p>Pat yourselves on the back for a job well done. Start thinking about yourself for a change. The cancer issues will resolve with time (stage 2 melamona 8 years ago here- it takes time to get over things). Your sense of lack of control over your life will get better as your health needs decrease from treatment and frequent followups to a more ordinary life. The unkowns in your son’s life will be resolved.</p>
<p>Being an empty nester has so many advantages! You are tied to vacations only instead of daily needs. So much less cooking and cleaning…</p>
<p>I have been crying for months whenever I think about my DD leaving soon. She just smiles and says it must mean I love her. I am going to be a mess on move in day. So I can relate.
Prayers for your health.</p>
<p>Thanks for all the encouraging replies, they have warmed my heart. I don’t mean to give too much information, but as a woman in my 50s, the chemo treatments that began in Feb. put me right in to menopause. In speaking with my older sister yesterday, she said some of the anxiety I’m feeling may be due to the fluctuating hormones I’m experiencing. Having a number of things in my life being beyond my control and in a transitional state is causing the anxiety level to rise.</p>
<p>So much good advice on these replies, tho, and I’m going to be re-reading them to help me get thru this. It was just unexpected that I would have these feelings, really took me by surprise.</p>