Am I right to be mad at my parents over finances?

<p>Today I learned a little more about the CSS Profile and the whole concept of the NCP CSS. This sent me into a micro depression : how can we pay for all the of the (top) colleges that I want to attend?</p>

<p>My mom and stepdad's income fluctuates around 135,000, and my father's income at a fortune 500 is probably 100,000 (although he seems to make much less of you saw how he lives). Now with my new knowledge I know that my financial aid from my planned ED Amherst will be minimal at best. This is in stark contrast to the aid calculated with my custodial parent and stepparent which we all found super generous. </p>

<p>Neither of my parents saved anything for my college education. My custodial mother and stepfather recently bought a Lexus and have recently treated themselves to a week in Colorado and a Alaskan Cruise. I have no idea where all my father's money goes, but I have dreams where it is waiting for me in a Swiss bank to finance my education. This, however, is unrealistic. </p>

<p>My custodial mother and stepfather will contribute ~10,000 a number which seems pretty arbitrary considering their income and recent purchases. However, they will not budge with this sincethis is how much they give to my stepbrother for his college costs(despite the fact that we are two very different students with different academic goals and acheivments). I don't know what my father will contribute outside of his child support, which is directly put towards the 10 Grand. </p>

<p>Now I am essentially stuck with my state school, which I find to be too party centric. I have visited several times but I haven't been able to force myself to like it. I live in a state without acclaimed state schools, so there is very little academic rigor to the flagship campus as well. I feel bad that I am angry at my parents... but I am. They never saved and are making little attempt to be honest with me about what they can actually afford. I need something other than random numbers that mean very little. Do I have a right to be angry at them for all of this? </p>

<p>A couple of peices if info that I feel are important:
*I have been told I am an ivy league candidate so if you have some merit aid school ideas that would be great.<br>
*Both my biological parents and significant others have lower than average assets.
*I really would love to not have six figure loans. Even my in state flagship would still leave me with over 30000 along with any institutional loans that the college sells as aid.<br>
*I have led a very comfortable life to now. I only have to pay gas for my far and a small portion of the insurance while some of my friends pay the full boat. I probably am privileged to a certain extent, although I've always been working for what i want since I was very young. I hope I don't sound spoiled and bratty. </p>

<p>I apologize for all the probable grammatical errors above. I really appreciate any peice of advice you skilled parents can give me.</p>

<p>Here are some lists of colleges from which you can make your application list:</p>

<p><a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/financial-aid-scholarships/1348012-automatic-full-tuition-full-ride-scholarships-18.html#post15895768[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/financial-aid-scholarships/1348012-automatic-full-tuition-full-ride-scholarships-18.html#post15895768&lt;/a&gt; (safety candidates)
<a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/financial-aid-scholarships/1461983-competitive-full-tuition-full-ride-scholarships-2.html#post15889078[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/financial-aid-scholarships/1461983-competitive-full-tuition-full-ride-scholarships-2.html#post15889078&lt;/a&gt; (match or reach candidates)</p>

<p>We started saving years ago to put our children through college. Coming from that perspective, yes, I can see why you’d be upset.</p>

<p>On the other hand, I don’t have an ex-spouse, with all the financial stresses that might go with that, or child support payments to make, or a stepchild to help support. Also, like it or not, your parents have the right to spend their money on a car versus a college education if they want to.</p>

<p>So, concentrate on what you do have – a good mind, a comfortable life so far, $10,000/year for college (more than many students get), and parents who love you (I presume!).</p>

<p>In addition to following up on ucb’s suggestions, take another look at your state flagship. Go on its website and look at student organizations and academic departments and majors. Can you find anything to like about it? Is there an honors program? Honors programs at less academically challenging universities can be great for students like you.</p>

<p>Best wishes.</p>

<p>Being angry with your parents is wasted emotion. They don’t owe you a college education, and you probably do not know their entire financial situation. I do think your father needs to tell you how much, if any, he’s willing to contribute. After that, your time is best spent looking for good fits that you can afford. With stats that will make you competitive for Amherst, you should be able to get merit aid elsewhere. My D has a full tuition + merit scholarship at an OOS flagship that, while not in the USNWR top 50, is providing her with a fine, challenging education and a great experience. Sure, it’s a party school (many colleges are), but she and most of her honors college friends don’t spend much time partying. With great stats and $10k plus the Stafford loan amount you will have some good options if you’re open minded about it. You can get a great education at non-elite schools. Your success will have much more to do with you than the school name on your diploma.</p>

<p>Yes, you are allowed to be angry, but understand that it won’t change the situation. Out of a 135,000 income, the folks are finding 20k a year to fund college for you and stepbrother. Do you understand what a chunk of change that is? Most of us can’t afford our EfCs. And as for giving you and your stepbrother the same amount of money annually, most of us parents try to find ways to equalize things between kids. What kind of rift would it cause between the two of you or between your mom and stepdad if they were to spend considerably more on you?</p>

<p>So, since being angry won’t help, what will you do? I’m going to second ucbalumnus’s suggestions to check out the threads on automatic merit money. You may find an affordable school on that list that you wouldn’t consider a party school. I,m also going to suggest a conversation with your dad. Most brand name schools are going to expect him to pitch in. Your mom and stepdad will contribute 10k a year. Find out what he will commit to. Going into the search, you need the most accurate data possible.</p>

<p>For what it’s worth, divorce settlements in the last 20 years have often included a stipulation about contributions to college education. Without specifically bringing up the “divorce settlement” issue, you should ask your father what he plans to contribute toward your college costs.</p>

<p>I agree that EFCs tend to look unaffordable–ours certainly does. As I understand it, Harvard would expect your mother and stepfather to pay approximately $13,500 toward tuition annually + (presumably) your room and board on top of that. This winds up being more than double the amount that they are willing to put in. On the other hand, if your father is also contributing $10,000 (annually) toward your college education, then collectively they are putting in about the amount that Harvard expects as a parental contribution. So I have to say that the parental contribution seems reasonable to me. Amherst will probably offer less aid, since their endowment doesn’t equal Harvard’s. But I don’t think that you have a “right” to expect a larger parental contribution than Harvard looks for.</p>

<p>There is an aspect of this that I don’t understand, when it comes to parents and step-parents. If your birth parents remain together, then you as a student have their 2 incomes to draw on. If they split up, and both remarry, are you assumed to have 4 incomes to draw on now? Something about this seems illogical–that doesn’t rule out FAFSA doing it that way.</p>

<p>I don’t think I have the right to an education, just as I feel like I don’t have aright to an elite college acceptance like some people do. I do think know that my parents continue to spends money with little change with lifestyle. If I saw that my brothers 10 Grand put extreme financial stress on the family, I would be fine with their contribution. But they just assume that I will pick up the tab with loans. My brother has 80000 on loans and will graduate with a degree from a mediocre private with a degree that essentially relies on how lucrative recruiters view your school (at least for the higher paying jobs that one would need to pay back those loans). I would not like to take out heavy loans like that. What upsets me is that my parents are unwilling to talk to me about how much they can really afford. </p>

<p>UC, thank you for those suggestions!</p>

<p>First bit of free advice…if finances are a consideration DO NOT apply ED anywhere. You will have ONLY that ED package to look at when deciding whether it is affordable. It could be the worst offer you receive…but it could be the BEST. If you decline it, and it turns out to be better than any other offers, you will kick yourself.</p>

<p>Your parents together have a very good combined income. What have you discussed with THEM about college financing? How much are they willing to pay annually for your college education? You need to have this conversation. If there are financial limitations, you will need to attend a college that meets those financial criteria. Period.</p>

<p>If you are “Top college material”, there are a number of colleges where you could garner merit aid that does NOT take income into consideration. Look for some of those. There are many hundreds of small LACs where a student with high stats would be welcome and receive merit awards to soften the blow.</p>

<p>In addition, some Profile schools do NOT require the NCP Profile. Look for those. But also check to see if the school has its own form…some use that to collect NCP info.</p>

<p>There are 3000 or so colleges in this country. Amherst is a great school, but there are tons of other schools with similar characteristics where you might be able to afford the cost of attendance.</p>

<p>OH by the way…the VAST MAJORITY of patents do not have college savings accounts for their kids. In that regard, you are not alone!</p>

<p>QuantMech…in a divorce situation…the non-custodial parent and spouse are NEVER listed on the FAFSA. So for FAFSA purposes, the student can have only TWO parents tops total…the custodial parent…and spouse if there is one.</p>

<p>For Profile, the custodial parent (and spouse if there is one) complete the Profile. If required, the Non-custodial parent (and spouse if there is one) complete the non-custodial parent form.</p>

<p>Not defending your parents at all , but wondering if they may be unwilling to talk to you because they are in denial – denial you are growing up & denial that their spending reflects priorities that are out of whack (IMHO).</p>

<p>You’ve gotten some good advice. I wish you all the best and echo beth’s mom’s comment that your success will have much more to do with you than the school name on your diploma.</p>

<p>Thanks for the explanation, thumper1. There is still an aspect of this that I don’t understand. If the aid calculated based on the custodial parent + stepparent is “super generous,” then why doesn’t that apply? Is this a difference between the FAFSA and another form?</p>

<p>^ QM, yes. The Profile (a different form from FAFSA) specifically asks for NCP info if the college requires it.</p>

<p>Also, federal aid, which is really all,the FAFSA qualifies you for (maybe some state aid, too), is pretty limited. Profile schools are collecting more info as they make decisions about how to award their own funds.</p>

<p>If you are unhappy with the State School in your State, maybe look at the State schools from neighboring states. I know many schools in States to mine that have scholarships that waive OOS fee’s for high test scores or grades… Might be an option for you…</p>

<p>Your money, your choices. Their money, their choices.</p>

<p>End of story.</p>

<p>QM…schools using only the FAFSA tend to be less generous with need based aid overall. The FAFSA is basically used to qualify students for federally funded need based aid…the Pell Grant, SEOG if the school has it, federal work study, and Direct loans. The Pell, and SEOG are for low income students and even with just the custodial parent and spouse, this student is above the threshold for both.</p>

<p>Some schools do use the FAFSA information for awarding their institutional aid. BUT these schools do not guarantee to meet full need for all students so typically there is a gap with the COA minus aid being MUCH more than the EFC calculated by the FAFSA.</p>

<p>Profile schools look much more deeply at finances. Of the 300 or so Profile schools, some require the NCP form and some do not. Regardless, these schools tend to have much deeper pockets. Some of them meet full need for all accepted students…and some do not. most are private universities with hefty price tags. The only publics that use the Profile are UVA and UNC-CH…hmmm…maybe UMich too.</p>

<p>I believe that Princeton does not need your father’s info if your mom has remarried. Look into it, if you want an Ivy.</p>

<p>Otherwise, you are in the same boat aa lot of other kids, although having a sibling, even a step, in college, will help with FA.</p>

<p>I still can’t get over the fact that I am having to change my whole view because my parents divorced 14 years ago. I guess you can never truly escape your past. </p>

<p>Have any of you had experience with how big of an impact the NCP form has on aid. Do colleges assume the the ncp will pay the same “ratio” as the custodial parents?</p>

<p>OP, you mentioned that the 10K your parents have allotted toward college includes the child support from your non-custodial parent. Do you know when that will end? Often “child support” will end at 18 or sometimes 21, depending on the agreement. Is the agreement that your father will continue to provide the money even after his legal obligation to do so is over? Was there a court agreement specifying your father’s responsibility for paying college costs?</p>

<p>Unfortunately your parents show no inclination to pay their EFC at pricey privates, and there is no point being angry; it is what it is. The CSS/Profile does put children of divorced parents in a bad situation sometimes by expecting a somewhat unnatural amount of financial cooperation among custodial, non-custodial, and stepparents. Again, there is nothing you can do about it. Your impulse to avoid the kind of debt your brother has accrued is very smart. No degree from any college is worth a student taking out that much in loans. I would not write off your state schools. Where do you live?</p>

<p>There are 3000 or so colleges in this country. If you are truly “ivy material” there are any number of them that would give you a nice merit award. Going to an expensive private school WILL mean that your parents and stepparents need to cooperate to some degree.</p>

<p>You have no reason to be angry. It’s not like you cannot go to college. There are so many choices out there with wonderful opportunities. Instead of being angry with your patents, start looking for schools within your price point. It will be much more positive and fulfilling to do that than to be angry with your parents.</p>

<p>Also…for the record…there are MANY intact families that cannot or will not may their family contributions at these expensive colleges. This is not something that on,y happens to students from divorced homes.</p>

<p>Be positive…start looking for options.</p>