<p>My D just got back from an admitted student overnight at one of her top two choices. She had been very excited to go, and came back a bit deflated. She said she still liked many things about the school, but she was concerned about some others. This was her first visit and I don't want her to take this school out of consideration for trivial reasons; on the other hand, I do believe in listening to your instinct.</p>
<p>Her main problem was not the current students at the school, the environment, etc. but the other admitted high school seniors she was with. She said she just couldn't see herself among them. I wonder whether that was just a reaction to spending an overnight with 15 strangers in a common room, or whether this is really a red flag. She also said that the dorms were louder than she thought and that there was some pot smoking in the dorm (this is not a place that has a rep for being a party school, but it was a Thursday night). She was supposed to attend a class on Friday morning, but it was cancelled. I'm really sorry she could not do that. She did, however, like the student hosts and the social events of the evening prior before getting to the dorms.</p>
<p>Are her concerns valid? This is an only child who isn't at all used to any kind of group living. It was the dorm experience she didn't like. She's got one more overnight at another school; that might put this one into perspective.</p>
<p>Being in a group, for eating,sleeping & in between can be quite draining even for people who have experienced it many times before.
I expect that if your daughter has had little experience with residential camp living, or overnight field trips, that she was taken aback by the amount of noise a roomfull of teens can generate.</p>
<p>I agree it is too bad she wasn’t able to attend the class, is it feasible for her to visit the school again after her next scheduled overnight?</p>
<p>My d found that hanging out in the library & cafeteria was a good place to meet other students & profs & ask questions. She wouldn’t need another overnight.</p>
<p>Forester, we had a similar experience at a recent admitted student’s day. The school has been D1’s second or third favorite all along, and we left feeling a bit underwhelmed this time. She didn’t feel much of an academic vibe, and seemed distracted by a sea of tight black leggings and Ugg boots (disclaimer: NOT that there’s anything wrong with girls who wear them, it’s just not her thing). She felt a little more comfortable with the kids she saw in the science building, but is still a bit unsure. </p>
<p>It’s too bad she didn’t get to attend the class the next morning - it might have added a more collegiate, serious feel that her visit may have lacked. Being thrown together with so many new kids might have been tough no matter where she visited, but I def. understand her concern. The fact that she liked her hosts was a plus. If she does attend, for peace of mind it may be worth looking into quiet or substance free dorms for the first year - anything to make her feel comfortable.</p>
<p>I’m almost starting to think that the overnight was a mistake because it might put her off a perfectly good school for no good reason.</p>
<p>She’s been to camp, etc. before but it was disciplined (lights out, etc.) and she didn’t have ask people to be quiet. I also pointed out to her that people walk through a common area and it would be different when she’s actually in a room with a door.</p>
<p>I think she should reserve judgement until the overnight at the second school. As you say, when she actually goes, she won’t be living in a common room with 15 other kids, she’ll have her own room with one or two other kids. Much different experience. D’s school has rules around how late people can make noise in the dorms. You can certainly find out whether this school does too. it may be that this was an unusual night due to the large number of non-residents around. </p>
<p>I also wouldn’t worry to much about the “not seeing herself among the others.” It may be that none of them choose to attend. If she felt comfortable with the current students, chances are she’ll feel comfortable with her classmates when the time comes. It is totally normal to feel very uncomfortable when you’re thrown into a new situation with nobody you know for a short period of time.</p>
<p>Keep in mind that not everyone who attends the accepted student days will enroll in the college. She may be with a totally different group if she enrolls.</p>
<p>Let your daughter make the choice. Our kid went on an accepted student trip to her number two choice school and absolutely hated the overnight…hated it. The school dropped off of her list immediately. She couldn’t WAIT to leave that campus when I picked her up. Even IF I had thought her reasons trivial (the school is a great school by the way)…I was not going to try to convince my kid otherwise. She had other good choices as does the OPs daughter. Let this one go if the daughter wants to let it go.</p>
<p>What if she just happened to get put with 15 kids she really doesn’t have anything in common with but the other 500 kids in her class are just like her? If the students attending the school were fine and like her, my guess is that her classmates would be similar to those attending now. Also, how many of those kids are serious about attending that school? Sure, they applied but did a lot of them come with friends, did they use it as a chance to get away from home for a night, etc.?</p>
<p>Pot-sorry, it’s going to be on every campus. It will be her choice if she decides to use it or not.</p>
<p>This is also why we are doing visits to school before they apply. We’ve crossed off some schools that they won’t bother applying to because it wasn’t a good fit for them. We don’t want the kids coming down to 2 or 3 schools they have never visited only to find out they hate all of them.</p>
<p>I am not a fan of the overnights, for precisely the reasons you cite. Your daughter’s experience is quite typical–including the pot smoking (it is usually freshmen or sophomores lacking good judgment who think having prospectives around pot is a “cool” thing–admissions staff despair when this happens). An alternative perspective: my daughter is a college senior who hides on the prospective student overnights. The students who will show up in the fall are unrecognizable on these occasions, which seem to bring out herd behavior and negative experiences for everyone. The herd behavior also tends to make students remember larger numbers of certain types (preppies, jocks, hipsters, etc.) than actually were there. To counter the herd effect, help your daughter remember small vignettes from the visit: any one-on-one interactions, isolated observations, etc. These actually may be more representative of the college than the more dramatic and off-putting large group events. Why colleges still think the group-overnights are a good thing escapes me. It is too bad that your daughter could not attend class; however, after a night of poor sleep a class visit still may not have saved the day. If everything BUT the overnight was a “go” with this school, then it probably still is a good fit. If, after HEAVY discounting of the overnight, her gut tells her it is not a good fit, then she may want to look elsewhere.</p>
<p>First afternoon and evening of admitted student weekend: Lots of insecure prospective freshman letting their insecurities get the better of them, a host who didn’t show up on time, jet lag, too much beer in the hands of people who don’t know how to drink, a few prospective students who probably won’t end up attending talking loudly about why that school is better than this school, etc…</p>
<p>Second day after a good nights sleep off-campus at family friend’s place: Found the right crowd where the fit was perfect, loved the classes, host connected up and apologized profusely for the mix-up and spent time talking about the school, great weather, faculty who impressed, and some amazing opportunities presented.</p>
<p>Now attending and knows it was the right choice. </p>
<p>What a difference a night- and so many random factors - makes. I always wonder what would have happened if this kid has come back after the first night and decided to call it quits. The take-away? Don’t judge too quickly. If you have a bad experience, try again just to make sure it wasn’t a fluke.</p>
<p>Also, when your kiddo fills out the evaluation of the overnight visit (most schools have those)…she should mention the things that she did NOT like (pot smoking, loud noise, etc). Schools want these overnight experiences to be positive ones and want to hear the reasons they are not.</p>
Agreed! The only risk I see there is, she may lower her expectations after this experience…which could result in artificially boosting her reaction to the second school. Oh well! Hopefully, it will all sort itself out after she makes that second visit. Personally, I think visits are essential so prospies can identify and process the relative importance each college’s “warts.” Because they all have them! That fact often surprises young people, which is no wonder considering how we all slip and toss around the “dream school” ideal as if that special day will come when you step on a campus and are swept off your feet by the realization This is The One! (Okay, I know love at first sight happens to some lucky ones, but I think more kids end up weighing pros and cons.)</p>
<p>My D doesn’t know why the class was cancelled. She said that they arrived at the classroom but there was no one there, so someone else showed up and they took a tour instead. It does seem kind of strange. I realize that it’s hard to find a replacement class at the last minute, but maybe there was some kind of miscommunication internally. Or maybe the professor just got sick and emailed the students, but the news did not get to the visiting kids.</p>
<p>Dorms ARE loud and noisy. My kids couldn’t get out of them fast enough and into apartments after freshman year. Dorms are like a super cheap hotel with thin walls filled with little kids in terms of noise. Doors banging, loud talking in the hallways, running footsteps, music, etc. I’ve never been in one or seen one that is much different. I don’t know about this particular college but most are smoke-free and yes kids probably still get high in their rooms (as opposed to standing outside the dorm in public) but most we toured you only catch a faint whiff now and then since the kids generally are uber-cautious. Your D might be more comfortable finding out which is the quietest and most party and pot free. Maybe she asked that question during the weekend?</p>
<p>We didn’t do overnights for exactly this reason. You get randomly placed with someone and more often than not I hear of horror stories of drinking/partying hosts doing obnoxious things. </p>
<p>Just read on here, you probably read 3 bad stories about overnights for every good one. My child was nervous enough just going to lunch with a student, he didn’t relax and feel like himself in that social situation. Sitting in the class was extremely helpful - seeing how the class ran, how big it was, what the other students were like without the uncomfortable situation of staying in a strange place with kids he didn’t know and wouldn’t necessarily ever hang out with.</p>
<p>It’s certainly shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone that kids drink, smoke pot and have sex in college. However the student will get to choose how much to participate or not once they get there. I only think the overnight tells you about the people you are with, not the school overall.</p>
<p>Well…let me clarify my post…DD went on three accepted student overnights. Two of them were WONDERFUL (and she matriculated and graduated from one of those schools). The third was dreadful…and that school dropped right off of her radar screen.</p>
<p>Another perspective here: the admitted overnights could actually be a great way to get a feel for the campus and the environment. If she is an only child and not used to the dorms, this allowed her to get a feel for it and determine whether it will be right for her.</p>
<p>I guess you have to determine whether it was just THIS dorm and THIS campus vs having an issue with the dorm experience, which can be pretty loud and noisy. As you probably already realize, she will have to get used to people roaming around at all hours, people doing all kinds of things and people that she may or may not like, regardless of where she goes. </p>
<p>If you have several choices, then this could be a good way to weed (no pun intended) some out.</p>
<p>I’m going to disagree on the overnight thing not having value. D visited a lot of colleges, and the only ones she ended up feeling like she’d truly gotten a good feel for were the ones where she did overnights. Sure, there’s a lot of luck of the draw involved, but there is with all aspects of the college visiting process (tour guide, professors whose classes you attend, weather, etc). I think more info is good, and would not devalue it solely on the basis that it is sometimes misleading. You just can’t let it trump all the other sources of info at your disposal (guides, tours, student review sites, etc).</p>
<p>Going specifically during admitted student’s days is another question, as that is a fundamentally artificial environment that may or may not reflect on what it’s really like to be a student at a given institution. On the other hand, my D just attended one last night and had a fantastic time and is now moving that school higher up her final list (it may even prove to be THE one). </p>
<p>Bottom line: there’s no perfect way to evaluate colleges. All info is inevitably incomplete, all impressions formed have a chance of being off-base. You just get as much intel as you reasonably can and then take your chances. It’s a bit frustrating, but such is the nature of the beast.</p>
<p>My son didn’t do any overnights. I don’t think it would have worked, unless it was with a friend he knew who was already at the school. What we found helped tremendously was to visit the schools, and for my son to sit in as many classes as possible, in a variety of subject areas, and at different levels. Most professors are extremely open to having students sit in, unless there is a test going on. </p>
<p>My son gathered a great deal of info about how students interact, how they process information, and how they seem to feel about classes by doing this. I think it helped him a lot more than randomly teaming him up with some current students and having him stay overnight with them. Even activities and events can be contrived. But seeing how kids function made a big difference.</p>