<p>I was wondering if someone could give me some feedback. I'll post it here for general comments, and if people would message me, I'd appreciate more in-depth critiques. It is currently 386 words, so there is room for expansion if necessary. Also, I got accepted as a freshman and wound up not attending, should I add that? In addition to the general essay, I have a short explanation for why my current grades aren't as good as they were in high school (currently have a 3.16 GPA and had an unweighted 4.2 in high school). I would especially appreciate feedback on this. </p>
<pre><code>In my senior year of high school, I won a scholarship that included spending a week in Washington D.C. There, I listened to great leaders including then-Indian Ambassador to the United States, Meera Shankar. Following her presentation, I asked her the future of offshoring American labor to India. It was profound to have my question answered by a woman who was shaping these decisions. This, and other experiences, gave me the most meaningful week of my life, and strengthened my determination to serve my country and the world.
I entered Michigan State exploring possible paths in other fields, like law and economics. After getting a taste of these fields, I chose my path in the realm of International Relations. Upon deciding this, I realized that the school is not the best for my needs. While I enjoyed my time at Michigan State, my interests changed and it no longer suits me. I need excellent faculty, and differing perspectives.
American University has earned a reputation , especially the School for International Service, as among the best schools in the nation for international relations and government. This recognition is due in no small part from its distinguished faculty. I am ecstatic for the opportunity to learn from Akbar Ahmed, Ibn Khaldun Chair of Islamic Studies. I have seen him interviewed on CNN and the Daily Show and read Journey into America; the Challenge of Islam over the summer.
Promoting international understanding is another important draw for me. This is a goal at American that is evident in the student body who is from more than 150 countries. This emphasis means that I would share my learning experience with a variety of enriching perspectives. I am a very open-minded person, eager to learn new ideas and this environment suits me. Entering into an ever-globalizing world, I wish to join a community in which diversity is inherent.
By attending American, I plan to contribute in the classroom, stay involved in student organizations, and eventually have a fulfilling career like the Indian ambassador. My experience at Michigan State helped me gain an understanding of what I want to do academically and professionally. I know I would grow at American, and your program in International Studies perfectly matches my academic interests and professional goals.
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<p>I would like to take this opportunity to explain my performance thus far at Michigan State. Coming to college, I studied in a way that was not effective enough for the new environment. It took time for me to adjust and develop these note-taking, essay-writing, and test-taking skills. While these lessons have come at a cost academically, they have been valuable to me as a student and a person. Learning from my mistakes, problem solving, and continuing to try my best are all lessons that will serve me well both at American and the workplace. With these lessons learned and skills gained, I am prepared to be a part of your learning community and succeed in it.</p>