An extremely stressful school year!

Parent Cafe
21

IMHO let her settle in her school, keep changing schools is not the answer. Just last year she moved away from everything she knew, give her time to adjust. Non competitive school isn’t the answer, meeting counselor, getting tutoring, joining extracurricular clubs may actually help. You may have to take pressure of grades off and encourage her to focus on learning and taking electives she finds interesting.

GPA is a school related achievement, it means little to have good GPA in middle school, even less to have it at a less competitive school. Don’t use that as a measure to judge her current GPA in a new system at a rigorous school.

Don’t make a huge deal of GPA and ignore rank race, it would add to her stress. If you want to help, keep an eye on her physical/mental health and signs of learning disabilities.

Best of luck!

22

My kids are not the typical College Confidential kids. It simply wouldn’t occur to any of them to join a site like this one.

None of my 3 kids have ever had a shot at Valedictorian. Scholarship offers haven’t piled up in the mailbox. While passing classes was never a problem, none of them ever made a huge academic splash in high school.

(And, might I add: my husband and I are both teachers in fairly competitive college prep Catholic high schools. Our kids have attended the local public schools.)

And I couldn’t be prouder of any of my 3 kids.

My son went away to college for a year. At the end of that year, he announced that he wanted to attend community college and join the local volunteer fire department. He took a semester off college to take classes to become an EMT. He turns 21 in 3 weeks, and has two more classes for his Associate’s Degree. Then he’ll transfer to a local state university to complete his Bachelors. He recently made Dean’s List. He was honored about a month ago by the fire department at their local awards night with a number of plaques and certificates for exceptional service. He’s marching in tomorrow’s Memorial Day parade and you can bet your boots that we’ll be there to cheer him on.

My middle daughter just finished her first year at Plymouth State in NH. Academically that first was a bit of a struggle as she realized that simply showing up most of the time wouldn’t get her the same results in college as in high school. But her GPA this past semester was such a great improvement!!! And, probably more important, she’s learned that she can handle her anxiety issues while being 7 hours away from home. When she needed to do so, she contacted her therapist here at home and set up some Facetime sessions; we mail the therapist the copay and she conducts the session just as she would in person. I’m so very proud that my daughter has dug deep and managed to grow so very much in such a short time.

My youngest is a high school sophomore. While she has issues with auditory processing, she works harder than most kids I teach, and her grades reflect that effort. She’s always at the cusp of Honor Roll. She’s all will power and heart. She’s made a home for herself on the Stage Crew of the drama club at her school, being inducted into their Honor society. The odds are good that she’ll be a club officer next year as a junior.

Right now my son is at the fire house, my older daughter brought a neighbor to the beach, and my youngest invited a friend to come sun in the back yard. The older two are working tonight; my youngest isn’t going in to work tonight because she lined up a babysitting job before the boss called to see if she wanted extra hours. None of them asks us for money; all have held down jobs since the summer after their freshman years of high school.

Would I be happy if someone would offer my kids some scholarship money?? Of course!!! But I couldn’t possibly be any more proud of my kids than I already am. They’re good kids, kind kids, the kind of kids you want your kids to be friends with.

23

“probably no Honors and less of AP courses”

Did you mean no AP courses and fewer honors? Given your story, I would avoid AP classes for next year.

One thing to think about (I am not saying that you should do it, but just think about it): In the US we put an enormous amount of stress on our high school students. Waldorf schools are basically run with the idea that you can get most if not all of the academic rigor with a lot less stress. In my experience they seem to succeed at this. If there is a Waldorf high school where you live, and if you can afford it, then it is one thing that you might think about. Since they are private schools, they are not in most cases free. I have seen kids graduate from Waldorf high schools and then do very well at very good universities or LACs.

24

CC is a college issues site so the focus is in just that. Those who go on this site often have a predilection to highly selective schools. It doesn’t take a whole lot to get into most of the colleges in this country. A big impediment for most of them is money.

Right now, you have more pressing issues to address with your DD than college. Even the most zealous parent here will agree that your child’s health and well being comes first. I’m hoping things go better for her .

25

Don’t worry so much about college at this point. We are in TX also. There are so many super options for kids with her GPA even if it goes up just a bit in TX for her degree that will get her super jobs. She will get into college. She will be able to major in what she wants. Top colleges are not everything. By choice we chose one not in the top but excellent in the program my son wanted, with great merit and an atmosphere to make him feel happy, challenged but not overly stressed. She will have plenty of options. Do not press, it can ruin relationships and even cause her desire to go to college decrease.

Sounds like she felt a lot of stress going into finals. I know in our ISD they don’t even offer honors classes, it is regular or AP. A few have pre-AP but not many. My son got into a very competitive program and only had 3 AP classes in high school. He also changed schools after his freshman year from a more competitive private hs to a well-ranked public with a program he wanted to be in.

You really don’t need a college professional at this point. Give it another year and see where things go. Don’t talk colleges again until after her sophomore year. Honors societies mean nothing. Find a club she likes, or a volunteer job she loves. Let her explore this year and she may find new passions. Let her take the classes she needs and then what she wants. Enjoy hs.

26

Since you’re in Texas, moving to a less competitive district is very advantageous and, as you know, commonly practiced.
Keeping a child in a pressure cooker when they’re sooo unhappy (I remember the “failing French 2” thread) is not the right move in any case, regardless of college plans.
I would encourage your daughter to think of things she likes to do: could be knitting, collecting stuff, discussing TV shows online, climbing, singing in the shower… no matter what it is, tell her it’s great and say the new school offers a club just for that.
Due to the terrible experience with French, starting with a new language is probably a good idea. Her skills in French will help her anyway. She could “preview” the content a bit if she’s worried about foreign language. Spanish1 Honors should be a no brainer.

If you want to add one AP, it should be one of the following only: AP Psychology or AP CS Principles. THose aren’t too taxing. Since she’s taken some CS this year, AP CS P may be the better choice.

My recommendation would be:
English 10H
Spanish 1H
AP CS Principles
Precalculus (regular or honors, depending on how competitive the school is)
World History (regular or honors, depending on how competitive the school is)
Chemistry (regular or honors depending on how competitive the school is)
For these last 3, one of her choice could be honors (World History is likely to be the most interesting “honors” option, but check whether there are “paths” that one must take if one wants to take a couple AP classes junior or senior year - and I do mean 2 or 3, not more than that). It might be possible to start in Honors if the school allows to “drop down” to regular within the first month - and be clear you WILL allow her to “drop down”
For 7th period: a fun class - art, music, culinary arts, DECA, whatever she’s interested in.

She should have some activities she likes beside class and 9 hours of sleep a night (no electronic devices within reach :p)

27

Will moving in grade 10 help though? I read threads of kids that move have rank issues, period. What IS the advantage?

28

Moving from a pressure cooker school helps. Some schools in Texas are crushing.
Some students move for rank actually, but that wouldn’t be the point here.
She’s a freshman, she has 2-3 years to establish a rank, and for all we know her parent may have to move for work before she graduates…
There’s no reason to keep a child enrolled in a school where they’re so unhappy (cf. Previous threads). Especially when they can do very well in a normal school.

29

It’s too early to think about college, and for your daughter, living high school life with admissions in mind can cause huge stress and kind of distort the whole high school experience.

I would think about moving from a very competitive school to one that is more relaxed, even if it is comparatively mediocre. Kids who are motivated in an authentic way can learn a lot anywhere. Some of the competitive schools are toxic when it comes to thinking about college, too early and too much.

But only one more move. She needs consistency in her environment for social and emotional development. And,if she has friends already where she is, a move to less rigorous courses might help. AP’s aren’t even needed in 9th or 10th grade.

Do you think that your daughter is developing some sort of anxiety with testing? Or anxiety in general? If so, I would lay off any talk of college AND of grades. The point of school is not grades, it is learning. Sounds idealistic but it’s true.

And if the problem is severe, she could talk to a counselor. I cannot tell from your post. Others have suggested evaluation for learning disability, ADHD, that kind of thing. I don’t know if that is a fit or not. Anxiety can affect focus too.

Finally, you don’t mention any genuine interests outside of the apparent focus on academic achievement. Many kids find their “passions” in high school, often after some exploration. I really feel that exploring interests outside of the classroom is really important. If you work, it may be hard for her to get to some activities but schools offer quite a bit after class, on campus, too.

Good luck. Your daughter should not have to suffer. Many high school students do of course. I think problem-solving is a great idea but with priorities that have nothing to do with grades or college: instead what makes her happy and less anxious in the present.

30

At this point, OP, you should not worry about class rank, but about her adjustment. I am sorry to say that even at the less demanding school, I do not think she has any chance of pulling herself into the top 10 percent in the next 2 years, as her freshman year grades will transfer to her new school, so that pressure is off. I have seen students miss the top 10% by taking one on-level class rather than an honors class at some point. the good news is UT Dallas is a great school for IT, affordable, and other than the top 10%, has holistic admissions that give her a good chance at acceptance there if she gets good scores and some improvement in grades. So there are good options for her, and as soon as she is adjusted and settled, I am sure she will thrive

31

Some schools in Texas are crushing.<<<<<<<<<

I am sure they are, there are magnet and gifted schools. high rated privates, but they are a competitive admission process, this kid is in a standard admission public high school, in Texas, every kid thinks they attend the most competitive school (read a few UT threads LOL) but the competitive rank aspect is only relevant for rank for Texas college admissions. If the OP lets go of the competitive aspect, the kid is just in normal high school classes, along with the majority of the other kids no where near the top 6%. Changing high schools again sounds terrible, she has changed states, changed schools, and is now being changed again. What does the kid say?

32

Are you certain that changing schools will be an advantage? Has she made friends at her current school? Does SHE want to change? Also, what is she learning by leaving a difficult situation rather than figuring out a way to make it work? Figuring out how to study and what classes to take may be more beneficial to her.

That being said, there can be a huge difference in expectations among school districts. The MD district may have been less rigorous and did not prepare her for the higher level of the current school. If you really believe the school is too hard, maybe moving is the correct move. But maybe having her take somewhat easier classes at her current school is a better choice. If you are moving to what is considered an easier HS, it may make sense for her to take honors classes there if those are easier.

As others have said, focus on her and the learning process, not on college. It may be difficult for her to get to the top 7% for UT Austin but that has to be OK. She can go elsewhere and be very successful. Encourage her to join clubs or activities she wants to be a part of, not to pad her resume.

33

If you remove ranking and GPA stress and take on level classes and join interesting ECs, every school is relaxed. Let her adjust, take pressure off,

This could happen in college too so it’s better to get used to finding your way regardless of the competition or she’ll have to transfer out of good college to easier college too.

34

@angelofdarksideangelfromdarkside You need to back way off your expectations for your daughter, or you run the risk of much bigger problems than low freshman year grades. Her schedule was incredibly demanding, one which would require high levels of both smarts and motivation to complete with high grades. It would be high pressure for just about any kid.

Then lets add that you are WAY too involved / vested in her academic career, and she doubtless feels that pressure as well.

Bottom Line: She isnt up to to meeting that pressure.

Here is what you should do: Let her stay in her current school, sign her up for easier classes across the board, and encourage to get her to do physically demanding sport (suggest cross country, track and or swimming) to deal with the anxiety.

She can go to a less competitive college and still have a sucessful life/career. You are really at a dangerous point with your daugher now. You need to back off the expectations immediately and stop trying to mold her into a college applicant you think she needs to be,

35

Another Texan here. Let her find her own way, taking classes in which she can be successful, figuring out what she likes and can do well. We have plenty of community colleges and colleges. She doesn’t have to wind up at Rice or in Plan II at UT. Maybe she goes to a different private school or public university, does well, is a success.

In my area I have known kids who had a slower roll out, maybe a year or two of local CC to mature, then transfer to a branch of UT, made good grades, got a good job or were admitted to professional or grad school. I recently met a young man who went to community college and worked, transferred to UTSA, did so well and impressed so many profs he got a prestigious full ride for his last two years and is being encouraged to apply to grad school. He was no star in high school. He needed more time to grow up and figure out what he wanted to study.

36

I don’t know what the min requirements are for foreign language in Texas but if its two years stop there. One of my kids was terrible at foreign language and I stopped at two years with no adverse affects to college admission. Bag the AP’s for sophomore year. I would consider honors math and english and stop there. I highly recommend against ap world history usually taught as a sophomre unless it is a subject she adores. Many students take this and get a rude surprise.

37

IMHO giving up and running away are not the lessons you want to teach your kid. You are also expressing your lack of faith in her abilities to work hard and rise. If it’s hard to survive in a good high school, surviving at good colleges is going to be a bigger challenge.

Most Texas school districts have moved away from class ranking so it should help in college admissions if AP and SAT scores are good. As top colleges are holistic, focus on ECs, sports, leadership and community service. Most importantly do the math, if in the end she has to go to UTD, UNT or TTech for merit then no point in experimenting moving her from one school to other for gaming the system, enroll her in KD to improve ACT scores.

38

You mentioned lower grades in a foreign language. My kids weren’t very good at them (neither are her dad and I). That is the one area where we got our kids a tutor in HS.

Encourage your kid to add at least one school activity. Not honor society - something like theater, debate, speech, robotics, newspaper - something she likes. Kids need something besides academics, and this helps socially as well.

39

Original poster mentioned wanting to build a house in another district so moving school was inevitable even though they had previously moved child many times and started at this school just last year. Instead of giving her time to adjust, they kept planning about changing schools and moving homes, no wonder poor kid didn’t put her emotional anchor down.

I’m sorry if my evaluation is harsh but continuously experimenting with schooling is not a great game plan if your teen’s mental health or elite colleges are your priority.

40

I think it would be helpful for you to let go of middle school. Beyond using them to place your daughter in her freshman year courses (or they could have used their own placement exam), they are really a closed chapter in her book never to be used again. My D21 got straight A+'s from 4th (when they started getting letter grades) to 8th grade every.single.trimester.without.exception. Her standardized test scores always wavered between the 95-99th percentile and got a 99 on her high school placement exam. But what we have learned, and she had to learn the hard way, in high school is that she sailed through on her gifted memory alone, but not much of high school is rooted in rote memorization and regurgitation, and unfortunately her grade school didn’t get much into higher order learning for this lightbulb to go off before her high school grades took (and continues to take) some hits. She is a fine student, but she is not ever going to be a tippy top student because she’s not only learning harder material now but she is also learning how to learn (processing and applying information) alongside it and there are bumps in that road. Exam week is particularly difficult for my bright D21 too, because she relied on her short term memory for so many years, and never experienced “max capacity” that happens now with exams, she is still figuring out how to manage her time to make sure she is planning ahead for studying for finals so she is emptying the short term memory bucket into long term memory, refill and repeat. She bombed some finals that also had great impact on her overall grade and thus GPA, and yes we were disappointed, its natural, because she worked hard all year and has to accept a lower grade at the last minute. But if the goal is college, than learning this now is essential to being able to succeed in college, so sometimes you have to focus more on what your daughter is learning and how she is growing that may not be measured in a grade but is still going to contribute to her future.

Again though, your expectations of her for high school seem to be coming from a place of her outstanding performance in middle school, but that is definitely an apples to oranges comparison of the type of learning between the two, before you even add in any of the social and emotional aspects of all the moving and the transition from middle school to high school.