<p>Hey,</p>
<p>(Yes, I posted this on another forum (college life) but realized this might be a better place)</p>
<p>So, I found out that I actually like one of the colleges I applied to and might want to go there. However, my "friend" wants me to go there b/c she is as well. My 'friend' just started talking to me recently, and has been tagging along on things that I do- I was friendly to her at first, but now I really find her annoying. She really wanted to go to this college, and I might want to as well. However, she is has an annoying and slightly mean/backstabbing personality. I don't want to be friends with her or have any connection with her, especially after high school. She really wants me to go to this college, and I know if I do she'll stalk me and want to talk to me often. I really just don't want to deal with her anymore. I don't feel like an annoying person should factor in to my college decision, but it is- she is a major con.</p>
<p>What can I do? I don't want to be mean or tell her outright. However, I really just don't want to hang out with her/talk to her very much. She really hopes I go there. I want to start a new life after HS, and don't want her to be a part of it.</p>
<p>It probably depends on the size of the school whether you will ever have to see her if you choose not to…are you talking about a small LAC or a large university?</p>
<p>Yes, what colleges are you talking about and how much do they cost?</p>
<p>Will you be in the same or similar majors? Will you be taking many of the same classes? If they are huge lectures with many sections, you probably won’t be in the same section. But if you didn’t want to leave it to chance, you could find out what section she is in and choose another!</p>
<p>It is a large university. Even if we’re in different majors, I know she’ll still seek me out and want to talk to me. </p>
<p>Why is this a factor in your college decision? Seriously? What is to prevent you from meeting someone similar at any college you go to? Will you transfer schools? Learn the gentle brush off, to be busy, etc, just what other people do.</p>
<p>@leavemenotes I feel for you. I’m not sure how to deal with it, although I like BrownParent’s gentle brush-off suggestion. Don’t respond to texts (or at least not quickly). It should be easy to get lost in a big university–even with someone hunting you down. lol After a semester or two, she’ll get the hint. However, let’s say you are able to successfully dodge her in college. When you get back home, you’ll have the same holiday/break schedule. Will you be okay with meeting up with her then? What about driving to/from college with her? That may be an issue too, so prepare for it.</p>
<p>In any event, if that’s the best school for you, I hope you don’t let this girl prevent you from attending.</p>
<p>I find that a lot of times when people make new friends, they start to pay less attention to their old ones. If you really like the school, you shouldn’t let the fact that she’s going to push you away from it. Maybe you could make it a point to tell her, if not that you don’t want to be friends, that you plan to make a lot of new connections while also spending a lot of time on your studies. That could be a subtle way to tell her that you don’t want her tagging along too much.</p>
<p>Even if I just ignore her or gently brush her off, I think she would pursue me. Hopefully I can do it in a tasteful way. Has anyone else had to deal with this? This is a major factor of my college decision, unfortunately.</p>
<p>In your defense, I can kind of understand this…my niece chose a college that her high school boyfriend would <em>not</em> be attending so she could gracefully pull away from him. Instead he switched his own college at the last minute and it was too late for her to switch (and she didn’t want to)…it’s been an awkward first year for her…she did break up with him but he’s visible to her all of the time and she didn’t get the clean break that she really needed…</p>
<p>I think y’all are being too nice. Sure, try to gently brush her off a couple times, but if she still keeps pursuing you, I think you have every right to be a bit more verbally abrasive. Don’t tear her apart, of course, but tell her that you don’t want to associate yourself with her any more. This is a major decision of your life she’s interfering with. </p>
<p>If it’s a large university and you have different majors, chances are you are not going to have to deal with her. Sure, she can text you but you do not have to respond. If she confronts you, just tell her you are busy getting settled in. Give her some credit, she will get the message.</p>
<p>Also, you don’t want an “enemy” going into a new environment. Especially if she is the “back stabbing” sort that you describe. Just go your own way with friends you have chosen. Things will fall into place - for both of you! </p>
<p>How large would the university be?
It almost sounds like your classmate is like the proverbial bit of scotch tape you can’t get rid of.
A solution may be to NOT give her any information about your dorm or class choices (or lie if you’re afraid she’ll push it - you can always say the class was full or you changed your mind or your roommate convinced you to take another section/class), and to unfriend her on FB so that she can’t read your updates.
However if her oncampus behavior makes you feel uncomfortable (stalkerish level: looking for you after classes, seeking you out at the cafeteria… anything that goes to the point you’re trying to change your patterns to avoid her) remember you can discuss it with counselors at the university and get them to help you.</p>
<p>I’d still go to the college. And you should just ignore her or flat out tell her to stop hanging around you. Like other said, you’re gonna beave behind old friends anyways.</p>
<p>Remember that you’re never going to see her again</p>