<p>When riding a horse we leave our fear, troubles, and sadness behind on the ground. (Juli Carlson). As inspiring as this quote is, I never truly understood its powerful truth until recently when riding became more than just a hobby to me. Riding became a whole new learning experience to me, emotionally and educationally. Horseback riding is something that has always been in my life, and has always been a love of my life, but never had it been such a huge emotional factor for me until these past two years. Junior year was particularly unfortunate for me. I became very ill over winter break and missed weeks of school. I was in and out of the hospital with throat infections and eventually had to get my tonsils out. When I finally returned to school I felt extremely overwhelmed with work to make up and trying to get my life back to normal. During this difficult time, my parents encouraged me to get back into riding. As I started riding again I found that I not only regained my lost strength, but I also regained the confidence I had lost. Riding played such a pivotal role in helping me bounce back after being ill.
Just as I cleared one hurdle in my life, another lay before me: senior year. Everyone tells you that your senior year will be the busiest year of your life. This could not be more of an understatement. Everyday I am bombarded with the same questions, Where are you going to college? What will you major in? What do you want to be when you grow up? These three questions can make your head spin. On top of all these questions, there are college essays to be written, applications to be filled out, and teachers to be impressed. Everyday it seems as though there is something new on my plate. While it seems like the world around me is spinning faster and faster and changing everyday, there is always one thing that I know will never change. During my busy senior year, I know I can always turn to horseback riding as my outlet. As I did when I was sick, I found peace in retreating to my world made for two. To get away from jumping through hoops for colleges and teachers, I instead got on my horse and jumped over fences. I soared over jumps that I never knew I was capable of jumping. If I have learned anything from riding this year, it has been that there is no limit to what I can do. I can jump and hurdle, I can soar to any height, I can go any speed, and do it all with passion and enthusiasm. Riding has taught me to believe in myself. If I do not believe that I can cross that river, there is no way my horse is going to believe that he can cross that river. My horse has reminded me time and time again that instead of rushing to each jump, I need to go slow and steady and plan out my course. I learn to take my hurdles one at a time. Every fence I jump teaches me to let go of the reins and trust in the force beneath me. As cliché as it is, when I am having a bad day and fall off, I know I always have to get right back on. The lessons that I learn when riding are in no way limited in their application. These are lessons that I try not only to ride by, but also to live by. Riding gives me a miraculous sense of invincibility, a feeling I receive only from atop of such an incredible force. In the midst of the chaos of my senior year, I know the hooves of my horse will always beat steady. I know that know matter how fast life gets, I can always ride faster.</p>
<p>Warning: I'm a tough critic ;-)
"As inspiring as this quote is, I never truly understood its powerful truth until recently when riding became more than just a hobby to me. Riding became a whole new learning experience to me, emotionally and educationally. Horseback riding is something that has always been in my life, and has always been a love of my life, but never had it been such a huge emotional factor for me until these past two years."
When people begin with intros like these, it makes me wonder, why didn't they just jump into the story? If you actually need to say this, leave it at the end. But you wnat your reader interested from the begininng, so why not start with some action?
"Junior year was particularly unfortunate for me. I became very ill over winter break and missed weeks of school. I was in and out of the hospital with throat infections and eventually had to get my tonsils out. When I finally returned to school I felt extremely overwhelmed with work to make up and trying to get my life back to normal. During this difficult time, my parents encouraged me to get back into riding. "
Show it, don't say it! How many weeks did you miss? Do you remember the pain? Do you remember misisng out on alot of fun at school? Don't spend TOO much time on this (b/c obviously riding is the focus ) but give the reader mroe than a generic picture in his/her head.
I feel so bad because this is going to sound harsh! But besides the three weeks sick (which is important to explain if your grades went down and is obviously central to get you riding again) this story could apply to any rider. I'm sure many riders use riding for escape, but you need to stay away from generalizing! Don't just say you hop over fences and escape from college essays. What type of land do you and your horse traverse and jump over? And it sems as if you run from your problem when you say "to get away from.." Maybe you should say to take a break from... DO you use that time on your horse to reflect as well? Don't say "as cliche as it is", either replace the cliche with your own words, or just drop that phrase.
From what I've written, you may think I hate your essay. Not true at all, I'm just a tough critic. I actually love that riding helped you to regain strength and confidence. But your essay does not clearly exemplify that. Also, your essay is in progress! That means youre not done! I just wanted to give you lots of tips as you write along the way. Good luck and don't just take my advice! I hope someone else out there sees this and helps you, so at the very least, I've given you a bump lol</p>