I’ve been in college for 3 years and I literally maybe only talked to a total of 5 people. That’s included class. Outside of class thends it is 0. Im a guy with anxiety and depression for around 7 years. I went to 4 parties and they were awful. The only friend I know from HS is completely different than me now and has a life and I just sit in my dorm literally all day. I’m too scared to get in any groups. No desire to be a frat. Home is 45 minutes so of course I go home literally every week. Never stayed a weekend at college in 3 years. No connections. I’m horrible to be around due to my anxiety and depression and I try to get help for it but too scared to as well. I don’t know what I can do anymore. I have almost no motivation for anything anymore because there’s nothing I look forward to in life anymore. What can I do with my life. I’m still a sophomore btw.
Until you get help for the anxiety and depression, things won’t get any better and you’ll remain miserable. I know it’s hard to reach out for help, but it will really be the best thing at this point. I’ve had social anxiety and depression too, but for me, talking to someone whose job it is to listen and help me isn’t as nerve-wracking as other social experiences. See if your school offers counseling services; many do. Some even have walk-in hours.
What part of joining a group scares you? I understand that it’s intimidating to show up to a meeting and not know what to expect. But 1. People welcome students to join; they want you to be there. And 2. Especially at the beginning of the year, they’ll be expecting newcomers.
I know you think that you’re “horrible to be around,” but people tend to catastrophize when they feel anxious (assume the worst). I really struggled feeling comfortable around the few friends I had because I thought that they thought I was weird, awkward, and depressing because I’m quieter and don’t contribute much to conversations. But when the subject came up, they never even noticed any of that and even thought I was a good listener. People don’t think about you as much as you think they do. They are more concerned about what they’re doing. Even if you do something “awkward,” they really don’t have a reason to remember it.
I’d also recommend talking to your parents about what you’ve been going through. Having their support might make it easier to get help.
You first posted about your depression here on CC in February and were given advice. Have you done anything about it since? Have you seen a counsellor? if not make an appointment with campus counseling immediately.