This might sound odd, but I’m going to a college that is literally in my hometown. It’s a wonderful christian university with a diverse student body and supporting professors, staff, ect. My problem is that I’ve lived a very sheltered life, partly due to my parents being overprotective, in my opinion, and partly to my own fault. I’m an introverted video game nerd, and I think that I don’t know how to do anything for myself. Just the other day, I got into my first (minor)fender bender and I freaked out so bad I had to call my mom and she had to come calm me down. No one was hurt or anything, I just had a dent in my car and the other car had a few scratches, but still. I was a wreck. Which is embarrassing since I am technically an adult.
I know how to do petty things like laundry and what not, but I can’t cook for myself(unless it’s microwavable), I’ve never handled my own money before(my mom controls my bank account), and I have NO sense of direction. Seriously, it’s a miracle that I can find my way TO my university. On top of that, I’m diabetic. And while I can control my diabetes(I was diagnosed when I was a year old), I’ve never lived anywhere or been anywhere where there wasn’t someone who knew about diabetes to help me. I’m aware that there’s nursing staff on campus, but the idea of my life being in the hands of strangers freaks me out.
On top of this, I’m a horrid procrastinator unless I have someone else on top of me to do my work, with bad anxiety and a never-ending feeling of shy awkwardness. I’ve never been able to make friends easily, and I’m already anxious about failing. Despite being in the same hometown as my university of choice, my family and I decided that I needed to have the ‘college experience’ of living on campus for at least a year. Also, in infamous ‘freshmen fifty’ that my mother warned me about. Apparently, she’s worried I’m gonna overeat and gain a ton of weight, which is NOT helping my self-esteem, by the way.
I’m kind of scared of being on my own, but I want to experience it. Anybody have any ideas on what I should do?
These are all pretty normal fears! Lots of people go into college not knowing how to live by themselves, which is to be expected because most people probably haven’t lived by themselves.
You’ll have to learn time management when it comes to your academics. There won’t be anybody on top of you to do your work, so this is probably the most important thing that you should learn right away. First semester for a lot of people is a learning curve when it comes to workload, so don’t take too many classes right away and really focus on staying on top of everything.
I also had very few life skills coming into college. Some of them you don’t have to learn right away, but some of them you will. You get slightly better at direction, especially after you’ve been wandering around campus for a while, but you’ll get lost a few times, too. More likely than not, you’ll be on a meal plan so you won’t have to learn to cook right away, either. But you can always learn and practice when you’re home on breaks. And it’s the freshman fifteen, not the freshman fifty. You might gain some weight (some people do, some people don’t), but it’s again pretty normal, and I really doubt you’ll gain fifty pounds.
So again, it’s totally fine to have these fears beforehand, but after a couple months of being on your own you’ll realize that most of your fears won’t play out. You might make some classic dumb mistakes (getting on the wrong bus, melting a container in the microwave, etc. – all things I’ve done!) but you’ll get past them and learn from them.
You have six weeks to start to practice some basic skills. You can do your money management with your mom. You can ask your mom or dad to teach you basic cooking. You can work out a health management plan to make sure your diabetes is well controlled. You won’t be far from home if you need help from your parents.
Hi! Don’t be so scared about being on your own in college! Your parents wouldn’t push you to form if they didn’t think you are mature and responsible enough to handle taking care of yourself. I’m going to college in the fall like you and I’m freaked out too and I bet a bunch of other 18 year olds have a lot of anxiety like us. Have you been to orientation yet? I think orientation really helps you meet new people and get feel of how college is going to be. Don’t be discourage if you try to befriend someone and they don’t really seem to like you back, it’s college and their lose. When I went to orientation I had a lot of trouble making friends and feeling upbeat. Definitely going to orientation was a big change from high school. In high school I knew everyone (I was a yearbook editor at my high school) and I honestly felt everyone was my friend. I felt confident in who I was and happy. But at orientation I kept on questioning myself (Does my make up look bad? Do I smell? Was it something I said?) because these two girls in my orientation group didn’t want to be my friend as much as I wanted to be theirs. But in the end I had a great time because I met three wonderful people that made my orientation experience great. Just remember that college is different from high school and it’s a new start. If you want to be more extroverted then join some clubs instead of staying in your dorm and playing video games. And if you’re a procrastinator then try getting a planner and really planning out schedule for eating, studying, classes, taking your meds, ect. And most freshmen don’t really cook in college… Don’t really have a stove or anything. And if you do want to cook then look up those tasty videos all over Facebook… The recipes are simple and easy and yummy. Have faith in your self!
I’ve been there, OP. Ugly crying because I got in a fender bender, eating hotdogs and chips every day because I couldn’t cook, getting lost driving somewhere even WITH the GPS shouting at me in my hand…
But you know what? I just graduated from college, and I’m better now. I’m no gourmet chef, but I can fry chicken, boil noodles, steam veggies, and bake a casserole. I don’t get as worked up about small things anymore because, as I’ve experienced in life, things will always happen and you’ll always get through them. My sense of direction is still questionable, but if I’m a moron and go on the eastbound ramp instead of the westbound ramp, I’ll sigh but calmly get off at the next exit and turn around.
Things may seem hopeless right now because you’re going off to face the unknown. Everyone feels that way - it’s completely normal! I feel that way right now because I’m heading to graduate school out of state. I’m able to function well enough on my own now as an adult, but the unknown is still scary and still daunting.
Like someone else said, take these next few weeks to learn. Watch your mom cook, clean, whatever, and ask to do more of your own financing. Everyone grows and matures at their own pace, and you will so get there. Don’t worry! College has a learning curve, and things will work themselves out.
Being aware of the things you want to change is the first step. You made out a great list of things you seem to realize need to be changed. Maybe you could start setting some goals in your independence?
You should be aware that most people “can’t cook.” It is not a natural gift. You have to read about it a little and start small with some easy recipes. If you can game, you can cook! All of the directions are there, you just have to read the directions and start slowly!
As far as your diabetes, are you the one who manages everything with your diabetes? Do you order your own supplies and deal with the pharmacy as well? Having a sit down talk with your mom and taking over those duties is a great first step.
For your sense of direction, start challenging yourself every day to go somewhere new and learning the general direction of things i.e. which streets or highways run north or south , etc. rather than just being led around by Siri.
I think you will do great IF you recognize these are things that are learned over time. No one knows these things overnight. You have to decide on a plan and practice them. Practicing them will bring familiarity and then you will master the tasks. Mastering the tasks will bring about less anxiety. But you have to decide today that is what you want to do. Also, on the gaming…cutting it out completely would be rough, but maybe setting a timer would be helpful? And then keep a list of your daily goals by the timer and force yourself to get up and get working on the goals.
Good for your parents for pushing you a little beyond your comfort zone!
Good luck to you!