So - the ink on the college diploma is barely dry and I am already concerned about DS2. Always an A/B student, he graduated from a top 25 LAC and his grades really tanked his last semester. We discussed what happened and it was basically “I don’t know…it was a tough semester.” (it wasn’t academically difficult - he was taking only 4 classes and one was P/F). He won’t elaborate and it was a class that he should have easily gotten at least a B (he ended up with a D). He had been applying for jobs but without success. By April, after his older brother shared with us that he was overly stressed about the job situation, we told him to just finish out the year strong and deal with the job hunt after graduation. He is a very empathetic and kind kid, and he tends to “take on” the problems of others around him; very often he graviates to friends with troubles (or they gravitate to him). Either way, it affects him on top of his own concerns which I think is at least part of the issue. So maybe some low-level depression, but I really don’t think that’s it - maybe just a little freaked out about going off into “real life”.
He’s back home and will start looking for a job and also study for the GRE (for future use - not planning on going until a year or two). His field is not easy to break into and that concerns me as well. I know that living at home will be an issue for him after living on his own.
I don’t really have a question, just concerns about where this is going. Anybody else been here? DS1 had more clear-cut path, but even he had a small crisis of confidence after graduation until he got his footing. I know that many of the CC kids are “all above average” (to quote Garrison Keillor 
) but I need to hear from some who have been in the same boat. It seems like everyone I know IRL have kids who ARE all set with jobs or heading right into grad school. I know he’s an adult and should be dealing with this on his own (which he mostly is) but some outside the box advice would be good too.
Thanks!
I will follow this thread! My D is only a rising college junior, but I’m already stressed about her future. Not sure what she will do with her photography and art history majors. And she’s made it clear she’s a “fine arts photographer,” not a commercial one. ???
I have a DS who just finished college. During his fall semester, his GPA dropped by about 0.4. He realized that at the end of the year, all of a sudden, his life would not be as predictable as it had been for the past 22 years. Every year, he knew he would be going to school X, taking classes, studying, going to school the next day. It was all ending this spring. He wouldn’t have the same routine that he’d always known.
He also got quite sad because he was looking at the mugs in the school bookstore that said “Proud Dad of School X grad”. His dad died when he was 10. It triggered some grief.
He applied to law school, got into a great one, but it wasn’t one of the ones he expected and now he’s struggling with moving to a new city that he never envisioned living in.
What seems to be working for him, at least a bit, is keeping his eye on the prize. He just visited some friends who put in a new pool. He really liked the pool and is telling himself that he’ll go to law school, do well and get his own pool.
Not sure what these situations say about the “traditional college experience” that many, especially here on CC, are seeking. As a Northeastern University alumnus myself, and a frequent commenter on that CC forum, I believe that their requirement for experiential education is the better route for a student. Many potential students are hesitant to attend because their college experience will be interrupted by six month periods of full time work, research or service learning. They worry about having to apply for coop or research jobs at least once, usually twice and sometimes three times. They worry about having to relocate for those periods outside of the Boston area. They are put off by the need to attend summer sessions in order to graduate on time etc.
For those who do choose to attend all of those things seem to work out and the student flourishes. At graduation the students either have a career job lined up or at least have an idea what they want to do in their career and how to achieve that. Because for the last four or five years their life has not been predictable.
“He realized that at the end of the year, all of a sudden, his life would not be as predictable as it had been for the past 22 years.”
@bouders - I think that is a huge part of it. When you include preschool, he’s been in school for almost 20 years - he doesn’t even remember life before that.
Also - I really understand about your son’s feelings of loss; I lost my dad at 15 and mom 10 years later. It still takes me by surprise how grief can pop up, especially at those milestone moments. Good luck to your son in law school - I hope he gets his pool! 
These days, nothing is guaranteed. Very little is as clear-cut as it used to be. I use the example of the Northwestern grad with an actuarial certificate who ended up a hardware store cashier three years after graduation. The “safe” field seems to be medical services.
While performance/experiential/hands-on etc. learning has its benefits, I wouldn’t say it’s a ticket to a job. YDD had three formal internships, volunteer work in her field, and research and is still on the edge of her field four years out.
A touch of depression after graduation is normal. It’s not just the uncertainty, but a social loss as well. You get used to living surrounded by people your age and minutes from all your friends, then suddenly all of that is gone. You can say that it’s not true about college being the best part of your life, but there’s no denying that it’s much harder to make friends after college. The panic of needing a job before your student loans start billing you doesn’t help either.
“maybe just a little freaked out about going off into “real life”.”
I think the 20s/young adulthood is tough - figuring out who you want to be/your career path, knowing you might not see many of your friends again, facing independence, finding/affording housing or finding roommates you click with, etc. It definitely can be overwhelming. And often once you get a first job, it isn’t the most compelling either and there is the adjustment to living a much more structured life than the life of a college student.
What field is he interested in?
Thanks @my2sunz There’s not many people who understand. It’s good to find someone who does.
I think it is tough for grads as they see their friends land jobs and move to the next phase of life. The economy is good and there are jobs to be had. I would encourage him to treat finding a job as a job and spend time every day reaching out and applying places. Maybe help him beef up his resume and make sure his LinkedIn profile is up to snuff and to let friends and family know he is looking for a job. The living at home thing will be hard but maybe set a 6 month limit. I think the critical question is if his industry of choice of career path is near your home or if he would be better served relocating and taking a restaurant job or some job that would cover his rent while he looks. Also helping him be realistic about starting salaries for potential entry level jobs. Kids sometimes have funny ideas about pay levels especially if they have no meaningful job history. Not all industries have a habit of flying in kids for interviews and fish closer to home. Best of luck to him. I think all kids get a touch of melancholy when they graduate. And telling them it is OK is fine. It is a big leap from the college bubble and some kids cope by staying in college but I am a fan of a year or two outside the bubble before diving back in for another degree.
"The economy is good and there are jobs to be had. "
That all depends on what part of the country you are in and what field you are in. Here the economy isn’t good. Major employers have moved out of the country while others are shifting employees by the thousands, out of state and laid off a thousand employees since Jan 1. The economy in the neighboring state isn’t good either for the same reasons.
It seems to me that many recent grads and not recent grads who get laid off are really scrambling to find work, regardless of what the news media says. There are jobs available, but not as many as you might think from watching the news.
Also, the official unemployment number is very inaccurate. That is because the official unemployment rate only counts people who are actively seeking a job THROUGH GOVERNMENT UNEMPLOYMENT OFFICES. Everyone who is using Linkedin, Indeed, Glassdoor, et al. is not counted. Unemployed workers who want a job but have gotten discouraged are also not counted. The media does a poor job of explaining this issue with how the measurement is done.
It would be interesting to here what general part of the country posters are talking about when they say there isn’t work.
Although the employment numbers aren’t perfect, the methodology is consistent. Therefore it does show trends and overall the forecast is good.
A recent grad should be willing to relocate if the area he/she is in is economically depressed.
A recent grad should be willing to relocate if the area he/she is in is economically depressed.
Even if they are willing to relocate their field makes a difference. Example: A teaching certification is good for your state. You can apply to out of state schools but if you get hired, it is provisionally that you get certified by that state. Often times that means going back to school ($$), and taking that states tests ($$). Add those costs on top of housing and student loans, it doesn’t leave much, if anything left. Then again, the schools attitude is why hire someone provisionally when we can hire someone already certified in the state. Even within your state, if you live on one side of the state and apply for jobs on the other side of the state, they hire those from that area. Many times it’s not what you know but who you know.
There are others states, however, that don’t make teacher certifications a huge hurdle. It’s not like that everywhere. Additionally, one can teach in private schools without that issue.
And sometimes you just get a job outside your field to earn some money while you continue to look in your field.
I think this is a really important point for a lot of young people…the time after graduation can be a much bigger shock and adjustment than going to college. The reality of real life kicking in - particularly for those that haven’t worked before - it can be quite an adjustment. But the loneliness as friends fan out and move on with their own lives can be really hard. Or if you studied far away then have to return home, it’s all just a weird time for them. It’s also odd because a man returns to your house, not the boy that left 4 years ago! They feel that too. I just had this conversation with a friend whose son was struggling after graduation for quite awhile (a year ago). All his friends spread out everywhere and while he was fortunate to get a job, it was at a very traditional company, with frankly, old people, like us, ha. He didn’t get into one of those cool tech companies full of twenty and thirty somethings you see on sitcoms. This gregarious young man was super lonely, but after a year things started turning around as he established himself at a new gym, found a room mate and his own place, found things to do on weekends - it just takes awhile to change up your life so much. I think a lot of new grads go through that. Another friend is dreading the same thing as her S graduates in a couple weeks with an econ degree and has no idea how to use it. He also has no choice but to come home. She is worried how being “the one without a job lined up already” will affect him.
I think getting any job - maybe not the perfect job - but something that keeps them social and with responsibility is a good start to get them moving onward and upward. Even if they hate it, every job is just a step. Some grads just have no idea what to even look for because they don’t understand what “jobs” consist of. OP, what kind of degree does your S have and does he have an idea of what he wants to do? Do you talk about this (or maybe this is all you talk about). Maybe posters can help with some job direction guidance? I don’t think the one last semester is tanking his job search, it may be more the lack of confidence which only gets worse the more time goes on. Also, if he can keep his endorphins up by working out - if he feels good physically that will keep him stronger mentally. Encourage him to get off the couch and work out when he has time. Wish you all well!
My 20-year-old daughter decided to get an apartment with a friend in Philadelphia this summer (they’re subletting from a Penn student). She just got there a couple of days ago. She’s planning on getting some kind of job and hanging out with several friends in the area. She’s also going to visit a lot of art galleries and pick the managers’ brains for ideas of how she can approach her career. I’m a little nervous for her, but she said she thinks it will be good practice for the real world. It will be a big change for her, since we live in a rural area. I’m proud of her for striking out, because it’s definitely not in her comfort zone. Oh, and she’s paying for everything. We told her that with two kids in college, we just can’t finance her.
Additionally, one can teach in private schools without that issue.
If the private school is state accredited, then they have to have state certified teachers. The same is true for charter schools. If it is a religious private school, most will require that you be that religion. Some private schools (those who pay decently) require a masters degree. In my state a masters puts you out of the running for first year public schools since they have to pay you more. Also the same thing happens, you don’t live there so why did you apply there.
Some areas you can’t afford to live in by the time you pay into the state pension plan and social security (a total of 16% of your salary). Once you pay student loans there is nothing left to pay the rest of your bills like food, electric etc. Others are so rural that the school is in one town, the gas station in another and the grocery store in a third. To top it off, there is no place to live unless you buy a house which you could get stuck with. One of dd’s friends ended up like that. Got a job (girl in a stem field) and bought a condo. She was rehired the next year. So she either gets stuck with the condo or commutes to a small town if she can get a job. She did luck out and get one and does two hours of commuting a day but also had to get certified for a lower grade level ($$) and commute to a college to get those classes (another 2 hours of driving). After doing all of that she still isn’t tenured. Very few get tenure now days because it is cheaper for the school districts to hire new teachers ever few years than to give tenure with it’s increasing salary.
And sometimes you just get a job outside your field to earn some money while you continue to look in your field.
Easier said that done. Example Target. Basic job (checker) three month probation period, then first pay raise. No checker gets beyond probation. Too many people looking for a job so they don’t have to keep anyone. Since it is probation they don’t need a reason to let you go. They won’t even hire anyone for a team lead position unless they are in grad school or have a masters degree.
She has manage to get temp or part time jobs in her area, just not her field. With what few hours she gets at her current one, she doesn’t even make enough to pay her loans. Actually she is the only one in her department with an ed degree (including her supervisor).
Graduating from college is tough… for all of the reasons noted. My older D had a difficult time at first… grad school was not what she expected ( her cohort was very tiny and had students from different walks of life) and she found herself somewhat lonely until she figured it out…got a job on campus, made some friends in her building etc. Younger D is still a college student… but does not always handle transitions well. She will most definitely have a gap position…( which may be hard but for other reasons)… with a cohort… before heading to grad school… hopefully with a large cohort. I am hoping that this eases her transition into the working world.
The 20’s is a tough period of time. It can be lonely at first. It’s the first time where suddenly they are not following a structured and predicted path. I tell my kids all the time to stop comparing themselves to others… everybody is on his/her own time table. They do figure it out in their own time… and run their own race.
This can be a difficult transition and high performing students can have really unreasonable expectations. For 16 years they’ve been in a classroom with a list of things to get done. Suddenly, that structure is gone and it’s scary.
My eldest just graduated and took a fellowship that will use her skills but way outside her field and not in a place where she could sustain long term. I was concerned at first. However, I’ve come around. She’s happy. It’s an experience she’s interested in and it’s not costing me anything. She has a place to live and while getting paid very little, it’ll be enough to sustain her the next 6 months. I have no idea what she will do after and frankly, I’m not sure she knows either.