<p>I agree with Brownalum. I think its a matter of life style choices. My partner and I between us have paid for five full pay college tuitions. (two ex-spouses and three children) LOL. However, he and i have always worked. in our neck of the woods college educated women routinely retire from the work force after the first or second child and generally do not return. They got to spend more time with their kids. I did not. I had nannies and my mother. But, our children had no limits on their college choices. In hindsight, my SO and I wonder which was the better choice? I regret not being around for my childâs early years, yet iâ m glad now they could go to whatever university they felt like applying to. So, OP, I think you made the best choice for your DD given the info you had and your family situation. Almost every choice has a tradeoff and Iâm sure your daughter will have some great choices in the next year.</p>
<p>I have a question for the parents reading this thread and I am asking this respectfully. Why have some of you made it your goal to allow your children to attend whatever college they want? I am troubled by this because most parents set limits on all other activities and requests. They typically do not allow their children to have whatever vehicle or toy they want, etc. I understand they want their children to have the best education to ensure future success. However, the evidence is lacking to show that the money spent for tuition has a direct correlation to the studentâs success. Shouldnât our kids be guided to choose the school that offered the most value? In essence, they would gain a great education but minimize the costs for everyone.</p>
<p>It is my belief that many parents want no responsibility for Juniorâs failure to thrive and/or unhappiness, should that be the case. Many parents have a dream that their child is destined for greatness, that their children will go farther than they did, constrained as many of us were by parental limits when we attended college. If only we had all attended the best schools, if only our parents had supported us and devoted their lives to us as we have devoted our lives to our children, surely we would have been more successful. Simply put, we had limits and were held back from our potential. We will not allow our children to suffer the same fate.
Reality is that parents actually do set limits. I know one family who did not allow their child to apply to any schools, including top 20 private schools, in their state, which the parents despised. They believed their state was backward, despite having perhaps the best economy in the US. I know other worldly parents who would pay all costs for an in-state school, even the most expensive, but not a penny should Junior develop an out-of-state wanderlust. They could not fathom living elsewhere, nor should their child; they have seen it all, and the greenest grass is right here.<br>
The most satisfied parents are probably people like myself. I gave my child complete freedom of choice, and he not only chose the best value school, but the school I would have chosen were I to do it all over again. If only I am so fortunate when my daughter applies!</p>
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<p>But youâre making the assumption that in wanting oneâs child to attend a private liberal arts college (in this case) that it wonât have the âmost valueâ (however that is defined).</p>
<p>Wanting your child to attend that particular type of school could be for a variety of reasons, e.g., (as is the case with the OP), you and/or your spouse attended one and you desire the same for your child; you wish youâd attended one back in the day and you hope your child will consider one and that it is an affordable option; your hard-working child has always dreamed of attending one. And, yes, thereâs always the spoiled Iâm-used-to-getting-whatever-I-want" child, but I donât think thatâs what anybody has been talking about in this thread. </p>
<p>We (and our son) sacrificed family vacations, new cars (or any car in Sâs case), fancy clothes, eating out, etc., to pay for the cost of private schools for him. He was a kid who needed smaller classes when he was younger and thrived in those settings. We dream of that type of education for him at the college level, but if we canât afford it, heâll find a suitable alternative. You canât know what your options are unless you cast your net wide and see what the choices are.</p>
<p>Why have some of you made it your goal to allow your children to attend whatever college they want? I am troubled by this because most parents set limits on all other activities and requests. They typically do not allow their children to have whatever vehicle or toy they want, etc. I understand they want their children to have the best education to ensure future success. However, the evidence is lacking to show that the money spent for tuition has a direct correlation to the studentâs success</p>
<p>Thatâs why many of us havenât gone this route. Some want to, and thatâs their business - their money. The rest of us wonât pay for âany schoolâ because either we canât afford to or we realize that (very) few careers require a pricey education at any particular school.</p>
<p>If you allow a son or daughter to pick a college that is unaffordable, it will generate many years of stress for the whole family, and may preclude choices by a younger sibling. </p>
<p>My son had planned to attend a university that ended up having a much higher net cost than all of his other choices, and which was unaffordable. He ended up choosing another university where he is doing extremely well, and without excessive debt. (Fortunately, once he spent time at that university, it became his first choice, regardless of cost.) </p>
<p>My daughter has chosen a college that offered her 50% merit aid that makes it very affordable. That college also includes everything else that was a priority for her, but it is not a âprestigiousâ college. Fortunately for me, the two colleges she liked the most out of her 9 choices also had the lowest net cost. </p>
<p>Part of the key is to make sure you apply to enough colleges, so that you do have a choice of affordable colleges. Merit and need based aid offers can be unpredictable.</p>
<p>But part of whatâs going away is precisely the âin stateâ options, the great ones, that many of us took advantage of (or counted on as a safety). My safety was state school an option that I could have funded (working over the summers, and a reasonable number of hours during the school year). The small ante scholarships would have paid enough of my way, potentially, to even allow me to live away from home. </p>
<p>I donât think privates were particularly more affordable (mine was, but with aid, and I suspect Iâd have gotten similar aid now). But the state option has been undermined by expecting tuition to pay much more of the cost of educating a student than it did 25 years ago.</p>
<p>We here are done with DS1, who went to instate state school on $$$$ and will graduate with $$$ saved. DS2 went to a high cost option, but due to a unique major and a great ug gpa in the school, did have âneed metâ in a way that helped us keep our heads above water; when I opened his financial aid package last year, I cried. We still have two years to go with DS2 at the pricey school - and he will max out his college fund next year if his aid is not renewed, leaving us to pay as we go, and take loans for year 4. I am hoping the aid from last year will repeat for this one - although we do have a better income this year than last. </p>
<p>These DSs have parents that are ivy grads. To say this has been a struggle is an understatement - our house is way dated compared to the neighbors, we drive cars with 150K miles on them, we coupon clip still. Never thought the going would be this rough - just never did.</p>
<p>"Why have some of you made it your goal to allow your children to attend whatever college they want? "</p>
<p>Because education is a good thing and many of us have given our kids most anything they wanted as long as it was not harmful. Many of us have encouraged the whole âgood collegeâ thinking or the âmore choicesâ thinking when encouraging our kids to do well in school. I think the choice of college is a whole other thing than the type of car, vacation plans or other such things. For many parents. itâs the last thing they will be able to give their kid as they are adults when they leave for school and what they choose to do is no longer as much dictated or controlled. </p>
<p>Though it is not a reasonable thing, we want to do this. I see folks who have proudly advocated public education, sending their kids to public school all through the k-12 years, and then all of a sudden, they are rabid about their kids going to a private college and angry that it costs so much. They understand fully that sending their kid to Independent Academy will cost $30K a year, and the boarding schools can cost $50K a year, but then they feel their kid should get to go to HPY if they get accepted for nothing. Thatâs what make me a little crazyâwhen I run into one of those parents.</p>
<p>Please donât feel like failures! You have not let your children down!! We all know life is not perfect, we get curve balls thrown at us when we least expect it. The reason we have not failed our children is not because we can give them everything they think they want, it is because we have the tenacity to help them succeed no matter what.</p>
<p>I believe that one can receive a good education no matter where you are.
It all depends on the motivation of the personâwhat are the goals? Do some schools have more to offer, you bet. Should we aim high with high hopes? Of course we shouldâŠbut have a back upâŠa state university or community college. Keep working hard and keep applying. Apply for scholarships, apply for internships, volunteerâdo whatever to keep in the game.</p>
<p>I believe that debt is modern slaveryâŠand a student may be more successful by not borrowing much money for school. People who overcome obstacles are strong and can offer perspective that others cannot. Going to your dream school may or may not happenâŠit may or may not aid in your successâŠit will be your hard work and determination that helps you to succeed. And a successful parent will be in the cheering corner of their child through lifeâs laughter and sorrows.</p>
<p>There is also something to be said for a much smaller school, like Mt Holyoke or even Albion here in Michigan, that offer a wide variety of scholarships and great personal attention for students. They also have very dedicated alumni bases out there.
Another option is to look at a smaller residential college within a large public university- here we have James Madison College inside Michigan State University, for exampleâŠ
excellent education. Smaller highly motivated peer group and all the diverse opportunities one could imagine from a large state schoolâŠ</p>
<p>"Why have some of you made it your goal to allow your children to attend whatever college they want? "
Different people have different goals and âwantsâ for their children. We wanted our kids, who grew up in one house, one neighborhood to have the best education for them that we could afford, and made that a budget priority. That meant in our case, 13 years of private schools (one a little inexpensive one for primary since that was in our minds the âbest schoolâ). And that meant encouraging them to expand their world view and go out of state for college, if they wanted to. Now, we did specify that if they thought the best college for them was one for surfing in Hawaii, well, they were going to have to pay the difference between instate here, vs that! Both chose extremely âhigh rankedâ schools. One loved the school, one did not, but they made the choices. Maybe because both my spouse and I come from families with many teachers, that was our priority. Our kids would certainly say we did not âgive them everythingâ for any other $ category!</p>
<p>I donât think that allowing my children to attend any college they wanted ( and got into) without thought of cost was a" goal". It was an the one benefit of having two parents with demanding, time-suck jobs. My SO travels 25 or 30 weeks out of the year. As was pointed out in my previous post, it was a decision I struggled with off and on throughout the years. The thought of college costs was actually not raised until the first was applying. My husband thought that private colleges in the NE cost about 15,000!! And, as Brownalum pointed out, I felt that giving them a choice like that was one of the last big things we could do for them. We did not pay for the oldestâs MBA. he borrowed. There are up sides and downsides to all of these decisions, but there are no wrong choices, itâs merely a matter of making the best of the circumstances that you find yourself in.</p>
<p>OP, I think that you are doing an excellent job - you identified a problem, sought a solution and asked for help. I should be so lucky as to teach my teen to do that!</p>
<p>As the single breadwinner in a family that was supposed to have two⊠I have done a great deal of research into how to afford college, and have some suggestions.</p>
<h1>1 - find your âlikely merit based on statsâ school, find out what you need to do, and apply EARLY. My S13 took the ACT the fourth time in Sept of senior year and brought it up one point to 33. That point, with his GPA, qualified him for the best scholarship at a non-flagship state school with a marching band and his major (probably important to him in that order). He applied early in October and was offered the scholarship before November 1st - which changed the entire rest of the process for us. A number of smaller state schools have straight stats-based scholarships, but they are often âuntil funds run out.â Ours is Northern Illinios, but before that one-point jump we were looking at Southeast Missouri State (I looked within driving distance - there are many more). Find one that has things you like and apply in the fall. The price tag made the school much more attractive, and we kept finding things to like about it.</h1>
<h1>2 - look for small privates in your area (or the area you want to be in) and run the NPCs. For example, I ran the numbers for Concordia University - River Forest only because my dad went to one of the Concordias and I wanted to see if there was a legacy scholarship. It turned out to have excellent aid and immediately made my âgood moneyâ tab on our âwhere to applyâ spreadsheet. I let S13 take it off (too close to home) after getting the above scholarship offer (more motivation there for the early application). Carthage College was another pleasant surprise - that one would have been decent with the possibility of more through competition. I didnât know those colleges existed at this time last year.</h1>
<h1>3 - look for schools that participate in scholarships/programs. Iâm thinking particularly of QuestBridge and CTCL, but I know there are others. Based on your post you wonât qualify for QuestBridge, but you still might get good offers from some of the schools involved - check for âmeets needâ and I believe most of them allow outside money to reduce studentâs portion.</h1>
<h1>4 - have your daughter spend as much time as possible investing in something she really enjoys. Try to find ways to spread an interest around - make her âwell-lopsided.â If she loves reading, she can volunteer at the library and tutor grade-school or middle-school kids in English for money (I know, I know - but I put âreadingâ as a hobby on my college apps⊠back in the dark ages).</h1>
<h1>5 - talk, talk, talk about whatâs reasonable for your family and what the consequences are. When I talk to S13 about a loan payment of $500/month it doesnât mean anything (because they are all going to get fantastic jobs making tons of money), but when I say âIn order to make that loan payment we would have to give up all our phones, the Internet, cable, and Netflix â and still cut back on food or something elseâ - that means more. He wants to grow up and have Internet and Netflix.</h1>
<p>Most of all - keep in mind that the majority of people end up caring about where they went to college because itâs where they went to college, not because they loved it before they got there. During college people grow up and learn about themselves and make connections, and that happens everywhere.</p>
<p>Fantastic post, confetti.</p>
<p>Yes, that was a great post, Confetti. </p>
<p>Our state schools, and other states Iâm sure, will only consider you for merit aid if you apply by their early deadline, Nov. 1 in our case. Be sure you know the deadlines to be considered for merit aid, which can be different than the deadline for applying for financial aid.</p>
<p>For merit aid, apply early - but donât put down a deposit right away. There is at least one university that is holding off on issuing their merit aid until after they see who has already accepted their offer of admission. They then target the merit aid to students who might not otherwise attend, and they donât give any merit aid to the students who have already put down a deposit, even if those students have higher stats.</p>
<p>Our state schools, and other states Iâm sure, will only consider you for merit aid if you apply by their early deadline, Nov. 1 in our case. Be sure you know the deadlines to be considered for merit aid, which can be different than the deadline for applying for financial aid.</p>
<p>This such a good point, especially for those who are applying ED and EA to various schools and are only focusing on those schools prior to Jan 1. Too many students and parents wait til the ED/EA results come in and then decide to submit other apps (including financial safety apps). At that point, itâs often too late because many schools have Nov and early Dec deadlines for scholarship considerationâŠeven if the school is accepting apps well into the New Year! theyâll accept your school app, but you wonât be considered for a scholarship by that point.</p>
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What school is this?</p>
<p>This is a heinous policy and the school needs to be outed.</p>
<p>Well, I feel like a failure and am one in this regard by definition as I had wanted my kids to have the option to go to whatever college they chose that accepted them. Could have maybe done it had we saved more spent less, done a lot of things differently, but âŠhere we are. We are now looking at retirement and making sure that our kids donât get saddled with us, at least as a financial burden. Also making sure we have as many options as possible for our future. And also to be able to help our kids out if the need or want desires in the present and the future. It doesnât end with college. But, yes, I failed in that goal of having enough to pay for full freight at many private colleges for my kids.</p>