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<p>I’m not talking about taking a “gap year.” I’m talking about putting the whole process on hold until the kid feels the urge to get a college education - whether that’s one year, or ten.</p>
<p>Make them go when they are 24 years old, LOL, then it is their dime not yours! :)</p>
<p>LOL, then it is their dime not yours!
There have been quite a few students on various threads where that has been the case.
Students who have in their mid 20’s( or older) decided that they want to continue their education after realizing they are kind of stuck in their path, or who want to change course & not sure how to go about it.</p>
<p>In my older daughters graduating class ( this was at a private prep) 1/3 of the class took one or more years off before college.</p>
<p>No. If I had the extra money I’d just blow it on things like a Mercedes, trips to the south of France, dining at fine restaurants. Better to educate the kids so they can take care of me in my old age.</p>
<p>Actually, in our community it looks like we are unusual in that we plan to spend our money to send our kids away to college. Most of my daughter’s friends are planning to go to community college or a 4-year school within an hour of home regardless of their financial status or academic accomplishments. Many parents I’ve talked to are encouraging their kids to stay nearby, not necessarily because of the expense of a residential college but because they say they’d miss them. Some people think we are unsentimental louts because we appear to be eager to cut the apron strings.</p>
<p>hudsonvalley - congrats on your D2’s ED.</p>
<p>Kids are often “uninterested” in the college selection process because they’re scared silly! It’s the first time in their lives that they don’t know where they’ll be going to school come September (of whichever year). And for many of them, the first time that they will be judged and someone can say, “No.” That’s terrifying.</p>
<p>They may be absolutely ready for it - there was no question that my d was ready. But the whole process is overwhelming, especially if the kids are busy with school, ECs, friends, etc. I did most of the initial groundwork for her. Eventually, she became more engaged (when she realized she had to be - but then there was still major nagging about applications!), found a school in which she was very happy, did well, and now has a great job despite an “unemployable” major. </p>
<p>Understand that you may be worried about where they’ll go, but so are they! It’s easier just to ignore the whole thing.</p>
<p>davidthefat. DO NOT scrimp in college to save for a distant future. You will have plenty of time to start saving a few years later. You will do yourself a huge disservice if you “nickel and dime” your college experience trying to spend the least you can. My biggest regret is not being able to do more in college/medical school because I didn’t have any money. You have to have faith in your future earnings and spend the money to have a full college experience.</p>
<p>Teens live in the moment- even gifted ones. Parents need to expose their HS kids to colleges before fall of senior year but can’t expect them to embrace the idea until “push comes to shove”. I also agree with posters on the paralyzing fear/scared silly angle. It is our job to do the pushing. Despite all of their claims of independence our kids still need their parents to care enough to keep hovering and make sure they get over the immobility. The results by the next fall are worth the efforts of nagging et al. </p>
<p>My father has the same philosophy we do- “pay forward”, he would rather we spend our money on the next generation instead of him. I remember all he and my (long deceased) mother gave up for us kids.</p>
<p>In our house, the college $$ was/is in 529’s…kind of “made us” use it for college, although it turns out H and I are so thrifty that we wouldn’t have spent it anyway…</p>
<p>at least the interest isnt taxed…</p>
<p>to the OP: for some reason, I knew what this thread was about before I even opened it…telepathy</p>
<p>@byebye, I wasn’t thinking that way, but now that you mention it…</p>
<p>Yeah, why should I be eating beans and rice for the next 8 years and forsaking vacations when DS can’t even be persuaded to send an inquiry e-mail to a coach at his favored school because he’s “not sure” he wants to play the sport “competitively” in college, even though he plans to keep practicing on his own and being on the school’s team could give him an admissions advantage as well as scholarship money? A dozen meets a year seems like a minor sacrifice compared to us driving our 12-year-old car until the junkyard claims it, putting off all but essential home repairs, and forgetting about restaurants.</p>
<p>Like most parents here, I’ll do that and more, as this is part of the unconditional love we have for our kids. But it sure does feel good to vent once in a while! Thanks for the opportunity, lol!</p>
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<p>I wonder if one of the solutions to students taking on too much college debt (and parents being on the hook for some of that money) would be requiring high school graduates to work for a year or two before being granted any student loans. I think they might have a better idea of what they wanted in college and would be more aware of the value of money, thus making better choices in time management, course choice, and choice of economical school. I know my husband and I heavily pushed for our children to work after college graduation before deciding on higher education. It’s amazing how they both chose employer funded masters programs over going into debt once they were paying their own way and amazing how being in the work force changed their views of what they wanted to do with their futures. </p>
<p>My children went on many educational trips and activities that I would have enjoyed funding for myself instead -summer programs, trips to Europe and the Far East, courses on philosophy, canoeing, wines, cooking, and horseback riding. The closest I got was being a Scout leader - I got to do all the cool stuff with the scouts, and went on some amazing trips with them.</p>
<p>ABout your kids, this is more common now due to the fact that they have had so much growing up, my kids are the same way. When I was in school, college was a Big Deal. And now it is very common for kids to go to college, it’s almost their expectation.</p>
<p>As they get closer to “go live” they will perk up a bit, and I think in my experience, boys are less interested/organized that girls.</p>
<p>As a single-income family, our kids will have to have financial aid and loans to go, unless my gifted athlete D manages a good scholarship!</p>
<p>Good luck!</p>
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Who will hire these high school students? “Requiring” it is one thing; making it feasible as a requirement is quite another.</p>
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<p>Couldn’t someone likewise say: “Who hires the college graduates who have to pay back the loans? “Requiring” payback is one thing; making it feasible as a requirement is quite another.”</p>
<p>I know this economy is tough. It’s just that I feel so many students are taking out so much money in loans without realizing that with huge loans, the economy will always be too tough for them to live comfortably, even if it picks up enough to offer living wages for those without huge loans to pay back.</p>
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I’m a current student and I don’t agree with that at all. YMMV.</p>
<p>Davidthefat, I admire your intentions. However, until you have actually been supporting yourself for awhile, I would not put much faith in your projected budget.</p>
<p>I met a friend at Costco the other day. She’s in her mid/late 50s, as is her H. They live in a home with her mom (couldn’t afford their own place). They’ve refinanced it many, many times to help with their kids ed expenses. Their oldest has a degree in kinesiology from a TX university & is back home. She teaches PE part-time & pays her bills with her waitressing job. The middle child got his degree in communications (also from OOS U) & is back at school to get a masters in counseling so he can get a job. Their baby will be graduating this spring in psychology at yet another OOS U). All of the kids got some sports scholarships. Her husband retired many years ago from federal government & has been working at various other jobs ever since–school’s volunteer coordinator, coaching, teaching PE. She’s been a teacher for 16 years and is burnt out but they need the income to pay their mortgage and loans. Both see no time in the near future when they’ll be able to retire–too many bills.</p>
<p>Thought they were so lucky to get their kids sports scholarships, which helped shave a lot of tuition costs. I guess what I’m trying to say is that getting taking on significant debt will affect the entire family for a lot longer than may be realized at the time–it is not that easy for folks in their 50s and beyond to find jobs/careers. Its important for families to make choices that make good sense, even if it means going to local in-state U vs. OOS publics or privates. Our val went to in-state U and graduated debt-free. She’s at Mayo Clinic in Rochester for med school, where her 1st year of tuition was totally FREE!</p>
<p>It can be effective to go for a walk with offspring (side by side means no dominance behavior) and say “We will have to have a number of conversations about what comes next. This is tricky because it is YOUR life but it is MY money.” And then be quiet. Be quiet. Be quiet. Resist the temptation to jump in with solutions. </p>
<p>Be confident in your kids that they do care and they do have ideas. </p>
<p>True story: one friend had a kid who was active in his sport. The season ends and the kid takes up residency on the den sofa. Barely budges for six weeks (other than to go to school and make it to the dinner table). One day the kid sits up and announces he will be going to an aviation repair program in North Dakota. Mom had no idea that there was such a program (there is) and that kid was interested (he was) or if it was of quality (it was). Kid is now an aviation mechanic and doing very well. </p>
<p>She later said “he just had to have that sofa time to think things through”.</p>
<p>We had another young friend who was having a hard time getting going on the college search and his mother said “you are coming with me” and took him along on a volunteer program to tabulate the homeless in our county. Three weeks of talking to people living in the woods made that young man decide college looked rather fabulous. </p>
<p>So don’t spend the money on a boat just yet. </p>
<p>Loved eyeamom’s advice!</p>
<p>Burn out after 16 years as a teacher? where is she teaching, Skid Row Junior High? And what kind of person retires in their 50s these days? </p>
<p>Let’s see… Work, get paid, chase cute interns, work on supremely cool stuff… Retirement… Listen to Mrs. Turbo (who’ll make a worse retiree than me) complain about the neighbor’s leaves, play Halo in Heroic mode, or teach my guineapigs to row like the commercial…</p>
<p>Maybe teaching just isn’t her “cup of tea” for the longer haul? The school she teaches at is considered a regular neighborhood one; she is now assigned to K, which is a group much younger than she’s used to or likes. Not sure if her H had to retire or had other reasons for leaving his federal job, but hasn’t gotten work in his field since, so maybe he “burned out” too? </p>
<p>We mostly lost touch after our kids no longer played sports together – maybe from 10+ years back. Their kids signed up for the club soccer & traveling teams. That was when our kids decided they didn’t want to do ANY headers as they wanted to keep all their brain cells intact; they started having chronic health issues around that time anyway, dramatically decreasing their activities.</p>
<p>There are a lot of great thoughts in this thread:</p>
<p>-I have been through all this a few times and in retrospect, I think the comment about “couch time” is really important. Kids are so busy they never get adequate down time to decide what they not their parents want them to do.</p>
<p>-I too will be off soon to bug my honor student son to call the coach of his high reach school to see what is up and whether he will be getting help in the admissions process. He really is not sure he want to continue to play so it is impossible to get him to make these calls. If he does not want to play I respect that, but in the meantime…</p>
<p>-Kids need to find a school they like and will be happy with. I see no problem sitting down with them in their junior year and starting to discuss including budgets. It is a great part of the growing process and it does get their wheels turning. </p>
<p>-The most important thing is no matter what, let them pick the school.</p>